Be Gentle and Good-Tempered in Love Relations

The three poetic books of “Ars Amatoria” by the Roman poet Ovid advised men and women of the Roman Empire on how to master the art of love. His witty wisdom of love has been passed down through the centuries. His poems taught both men and women how to use the art of love to seduce and have sexual encounters with each other.

The first two books teach men how to talk to, flirt with, and make love to a woman. In his love poetry, Ovid gives both men and women wise and interesting advice on how to find and keep a lover.

I think modern readers will still find these books fascinating and interesting to read, despite the fact that they live in a different time and society than the ancient Romans did. This is the reason I decided to write a few articles that included passages from these books. Many concepts about love are still valid and useful for contemporary lovers and love researchers.

So, I’ve taken some of them from Anthony Kline’s translations of Ovid’s remarkable books and put them here on my blog (Kline, 2001).

The captivating poetries of book 1 tell us about

“What Is His Task” (Part 1),

“How to Find Her” (Part 2),

“Search for Love While Walking” (Part 3),

“Search for Love while at the Theatre” (Part 4),

“Search for Love at the Races or Circus” (Part 5),

“Triumphs that Are Good to Attract a Woman” (Part 6),

“Search for Love around the Dinner-Table and on the Beach” (Parts 7 and 8),

“How to Win Her” (Part 9),

“How to Know the Maid” (Part 10),

“How to Be Attentive to Her” (Part 11),

“How to Make Promises of Love to Her” (Part 12),

“How to Woo and Seduce a Woman” (Parts 13 and 14),

“How to Captivate a Woman at Dinner” (Part 15),

“How to Make Promises and Deceive” (Part 16),

“How Tears, Kisses, Taking the Lead Can Help in Love Affairs” (Part 17),

“Psychology Love Tricks in the Art of Love” (Parts 18-19).

Here it is Part III of Ovid’s Book II, teaching why you need to be gentle and good-tempered in the art of love relationships.

You Need to Be Gentle and Good Tempered, Part III of Book II:

“Gentleness especially impresses minds favourably:

harshness creates hatred and fierce wars.

We hate the hawk that lives its life in battle,

and the wolf whose custom is to raid the timid flocks.

But the swallow, for its gentleness, is free from human snares,

and Chaonian doves have dovecotes to live in.

Away with disputes and the battle of bitter tongues:

sweet love must feed on gentle words.

Let married men and married women be checked by rebuffs,

and think in turn things always are against them:

that’s proper for wives: quarrelling’s the marriage dowry:

but a mistress should always hear the longed-for cooing.

No law orders you to come together in one bed:

in your rules it’s love provides the entertainment.

Approach her with gentle flatteries and words to delight

her ear, so that your arrival makes her glad.

I don’t come as a teacher of love for the rich:

he who can give has no need of my art:

He has genius who can say: ‘Take this’ when he pleases:

I submit: he delights more than my inventions.

I’m the poor man’s poet, who was poor when I loved:

when I could give no gifts, I gave them words.

The poor must love warily: the poor fear to speak amiss,

and suffer much that the rich would not.

I remember mussing my lady’s hair in anger:

how many days that anger cost me!

I don’t think I tore her dress, I didn’t feel it: but she

said so, and my reward was to replace it.

But you, if you’re wise, avoid your teacher’s faults,

and fear the harm that came from my offence.

Make war with the Parthians, peace with a civilised friend, and laughter, and whatever engenders love.”

Kline, A. S. (2001). Translation of Ovid’s Ars Amatoria: The Art of Love.