Gratitude is more than just saying “thank you.” It entails recognizing and appreciating the people and what they do for us. It is the appreciation for whatever our lives bring us. Gratitude makes us feel better and lifts our mood. It improves our lives and relationships in many regards.
As Buddha, the religious teacher of South Asian culture (the 6th or 5th century BCE) and founder of Buddhism, taught,
“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.”
– Buddha, the teacher and founder of Buddhism, a religious and philosophical system of southern and eastern Asia, live in India, approximately the 6th–4th century BCE
National Cultural Traditions of Gratitude
The customs of gratitude appear to be highly valued across civilizations and cultures. People expressed their appreciation in the ritual of “giving thanks” to God, spirits, mother nature, and others.
People of many societies in history and nowadays celebrate Thanksgiving or similar festival holidays on various dates. It is a good cultural custom to give thanks and appreciate what we get and what others give to us.
As William Bennett, an American politician and commentator, told
“Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that thankfulness is indeed a virtue.”
– William Bennett, American teacher and scholar, born 1943, New York, USA
American Thanksgiving is probably among the most important holidays of the year. Americans have greatly celebrated the Thanksgiving holiday for centuries.
As John F. Kennedy, an American politician and the 35th president of the United States, once said,
“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words but to live by them.”
– John F. Kennedy, (1917–1963), American political leader and president of the United States
Or in another place, he said:
“We must find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives.”
– John F. Kennedy
Even though it falls on different dates, people in other countries also celebrate this Thanksgiving holiday. Among those countries are Canada, Grenada, Liberia, and Saint Lucia. Germany and Japan both celebrate festivals with names that are very similar.
Gratitude Is the Appreciation of Giving and Receiving
In many cases, gratitude is clearly involved in interpersonal relationships. Social bonding implies reciprocal giving and receiving. These kinds of actions are important for the proper creation of people’s obligations and the maintenance of interpersonal bonding in human communities.
An appreciation of giving and receiving is a vital part of fair and equitable relationships. This is why it is very important to express gratitude for what other people do for us. Gratitude is not only a kind gesture; it is frequently necessary for a normal and adequate relationship.
As Aafke E. Komter, a professor at Utrecht University in the Netherlands, wrote,
“Beneath the warm feelings of gratitude resides an imperative force, a force that compels us to return the benefit we have received”
(Komter, 2004, p. 195).
How People Experience Gratitude
How do people subjectively experience gratitude? The intensity and expression of gratitude are determined by an appraisal of the situations, actions, contexts, and outcomes of what a benefactor did for a recipient. People may express gratitude differently depending on how they perceive the value of what another person has done for them. Appreciation also varies depending on the benefactor’s intention and the degree of sacrifice applied in giving (McCullough & Tsang, 2004). People tend to be especially grateful and express gratitude when they receive something they want and when they feel that the giver was sensitive to their personal needs and wishes. (Algoe, Haidt, & Gable, 2008).
As an American writer and humorist, Mark Twain (1835–1910) once noted,
“The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.”
– Mark Twain, 1835–1910), American writer
People experience gratitude as thematic patterns of somatic feelings and an array of appraisals. The experience of gratitude also involves various emotions, such as joy, love, awe, happiness, awakening, release, peace, security, and feeling blessed. People frequently experience the somatic response to gratitude, the feelings of overwhelming emotions, and tearfulness. These emotions are frequently accompanied by a sense of taking your breath away, bursting with emotion, and fullness (Hlava & Elfers, 2014).
These feelings and emotions are associated with sensations of being emotionally overwhelmed. Here are some examples:
“I start tearing because I’m so—it’s an overwhelming emotion. It’s an overflowing with joy kind of feeling.”
(Joe)
“My eyes fill with tears, but I do not feel sadness. I feel at a loss for words and am filled with gratitude and love.”
(Zoe)
“I just burst into tears, and I was crying, I mean, in addition to just the positive feelings of just gratitude and excitement.”
(Louise)
How Gratitude Affects Our Relationships
Gratitude is very beneficial for our relationships and can transform interpersonal connections.
Expression of gratitude plays an important role in relationship building (Algoe et al., 2008) and relationship maintenance (Hlava, 2010; Kubacka, Finkenauer, Rusbult, & Keijsers, 2011). Gratitude affects the experience of relationship boundaries between “self” and “other” (Hlava & Elfers, 2014). The expression and feeling of gratitude strengthen our bonds with those who have helped us (Algoe & Haidt, 2009).
Please, remember this saying of William James (1842–1910), an American philosopher and psychologist:
“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”
– William James (1842–1910), American psychologist and philosopher