Category Archives: Danish culture

Free Scandinavian Love

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For many Scandinavians, love is a free relationship between independent individuals. Their national cultural ideas and policies of freedom, independence, and equality in interpersonal relations encourage their culture of love. The free Scandinavian love in the countries of Denmark, Sweden, Norway, and Finland is in accord with the egalitarian cultural values of their societies.

The High Value of Love in Scandinavian Cultures Having a wonderful, long-term relationship or becoming a parent is important. Many Scandinavians believe that love and relationships nowadays are stronger than ever in their countries. For example, Danish sociologist Birthe Linddal Hansen, a researcher at the Copenhagen Institute of Future Studies, said that

“True love is still very popular as an ideal, and people are getting married more now than they did years ago.”

Scandinavians do not shy away from the words “I love you.” The Danish “jeg elsker dig,” the Norwegian “jeg elsker deg,” and the Swedish “jag älskar dig,” pronounced something like “yah-g el-scar d-eh” are still widely used by people in those countries. In Finnish, it sounds like “minä rakastan sinua,” or in the shortened “mä rakastan sua,” in the spoken language. Yet, men and women used these love words sparingly due to their reserved Scandinavian character. When it comes to expressing their feelings, they do so in a reserved manner. In their interpersonal relationships, they are typically less emotionally expressive than people in some other, more expressive cultures, like those in Mediterranean and Latin American societies. The Nordic people of Scandinavia tend to be less lively in their facial and body expressions. They smile and laugh in moderation.

The Swedish Example of Free Love

The Swedish book “Är svensken människa” and its English publication, The Swedish Theory of Love (Berggren & Trägårdh, 2022), present some basic cultural ideas and prototypes of Scandinavian free love. Swedish cultural policies and legislation, on the one hand, emphasize individual autonomy and, on the other hand, trust in the state. Swedish philosophy, cultural studies, and sociology focus on some basic logic and rational principles that the welfare state follows. This is the social idea that people in interpersonal relationships should be independent. Cohesive dependency and subordination cause individual inauthenticity and predicaments for true love. Swedish modern cultural values promote equality and autonomy as preconditions for sincere and authentic affection and love.

To Love or to Marry?

It appears that contemporary Scandinavians are delaying their marriage. Men and women tend to marry later in their 30s, when their education, careers, and relationships are established. Many couples choose to live together without getting married. People in the Scandinavian countries feel free to certify or not certify their marriages. “Open unions” have long been an acceptable practice in Scandinavian societies. De facto unions between spouses are common and even mainstream in today’s society. When it comes to property and inheritance, both couples have rights and duties. Government policies in Scandinavian nations actively encourage equality between the sexes in all areas of relationships.

In Scandinavian countries, legal marriage is seen as a major life milestone. However, these formal events are secondary in importance to having a loving partner, a long-term relationship or becoming a happy parent.

For many men and women, official marriage is rather a symbolic expression of love and commitment to remain together forever or for a long time. These old ideals of stability, love, and commitment, however, haven’t gone out of style, even in progressive and liberal Scandinavian societies.

Scandinavian Weddings

Couples may officially certify their marriage later and even have a wedding. Eventually, some of these couples decide to wed, primarily to celebrate their union with a wedding ceremony and a great party. For instance, in Norwegian folklore and tradition we find wedding formulae that seem to be ancient, i.e.,

“He weds you to honor and to be the lady of the house, to half the bed and to locks and keys … under one blanket and one sheet.“

Perhaps these words go far back in time.

Wedding traditions in Scandinavia are always evolving, with the changes being influenced by customs from other regions of the world. Nowadays, Norwegian weddings, for instance, have many things in common with those of other European countries. A typical bride will wear a long white dress, and her groom will wear a black tuxedo. The same fashion is in Sweden today. Bridal couples wear what we would consider traditional wedding attire: a white dress and tuxedos. Some may return to past Swedish customs, such as wearing the bridal crown. Nevertheless, traditional wedding practices are gradually waning in the modern cultural evolution of Scandinavian societies.

Free Scandinavian Marriages and Free Families

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Marriages and families in Scandinavian countries are the free unions of independent individuals. “Open unions” are widely accepted in those societies. Men and women in both certified and uncertified marriages have equal rights and responsibilities.

Do Marriages still Exist in Scandinavian Countries?

The frequently asked question among Scandinavians is whether the institution of marriage is disappearing. Social scientists and journalists began to express such concerns in the early 2000s. For instance, Stanley Kurz, an American conservative commentator, wrote in 2004 in the magazine Weekly Standard that “Marriage is slowly dying in Scandinavia.” He believed that “same-sex marriage has undermined the institution of marriage.” How realistic and adequate are such concerns?

The data, on the other hand, indicates that this is not the case at all. According to the Nordic Statistical Yearbook, the number of marriages in the Nordic countries has increased since 1990, albeit with varying trends and shifts in different societies of that region. This trend can be seen throughout all of the Nordic nations (Love and Relationships in Scandinavia, 2015).

In reality, Scandinavian marriages have just become more diverse than before. People take their right to freedom and interdependence for granted, while still respecting their responsibilities.

We should keep in mind that people in the Scandinavian nations can be in either certified or uncertified marriages. The accepted practices of so-called “open unions” have existed in Scandinavia for a very long time. These kinds of de facto unions of partners are widespread and even prevalent. Both partners have rights and responsibilities concerning their property and inheritance. In a case of separation, both men and women have obligations regarding maintenance payments.

As one Finnish woman noted,

“I have been there, done that. To me, getting married just means finding someone to be with and to be loved, and of course, that is something that everyone wants.”

Scandinavians Highly Value Love, Good Relationships, and Parenthood more than Marriages

In Scandinavia, having a delightful, long-term relationship or becoming a parent is very important to many Scandinavians. Many Scandinavian couples choose to live together without getting married, a practice known as “sambo.” Some of these couples eventually decide to get married, largely to celebrate their union with a wedding ceremony and have a big party.

It is true that modern Scandinavians appear to be waiting longer to marry. It is quite normal for a couple to wait until they are in their 30s after finishing their studies before getting married. However, they also wait longer when they decide to divorce.

Longer education, career, or the cost of purchasing the apartment are some of the reasons for a late marriage. In addition to that, weddings in Scandinavia have become increasingly elaborate and costly. Church weddings are expensive. Therefore, many Danish couples now prefer a civil ceremony. Legal marriage is regarded as an important step in life among people living in Scandinavian countries. These steps, however, are secondary in importance after having a loving, long-term relationship or parenthood. As one Swedish woman of 27 years old commented,

“Marriage is a contract and a symbolic commitment to remain together forever. At the same time, it is an expression of love. These ideals of stability, love, and commitment haven’t gone out of style, even in progressive and liberal Scandinavia.”

Maria said this when she was in her late 20s, unmarried, and six-months pregnant.

The Free Scandinavian Families

For many Scandinavians, marriage is no longer a precondition for starting a family. It is not necessary, neither normatively nor legally. A nuclear family is changing its form. About 60% of the parents of first-born children are not married. And a marriage certificate is no longer required in order to obtain housing.

It may appear strange to men and women in other cultures that many Scandinavians wait so long before getting married. They may even already have one or two children before marriage, but in Scandinavian countries, it is a cultural reality. In other words, as Danish social scientist Mogens Nygaard Christoffersen of the National Social Research Institute commented,

“What defines and makes the foundation of the Danish family can be said to have moved from marriage to parenthood.”

The “Hygge” Style of Love and Life

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The Danes, according to a new global narrative, are happy people. Why Danes? Why are they frequently ranked among the happiest people in the world? The cultural idea of “hygge” could be the answer. “Hygge” is a popular Danish word that describes the Danes’ emotional culture and national character.

This Danish concept, pronounced “hyoo-guh” or “hoo-ga,” approximately translates to the word “coziness,” yet it is built around much more than that. This Danish word cannot be translated into a single English word but encompasses a set of feelings including coziness, comfort, and well-being through enjoying the simple things in life. “Hygge” is a Danish mental attitude, a style of life, and a set of Danish cultural values focused on keeping a person grounded, balanced, relaxed, calm, and happy.

According to Meik Wiking at the Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen, “hygge” is such an important part of being Danish that it is considered “a defining feature of their cultural identity and an integral part of the national DNA.” (Wiking, 2017). As he puts it, in other words, “what freedom is to Americans, … hygge is to Danes.”

Life in the “Hygge” Style

People in Denmark traditionally tend to look for places and situations that set up contexts conducive to the feelings of coziness, warmth, and emotional well-being. The Danes have a national obsession with all things that make life cozy. Even the smallest and most simple things can bring us happiness, and when we take care of the little things, it often makes a difference in the bigger things as well.

The Danish culture of happiness is different from other cultures. These supposedly happiest people on earth (typically) do not talk or think about life in terms of “happy.” They look at and feel life through a different set of cultural notions and scripts. Their cultural keyword “lykke,” pronounced like “lu-Kah,” is the Danish word for joy and happiness. This Danish happiness word, however, may have different cultural connotations (Levisen, 2014). Danish people have a propensity to cultivate feelings of peace in their minds. They strive to live their lives by nurturing the sentiments of tranquility and calm delight in their thoughts, emotions, and environments. They tend to enjoy the simple pleasures of being together and living in the moment (e.g., Johansen, 2017; Søderberg, 2016).

What Is Hygge Love?

The “hygge” cultural lifestyle predisposes Danish people to love in the same style. As Meik Wiking describes, “Hygge is about an atmosphere and an experience. It is about being with the people we love. A feeling of home. A feeling that we are safe.” “Hygge” is the feeling which Danish men and women get when they are cuddled up on a sofa, in cozy socks under a soft throw in the company of good friends. It is that mood when they are sharing food, comfort, and easy conversation with loved ones. It is the warm sensations they feel in the morning when the light is just right on a clear blue-sky day.

What Can We Get from Hygge‘s Cultural Know-How? Meik Wiking’s “The Little Book of Hygge” is a worthwhile text for people in other cultures of the world to learn about this cultural cornerstone of Danish life and love. This valuable experience can enrich our lives in our homelands. It is knowledge worth sharing and exporting to other societies. Their cultural secrets to happy love and a happy life are simple but beneficial:

“Get comfy. Take a break.

Be here now. Turn off the phones.

Turn down the lights. Bring out the candles.

Build relationships. Spend time with your tribe.

Give yourself a break from the demands of healthy living. Cake is most definitely Hygge.

Live life today, like there is no coffee tomorrow.”

Happy love is everywhere where you set it up. Pick the right lighting. Organize a Hygge get-together. Dress hygge. These are the simple suggestions Meik Wiking gives on how to experience more joy, love, and contentment the Danish way (Wiking, 2017).