From the 1930s to the 1950s, the Nigerian columnist “Miss Silva” of the West African Pilot offered relationship advice for young men and women. Her essays and anonymous reader letters on contemporary love of that time expressed their enthralling love tales. Their stories often showed the contentious thoughts and feelings they had because of their resistance to traditional norms of gender relations and African patriarchy. A frequent question she advised about was love and marriage (Aderinto, 2015).

Therefore, in her advice column “Milady’s Bower,” “Miss Silva” spoke with Nigerian women and men about modern love and gender relations. They also had a chance to tell their dramatic stories and express themselves freely and anonymously. Did you hear other stories like these?

What did “Miss Silva” tell Nigerian women and men about life and love? Can her advice be useful to you?

Let us listen to their dramatic stories (Aderinto, 2015).

To Marry or Not to Marry in Obedience to Your Parents?

Some letter writers complained about the fact that their parents wouldn’t let them pick their own partners. For example, one reader wrote to “Miss Silva” that when he was away from the town for a while “struggling with his life,” his old mother married him to a girl of her preference. But he said that he did not know the girl and had never seen her before. The reason his mother married him was because she was “unable to do any domestic work in the house”. This was why she married him to that girl.

The man sadly wrote in his letter: 

“Marriage as you see, is not a simple affair as some people seem to think. The happiness of lovers depends upon the love and sympathy between them and this is why a man should be left to choose for himself.”

He thought it was selfish of his mother to have married him to a girl just for her own domestic needs.

Another young man had a similar situation. His parents engaged him to a woman he didn’t love. He asked the columnist of “Milady’s Bower” for some advice, and Miss Silva told him

“stick to the girl you love best … Never mind what their wish is … Love is such a delicate thing and should not therefore be dictated to intending contracting parties by their parents.”

So, you see, what Miss Silva advised these men, and others in similar circumstances. She literally told them to defy parental authority and elope, or secretly marry without following traditional marriage rites.

Thus, miss Silva in her newspaper column empowered readers to be brave in making decisions about love and relationships. And she advised recognizing that by disobeying their parents, they could face certain cultural, social, and economic consequences.

But anyway, she encouraged them to investigate all of the possibilities for resolving the problem in a peaceful manner. In the frustrated situations they feared, she shared with them her words of wisdom, suggesting they follow their affection and marry a person who they love (Aderinto, 2015).