Love and Sex in Bedouin Culture

Posted on by

Love and sex are closely intertwined in the Western culture of love as well as across many cultures, especially in societies with simple tribal cultures (Karandashev, 2017, 2019). So, scholars generally assumed that sex and sexual intercourse were the primary experiences and expressions of love in Bedouin culture (Wickering, 1997).

The Traditional Conservative Attitudes Toward Sex in Islam and the Arabic World

Some scholars believe that the Middle East and Islam have been one of the most conservative regions in the world when it comes to sexual expression and sexual intercourse. Nevertheless, since ancient times, sexual union has been viewed as necessary for a loving relationship, at least if it is licit. Sex was a need rather than a pleasure. At least publicly, it was the feeling of wanting a child rather than longing for love.

It seems simple to perceive only doom and gloom in the Middle East and North Africa’s sexual scenes, with family preoccupations with female virginity. Most people still believe that the husband should have the final say in family problems, and consider “honour killing” acceptable. However, some journalists believe that talking about sex is no longer as taboo in the Arab world as before (e.g., El Feki, 17 July 2019).

And in modern Bedouin culture, people in urban regions are more willing to talk about sex than those in rural regions.

Bedouin Women and Men Traditionally Limited in Communication

It was only partially true, at least in the reality of love relationships. Traditionally, Bedouin men and women have had few occasions to meet each other alone. Their intergender communication was limited to community events. They saw each other more at tribal gatherings or clandestine encounters. The ways in which they talked about their lovers did not explicitly express sexual desire.

Silent Sexuality in Bedouin Culture

Sexuality in Bedouin cultures has been silent and invisible. Modesty and honor are high moral values. Public discourse on sexuality is not encouraged, and premarital sex is not acknowledged. Therefore, sex research in such societies is very limited. Only partial findings are valid and available in this research field, so our cultural knowledge on the topic of sex relationships is still incomplete (Al-Shdayfat & Green, 2012).

Sex is a topic for hidden and implicit conversations. Sexual desire appears as a straightforward motive and inspiration. However, when men and women talk about their beloved, they express a desire to see each other and to be in physical proximity. Sexual desires and dreams, rather than sexual intercourse itself, are the prominent features of Bedouin love experiences, expressions, and relationships.

Attitudes Toward Premarital Sex in Modern Bedouin Culture

In the Middle East, dating is becoming increasingly popular among younger people. This kind of encounter gives them a way to get to know a prospective partner before marrying them. Culturally, dating is becoming more socially acceptable. Nevertheless, premarital sex remains stigmatized in the minds of some conservative Bedouin people. Among other things, such factors as gender, religiosity, age, cultural, and political attitudes determine the attitudes regarding premarital sex in the Middle East and North Africa.

The religious factor probably plays a central role. The religious books, such as the Bible and the Qur’an, considered extramarital sex evil and punishable by God. In the Qur’an, fornication is referred to as Zina, which is a sin against God (“Ruling on the things that lead to zina”, published on 08-04-2003).

The Ancient Roots of Medieval Arabic and Bedouin Erotic Culture

It is likely that attitudes toward sex, sexual pleasure, and erotic art were different in the artistic expressions, poems, and real lives of people. The Bedouin type of love was probably more of a literary motif than one based on real experience (Myrne, 2017).

For example, the medieval Arabic erotic literature depicted sex, true love, and pleasing the beloved. The early Arabic erotic handbook, “Jawāmi‘ al-ladhdha” (“Encyclopedia of Pleasure”), was likely written in the late 10th century (Myrne, 2017).

It is likely, however, that those old erotic books described the ideal rather than the real practices of laypeople.

An interesting feature of this book, which some scholars highlighted, was

“the central position of the female beloved and her desire, which has to be satisfied for the sake of marital harmony and mutual love.”

(Myrne, 2017, p. 216).

True love was viewed as pleasing the beloved in sex. 

What Is ‘ishq?

It is likely that rural and urban views on sex were different, even in those old times. According to an old anecdote, the Arab philologist al-Aṣma‘ī (d. 213/828 or 216/831) once asked a Bedouin how he and his fellows defined the word ‘ishq (“passionate love”).

When al-Aṣma‘ī said that for them, living in Basra town,

“passionate love means parting the legs of the beloved and mounting her.”

The Bedouin man replied,

“For us, passionate love means looking at the beloved and perhaps kissing her.”

This wicked explanation disappointed the Bedouin man, who exclaimed, “You are not a lover (‘āshiq); you only want a child!”

This old anecdote clarifies the topic of sexuality, as early Arabic literary discourse depicted the nature and meaning of love at the time. And the dividing line in this discourse was between the chaste love attached to the pure rural lifestyle of Bedouins and the sexually fulfilled love attached to the urban lifestyle.

One Arab attitude was that physical intimacy was insignificant for true love in a loving couple. Such intimacy can even be destructive. The other Arab attitude was that sexual union is necessary for love, or at least that it is admissible. In this regard, the flourishing genre of erotic literature conveyed most radical ideas. The modern tacit and hidden discourse on these attitudes toward sex in Islam and the Arab world is still inconsistent and contentious.

Love in Traditional and Modern Bedouin Culture

Posted on by

Bedouin culture is the traditional way of life of the Arabic-speaking nomads who lived in the deserts of the Arabian Peninsula, North Africa, the Levant, and Mesopotamia in the past.

Bedouins are desert dwellers—the people who live out in the open, in the desert. Bedouins speak their own Arabic language. Bedouin culture is the way of their lives—social structure, language, relationships, and family life.

The Cycles of Nomadic Life in Traditional Bedouin Culture

Pastures were usually dispersed in a predictable pattern according to the seasons. They travel to the desert in the spring and winter, when seasonal rains bring the desert to life. Grass and sedge grow between the dunes.

Herders traditionally moved their cattle between summer pastures in the mountains and winter camps on the steppes. They picked up and moved two or three times a year, usually between May and October, normally staying within a 25-square-mile area, and then resettled in a winter camp with some stone shelters for the animals from November to April.

The Cycles of Life and the Cycle of Love in Traditional Bedouin Culture

The nomadic life cycle reflects on the “ralya” and “ilhub” types of love relationships. The season of spring pasture brings normally “distant” people together in the mountains.

For instance, a poem tells the story of how a young man spends time with his lover. The last line of the poem depicts the man standing on a mountaintop and watching his family go one way and his lover go the other. “My eye flies east, and my heart to the west,” he sings. As we see, the sentiments of “ralya,” with affection, responsibility, and deep blood bonds, fly with his eyes to his family, while his heart, with passion and longing, goes with his lover.

Such poetic stories of love (see Wickering, 1997) are almost always depicted in the mountains. The mountains are far and away. Young people meet each other in the mountains. The emotions of “ilhub” love draw them together.

Stories of Death-defying Love in Bedouin Culture

In Tarabiin, some of Deborah Wickering’s closest friends confided in her about their relationships with lovers. Once, a young, unmarried man in her host family told her a story of the previous night.

“Last night I took Salem’s camel into the mountains to see my girlfriend.”

He asked Deborah to promise never to reveal her identity to anyone, then showed me a picture he had of her hidden between two others in his wallet.

“Did you see each other?” Deborah asked.

“No,” he replied. “Her father and her brother were riding in a jeep, looking out of the sides of their eyes for me. Ya Allah, how I want to see her. “

  “What would have happened if they had caught you?” Deborah asked.

He made a motion slitting his own neck.

“I’ll try again tonight,” he said.

         

“I’ll try again tonight,” he said. “If I come to your house, Fatima, maybe late? I will take my brother’s camel saddle, which is stored in your room.”

“I’ll try again tonight,” he said.

“If I come to your house, Fatima, maybe late? I will take my brother’s camel saddle, which is stored in your room.”

Deborah agreed that he should announce himself and come in.

Perhaps because Deborah Wickering was an outsider to the network of those who would have sanctions over them, perhaps because, over time, they learned that Deborah would keep a secret, people told me about illicit, secret, and potentially dangerous relationships. Deborah’s own interests also invited such confidence.

Such “rendezvous” as Salama’s are common in Tarabiin. Girls in small groups, often accompanied by an elderly woman, take extended pasture trips. Every woman has a story about the old woman who looked the other way in camp at night and pretended to be sleeping. Girls sneak off; boyfriends visit. Such relationships are expected, even though they are dangerous and kept secret.

Modern Life and Modern Love in Bedouin Culture

Currently, there are both semi-nomadic and settled Bedouins. Most Bedouins now live in stable communities, although they maintain their nomadic traditions. Many governments in the Middle East have encouraged Bedouins to settle down and have made raiding illegal. Thus, Bedouins were forced to abandon their nomadic lifestyles and settle in concrete house villages in some areas.

In the modern social context, life has altered. Many people have settled or are semi-settled in the seaside neighborhood. However, concerns about love in cross-cousin marriages as well as tensions between “ralya” and “ilhub,” between nearness and distance, persist.

People’s physical proximity to each other has gotten closer. Girls are more likely to meet boys with whom they must wear a veil and who live far away. This proximity provided greater opportunities for “ilhub” relationships. However, such close proximity in residence also creates an obstacle for a girl by making her actions more visible to others. The vigilance of fathers and brothers is increased. Women are under pressure to stay home and avoid external communication.

On the other hand, sheep and goat herding continue to provide a chance for girls and women to get away from the community and out of sight. Girls and boys get to know each other on pasturing outings (Wickering 1997, pp. 81–82).

The Modern Issues of “Forbidden Love”

Many modern Bedouin women have more educational and employment opportunities. Yet, educated Bedouin women continue to encounter the traditional obstacles to love. The narratives of young Bedouin women from the Negev, a desert region of southern Israel, present such examples. They experience and strive to cope with “forbidden love,” “loveless marriage,” and challenging marital situations that occur due to their education and employment opportunities (Abu-Rabia-Queder, 2007).

Several types of marital situations can arise: “matchless women,” “tragic heroines,” and “women ahead of their time.” The overarching theme was that these women had to sacrifice their emotions in order to achieve freedom (Abu-Rabia-Queder, 2007).

They struggle with these challenges, utilizing various splitting mechanisms. They shift between attachment and detachment of body and mind, reason and emotion, and public and private spheres on the levels of consciousness and behavior.

The stories of Bedouin women who were the first in their tribes to study in higher education institutions are also dramatic in other respects. These women still encounter difficulties when it comes to love relationships with men from “forbidden tribes.”

The Two Meanings of Love in Bedouin Culture

Posted on by

The field study of relationships in Bedouin culture, conducted by American anthropologist Dr. Deborah Wickering (1997), uncovered a diversity of love conceptions in those cultural groups. Bedouins distinguish two kinds of love: ilhub and ralya.

What Kind of Love Does Ilhub Mean in Bedouin Culture?

The word “ilhub” is the most common noun for “love” and the most common verb for “to love.” People understand it as a sickness, a death-defying condition, carrying passion, desire, and pursuit. This kind of love involves longing, passion, and a desire for something (or someone) that a person does not possess. This kind of love is a fierce illness that inhabits the body.

“Emotions can control a person. In love, you can’t think of anything else; usual rules are broken. ”

(Wickering, 1997, p. 79)

Unrequited love brings a loss of appetite. When the pursuit of desire is thwarted, the person feels depression and lethargy. As the lyrics of a popular Bedouin song say,

What Kind of Bedouin Love Does Ralya Mean?

The word ralya means “dear,” “precious,” and “valuable.” It stands for an emotion that a person feels toward family members, friends, and a marriage partner. People experience this kind of love as a feeling of security and support, as a feeling of being safe, protected, held, and cherished. The love feelings of “ralya” relate to a social network of obligations, duties, and rights in kin and friendship relations.

“Obedience to one’s parents was obligatory.”

(Wickering, 1997, p. 80)

Ralya is love for those who are currently present and with whom a person has familiarity and social contact. The kinship bonds of ralya sustain human life. These love bonds provide the necessities of survival: shelter, protection, food, and clothing.

The Bedouin ralya is love in the context of various rituals and routines of everyday life. It penetrates talks and meals. It permeates the relationships with people with whom a person shares a routine familiarity and intimacy. Other people in the ralya relationships have the close bonds with each other (Wickering, 1997, pp. 78–79).

The passion of ilhub pulls a lover toward the beloved, while fear precipitates aversion. People use the word xayif representing fear, an avoidance response, and heart pounding, to denote the strength of feelings in ralya.

The Relationship between Ralya and Ilhub Is a Paradox of Love in Bedouin Culture

According to Wickering’s interpretation (1997, pp. 80–81), the ilhub

“takes an individual out of the familiar, secure, and known toward chaos, risk, danger, and possibly death. It is a passion for otherness.”

In ilhub,

“the other is different, distant, outside of routine and obligation. In patrilateral cross-cousin marriages, union is made of sameness.”

The Bedouin story of tragic love is about a desire to subvert an obligation. This love is a flight away from rules.

The desire of a person toward unity with another—a beloved—can destroy this person’s unity with those who are the same—family members. On the one hand, love supports life, while on the other, it unhinges it.

Field observations by Wickering have revealed that emotions for Bedouins are physical and corporeal. The heart contains both ralya and ilhub, along with fear, another emotion of concern to the Bedouin people. The struggle between these two forces brings both excitement and tragedy (Wickering, 1997, p. 80).

Cultural Connotations of Love among Bedouins

Ralya and ilhub are the types of love that are related to each other, yet neither one is dominant. The Bedouin culture of love is closely related to their traditional nomadic life, which brings people together and takes them apart.

Because of this, men and women often feel a tension between presence and absence, which is embodied in the tension between ralya and ilhub.

On the one hand, the bonds of ralya keep kin together. Those people, who are in the relations of ralya, are present in small kin groups. They are visible and look familiar. They are close, both physically in the household and in daily activities. They are emotionally and intimately acquainted.

On the other hand, “ilhub” reaches out with desire in the distance, breaks order, and subverts kin bonds to develop outside attachments. The emotion of ilhub stems from distance and absence. It fosters a desire and longing for someone who is not involved in “ralya” relationships. A man and a woman may feel ilhub; however, they are veiled from each other. They are expected to keep a public distance from each other.

Love in Bedouin Culture

Posted on by

Bedouin culture is the culture of the nomadic Arab people who live in Arabia, the territory that stretches from the deserts of North Africa to the rocky sands of the Middle East. Living in tribes, they have a common culture of herding camels and goats. Most Bedouins follow Islam, but there are also a small number of Christian Bedouins. In Arabic, they are known as the ʾAʿrāb (أعراب).

One example of such a society is that of the Bedouins in the Western Desert of Egypt. Another example is the Arab-Palestinian people in southern Israel. Some Bedouins still follow their traditional culture, living in clan structures. The others, however, have acquired a modern urban lifestyle, abandoning their nomadic and tribal traditions.

In another article, I talked more about “Bedouin Culture.”

Two Realms of Love in Bedouin Culture

In Bedouin societies, love exists in two realms: real and ideal (Karandashev, 2017). The traditional Bedouin culture is a patriarchal society, keeping boys and girls, men and women, segregated. The moral discourse comprising modesty and honor has a high value. Cultural norms discourage autonomy and individual choice in relationships. As in many other traditional South Asian cultures, kinship, family honor, and social hierarchy are valued more than individual emotions and preferences. Therefore, both men and women usually feel uncomfortable in intimate relationships (Abu-Lughod, 1986/2016).

The Ideology of Gender Inequality in Bedouin Culture

Bedouin cultural ideologies declare gender inequality and social hierarchy. Individuals have the freedom to make choices about their lives. However, the value of autonomy is normally associated with masculinity. The cultural value of autonomy is for men, while the cultural value of dependency is for women. In Bedouin communities, patriarchal control over women is still existent and prevalent (Aburabia 2011, 2017; Kook, Harel-Shalev, and Yuval 2019).

The traditional extended family—the hamula (clan)—continues to maintain high authority and control over women’s lives. Every woman can choose what she wants, but she must know the limit (Aburabia, 2011; Daoud et al., 2020; Harel-Shalev, Kook, & Elkrenawe, 2020, p. 493).

An extended family puts limitations on and also keeps control over men’s lives, yet men are allowed to have more autonomy and freedom. For instance, the practice of polygyny is still common among the Bedouin community, even though it is legally forbidden. The approximate rates of polygamy are 20–30%. In some villages, it could be 60% (Aburabia, 2011).

Cultural Dreams of Romantic Love in Bedouin Culture

On the other hand, stories, poems, and songs in modern Bedouin culture cherish romantic love as a high value. It is worth noting that passion seems more valuable than intimacy. Love is bound by controversial emotions. Poems of love may express an individual’s strength, autonomy, mastery of passions, and support of the values of honor and modesty. On the other hand, the poetry of love expresses attachment, vulnerability, loss, and bitterness related to the state of “being in love.” Romantic poetry is valued, relishing a declared freedom from social domination. It conveys subversive messages. Thus, despite the patriarchal and segregated society in which Bedouins live, their stories, poems, and songs of romantic love cherish the imaginations of people in modern Bedouin culture. Romantic poems, songs, and stories about love offer important expressions of deeply held human emotions and desires that are considered unacceptable and disturbing by the dominant culture (Orsini, 2006, pp. 22–23).

The amorous feelings expressed in poems and the seeming rigidity of modesty in daily communications are evidently at odds with each other in modern Bedouin culture. Does it mean that these poetic sentiments illuminate the more authentic selves of men and women? Not necessarily.

Ideal and Real Love in Bedouin Culture

The romantic, poetic expression of love is not always evidence of a person’s more genuine self. The psychological interactions between the social hierarchy of power, the moral sentiment of modesty and submissive reverence, and the poetic discourse of love are far more complex than just defying authority. These cultural experiences cannot be reduced to such straight interpretations and cannot be simply contrasted with Western understandings.

The structure of Bedouin love is more tangled than Western scholars tend to interpret it. Poems, songs, and romantic stories enrich men’s and women’s cultural understanding of emotions, but do not refuse or rebel against the reality of the love life. Their selves rearrange priorities and integrate other people and social obligations into their extended “collectivistic self.” Their freedom of choice integrates with social affordances and communal responsibility. Such perspectives on love appear to contrast with European American individualistic culture, which emphasizes an individual’s freedom of choice while minimizing responsibility for the choices individuals make.  (Abu-Lughod, 1986/2016).

What Kind of Partners Do Men and Women Prefer to Love and Marry?

Posted on by

Would you marry someone who is beautiful or handsome, kind, smart, honest, dependable, and industrious, as well as having many other qualities you desire in a mate, but you are not in love with her or him?

What do men and women believe is important for love and marriage?

It seems natural and sounds like common sense that men and women have expectations of mutual interest in mating relationships. Everyone wants not only to love but also to be loved. Unrequited love is a bummer! This is why men and women, when in love with someone, are eager to guess whether they are loved by their beloved or not.

Love and Marriage in the Historical Past

It should be noted that during other historical periods and in other cultures, love played a small role, if any, in the selection of a marriage partner. Many romantic ideals of love and mutual attraction have been depicted in novels and paintings. For centuries, they have served as romantic inspirations for youngsters from wealthy and educated social classes. The reality of marriage was more practical for the majority of people across the world (see many examples in Karandashev, 2017).

The roles of mutual attraction and love have been different in traditional conservative cultures with arranged marriages and in modern liberal cultures with free marriage choices. Nevertheless, as studies have demonstrated throughout years of research, for young men and women, mutual attraction and love are among their main preferences. And the role of these motivators has been constantly increasing over the recent years of cultural evolution across many societies.

What Did the Early Studies of Mating Preferences Reveal?

In the United States, Canada, and many European countries of the 1950s and 1960s, young people substantially increased the value of love and mutual attraction in their marital choices. Many men and women in modern societies have begun to consider love as the basis for marriage. Several studies documented that evidence in their surveys. Nonetheless, for some people in many societies and social classes love was not a requirement for marriage and was far from these ideals (see for review, Karandashev, 2017).

A study of the 1980s administered across 33 nations in 37 cultural samples from many religious, ethnic, and cultural groups identified the personality traits and the qualities of physical attractiveness and resourcefulness that men and women in various societies preferred to find in potential mates (see in Buss, 1994; Buss et al., 1989).

In the 1990s, men and women in various societies around the world viewed mutual attraction and love as the most desirable qualities in their relationships with potential mates. Many men and women in the United States, as well as in many other contemporary industrialized societies, believed that love was the primary basis for marriage (Allgeier & Wiederman, 1991).

Cultural Evolution of the Value of Mutual Attraction in Love and Marriage

How has the value of love changed throughout modern societies and cultural generations? 

Several recent cultural and cross-cultural studies have shown that mutual attraction and love play stable and even increasing roles in mating and partnership in both traditional and modernized countries. Modern men and women commonly connect love and marriage in their dreams.

A historical comparative study of the geographically diverse samples in the USA, despite the modest sample size, demonstrated stability as well as cultural evolution of mating preferences throughout the 1939–1996 period in terms of the personality, physical, and social attributes of potential partners. Data also showed that mutual attraction and love remained and even increased their mating value during that 57-year period for both men and women. This increase in the cultural value of love and attraction for marriage among North American university students suggested that marriage was evolving to a companionate type (Buss et al., 2001).

Two other historical comparative studies analyzed the data of the 1980s and 2010s in Brazil (Souza et al., 2016) and India (Kamble et al., 2014). Researchers in both studies discovered that love and mutual attraction, kindness, and understanding (among other things) remained important in mate preferences over time. 

The results from India were especially noteworthy. It was evident that, despite the long tradition of arranged marriages, young people in India have always wanted love in their marriages. Those who are familiar with Hindi cinema know that Bollywood romantic movies have traditionally featured grandiloquent dialogue and all-important songs and dances of love. These melodramatic stories of love are full of elevated emotions and expressions and beautifully illustrate the dreams of mutual attraction and love among Indian people. The latter did not preclude understanding the practical value of arranged marriages (Dwyer, 2014).

Modern Studies of Preferences in Love and Marriage

Several studies of recent times have shown that love and mutual attraction remain the enduring motivations of men and women for mating, partnership, and marriage. The authors reported their research data obtained in such culturally diverse countries as Jordan (Khallad, 2005), India (Kamble et al., 2014), Brazil (Souza, Conroy-Beam, & Buss, 2016), and the United States of America (Buss et al., 2001).

How Mate Preferences Have Changed Over Recent Decades

Posted on by

Common laypeople’s observations may show that human mate preferences remain consistent over time. Have mating preferences changed over recent decades?

Nevertheless, the changes in society’s cultural norms still affected mating preferences. In many countries, societies have evolved:

  • from traditional cultures (with their conservative values)
  • to modernized cultures (with higher liberal values and social and gender equality).

People in modernized societies have become less concerned about survival values and more concerned about self-expression values. Several studies have revealed new trends in many modern societies. People have become culturally more emotionally expressive in love.

Cultural Evolution of Modern Mate Preferences in the United States

The comprehensive study by Buss and his colleagues demonstrated that the mating preferences of people in diverse samples of the USA changed throughout a half-century (from 1939 to 1996). The gender differences became less distinctive and showed a tendency to converge. In 1996, the rank of values for different mate qualities changed and showed more similarity. The increased gender equality probably affected those tendencies toward convergence and more equality in mating and romantic partnerships.

Men and women had become more selective in terms of a potential partner’s intelligence, education, and sociability. Also, such qualities as dependable character, maturity, emotional stability, and a pleasing disposition had become highly valued in a prospective partner for both a man and a woman. Men’s desires for similar educational backgrounds and the solid financial prospects of women have risen. However, chastity, neatness, and refinement, on the other hand, lost their mate-value. For men, the value of a woman as a good housekeeper and cook declined. For women, on the other hand, the mating value of a man who was ambitious and hardworking decreased. Mate preferences for what men and women perceive as attractive personality traits for relationships have changed.

Modern Mate Preferences in Different Countries around the World 

A broad cross-national study conducted by the BBC also revealed new expectations that men and women had in the early 2000s regarding the qualities of their prospective partners. Among other traits, participants across all countries considered kindness, honesty, dependability, personal values, intelligence, overall good looks, communication skills, and humor as the most important traits. Some gender differences were found. For example, women ranked honesty, humor, kindness, and dependability as more important compared to men’s valuation (Lippa, 2007; Reimers, 2007).

It is worth noting that across nations, the indices of gender equality were closely related to the ranks of preferred traits among both women and men. Thus, increasing gender equality in some societies was most likely the primary driving force behind cultural evolution.

In both women’s and men’s perceptions, the importance of physical attractiveness to a prospective partner was strongly associated with biological factors. In many modern societies, the importance of physical attractiveness was equal for men and women.

Cultural Evolution of Mate Preferences in Modern Brazil

Another example of the cultural evolution of mating preferences can be seen in Brazilian society in the period from the 1980s to the 2010s (Souza et al., 2016).

Over time, love and mutual attraction, kindness and understanding, emotional stability and maturity, education, and intelligence continued to be important for mate preferences. The gender differences were largely the same.

The study of the Brazilian sample of the 2010s, compared with that of the 1980s, still supported the evolutionary interpretation of gender differences in mate preferences. The evolution of cultural values in Brazil during that period had not changed some mating preferences. Results showed that men still preferred younger and physically attractive mates, while women preferred more resourceful partners in terms of good earning capacity, good financial prospects, or other qualities related to resource acquisition, such as education and intelligence, ambition, industriousness, and social status (Souza et al., 2016).

However, researchers found some cultural shifts over time in mating preferences. Men and women expressed more preference for mates with good financial prospects and less desire for a home and children. Modern men in Brazil no longer place value on the chastity and virginity of their partners. This trend was similar to that of other modern societies, such as the United States, China, and India (Souza it al., 2016).

Another societal shift has occurred in Brazilian society, as well as in some other societies. The cultural values of young Brazilians have changed, as reflected in their mate preferences. The value of fertility has declined. Women and men no longer preferred partners who wanted to have children (Souza at al., 2016).

Cultural Evolution of Mate Preferences in India

Modern Indian society is another example of the cultural evolution of love. Cultural changes, which occurred throughout recent decades (about 25 years) in that country, did not change some gender-prevalent mate preferences:

  • for men, physical attractiveness and youth in women;
  • for women, good financial prospects and social status in men

The changes in mate preferences among both men and women over that period were significant. People increased their preferences for mates who were good housekeepers and cooks, ambitious and industrious people, yet creative and artistic (Kamble et al., 2014).

Sexy Voice for Interpersonal Attraction

Posted on by

Multisensory perception is important for interpersonal attraction and love. And women and men who are physically attractive may appear differently in different cultures.

Men and women not only look at their partners with admiration but also come closer, speak, sing, dance, touch each other, smile, hug, cuddle, kiss, and so on. Interpersonal perception involves multisensory processing. Visual, auditory, tactile-kinesthetic, olfactory, and gustatory perceptions are used to admire a loved one’s physical qualities.

The Importance of a Sexy Voice for Interpersonal Attraction

Attractive, sexy voices and other sounds of a partner’s vocal appearance and behavior, as well as the sounds of nature and music around them, have a big impact on how attractive and sexually appealing a person is.

Vocal characteristics of the voice, as well as listening to romantic music, can enhance the attractiveness of a potential partner in a relationship (Guéguen, Jacob, & Lamy, 2010).

Voice has mating value and can influence romantic attraction. Attractive male and female voices are associated with several attractive features of men’s and women’s bodies, mating success, and sexual behavior (see for review, Karandashev et al., 2016, 2020).

Those individuals with attractive voices easily initiate relationships, have their first sexual intercourse earlier, and have a greater number of affairs, sexual partners, and encounters (e.g., Apicella, Feinberg, & Marlowe, 2007; Hughes et al., 2004).

Auditory stimuli are essential for sexual attraction in both women and men, but in different contexts. Researchers demonstrated how various effects of voice determine the attraction and mating value of a partner. For example, those with attractive voices have their first sexual intercourse earlier than their peers, and they usually have more affairs and sexual partners (Herz & Cahill, 1997; Hughes et al., 2004).

What Sexy Voice Is Attractive in a Relationship?

Sexual dimorphism plays an important role in this regard, since men’s voices are different from women’s in several characteristics. For example, men’s voices have:

  • a lower pitch, due to the fundamental frequency and
  • lower formant dispersion, due to a lower averaged difference between successive formant frequencies (Fitch, 1997; Titze, 1994).

According to some studies, both males and females consider low voices to be sexy and use a lower pitched voice when speaking to the more attractive opposite-sex person (Hughes, Farley, & Rhodes, 2010; Tuomi and Fischer, 1979).

Both men and women tend to lower their pitch of voice when they are speaking to an attractive person of the opposite sex. The voices directed toward an attractive person (versus an unattractive one) have a noticeably different pitch and sound more pleasant. The low voices also sound sexy (Hughes, Farley, & Rhodes, 2010; Tuomi & Fischer, 1979).

The Man’s Sexy Voice Is Attractive to Women

Many studies have shown that attractive men’s voices are medium or lower in average fundamental frequency, medium to higher in variance of the fundamental frequency, less monotonous, with high or medium pitch variation, which sounds masculine and mature (Riding, Lonsdale, & Brown, 2006; Zuckerman & Miyake, 1993; Zuckerman, Miyake, & Elkin, 1995, see for detailed review Karandashev et al., 2016, 2020).

Men’s voices with a medium or lower pitch, due to the fundamental frequency of speech tone, are more attractive to women (Collins, 2000; Hodges-Simeon, Gaulin, & Puts, 2010; Riding, Lonsdale, & Brown, 2006; Zuckerman & Miyake, 1993).

Women prefer low-pitched male voices in general, but especially when women are ovulating (Feinberg et al., 2006; Puts, 2005).

Sexy Voice and Body Morphology

Biologically, voice parameters correlate with sex-specific body morphology. It was found that men and women with attractive voices usually have better bilateral body symmetry (Hughes, Harrison, & Gallup, 2002; Hughes, Pastizzo, & Gallup, 2008; Pisanski et al., 2016).

Women with attractive voices have a lower waist-to-hip ratio, while men with attractive voices have broader shoulders relative to their hips. These body characteristics indicate reproductive maturity and genetic quality (Hughes et al., 2004).

Men’s Sexy Voice and Masculinity

Data has shown that men with low voice pitches have higher testosterone levels (Cartei, Bond, & Reby, 2014; Dabbs & Mallinger, 1999).

They are perceived to be taller, heavier, and older (Cartei, Bond, & Reby, 2014).

Psychologically, low voice pitch is associated with judgments of greater male dominance (Collins, 2000; Hodges-Simeon, Gaulin, & Puts, 2010).

It is evident that men’s voices that are masculine and sound mature are more attractive to women (Feinberg et al., 2006; Zuckerman, Miyake, & Elkin, 1995).

All these findings support the evolutionary standpoint that women are attracted to men with low voice pitches because they are perceived as strong, masculine, and dominant, and thus capable of enhancing their genetic survival (Barber, 1995; Buss, 1989).

Both the evolutionary theory and the theory of traditional gender-role stereotypes explain why women are attracted to strong and dominant men, which can provide a better opportunity for their survival and wealth. And greater men’s dominance is associated with a voice with a lower average fundamental frequency (Apicella, Feinberg, & Marlowe, 2007; Collins, 2000; Dabbs & Mallinger, 1999).

For example, among Hadza hunter-gatherers, a low voice pitch is associated with higher numbers of offspring (Apicella et al., 2007).

The expressive, sexy voice is attractive in a relationship

Expressive voices are romantically attractive. It is important not only what men and women say to each other, but also how they say them. Men’s voices that are less monotonous, with medium or high variance in fundamental frequency and high or medium pitch variation, for example, are perceived as more attractive. (Ray, Ray, & Zahn, 1991; Zuckerman & Miyake, 1993). These qualities of voice give the impression that males are dynamic, feminine, and aesthetically inclined (Addington, 1968).

However, other variables can mediate these characteristics, producing multifaceted effects. For example, Brown, Strong, and Rencher (1973, 1974) found that medium variance of the fundamental frequency, rather than increased variance of the fundamental frequency, was rated as more attractive. Recently, however, it was found that men with monotone voices have greater numbers of heterosexual sex partners (Hodges-Simeon et al., 2011).

Attractive Personality Traits for Relationship

Posted on by

Several articles on this blog have covered a wide range of physical and socioeconomic characteristics that people in various cultures search for in potential mating partners. The last article demonstrated how the stereotype “what-is-beautiful-is-good” makes us believe in many other positive personality traits of a physically attractive person.

On the other hand, I showed how a good personality and love make us perceive the beauty in our beloved one.

People’s wisdom across cultures says, “Never judge a book by its cover.” For example, as the Russian proverb says, “Looks aren’t the only thing that matters” (“Beauty is only skin deep”). Many people and cultures consider personality traits as more important attributes of potential mates than their physical appearance (see for review, Karandashev, 2019).

Among psychological factors, the personality characteristics of a potential partner play a significant role in romantic encounters and relationships (e.g., Walster, Aronson, Abrams, & Rottman, 1966).

Let us consider the personality traits that are attractive to people in various cultures. Are there any similarities? How different are such preferences in different societies?

Early Studies of Mating Preferences from an Evolutionary Perspective

One of the early cross-cultural studies across 37 cultural groups from 33 nations revealed that personality traits that men and women in many societies find attractive in potential mates are being lively, having a pleasing disposition, having emotional stability, having a dependable character, being kind, having intelligence, and being mature. These studies of mate preferences for long-term mating showed that the physical attractiveness of women for men and the resource prospects of men for women were only of moderate importance compared to those psychological and personality characteristics (Buss et al., 1989)

Evolutionary interpretations are very plausible. Men, who presumably needed to propagate their own offspring, wanted to ensure that they were the rightful parents. Therefore, they are especially concerned to know that they are the parents of their children.

From an evolutionary perspective, men were not very selective in their sexual relationships. Nevertheless, they still preferred women “who are sexually loyal and likely to be faithful as indicators of paternity certainty.”(Buss & Schmitt, 1993, p. 226).

The Cultural Evolution of Mating Preferences in Attractive Personality Traits from the 1939s to the 1990s

The later studies demonstrated that cultural evolution throughout the second half of the XX century (from 1939 to 1996) took place and changed the valuation of psychological and personality mating factors. Men’s and women’s preferences for a prospective partner’s intelligence, education, and sociability have become higher. However, the mating values of chastity, neatness, and refinement diminished (Buss et al., 2001).

During the period from 1939 to 1996, the importance of political background was still low for prospective mating partners. 

During those decades of the 20th century, several personality characteristics of a prospective partner, such as a pleasing disposition, emotional stability, dependable character, and maturity, were consistently of high value for both men and women.

By the early 1990s, men had increased their preferences for similarity of educational background and good financial prospects in their prospective partners, which was a noticeable change in the historical evolution of mating preferences. Yet, for men, the value of a woman as a good cook and housekeeper decreased. On the other hand, for women, the mating value of a man being ambitious and industrious decreased.

Modern Mating Preferences for Attractive Personality Traits

The importance of various traits in modern mating preferences has been demonstrated in another study from the early 2000s. The British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) administered an Internet survey about preferred traits in a mate among 119,733 men and 98,462 women. Respondents in this cross-national study were asked to select the traits that they viewed as the first, second, and third most important attributes in a prospective partner. From a list of 23 characteristics, participants across all nations and cultures ranked as the most important traits “intelligence, humor, honesty, kindness, overall good looks, facial attractiveness, values, communication skills, and dependability.” (Lippa, 2007, p. 193).

Overall, men ranked facial attractiveness and good looks more important than women did. Sex differences in rankings of attractiveness were very consistent across 53 nations. On the other side, women ranked honesty, humor, kindness, and dependability as more important than men did. Across countries, indices of gender equality correlated with rankings of character traits in both women’s and men’s responses. However, there was no correlation with rankings of physical attractiveness. The study showed that cultural factors were associated with how women and men ranked character traits. On the other hand, biological factors were relatively more predictive of women’s and men’s rankings of physical attractiveness.

Attractive Personality Traits Among Muslims and Jordanians in the Early 2000s

Muslim women living in the United States prefer a prospective partner who is emotionally sensitive and sincere. They place a higher value on these characteristics than men do (Badahdah & Tiemann, 2005).

Men and women in Jordanian society prefer the same attractive personality traits in their prospective partners as in many other cultures. These are refinement, neatness, kindness, and a pleasing disposition (Khallad, 2005).

What Physical Attractiveness Tells about Personality Traits

Posted on by

We like to talk to and have a relationship with beautiful and physically attractive men and women. Their physical attractiveness is pleasant for interpersonal communication. What is their personality like?

Do pleasant or unpleasant personality traits predispose us to perceive men and women as physically attractive? According to studies, character and personality affect whether we perceive the physical appearance of a partner as attractive or not.

What Do Men and Women Look for in Prospective Mates?

Men and women have their own sexual preferences for physical attractiveness in prospective partners. Other articles on this website have presented a variety of physical attributes that men and women in different cultures look for in their prospective partners.

The evolutionary mate-selection theory asserts that some qualities that attract women and men in potential mates are cross-culturally universal. According to the theory, good-looking physical appearance is more important for men in their judgment of women than it is for women in their judgment of men. And some research findings back up this theory (e.g., Buss et al., 1990; Buss, 1994; Buss & Barnes, 1986).

However, other studies have not been consistent in this regard. It turned out that cultural contexts and other moderating variables produce differential effects (see review in other articles on this website).

As we’ll see below, personality traits are among those.

What Is Beautiful Is Good

It is commonly known that people like others who are beautiful. Besides the obvious immediate and direct importance of physical attractiveness for love, good-looking people often have good character and personality. Or this might be just a stereotype.

Meanwhile, the “what-is-beautiful-is-good” effect (see another article on this website) can explain why physical attractiveness is important (evolutionarily or culturally), suggesting good personality traits in a potential partner, such as dependable character, emotional stability, pleasing disposition, kindness, intelligence, and maturity (Fugère, Madden, & Cousins, 2019; Yela & Sangrador, 2001).

Does Good Character Make Men and Women Physically Attractive?

On the other hand, character and personality also affect whether physical appearance is perceived as attractive. Studies have suggested that the perception of physical attractiveness is contingent on many other contextual factors: positive or negative knowledge, personality characteristics of a person, the context in which they see that person, and so on. Across cultures, wise people say, “Beauty is only skin-deep.”

A series of studies collected the data in several international samples and revealed how the personality characteristics of women affect men’s perceptions of their physical attractiveness when women appeared in various body sizes, weights, and waist-to-hip ratios. In the same way, studies found that the personality characteristics of men affect women’s perceptions of their physical attractiveness (Fugère, Madden, & Cousins, 2019; Swami, Greven, & Furnham, 2007; Swami et al., 2010; Yela & Sangrador, 2001).

These findings demonstrate that beauty is more than just skin-deep. In particular, men who have prior positive knowledge about the personality of a woman perceive her as physically attractive in a wider variety of body sizes. Men who have prior negative knowledge about her personality, on the other hand, perceive her as physically attractive only in a narrower range of body sizes (Swami et al., 2010).

According to other studies, dependable character, emotional stability, pleasing disposition, and kindness also affect positive impressions of physical appearance (Fugère, Madden, & Cousins, 2019; Yela & Sangrador, 2001).

Is Beauty in the Eye of the Beholder?

From the ancient Egyptians, Greeks, and Romans across centuries, multiple scholars and artists have explored many objective qualities of beautiful people, such as symmetry, proportion, harmony, averageness, and others.

Nevertheless, there is strong scientific evidence that the personality of a perceiver also affects their perception of the attractiveness of another person. Some people are personally and culturally predisposed to seeing beauty in its variety, while others are not. Individuals high in the personality trait of Openness to Experience, as well as men high in the trait of Agreeableness, perceive a wider range of men’s and women’s body sizes as attractive. They also tend to idealize a heavier body size among women (Swami, Buchanan, Furnham, & Tovée, 2008).

The physical attractiveness of another person also depends on the perceiver’s state of being. Happiness makes everything beautiful, while depression makes everything worse. Being in romantic love, a person sees others through rose-colored glasses. Beauty is quite subjective and can be pleasantly illusionary. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

As I noted elsewhere,

“we love a partner not because he or she is beautiful; we rather perceive him or her as beautiful because we love them.”

Our love makes them beautiful.

Lovers tend to have positive partner illusions and perceive their beloved as more attractive than others, as well as themselves. Based on the attractiveness of body parts, men and women rate their romantic partners as more attractive than others and themselves. Experience of romantic love and relationship satisfaction make them vulnerable to the love-is-blind bias. However, those who are in long relationships with their partner experience this attractiveness bias much less (Swami, Stieger, Haubner, Voracek, & Furnham, 2009).

Other Articles of Interest on This Topic are

The Culturally High Emotional Expressiveness of Love

Posted on by

The studies presented in this article show that high levels of emotional expressiveness have become culturally normative forms of self-expression in modern societies.

Multiple studies throughout the decades have reported numerous cross-cultural findings on how physical types of appearance, such as skin, body, and face, are perceived by men and women as attractive in their desired mates.

These qualities are the static physical features that researchers expose to people in pictures. Surprisingly, many of these attractive qualities are similar across cultures, yet many of these qualities are specific to some societies living in specific ecological, social, and cultural conditions.

The static physiological characteristics of beauty are especially important in traditional collectivistic (see another post). However, in modernized individualistic societies, their importance for partnership has substantially decreased. Instead, expressive characteristics of physical appearance, such as expressive faces, bodies, smiles, deodorants, original hair styles, and clothes, have become more valuable in modern societies (Karandashev, 2022a).

The Cultures of High Emotional Expressiveness versus Low Emotional Expressiveness

A comprehensive meta-analysis of multiple studies has revealed the two typologies of expressivity in emotional life across cultures.

  • One typology identified (a) expressive and (b) non-expressive cultural models of emotions.
  • Another typology identified cultural models of (c) direct and (d) indirect emotional expressivity.

Each of these models represents a spectrum of variations representing a diversity of ways in which people express their emotions across different societies, rather than dichotomies (Karandashev, 2021).

The patterns of emotional expressiveness are apparently different between highly expressive cultures, preferred and prevalent among European Americans, and low-expressive cultures, preferred and prevalent among East Asians (Karandashev, 2021).

A meta-analysis of numerous studies undertaken across 26 countries discovered that people in societies with higher levels of individualism are more emotionally expressive. Men and women living in wealthy societies are not necessarily emotionally expressive, while social and political factors in those societies affect expressivity. In countries that respect democracy and human rights, people are generally more emotionally expressive. People in politically stable societies are also more expressive of their positive emotions (Van Hemert, Poortinga, & van de Vijver, 2007).

In modern individualistic societies, the expressive nonverbal behavior of men and women is displayed in closer proximity in interaction: open body position, eye contact, more vocal animation, touching, smiling, and expressiveness. When partners mutually love each other, they tend to reciprocate these kinds of behaviors (Andersen & Andersen, 1984).

The Cultural Values of Emotional Self-expression in Modern Societies

Recent cross-cultural research showed that people in comparatively modernized societies differ from traditional ones in the physical characteristics that they view as more valuable in their love partners. Data revealed that modernized individualistic societies (such as France, Portugal, and the USA) are mainly self-expression cultures, which are characterized by a decreased value of the Power Distance and prevalent values of Individualism, Indulgence, and Emancipation. These cultures are largely liberal and encourage open and sincere facial and body expressiveness (Karandashev et al., 2016, 2020).

The culturally determined dynamic, flexible, and expressive physical qualities of a partner’s appearance, such as an expressive face and body, a smile, expressive speaking, outfits, and fashion, are especially valuable for men and women in more modernized societies. Fashion does not require one to follow cultural conventions. It is more about personal style. It encourages self-expression rather than conformism to social rules (Karandashev et al., 2016, 2020).

Expressive Individualism of European American Culture

For instance, expressive individualism is one of the most important features of European-American culture. Men and women communicate with others by expressing their feelings. Personal feelings are of the utmost importance to them (Lutz, 1988). Their emotional styles are more expressive than the suppressive styles found in East Asian cultures. European Americans tend to be more emotionally expressive than Japanese, both verbally and non-verbally (Matsumoto et al., 1988).

People in expressive societies, such as the United States and some countries in Europe, often rely on overt behaviors and explicit messages (Hall, 1976; Lustig & Koester, 1999). Men and women in those cultures are consistently in contact with their feelings. They trust verbal communication of emotions, preferring direct and explicit emotional messages. People from other cultures frequently perceive them as excessively talkative and emotional in interpersonal communication.

The Cultural Values of Verbal Emotional Expressiveness

People in emotionally expressive cultures rely on verbal communication when they interact with each other. People in the United States, for example, find more verbally expressive men and women more attractive (Elliott et al., 1982).

Women and men, especially men, are less sensitive to nonverbal communication. They have difficulties understanding such aspects of relationships as unarticulated emotions, moods, and subtle gestures (Andersen, Hecht, Hoobler, & Smallwood, 2003; Hall, 1976).

How Does Self-expression Affect Life Satisfaction?

Across 46 countries, in modernized societies with high values of self-expression, such as the Netherlands, the USA, Canada, and Australia, the expression of positive emotions determined greater life satisfaction than in countries with prevalent values of survival, such as Russia, Hungary, China, and Zimbabwe (Kuppens et al., 2008).

For example, Americans are very expressive when they communicate their happiness to others. And happiness is one of the most admired focal emotions in American culture (see for review: Mesquita & Leu, 2007).

Here Are Some Other Related Articles on This Topic

To better understand the low level of expressed emotion in collectivistic cultures, it is interesting to compare how people experience and express emotions in individualistic cultures and how the culturally low emotional expressiveness of love is culturally valuable in traditional collectivistic societies.

It is also interesting to know about,