What Is Polynesian Love?

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Many western scholars have traditionally believed that love is a uniquely western concept. Some researchers attempted to demonstrate that love was absent or had a low value in other cultures, especially in the cultural groups in Polynesia. Later ethnographic studies, however, challenged that old western preconception of love (see for review, Karandashev, 2017). Let us summarize anthropological accounts of Polynesian love.

The Sexual Culture of Polynesian Love

Several ethnographic studies of the 20th century provided anthropological accounts of Polynesian love and sex (Danielsson, 1956/1986; Marshall, 1962, 1971; Mead, 1935/1963; Mead & Boas, 1928; Russell, 1961; Suggs, 1962; see review in Karandashev, 2017).

The most important parts of Polynesian sexual culture, according to these studies, were an active sexual life and freedom of sexual behavior. From those studies, Polynesians became known in anthropology as the most sexually motivated people in the world.

The cultural standards of beauty in Polynesia, however, were very different from western conventions of physical beauty. The flat-nosed, round beauties with fat bodies were viewed as the most beautiful ones.

Early Accounts of Sexual Love in Polynesian Culture

The anthropological accounts, which started with the early Polynesian studies of American cultural anthropologist Margaret Mead (1901–1978), characterized Polynesians as emotionally stunted yet actively sexual people.

Margaret Mead published her case studies of Polynesian societies in her books, Coming of Age in Samoa: A Study of Sex in Primitive Societies and Sex and Temperament in Three Primitive Societies. In those books, she described the males and females in those cultures who engaged in intimate relationships solely based on their sexual attraction and performance. They seemed to know little about falling in love.

The Swedish anthropologist of the 20th century, Bengt Danielsson, in his book, “Love in the South Seas,” gave another early snapshot of love, marriage, childbirth, and childrearing in Polynesian society. He was a crew member on the Kon-Tiki raft expedition to French Polynesia in 1947 and presented to the western public how people in Polynesia lived and loved in the times before the Polynesian societies began to change with globalization. 

Marshall Sahlins, an American anthropologist who lived from 1930 to 2021, also did a study of sexual behavior in the Cook Islands in the 1950s. In his report, he presented a detailed portrait of Polynesians as fundamentally sexual beings. He found that “copulation is a principal concern of the Mangaian of either sex” (1971, p. 123). The Marshall study (1971) recorded a large Mangaian sexual vocabulary as evidence of the islanders’ concern with sex. However, the author did not mention a variety of Mangaian terms for love.

Polynesian Love Transcends Sexual Love

However, the anthropological studies of Gerber (1975) and Freeman (1983) on Samoa, as well as the study of Levy (1973) on Tahiti, corrected (to a certain degree) the misrepresentation of the emotional life in Pacific cultures.

Later, H. Harris (1995) conducted a field study in Polynesia (Mangaia, Cook Islands) and argued that romantic love was absent in Mangaia. The field study indicated that Mangaians actually have a rich emotional and love lexicon.

H. Harris (1995) showed how Mangaian men and women were emotionally and physically engaged in relationships. He characterized their love as comparable to the descriptions of romantic love in Western scholarly publications. Harris’s description of Mangaian love syndrome presented it as a set of emotional features overlapping, interacting, and being integrated with each other the same way in Western depictions of love. However, H. Harris (1995) also showed how the Mangaian version of love is different from the basic pattern found by American researchers.

Lexicon of Polynesian Love: Example of Mangaia

The author recorded that Mangaians had diverse words for love. “Maoris have heaps of words for falling in love, but the Europeans have only one.” (Harris, 1995, p. 106).

For example, inangaro is a flexible word interpreted broadly as “needing, wanting, liking, or loving.” The typical way to say “I love you” in Mangaian is “Tе inangaro tikai nei au iaau”. However, if a person wants to express exactly the experience of falling or being deeply in love, he or she selects from the derivatives of love: inangaro kino, matemate te inangaro, and pau te inangaro. All of these words show that they are sure and honest about how much they love each other (p. 107).

Variations of inangaro express sexual interaction, intrusive thinking, intimacy, reciprocity, exclusivity, and reordering of priorities—all central features of love, not just sex.

The Sexual Revolution in Sexual Equality

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The liberalization of sexual morals due to the “sexual revolution” of the 1960s and 1970s was a key process that altered the idea of romantic love in the second part of the 20th century in North America and Europe (Karandashev, 2017). Increasing sexual equality between men and women was among the driving forces of the sexual revolution.

Moreover, some expressions concerning love began to refer tacitly to sexual desire and sex. For example, the expression “making love” started to mean “having sex.” And good sex was an important sign of love. For more about this, see another post titled “What is the Sexual Revolution?”).

Sexual Equality Between Men and Women

The “sexual revolution” of the 1960s and ’80s constructed sex as an autonomous domain of pleasure, for both men and women. The double sexual standards for men and women declined. Modern culture abandoned the old-fashioned hypocrisy of the past centuries, when male sexuality was viewed as carnal and female sexuality as maternal or romantic. 

It was accepted that erotic desire is natural for both male and female sexuality. In sex, women and men have equal rights to give and receive sensual pleasures. The studies of those years showed that gender differences between male and female sexual attitudes and behaviors steadily diminished (see for review, Karandashev, 2017).

Women and men had gradually become equal sexual partners in many regards.

In the 1960s and 1970s, sex became a private matter between two people. A new interest in sexuality evolved among both men and women. One of the factors that led to this was the change in women’s views on sex.

Previously, while she and her male partner may have “fun,” a woman could not achieve full sexual equality in sensual pleasure because of the fear of an unwanted pregnancy. Couples who enjoyed free premarital sex usually intended to marry. The woman’s question after sex was usually, “Will you marry me?” A woman felt more responsible because she would become the primary caregiver for a child.

The Invention of Modern Contraceptives Made the Sexual Revolution for Women Possible

The invention and growing popularity of modern contraceptives in the 1960s and 1970s caused the contraceptive revolution that, in turn, some may say, led to the so-called sexual revolution. The invention of modern, effective contraceptives substantially altered sexual attitudes and behavior.

Because women had access to effective contraception, they had better control over when they wanted to have children. The reduced risk of an unwanted pregnancy gave a woman an opportunity to separate her sexual activity from childbirth. This opportunity gave her more freedom to enjoy sex and love. Compared to former times when fear of pregnancy inhibited women’s sexual responsiveness, they had a better sense of freedom in sexual matters.

Liberal Attitudes toward Premarital Sex

The old myth that sex can only be enjoyed within marriage has been debunked. Premarital and promiscuous sex gained popularity. It was largely among lovers and good friends who were not married or who were not necessarily engaged to be married. Many premarital and extramarital partners had sex just to experience sensual pleasure. 

Women and men became more interested in sex and more equal than ever before. But good sex is not just physical sexual intercourse. It largely involves psychological intimacy and genuine interpersonal relationships. For example, sexual adequacy in a woman’s experience is greatly related to the quality of her intimate relationships.

In the 1970s and 1980s, these changes in sexual attitudes profoundly transformed people’s attitudes toward personal relationships and psychological intimacy.

The Freedom to Pursue One’s Own Heart and Sexual Equality

Men and women were able to find their own mates and marry when they were happy with the relationships. Attitudes toward premarital sex became more relaxed than before. Sex became a private subject between two people.

Compared to their predecessors, many men became more sensitive to women’s needs. They also felt less emotionally detached from women in relationships. Many women became more self-assured in their expression and less reliant on outdated cultural norms. New “revolutionary” sexual norms did not expect women to conceal their sexual pleasure anymore and did not view it as a private shame.

These new cultural norms not only permitted women to experience their sexuality but rather encouraged them to do so. For men, these changes also brought a new psychological horizon. They had the possibility of getting sex with a woman who, being equal, made her free choice to have sex with him. In their sex, they both had a free emotional exchange.

Cross-cultural Views of Sexual Equality

It should be noted that the “sexual revolution” did not “invent” sexual equality per se. It simply revolted against old-fashioned Western cultural norms.

Anthropological studies of different cultures have shown that sexual equality is an important factor that affects the cultural value of love. Researchers studied 75 social groups across many cultures around the world. They found that only in those societies that permit giving or not giving love freely and equally to both males and females and that accept premarital or extramarital sex as equally possible for both men and women, do people consider romantic love as a valuable basis for marriage (De Munck & Korotayev, 1999).

What Is the Sexual Revolution?

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The word “sexual revolution” is commonly associated with rapid and substantial changes in cultural attitudes toward sex in the United States of America and many West- and North-European countries in the 1960s and 1970s. Later in the 1980s and 1990s, the culture of sexual freedom spread to other modernized Western countries. It was largely a youth movement for freedom of sex and love in those societies.

How has the “sexual revolution” changed the culture of eroticism?

How the Sexual Revolution Changed the Culture

The sexual revolution legitimized sex for its pleasurable and expressive qualities alone. Sex was considered more than just a sexual need of the body. Sexual intercourse for the purpose of pleasure rather than reproduction, without the commitment of a marital relationship, was acceptable. It was culturally acceptable to engage in recreational sex. Thus, sex became a sphere of sensual pleasure.

Sexual Fulfillment in Love

Men and women expected sex to be expressively and sensually pleasurable. The erotic aspect of sex increased its value for a person’s life and relationships. Sexual fulfillment became a condition of true love. The sexualization and erotization of love were the major tendencies of that cultural change. Love and sex finally joined together in the minds of men and women (after centuries of their separation in the cultural norms of old societies). Sex became a means of personal fulfillment and self-affirmation as well.

The pleasurable and expressive qualities of sex received their independent values. The division between sex and love started to grow. Sex became unbound, and romantic love and romantic intimacy turned out to be less important than sex to show love. Sexual expression no longer relied exclusively on romantic feelings. The gap between sex and love seems to be widening. 

The Sexual Revolution in Sexual Equality

The “sexual revolution” of the 1960s–1980s transformed sexual attitudes for both men and women. The double sexual standards for men and women were abandoned as a cultural hypocrisy of the past when male sexuality was viewed as carnal and female sexuality as maternal. It was accepted that female sexual longing is natural in the same way as male sexual yearning. Women received equal rights with men to give and receive sensual pleasures (see more in another post, “The sexual revolution in sexual equality”).

The studies of those years showed that differences between male and female sexual behaviors and attitudes steadily declined (see Karandashev, 2017 for a review).

Sex, Love, and Marriage

In the 1960s, marriage became widely popular in North America and Western Europe, with 95 percent of all people marrying. Men and women married younger, and divorce rates held steady at low levels.

In many modernized countries, love and sexual satisfaction became normative preconditions of marriage. Good sex demonstrated love. The pleasurable and expressive facets of sex were to show love in premarital relationships and marriages. Sexual fulfillment and companionship became the key concepts of an ideal marriage. Sexual dissatisfaction became a legitimate reason for divorce.

Cultural Acceptance of Homosexuality

Shifts in attitudes toward homosexual identity and subculture were another cultural change during the “sexual revolution” of the 1960s and 1970s. Modernized Western societies decriminalized and devictimized homosexuality and other sexual varieties. Psychiatrists abandoned considering homosexuality as an abnormality and began to view it as a form of sexual diversity.

“The homosexuals” walked forward as individuals with their own distinct psychological nature. Gays and lesbians wanted social inclusion and legitimation. The LGBT movement created a subculture that gave these people positive identities and ways of living.

Modernized Western societies indicated a cultural trend towards a more sexually pluralistic society. Discrimination based on sexual identity was also on the decline in society.

Advancements of the “Sexual Revolution”

All these transformations were landmarks of cultural advancements in sexual attitudes. These were the emerging culture of eroticism, the larger acceptance of human rights for sexual pleasure, the proliferation of pornography, the acceptance of sexual equality for men and women, the greater tolerance toward premarital and nonmarital sex, the substantial increase in cohabitation and rates of divorce, public receptivity to the “playboy” lifestyle, and expanded tolerance toward homosexuality.

All of these cultural trends occurred in the United States and in many Western-European and North-European countries, even though older people didn’t like them. These changes reflected long-term trends.

The Slow Cultural Evolution of the “Sexual Revolution”

The sexual revolt in favor of sexual rights, equality, and diversity happened. Yet, many people still lacked a sense of self and the autonomy required to maintain a sexually fulfilling relationship. Therefore, many men and women were still confused about their sexual rights, sexual roles, and gender identities.

The societies were still in the transitional stage towards a culture of relationships that engaged all these new cultural norms. The “sexual revolution” was mostly a young and rebellious movement protesting against the old-fashioned and rigid sexual attitudes of the past. It was a declaration of human rights for the free expression of sex and love in modernized and individualistic Western societies.

The sexual revolt happened. Yet people of other age groups remained relatively conservative in those societies for a while. They were not easily receptive to such a drastic transformation of cultural attitudes toward sex.

The “sexual revolution” of this kind continued as “sexual evolution” in the following decades, spreading to the minds of older generations as well.

The cultural evolution of sexual attitudes was slower in more traditional countries (Karandashev, 2017).

Romantic Love Can Be Good for Relationships

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Romantic love elevates our relationship and makes it romantically beautiful. Nevertheless, romantic love can hide some perils of disenchantment and disappointment. This is why cultural attitudes toward romantic love differ over time and across cultures (Karandashev, 2017).

What are the perils of romantic love? Do the benefits outweigh the drawbacks? Let us take a closer look.

Advantages and Positive Consequences of Romantic Love

The idealization of a partner and relationship in love is natural and probably inevitable, like the idolization of artistic, musical, and political idols. For optimistic people, idealization is natural. So, this might be due to their personality traits.

A moderate degree of idealization can be good for satisfaction and happiness in dating and marital relationships. Those lovers who idealize their partners while their partners idealize them are happier in their relationships (Murray et al., 1996a and 1996b).

Romantic idealization in love makes women’s and men’s relationships beautiful, charming, inspirational, and optimistic. Romantic love gives their mating, dating, and marriage meaning. It inspires a lover’s hope for his or her personal growth and encourages the possibility of their individual changes (Swidler, 2001).

Such motivation, however, may not be as common as one might expect.

Possible Benefits of Romantic Idealization, along with Caveats

“Individuals who in­tegrate a partner’s virtues and faults within compensatory “Yes, buts . . .” are actually involved in more stable relationships than individuals who compartmentalize their partners’ faults, leaving pockets of doubt.”

(Murray et al., 1996b, p.1179).

A romantic lover perceives the partner’s faults with a bright glow. Such romantic perception is conducive to the lover’s constructive motivation. The feelings of optimism and security help them overcome challenges in the relationship. Such romantic idealization can serve as an effective buffer and resource for their generosity and goodwill, preventing their complications in everyday hassles (Murray et al., 1996a).

“Relationships persisted, satisfaction increased, conflicts were averted, doubts abated, and personal insecurities diminished when individuals idealized their partners and their partners idealized them. Thus, lasting security and confidence appear to depend on intimates seeing the best in one another—overlooking each other’s faults and embellishing each other’s virtues.”

(Murray et al., 1996b, p.1178).

Is Romantic Love Blind or Prophetic?

Can sincere romantic love be motivation for personal growth? The inspiring idealization of romantic minds can provide a great opportunity for transformation for both a lover and the beloved. Surely, the perils exist that a lover is more likely to wish their beloved to change. This can work if the beloved

  • is personally aware of it,
  • wants to change himself or herself for the better,
  • wants to meet the lover’s high expectations.

It is possible that the beloved cannot or does not want to change.

This romantic attitude is just the opposite of a realistic love attitude: “Accept me as I am.” The positive romantic illusion in a relationship is optimistic and can work in a self-fulfilling way. They can be a leap of faith rather than a perceptive fault. It is likely that partners who idealize each other are prescient, rather than blind (Murray & Holmes, 1997; Murray et al., 1996b).

What If the Beloved Wants to Become a Better Person?

The lover may want to become a better person for the sake of the beloved. Romantic love inspires him or her with a motive for self-development. Instead of the humanistic attitude “accept yourself as you are” or the realistic attitude “be yourself” and “accept me as I am,” romantic love encourages a person to develop himself or herself. Romantic love provides an aspiration to grow personally. As the Russian writer Mikhail Prishvin (1873–1954) once noted,

Prishvin, M. (n.d.). Mikhail Prishvin quotes.

The Pitfalls for Romantic Lovers

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Romantic lovers have several main features that distinguish them from other types of lovers.

As I noted in another place, romantic idealization is a core feature that makes love “romantic”, as opposed to “rational”, “practical”, and pragmatic.” Such idealization can have some positive and negative side effects, some pros and cons.

The history of romantic love across cultures has demonstrated many positive benefits and inspirations that it brings to people’s lives, as well as many dramatic stories of despair and misery that it brings to them (Karandashev, 2017).

The Pitfalls of Idealization for Romantic Lovers

For example, romantic beliefs can lead to destructive fantasies and delusions about partners and relationships, which may divert people’s attention away from serious exploration of personal freedom and sexual diversity. It is possible that too many and too high romantic beliefs can cause dissatisfaction and unhappiness when such excessive expectations are not met.

The romantic hope of long-lasting joy and happiness can be elusive. It can make a person vulnerable and prone to possible frustration and disenchantment. Unrealistic standards and expectations for a partner and a relationship can cause disappointment, disillusionment, marital conflict, and divorce (see review of studies by Karandashev, 2019).

The excessive idealization of a partner and relationship can lead to disappointment in romantic lovers and put them on the edge of pessimism. Thus, their idealistic beliefs can turn into “realistic” and pessimistic disbeliefs. This is why cultural devaluation and cultural disbelief in romantic love can be natural self-protective psychological mechanisms.

For pessimistic people, idealization is contrary to their personal nature. So, their disbelief might be due to their personality traits.

Is Romantic Love an Immature Attitude toward Love?

It is known that romantic love and idealization are more common in the early stages of romantic relationships than in the later stages of companionate love relationships. Therefore, some may consider it an infatuation and a dangerous malady. Is romantic love really a sign of immaturity? 

There is still the question of whether romantic love is a “childish” illusion or a real reason to live. Some may believe that romantic love, with its idealization, is an immature emotion that drives young people’s dating, mating, and sexual relationships. As the relationship progresses, a lover may discover that the beloved falls short of his or her romantic ideals and hopes.

“Continuing to idealize one’s partner in the face of negative evidence should then impede adjustment, par­ticularly if intimates love only the idealized image, they con­struct. In this light, understanding the reality of a partner’s vir­tues and faults may prove to be the key to enduring satisfaction, whereas idealization may leave intimates vulnerable to dashed hopes and expectations.”

(Murray et al. 1996a, p. 79)

The Equivocal Effects of Idealization on Romantic Lovers

Romantic idealization in love can work as an adaptive or maladaptive psychological mechanism. In the eyes of a lover, idealization can highlight the pleasing attributes and overshadow the displeasing qualities of their loved one.

Admiration and idealization of a loved one make it hard for romantic partners to see any bad or unpleasant habits or traits that person might have. The actual qualities of their beloved may not be as good as they seem.

However, due to idealized perception, the lover sees her or him through rosy filters. The apparent faults of the beloved can be interpreted as virtues. When a lover tends to interpret some disappointing reality in a positive light without denying negativity, such a psychological mechanism can work in a good way. Such positive illusions can cause people to perceive the relationship as satisfactory (e.g., Murray & Holmes, 1997; Taylor, et al., 1989; see for review Karandashev, 2019).

Does Romantic Love Make the Loved One a Better Person?

Amorous idealization gives a good chance for a change for both the lover and the beloved. The lover may want to become a better person for the sake of the beloved.

Unfortunately, external attribution bias leads a lover to desire to change a partner. More often, a lover wants to change the loved one and make her or him a better person to meet their romantic expectations. She or he strongly hopes that their love will change the partner, despite any problems. They believe “love wins” in this matter of relationships as well. These beliefs, however, are unrealistic. People, in many cases, don’t change.

Love does not bring happiness. People carry their happy nature along with them, as well as their problems with insecure attachments from the past, into their love relationships.

Romantic Values of Love in Societies

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Romantic love emerged as a literary idea and an unrealistic and idealized type of love. Men and women who have romantic values of love tend to idealize a partner and a relationship. If both partners are romantically involved, we can say they are in a romantic relationship. The greater their idealization and admiration of each other, the more romantic their love is.

Based on a thorough review of many studies, I have described the 9 main characteristics of romantic love. Here I put together some of the specific beliefs and romantic values about love:

  1. Believing that their beloved is an ideal romantic match,
  2. Thinking that the beloved is the best and most unique individual,
  3. Paying attention to the positive qualities of the beloved,
  4. Overlooking his or her negative qualities,
  5. Trusting to follow your heart,
  6. Believing that love conquers all (Karandashev, 2021b)

These romantic values and beliefs in love may have positive and negative effects in different interpersonal situations and cultural contexts (see for review Karandashev, 2019).

What Are the Romantic Myths of Love?

These romantic beliefs are opposite to pragmatic beliefs in love. They resemble “romantic myths” of some kind (De Roda et al., 1999). Elaborating on these romantic beliefs, Spanish researchers assembled them into the following groups:

1) the equivalence myth,

(2) the “better-half’ myth,

(3) the exclusiveness (of being love) myth,

(4) the eternal passion myth,

(5) the omnipotence (love conquers all) myth,

(6) the fidelity myth,

(7) the marriage myth,

(8) the couple myth.

What Cultures Have the Most Romantic Beliefs about Love Across the World?

According to many studies of the second half of the 20th century, people in France, Spain, Germany, and Russia had higher romantic beliefs compared to Americans. The strong European romantic cultural traditions of the past might influence their romantic nature.

American people exhibited romantic beliefs of a moderate degree, which are much lower than the American cultural myths represented in the 20th century’s consumeristic images and Hollywood movies. Because of the long-standing puritan and practical ideals that the early generations of settlers in America lived with, Americans expressed rather companionate and friendship-oriented love beliefs.

People in several African societies also had lower romantic beliefs compared to Europeans and Americans. They probably were less exposed to the European and American cultural romantic ideas of the 20th century. Their cultural understanding of love in African societies was a mixture of their traditional indigenous conceptions of love (like “ubuntu”) with the Western ideals of romantic love.

The romantic beliefs of people from Caribbean regions, such as the West Indies, were relatively similar to those of Americans. This could be because of their greater exposure to American romantic ideas through cultural media and touristic exchange. Caribbeans exhibited higher romantic beliefs compared to Africans. In East- and South-Asian societies, Indians, Chinese, Japanese, and Turkish people were less romantic than North Americans and Europeans. Their love beliefs were more socially pragmatic and in accord with East Asian collectivistic traditions of submission of personal identity for the sake of the group (see for review Karandashev, 2019, 2021b).

What Cultures Are Conducive to Romantic Values of Love?

Generally, the romantic values of love are pronounced

  • in the societies with more social mobility than with less social mobility,
  • in societies with richer romantic literary and artistic traditions,
  • in individualistic independent cultures than in collectivistic interdependent cultures, and
  • in modernized societies (modern cultures versus traditional societies).

In short, French, British, German, and Russian cultural traditions significantly influenced the romantic values of people in several European countries, as well as in many other countries of the world. The North-European American culture was less romantic, despite cultural stereotypes. Nevertheless, it was moderately romantic due to the values of independence and autonomy. The East Asian Japanese and Chinese, South-Asian Indian, Middle East Turkish, Latin American Caribbean, and African cultures were much less romantic in their beliefs. The educated people of middle or high socioeconomic classes in Western cultures have traditionally been more likely to fall in romantic love (see for review Karandashev, 2017).

The Current Changes in Romantic Values

However, modern people have been changing. And romantic ideals and beliefs may be vanishing in the minds of modern generations. Currently, less educated people believe in romantic love more than the more educated people, and the people of an older age believe it more than the younger people (e.g., De Roda et al., 1999, see for review Karandashev, 2019).

No studies of romantic beliefs have been undertaken in recent years. However, many observations allow us to believe that romantic attitudes are declining in North American and European countries, while they are increasing in several other societies described above (see for review, Karandashev, 2019, 2021b, 2022).

What Is Imprinting?

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Generally, imprinting (linguistically, it is a derivative of “printing”) means marking or impressing a sign or mark on the surface of anything.

Imprinting in Ethology

In ethology, the science of animal behavior, imprinting stands for a sensitive period, usually very early in the life of an animal, when instant or fast learning occurs. It is a time in which newborn animals form attachments to members of their own species. Imprinting has been used to domesticate animals and birds for generations.

A typical example of imprinting is when ducklings follow their mother duck, which they see moving within a few hours after they hatch. Young ducks tend to imprint and follow their mother duck. They also imprint the first individual of their species that they interact with during this ‘sensitive’ period of biological development. The same way they would imprint on and follow any first large object they see moving. This is how their love for and attachment to “mother” is forming. They become attracted to the movement, sound, and smell of the first-appearing object in their life.

The science of imprinting can explain “Who is your mama?”

What are the functions of imprinting in love attraction and love attachment? How can imprinting affect our kinship, mating relationships, and love?

Does Imprinting Form an Infant’s Attachment and Love Bonds of Kinship?

Imprinting seems to allow animals to instinctively recognize other animals of their own species, thus developing a model of their species’ “identity.” This identity naturally drives their attraction to their “mother”, “kin”, and others of the same kind. We can view this attraction as an animal’s early prototype of infants’ love bonds with their species’ kin.

Konrad Lorenz, an Austrian naturalist, ornithologist, and ethologist, discovered and first investigated the phenomenon of “imprinting” in the early 1900s (see for review, Bateson, 1978; Hess, 1958; Lorenz, 1935; Tzschentke & Plagemann, 2006).

Lorenz revealed that when young birds—little ducks or geese—came out of their eggs, they became attached to the first moving object they encountered. It is typically their mother. Natural selection prepared the hatchlings to form an instant and strong bond with their mother. We can consider this effect as an early form of “attachment love”—the loving attachment of an infant to a mother.

However, when Lorenz placed himself as the object of their attraction (instead of their mother), the young birds attached to him as a mother substitute. Working with ducks and geese, Lorenz showed evidence that such attraction and attachment happen during sensitive periods in their lives. Once such attraction and attachment were ‘fixed,’ they persisted for a long time. Geese responded to Lorenz as a parent and followed him about everywhere. When they became adult birds, they preferred to court him over other geese.

The same way, they would easily attach to any inanimate object, such as a white ball, a pair of gumboots, or even an electric train. The most crucial aspect of such attachment is that these objects appear at the appropriate time.

Does Imprinting Affect an Animal’s Sexual Love for Its Own Species?

Those early imprinting studies revealed that early imprinting forms not only family love bonds but also sexual preferences in mating. This can explain why animals do not mate with any other animals except those of their own species. From an evolutionary perspective, genetic similarity is vital for sexual attraction and mating in birds and mammals. Such mating preferences help select the proper mate. They cannot reproduce offspring with anyone. They can only do this with those with whom they have a higher chance of mating success than with others (Lampert 1997).

Birds and mammals cannot mate with animals of other species. They are genetically too distant to produce offspring. This mechanism explains the genetic secrets of attraction and love.

Let us consider the example of sexual imprinting among birds. Early works by Konrad Lorenz demonstrated that the early experiences that birds and animals have in their lives could significantly affect not only their “kinship” bonds. Such an early imprinting experience could also form their mating preferences and their love for each other. Lorenz suggested that sexual imprinting gives adults a predilection to recognize their own species (Lorenz, 1935).

Lorenz found that geese responded to him not only as parents, following him everywhere, but later in their lives, when they became adult birds, they preferred to court him rather than other geese.

Thus, sexual imprinting of attraction and the shaping of love happen in the early periods of birds’ and animals’ lives.

Here Are More Complex Effects of the Imprinting

Experimental studies of the mid-20th century supported early findings on imprinting. The early experiences of animals can certainly have long-lasting impacts. Nonetheless, those later studies indicated that birds may show their preferences for members of their own species even if they don’t have experience with any of them except themselves (Immelmann, 1969; Schutz, 1965).

This means that birds may have a predisposition for their own species without prior experience. But the early years’ sexual imprinting merely refines this predisposition under natural conditions.

Another explanation suggests that sexual imprinting plays a role in the recognition of close kin. This way, the selection of mates that are slightly different allows the animal to reach an optimal balance between inbreeding and outbreeding. Birds have the strongest mating preference for

“something a little different (but not too different) from the object with which it had been imprinted.”

(Bateson, 1978, p. 659).

The studies found that a bird does indeed mate with a slightly unfamiliar female. The bird prefers this unfamiliar female to the one that appeared in the early life of the bird. Nevertheless, the bird prefers both types of these females to those with a markedly unfamiliar type of plumage (Bateson, 1978).

These findings show the power of genetic similarity and genetic diversity in attraction and attachment.

9 Main Characteristics of Romantic Love

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How can we know that love is truly romantic? How is romantic love different from other kinds of love? What are the main characteristics of romantic beliefs, expectations, and feelings?

As I show elsewhere, the term “romantic” primarily means “idealistic” or “idealized.” Romantic views idealize the world and people. The same way, romantic love idealizes a partner and a relationship. Many scholarly books and articles have shown the complex nature and phenomenology of romantic love. We can conclude that nine typical features characterize the experiences and expressions of people in romantic love (see Karandashev, 2017, 2019, 2021b for detailed reviews). Here they are:

1. Idealization of the loved person and the relationship

A romantic lover emphasizes the exceptional virtues and neglects to see the negative qualities of the loved one. The romantic lover is remarkably capable of perceptively highlighting the traits that are excellent in the beloved. He or she is also able to translate negative characteristics into positive ones or rationalize them.

2. Sexual attraction to the loved one and a yearning for sex with him or her

Idealization of the beloved is also evident in the erotic facets of romantic love. For a romantic man or woman, the beloved is an excellent sexual partner. Erotic, physical, and sexual attractions are the essential experiences of romantic love. The longing for reciprocity is overwhelming. A romantic lover naturally desires to be the only and exclusive sexual partner for their beloved person. If not, then sexual jealousy becomes a dramatic experience.

3. Passionate and affectionate emotions are associated with the loved one

Passion or affection are the distinct emotional experiences of romantic love. They are the basic features of romantic beliefs. This is why many scholars of love tend to use the word “passionate love” as a synonym for romantic love. The latter is understandable yet somewhat inadequate. Romantic love and passionate love are overlapping yet different types of love (see another article about this).

4. Mental and emotional preoccupation with the loved one and the relationship

The intrusive thoughts about the loved one and about being together are obsessively in the mind of a man or a woman who are in romantic love. Intensive fantasies boost the desired expectations and illusions of reciprocation when love is unfortunately unrequited. A loving person is exceptionally sensitive to any signs—verbal or nonverbal—that can be interpreted favorably. He or she is prone to recognize “hidden” passion in the seemingly neutral facial or body expressions of the beloved.

5. The perception of exceptional and unique qualities in the beloved person

The feeling that the beloved is exceptional and the only one in the world who fits you perfectly. A romantic admirer is exceptionally devoted. He or she perceives the beloved as someone who stands out in real or idealized attributes that set him or her apart from everyone else. Therefore, he or she seems irreplaceable by anyone else. The life without him or her might not be worthwhile to live.

6. A passionate desire for physical and emotional unity

Passionate desire for physical and emotional unity, for close psychological affiliation with the beloved person. A romantic lover intensely wishes to be in spatial and bodily proximity, to feel emotional closeness, and to develop psychological bonds.

7. The commitment to a relationship with this person

The romantic lover is committed to the relationship and hopes that love for this person will endure forever. Such feelings assume commitment and the desire to know that this relationship is exclusive for both. The experience of romantic jealousy in the case of a possible breakup is very dramatic and devastating. For a romantic admirer, it is impossible to be in love with anyone other than this one person, at least at the present time. Longing for exclusive reciprocation of the relationship makes the unrequited love a deep suffering.

8. Emotional attachment and dependency

The romantic attitudes, emotions, and feelings evolve into deep attachment and strong psychological dependency while lovers care and are concerned for each other. A person in romantic love wants to do (almost) anything to meet the beloved’s needs.

9. Happiness, fulfillment, the transformational power of love

A romantically loving person is ready to reorder his or her priorities and values for the sake of the loved one. His or her care for their romantic relationship becomes a focal point of interest. And it can be at the expense of other responsibilities. The pursuit of happiness and the pleasure of being together with a loved one are especially strong. Any adversity can intensify passionate feelings. Many have heard the expression that

“romantic love grows up remarkably great in situations of adversity.”

The cultures definitely differ in the emphasis people place on certain attributes of these main qualities of romantic love. Their cultural values can place a higher or lower priority on some of them.

What Is Romantic Love?

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Over the years, many writers and scholars have widely used the words “romantic love” and “romantic relationship” with somewhat casual and fuzzy meanings. They frequently used these words instead of the words “passionate love” and “premarital relationship”.

The romantic experience often engages passionate feelings, but not necessarily. It may also involve calmer, more affectionate feelings. Romantic love has several other features that make it more complex than passionate love (Karandashev, 2019).

The Literary Idea of Romantic Love

Several centuries ago, romantic love emerged as a literary idea. Since those times, many authors have used the word for centuries as a literary term, while laypeople often shy away from it.

The concept of romantic love implies certain cultural ideas and beliefs. For centuries, oral folk storytelling and written novels have been at the forefront of generating and disseminating notions of love among the educated elite across many cultures (see for review, Karandashev, 2017).

Artists and writers have expressed such fantasies in their creative works. The romantic cultural thoughts and images presented in abundance in fine art, poetry, and novels may coincide with the reality of people’s lives or may not. Romantic love can also refer to the individual beliefs, emotional dispositions, traits, states, and romantic behaviors of some people.

In this article, I talk about “romantic love” as it is described in scholarly tradition. What does the term “romantic love” really mean?

The Unrealistic and Idealized Type of Love

Romantic love is an unrealistic, irrational, and idealized type of love. Literary and social science scholars have primarily contrasted romantic love with rational, practical, and pragmatic love. Realistic and pragmatic attitudes are the opposite of romantic beliefs. Romantic lovers prefer to live in their idealized world of fantasies and aspirations. They tend to idealize their partner and their relationship. Their romantic imaginations embrace their minds.

These imaginative ideas and perceptions of a partner and a relationship inspire them to favor personal choice over practical and social affordances. This is why lots of people can say, “Love is blind.” And many men and women enjoy being “blind”, enchanted, and elevated in this romantic world. It is worthwhile for them. Romantic love brings them away from the mundane and boring reality of their daily lives and onto another plane of existence. They believe “love always wins” and “love conquers all.”

What Is the Romantic Experience of Love?

Literally, the word “romantic” refers to something or someone characterized by an idealized view of reality or people. Romantic artists and writers of the past strived to depict the world according to their idealized perceptions. Romantics are generally idealists. The same way, a romantic lover or a person in the state of romantic love perceives the beloved, their relationship, and everything around them through rose-colored glasses, an idealistically optimistic view.

Cultural and personal beliefs of societies, however, determine what qualities of love and relationships are considered “romantic.” People’s understanding of “romantic love” varies across time and cultures, as well as between different types of men and women. These can be the beautiful romantic words said to the beloved, a romantic letter, a romantic dinner, a romantic dance, a romantic weekend, or a romantic honeymoon. It can be anything that partners perceive as romantic (Karandashev, 2017, 2019).

The most notable agreement between scholars is that romantic love is a certain set of romantic beliefs and the “idealization of a lover’s unique qualities and considering a relationship with him or her as exceptionally perfect”(Karandashev, 2021b, p. 63).

Romantic Idealization of a Partner and a Relationship

Such romantic idealization manifests itself in idealized attitudes toward the beloved and the relationships with him or her. Romantic idealization is obvious in a person’s experience of love feelings, emotions, and moods.

The key features of such a romantic experience are “viewing the partner at a given moment in a highly positive way, probably but not necessarily with desire or passion, and the seeking and yearning for sexual intimacy, which may have already been attained” (Lazarus, 1991, p. 276).

In short, “romantic” means something idealized and beautiful.

“Romantic love is a combination of beliefs, ideals, attitudes, and expectations that coexist in our conscious and unconscious minds.”

(Karandashev, 2017, p. 30).

Certain patterns of emotional, cognitive, and behavioral tendencies are associated with romantic love. As is associated with other types of love, romantic love has a distinct set of characteristics that distinguish it from others.

What are the main key features of romantic beliefs and expectations?

What Is Bedouin Culture?

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“Bedouin culture” encompasses the traditional cultural practices of the nomadic Arabic-speaking peoples that have been living for centuries in the deserts of Jordan, Israel, Syria, Iraq, and Saudi Arabia in the Middle East and the Arabian Peninsula, and in Morocco, Tunisia, Libya, Sudan, Algeria, and Egypt in North Africa.

These people are commonly named in English as Bedouins (sometimes spelled Beduin), while they are originally known in Arabic as “Badawi”, or in plural, “Badw.”

Bedouins speak their own Arabic language (Bedawi), which has several dialects. In the Arabic language, “Bedu” means the people living out in the open, in the desert. Literally, the word “badawiyin” refers to desert dwellers. 

Some anthropologists consider Bedouin culture to be the purest form of Arab culture. Because of their rich oral poetic legacy, lifestyle, and code of honor, other Arabs still regard them as “ideal” Arabs.

And according to some recent estimates, the number of Bedouin inhabitants is only around 4 million. Anthropologists identify the Bedouins by their way of life, social structure, language, and culture.

The Appearance of Bedouins

Bedouins are recognizable by their specific appearance, such as their facial features and clothes.

“The men wear long “gallabeya” with a thin cotton pantalon down and a red/white (smaegh) or white (amemma) headscarf, sometimes held in place by a black cord (aghell).”

(retrieved from Bedouin Culture)

“The women wear colored long dresses and, when they go out, they dress in a thin, long, black coat (abaya), sometimes decorated with embroidery. They always cover their hair with a black, thin scarf (tarha). They cover their faces with decorated face veils (burqa’ah).”

(retrieved from Bedouin Culture)

Today, one can see this only in the oldest generation of women. The women of a younger generation simply cover their faces with their “tarha”, and some “dare” to wear more colorful ones (retrieved from Bedouin Culture).

The Way of Bedouin Life

Since the beginning of Islam, Egyptians have referred the Bedouin as ‘Arab,’ which is equivalent with the term “Nomad.” They belong to the nomadic culture that determine many things in their life. In ancient times, many people preferred to settle mostly near rivers. However, Bedouin people chose to live in the open desert.

Most Bedouins are herders who migrate into the desert during the wet winter months and return to cultivated land during the dry summer months. Bedouins herd camels, goats, cattle, and sheep. In the past, some Bedouin tribes raided trade caravans and communities of villagers at the boundaries of settled areas.

They consider themselves to be proud people and appreciate their lifestyle. They are quite suspicious and prefer to avoid talking about their personal lives.

The Family Life of Bedouins

Bedouin societies have tribal and patriarchal organizations. They consist of patrilineal, endogamous, and polygynous extended families. The heads of the families and larger social units that make up the tribal structure are “sheikhs” (or “sheikhs”). An informal tribal council of male elders assists the sheikh. Bedouin culture emphasizes the strong belief in tribal superiority and security that supports people’s ability to survive in a hostile environment. Their extensive kinship networks provide them with the basic needs they need to survive and community support. These traditional networks ensure the safety of families and protect their property. In modern times, however, only about 5% of the Bedouin people still live their pastoral (semi) nomadic life.

The Modern Life of Bedouins

Modern Arab countries tend to modernize their nomadic lifestyles and encourage their citizens to settle in urban areas. These adjustments allow society to provide children with education and health care. Contemporary Bedouin societies gradually change. Men have more leeway in adapting to modern Arab culture. However, many women are still bound by the tradition of an honor culture, urging them to stay within the family (retrieved from Bedouin Culture).