Category Archives: Nigerian love

What Was More Important in Relationships for Nigerian Young People, Love or Money?

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As I noted elsewhere, “Miss Silva” wrote “Milady’s Bower” for the West African Pilot newspaper in the middle of the 20th century. She shared with Nigerian women and men her wisdom on modern love and gender relations. Her column included readers’ letter-written love stories. Their thoughts, feelings, and words on love opposed the conservative African norms of that time. Together, they discussed how to cope with their relationship problems (Aderinto, 2015). They discussed what was more important, love or money.

I believe that those narratives and dialogues may resemble those that men and women still encounter in their daily lives and romantic relationships in traditional, conservative countries nowadays.

Let us continue to listen to what Nigerian men and women experienced and what “Miss Silva” advised.

The Love Heartbreaks of Nigerian Affairs

The young Nigerian women and men who were willing to follow their hearts in their courtship and relationships frequently encountered clashes between their modern love aspirations and the old-fashioned conservatism of their social norms.

They often experienced romantic disappointments in contradiction with parental intervention in their personal courtship and love affairs. The articles and letters on their love challenges provided an in-depth look at important facets of their courtship stories. They talked about everything that brings people into romantic relationships. They discussed physical beauty, emotional attraction, and why love fades. They debated the role of ethnicity, social class, and educational level in relationships. They strived to be modern lovers. They still tried to avoid interpersonal conflicts and manage their heartbreaks with maturity.

Readers and authors of letters trusted Miss Silva when she helped moderate these debates.

How Young Were Nigerian Men and Women to Marry in the Mid-20th Century?

Men and women often discussed in “Milady’s Bower” the questions of when the proper age for marriage is and how long their courtship should last.

The old cultural traditions of West African societies taught them to marry and have children early in their lives. The modern generation of young people of that time preferred to marry later, until they were financially in a good position. The primary reason for delaying marriage seems to be the cost of the marriage.

Young people of the new generation of the mid-20th century spent more time acquiring a Western education. Men often delayed their marriages because of a lack of job opportunities and little money to satisfy their wives. At the time, there was an unprecedented increase in bride prices. Marriage became more expensive for men than in the “old days” because modern wives of that time expected conveniences and comforts. Many wanted housing in good neighborhoods, good furniture, and appliances. Those young people who were raised in rich families could afford to marry earlier.

Many women also thought that men put off getting married and didn’t want to take on the responsibilities of marriage because they wanted to stay single longer and have more casual relationships (Aderinto, 2015).

Marriage for Love or for Money?

“Miss Silva” commonly advised young men and women to marry for love and follow their romantic attractions. Her position was that love, not money, is the most important factor in relationships and marriage. However, she still acknowledged the importance of financial issues and wealth-standing for marriage. She encouraged gender equality and women’s independence in several ways.

“Miss Silva” was still practical in much of her advice. For example, she suggested women “do not marry a jobless man.” The colonial marriage culture of that time put more responsibility on men as breadwinners. At the same time, Miss Silva said that

“women should be gainfully employed and not depend wholly on men” and that “in modern society, women should not be scared about being the family breadwinner.”

(Aderinto 2015, p. 488).

How Long Was Too Long for Courtship?

Nigerian men and women also discussed how long they should court before marriage. They acknowledged that courtship should enable a man and a woman to get to know each other better and to understand the prospect of how good their marriage would be.

Specific opinions, however, varied. Some thought that the courtship could go on for a few months. Others believed it could even last a few years. They largely agreed, however, that courting relationships should not be too long so that “the intending couples are still within the marriage age”. In this regard, conservative West African societies had their own traditional cultural expectations (Aderinto 2015).

How Nigerian Education Changed Love in West Africa in the First Half of the 20th Century

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The cultural evolution of love in West Africa in the first half of the 20th century occurred. The increasing urbanization of society and its major cities, such as Lagos, Ibadan, Onitsha, Port Harcourt, and other southern Nigerian cities, and their transformation into first-class colonial urban centers supported this cultural transformation.

The concurrent rise in literacy among many Nigerians came along with it. The interest in Western education was growing in the country and region. Many young people moved to southern Nigeria’s cities in pursuit of education. Only a few of them returned home to become farmers. Metropolises offered modern amenities that suited their new lifestyle. From the 1920s to the 1950s, the number of southern Nigerians with post-secondary education grew by a lot (Fafunwa, 1974).

The enhanced English literacy increased newspaper reading and allowed Nigerians to express themselves. This new cultural climate made the West African literary culture of love more romantic.

Saheed Aderinto, a Nigerian American professor of history, published a recent article on how literary culture and romantic love were represented in colonial Nigerian print media (Aderinto, 2015). During the first half of the 20th century, the author says, Nigerians began to look at love as a historical and biocultural construct.

How Nigerian Newspapers of Colonial Times Changed African Views of Love

In his article, Professor Aderinto shows how the modernization of love in Nigeria took place among the literate Nigerians, the so-called aspiring sub-elites.

The Nigerian newspapers were a place where educated people expressed various opinions and views. The readers joined to discuss new concepts about life, modern relationships, families, and love. Columnists express their advice in the advice columns. And readers also became a real network for expressing their opinions. In a comparative perspective, they discussed the evolving conventions of love, sex, and marriage (Aderinto, 2015).

The Nigerian “Miss Silva” and Her “Milady’s Bower”

Looking at the colonial Nigerian newspapers of the first half of the 20th century, Saheed Aderinto focused on the women’s column titled “Milady’s Bower,” published by Nnamdi Azikiwe’s West African Pilot. The editor of the column, with the pseudonym “Miss Silva,” authored from 1937 to the 1950s articles on several issues of relationships. She also gave advice to lovers. In that column, she published unedited letters from pseudonymous or anonymous readers who mostly respected her opinions on topics. The column’s audience enjoyed reading the materials of anonymous authors. They also appreciated anonymity because it gave them an opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings about some controversial matters without the risk of public sanction for such expressions.

Among the major audience for this column was the urban youth of southern Nigeria’s major cities, largely single young men and women. The ideas of modern love relationships expressed by newspapers’ readers were often in controversy with the traditional African-style patriarchy and the established norms of gender relations (Aderinto, 2015).

Nigerian Discussion of New Gender Roles

The gender roles depicted in the column were modern rather than traditional. The modern girl was portrayed as an educated and working person. She would have strong emotional and bodily autonomy. The modern boy was portrayed as a “clean,” polite, and disciplined gentleman who was committed to a relationship. In courtship relationships, a lady would be regarded in terms of socioeconomic status as an equal person. The assumption of gender equality was evident in all urban settings, such as dance halls, movie theaters, and others. Advocates of modern love believed that the way men and women were involved in courtship would have a strong impact on their marriage. This Nigerian cultural model, which was talked about in newspaper advice columns, was similar to how North America and Europe’s love cultures were changing at that time.

What Was “Modern Love” for Nigerians?

The Nigerian newspapers highlighted an enduring generational conflict between the old and new generations of women and men. The publications affirmed modern love as abandoning traditional relationships as “boring.” (Aderinto, 2015)

Their “modern love” evidently included the ideas of individualism in relationships. The newspapers advised that love was a personal matter and that the passion and wish of a person for independence and happiness should guide them in love. The idea that love is a personal matter was revolutionary for that historical period in Nigeria. This idea contradicted traditional practices in which parents, family, and the community could moderate many aspects of a relationship, such as betrothal, courtship, or resolution of marital conflict.

The Cultural Evolution of Love in West Africa in the First Half of the 20th Century

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The transformation of Lagos, Ibadan, Onitsha, Port Harcourt, and other southern Nigerian cities into first-class colonial urban centers, along with the concomitant rise in literacy among many people, was essential to the cultural evolution of love in West Africa.

Growing Interest in Education Among Nigerians

Starting in the 1920s, colonialists’ growing interest in Western education increased school attendance. The elitist colonial education culture of the 19th and early 20th centuries gave way to a “populist” one. From the 1920s through the 1950s, the number of southern Nigerians with post-secondary education increased dramatically (Fafunwa, 1974).

The majority of educated young people had relocated to southern Nigeria’s big cities in search of education and salaried work. Few would return home to become farmers. Agricultural employment was paid less than government and private sector positions in cities. Besides, metropolitan centers provided modern amenities that suited their new preferred lifestyle.

The expansion of English literacy among the population had two effects. On the one hand, it increased newspaper readership. On the other hand, it allowed Nigerians to express their own views on life. That new cultural climate was ready to modernize West African love into a romantic passion (Aderinto, 2015).

Nigerian Courtship in the First Half of the 20th Century

During the colonial times of the first half of the 20th century, a variety of old and new cultural norms and practices took place in West Africa. They varied among people of different ethnicities and rural and urban residences.

In Nigerian society, both precolonial courtship culture and colonial courtship customs were practiced. This kind of transition caused a lot of tension and conflict, which urban youth tried to work out through arguments in the pages of newspapers and other print media.

The old traditional supervised courtship of the precolonial type was still common in many African tribes. For example, courtship among the Yoruba people of Nigeria, Benin, and Togo in West Africa came under strong communal supervision.

Parents and the community made sure that a prospective groom and bride would have limited contact before the full marriage rites were completed. That would prevent premarital sexual intercourse, which cultural norms of the Yoruba frown upon. The regulation of courtship did not allow a betrothed girl to meet her fiancé and his family without hiding her face by veiling.

Freedom of Courtship in Nigerian Cities

However, courtship in the cities was largely unregulated. A man and a woman had a certain freedom in their relationships. The freedom to choose a partner was an essential cultural option for young men and women in courtship in colonial urban contexts. It was a romance culture as opposed to the betrothal culture prevalent in the past. Some young men and women dared to choose a prospective bride or groom without their parents’ consent. Courting outside their immediate ethnicity and local community defied established ethnic and socioeconomic rules. If young men and women would court without their parents’ permission, they could not consummate their marriage (Aderinto, 2015).

Those young people whose courtship was not approved by their parents had a significant obstacle and came to the dilemma of split affections. Even though their parents wouldn’t accept their relationship, some men and women were still in love with their ex-partners.

Reading and Thinking About Love in Colonial Nigeria

During the first half of the twentieth century, the literate Nigerians largely living in cities were the aspiring sub-elites, interested in reading books and print media about many things, including families as important institutions of society.

Courtship, relationships, and modern love emerged in Nigerian print media and other public discourses. The public discussion of the concept of contemporary love and how people form relationships had a big impact on broader themes of nation-building and Nigerian social advancement. The modernization of love and family occurred in the minds of literate and educated Nigerians. Love was rethought by men and women as a modern historical and cultural concept (Aderinto, 2015).