Victoria Yerofeyeva, Alexandra Bochaver, and Ekaterina Tsyganova, National Research University “Higher School of Economics”, Moscow, Russia
published in the Proceedings of the 3rd International Conference on Love and Relationship Studies, 6-8 March, 2026
You can see the full video recording of this presentation at the YouTube channel of the International Institute of Love Studies
Introduction
Emerging adulthood is a stage encompassing young adults aged 18–29 who are searching for their identity, trying new things. They are optimistic about their future yet still feel undeveloped and experience this period of life as challenging and unstable. Looking for a romantic partner is considered a key developmental task during this life stage (Arnett, 2024). Young men and women are aware of opportunities to develop personal autonomy through choice of a romantic partner.
According to self-determination theory, autonomy is the ability to act on one’s own values, achieve personally meaningful goals, and shape one’s life trajectory (Ryan, 2023). Despite the importance of autonomy as independence, people have a need to enter into close relationships assuming interpersonal interdependence between partners when both depend on each other and at the same time save their personal autonomy. (Ryan, 2023). At the same time, during emerging adulthood, young adults may avoid relationships because they choose to devote time to their career, and the task of building relationships competes with professional self-realization, so some young adults refuse to solve both developmental tasks at the same time (Arnett, 2024).
When making choices in romantic relationships, people often find themselves in a situation of conflicting desires to be in the relationships or not to be and unable to cope with uncertainty of the future (Baumeister, 2022). People can make choices guided by either intuitive or analytical modes: the former allows for quick decisions without much deliberation, while the latter is necessary for making informed and rational decisions (Evans & Stanovich, 2013).
In romantic relationships, people typically make their choices based solely on emotions (Baumeister, 2022). They integrate their relationship decisions into their life story—an individual narrative representing a chain of events and an analysis of their causes and consequences, which allows them to draw conclusions about their autonomy and re-evaluate their choices over time, drawing useful lessons from them (McAdams, 2018). This life story may include such events as starting a relationship, living together, preparing for a wedding, making plans together, breaking up, giving up on a relationship.
The aim of this study is to explore how emerging adults experience autonomy in romantic relationships.
Methodology and Methods
We collected data with narrative interviews and analyzed using the methods of narrative analysis. We asked emerging adults what decisions they made about romantic relationships, how much they felt they made those decisions based on their values and goals, how they rated the quality of those choices, and how their choices changed based on their experiences. The sample consisted of 23 respondents (11 men and 12 women) living in the Russian cities with populations over one million. The data from interviews were coded using self-determination theory (Ryan, 2023), the concept of emerging adulthood (Arnett, 2024), and the emotional and rational modes used in decision-making (Evans & Stanovich, 2013).
Before coding, we developed a table of key categories: autonomy, emotional choice, rational choice, initial phase of relationships, relationship commitment, future plans, break up, career choice, relatedness. This coding system was tested on seven interviews (30%), and we found it to be relevant to the research question we addressed. Then we proceeded code of the remaining data. Autonomy was defined as high if the participants reported their own role in making the choice, and low if they were chosen If they felt that they were entering into a relationship only because their partner wanted to be with them, they did not ask themselves whether they wanted to be in a relationship with that partner.
Highlights of Results
Seven (M – 4, F – 3) study participants were in long-term romantic relationships; sixteen respondents were single, ten of whom had experienced relationships (M – 4, F – 6), and six respondents (M – 3, F – 3) had never experienced relationships. The results of the study revealed the general observed trend that young people make their first choices emotionally (12), demonstrating low autonomy (7), and reporting low relationship satisfaction. This means that such choices are made under the influence of an intuitive mode. Participants who were single and reported negative past experience also noted an increase in autonomy due to unsuccessful experiences in romantic relationships. When participants make emotional choices, they often explain their choice by the higher value of the need to be in a close relationship over autonomy. However, after breakups, a cognitive reappraisal of the situation occurs, which is expressed in the search for a balance between autonomy and close relationships. Despite their lack of experience in romantic relationships, some participants made only rational choices (5) and had a high level of autonomy (5), with themes in their narratives focusing on positive relationship experiences. Participants without relationship experience demonstrated high autonomy, making a rational decision not to enter into a relationship, justifying it with a desire for career fulfillment.
Discussion and Conclusions
Thus, by analyzing young adults’ narratives about romantic relationships, we examined how their choices in romantic relationships are influenced by two decision-making modes related to autonomy. Young men and women often make their first choices influenced by the intuitive mode, because their need for relationship is stronger than autonomy. After an unsuccessful experience, young people change their choices using the analytical mode, which is also associated with increased autonomy. However, some respondents decide not to enter into a relationship after an unsuccessful experience, which also indicates high autonomy but may be related to a reluctance to cognitively reassess the situation or make commitments.
References
Baumeister, R. F. (2022). The self explained: Why and how we become who we are. The Guilford Press.
McAdams, D. P. (2018). Narrative Identity: What Is It? What Does It Do? How Do You Measure It? Imagination, Cognition and Personality, 37(3), 359–372. https://doi.org/10.1177/0276236618756704
Evans, J. S. B., & Stanovich, K. E. (2013). Dual-process theories of higher cognition: Advancing the debate. Perspectives on psychological science, 8(3), 223–241. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691612460685
Key words: Autonomy, Narrative Identity, Emerging Adulthood, Emotions, Rationality
The study was conducted as part of the HSE Center for Fundamental Research project “Life Choices: Factors and Mechanisms of Key Decision-Making at Different Stages of the Life Course.”