Judit Balatonyi, University of Pécs, Hungary
published in the Proceedings of the 3rd International Conference on Love and Relationship Studies, 6-8 March, 2026
You can see the full video recording of this presentation at the YouTube channel of the International Institute of Love Studies
Introduction
This study explores a central paradox of modern intimacy: the coexistence of romantic autonomy with the persistent desire for enduring commitment. While scholars like Andrew Cherlin (2004) have interpreted rising divorce rates mainly in Western society as the “deinstitutionalization of marriage,” the elaboration and continued importance of divorce rituals present a compelling analytical puzzle.
I hypothesize that these rituals do not signify institutional decline of marriage; on the contrary, they are crucial sites where the evolving cultural significance of marriage is reinforced. Contemporary Hungary provides a critical case for examining this paradox, as its distinctive state policies intensify the tension between romantic ideals and the pragmatic logic of commitment. A state-sponsored loan program, which imposes severe financial penalties for divorce, forces couples to weigh the need for emotional closure against economic pragmatism. Economic coercion, therefore, directly influences divorce rituals by becoming a central symbolic element around which informal solutions and new ritual forms are created.
My central research question in this study is therefore: How do individuals in Hungary use and innovate divorce rituals to navigate the competing ideals of romantic autonomy and enduring commitment? Drawing on Claude Lévi-Strauss’s foundational concept of cultural “bricolage” (1966; see more, for example, Carter & Duncan 2017; Duncan and Phillips, 2008), I analyze how individuals creatively construal new and old ritual practices to perform what Janet Carsten (2004) terms a conscious, ritualized act of “kinship-unmaking,” the necessary counterpart to marriage as “kinship-making.”
Methodology and Method
This study draws on a multi-year (2019–present), multi-sited qualitative research guided by an emergent, longitudinal design. The research trajectory evolved iteratively, allowing the focus to shift in response to ongoing data analysis and developing socio-demographic trends. The project began by examining the changing rituals of marriage during the COVID-19 pandemic, then expanded as fieldwork revealed the central, unforeseen importance of state policies like the “childbirth incentive loan”. Consequently, the inquiry ultimately centered on the contemporary practices and narratives of divorce in Hungary. To investigate this complex topic, the study integrates three core methods: digital ethnography in Hungarian online communities discussing marriage, state loans, and divorce; sixty in-depth interviews including brides, divorcees, and service providers; and a document analysis of relevant legal frameworks and public discourse.
Highlights of Results
The results of this research reveal that love functions as both the primary promise and central problem of modern marriage. While interviews confirm marriage as an expression of romantic love, ethnographic data show a pragmatic acceptance of its impermanence, highlighted by the financial risks of divorce. This ambivalence is managed through a rich repertoire of rituals: legal divorce provides a powerful, performative act of closure, while informal separation ceremonies often mirror wedding scripts to reconfigure relational bonds and individual standings. Crucially, the study identifies a feedback loop where the experience of divorce actively reshapes future unions, as seen in the choice for “minimalist” second weddings. This demonstrates that divorce does not undermine marriage but is part of an ongoing ritual cycle that sustains its symbolic importance by providing coherent ritual scripts for both beginnings and endings.
Discussion and Conclusions
The contemporary rise in divorce across many societies is widely seen as signaling the decline of marriage as a central life institution. From this perspective, the end of a marriage is a private failure, and its formal dissolution is a mere administrative act.
My research in Hungary, however, reveals a contrary trend: the emergence of a vibrant and complex ritual culture surrounding divorce. As the ethnographic data demonstrates, the end of a marriage is not simply a legal event but a performative act, complete with symbolic gestures, public announcements, and community affirmation that mirror wedding ceremonies. What can only be created through ritual can only be undone through ritual: the cultural necessity to mark transitions – whether through vows or separation – testifies to the continuing salience of marriage.
In conclusion, love remains central in modern Hungarian marriage, but its temporal fragility is now acknowledged and ritualized. The tension identified by Cherlin (2010) between individual autonomy and marital commitment persists, yet it is pragmatically managed through ritual innovation. In short, marriage still matters – not despite divorce, but through the ways love and its endings are collectively imagined, narrated, and enacted.
References
Carsten, J. (2004). After kinship. Cambridge University Press.
Carter, J., & Duncan, S. (2017). Reinventing couples: Tradition, agency and bricolage. Palgrave Macmillan.
Cherlin, A. J. (2004). The deinstitutionalization of American marriage. Journal of Marriage and Family, 66(4), 848–861. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.0022-2445.2004.00058.x
Cherlin, A. J. (2010). The marriage-go-round: The state of marriage and the family in America today. Alfred A. Knopf.
Duncan, S., Phillips, M., Duncan, S., & Phillips, M. (2008). New families? tradition and change in modern relationships. In A. Park, J. Curtice, K. Thomson, M. Phillips, M. C. Johnson, E. Clery (Eds.) New families? Tradition and change in modern relationships (2007/2008 ed., pp. 2–28). SAGE Publications Ltd, https://doi.org/10.4135/9781849208697.n1
Lévi-Strauss, C. (1966). The savage mind. University of Chicago Press. (Original work published 1962.)