Category Archives: Latin American cultures

Bitter-Sweet Nicaraguan Love in a Rural Town

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In the traditional patriarchal rural communities of Nicaraguan society, the conservative values of gender inequality and Latin American cultural norms heavily influence feelings about love, relationships, and marriage.

Romantic love, in accordance with the Latin American stereotypes of “machismo” and “marianismo,” plays its role in the premarital relations of young adult boys and girls. Once they are married, their romantic love evolves into customary love. What does marital love look like between a wife and a husband in the rural setting of San Juan, Nicaragua?

Transition of “Romantic Love” into “Real Love” in a Nicaraguan Couple

In the context of Latin American culture, the dating and premarital relationships of Nicaraguan young men and women may appear romantic. However, once they have married, their “romantic love” transforms into the more traditional “practical love” of daily routine. Their romantic love evolves into another kind of love — “customary love” of action and service, “pragmatic love,” or “realistic love.” These notions of love are common in peasant communities where men and women do different but complementary jobs and have different roles (Karandashev, 2017).

These practical views on love have more meaning in rural and agricultural settings, in which a substantial part of the Nicaraguan as well as the Central American population, still lives. Such practical versions of love are more in accord with the subsistence needs of people living in those social contexts. This kind of love is more adaptive to such conditions in life. Men and women have different gender-specific roles and a gendered division of tasks in the traditional patriarchal gender order. Proper gender role fulfillment and work in complementary cooperation are all given top priority. In everyday life, a husband can do his wife’s chores when she is sick, which is also considered an act of love. Serving each other, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, building, and fixing something in the house are actions of benevolence and love for each other and their families. All these things indicate love. This is how love works in a variety of sociocultural contexts (Karandashev, 2017).

This is how, for example, marital love is commonly expressed in the rural settings of Nicaragua and Brazil (Hagene, 2008; Montoya, 2003; Rebhun, 1999).

The Controversies of Patriarchy and Divided Love in a Nicaraguan Rural Community

The patriarchal ways of family life and practical love in traditional Latin American societies, such as Nicaragua, sometimes turn into unexpectedly different family relationships. The rural Nicaraguan community of a small coastal town, San Juan, presents one such example (Hagene, 2008; 2010).

As I noted above, in such situations, Nicaraguan women are economically and socially autonomous from men. They provide for their children and a “visiting husband” with everything that the family needs. They still fulfill their marital and sexual duties to their “absentee patriarch.” Despite being economically independent, they tolerate unequal and unfair relationships with men.

Women give their husbands services in exchange for very little, but they frequently have to deal with their husbands’ violence and infidelity. Many women choose to be submissive to men in the hopes of finding emotional fulfillment in the realm of love (Hagene, 2010).

The alternative of breaking means a “loss” for these Nicaraguan women. They often do not want their husbands to tolerate their infidelity. The discreet infidelity of their husbands, away from prying eyes, is more acceptable to them.

However, they are concerned that people will find out about it and spread the word through gossip. The public exposure of infidelity is distressing. So, women perceive infidelity in public in front of neighbors as upsetting. Otherwise, they are willing to tolerate and accept it as “divided love.”

Gender Relations in Latin American Patriarchy

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Traditional patriarchal norms, rural conservatism, and gender inequality in Latin American societies heavily influence men’s and women’s feelings about love, relationships, and marriage. In rural areas of the country, more than in urban areas. The cultural ideas and stereotypes of “machismo” and “marianismo” play significant roles in gender relations in many Latin American countries in Central and South America.

Traditional Latin American Patriarchy and Gendered Values

The “machismo” and “marianismo” cultural norms of Latin America have a significant impact on the relations between Nicaraguan men and women. According to these cultural stereotypes, men are strong while women are weak in various qualities, not only physical ones. Socially, men have more options when it comes to interpersonal interactions than women do.

In general, men have more power, higher status, and more relationship freedom than women. Thus, intergender relations appear initially as they would in a traditional patriarchy. Once again, people in the country’s rural areas are more traditional and culturally conservative in these regards than those in urban areas (Hagene, 2008; Rebhun, 1999).

What Is the Traditional Patriarchy in Latin America?

Many Latin American countries in Central and South America still have patriarchal cultures. Nicaragua is among those. In these countries, society is typically conservative and characterized by inequalities between men and women. This societal structure commonly characterizes classical patriarchy.

Men’s and women’s gender roles in family life are quite different and unequal in several respects. There are persistent stereotypical distinctions between male and female gender roles and family duties. Men are the dominant members of the family, while women are the submissive members. Despite this inequality, both men and women fulfill their respective family roles, with reasonable contributions from both sides. The man provides resources, establishes rules, and manages family issues. The woman stays at home, takes care of her family, and raises her children. Women are dependent socially and economically on men, who provide them and their families with the resources for subsistence. Such dependency relations look like gender inequality, characterizing this patriarchal culture of gender relationships.

Strange Cases of “Absentee Patriarchy” in Latin America

Sometimes, however, patriarchal practice can turn into the structure of family relationships unexpectedly different from traditional patriarchy. These relationships can be called the “absentee patriarchy.” Here is an example of such a “patriarchy” from Nicaragua—a small Central American country located on the land between the Caribbean Sea and the Pacific Ocean. Let us consider relations between men and women in the rural Nicaraguan community in a small coastal town, San Juan (Hagene, 2008; 2010).

Men are often romantic in their relationships with their wives until they become married. Then, their “romanticism” stretches beyond their wives. Husbands often womanize and even engage in parallel relationships. Women tend to tolerate such extramarital affairs. The relationship turns into polygyny of some kind when women accept their husbands’ infidelity..

Because a man frequently has more than one wife and family, he can be away from his family for extended periods of time. Nonetheless, he attempts to maintain control over his wife and her life. So, in the reality of marriage and family life, he is like an “absentee husband” and an “absentee father”—the “absentee patriarch.”

In such cases, Nicaraguan women are economically and socially independent of men. They work for a living, do housework, and care for their children, and still, they fulfill their conjugal responsibilities to their “visiting” husbands—the “absentee patriarch.” Thus, women live in a state of tension between agency and subordination to their husbands in their marital lives. They accept such unequal exchanges with men despite having little economic dependency.

How Romantic Love Turns Into Practical Love in Rural Areas

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Patriarchal norms, rural conservatism, and gender inequality heavily influence how women in traditional Nicaraguan and Brazilian societies feel in love, relationships, and marriage. The Latin American cultural norms of “machismo” and “marianismo” have a substantial impact on Nicaraguan and Brazilian gender relations. People highly values practical love.

According to them, men are strong, and women are weak. Men have many choices in social relations, while women are limited in their social encounters. Overall, men have more power, higher status, and more relationship freedom compared to women. Thus, intergender relations appear at first like those in a traditional patriarchy (Hagene, 2008; Rebhun, 1999).

Romantic Dating in Rural Areas of Traditional Societies

Thanks to social media, Nicaraguan and Brazilian women and men are familiar with what romantic love is. Many people in Latin America watch “telenovelas,” which depict charming and captivating romantic stories.

Many of these telenovelas are produced by Brazilian, Argentinian, and Mexican cinematographers. They portray romantic love in Latin American cultural contexts, thus imprinting culturally specific scripts and expressions of love in women’s and men’s minds. They naturally and unconsciously incorporate “machismo” and “marianismo” values and behaviors into the way they think and act.

These cultural stereotypes form the scripts and roles that women and men play in romantic and familial relationships. People see romantic love as one in which passion and sexuality are closely intertwined. They still learn what Latin love is and the culturally proper roles of Latin American men and women (Hagene, 2008; Rebhun, 1999).

Traditional Romantic Macho Love

In romantic relationships with women, men show their masculine manners, superior position, high self-esteem, assertiveness, benevolent dominance, and sexual potency. For them, romantic dating is mostly a sexual affair. They take leadership in the relationship. All these behaviors are pleasing to women and appear as romantic conquering. If they like a man, they like to be concurred upon. The “chase and catch” game looks romantic. Thus, they demonstrate themselves as culturally normative Latino men.

In romantic relationships with men, women show their feminine manners, humble status, weakness, shyness, submissiveness, dutifulness, and altruistic dispositions. They willingly accept the men’s leadership and guidance. being agreeable and responsive. Thus, they demonstrate themselves as culturally normative Latina women. They romantically enjoy the man’s wooing and commitment and promise to marry, pair-bond, and have children with her. For them, dating is very romantic due to expectations of marriage, family, and children (Karandashev, 2017).

Turning Romantic Love Into a Practical Love of Service

Romantic dating and premarital love run pleasantly up to the point of marriage. Then, Nicaraguan or Brazilian romantic love turns to the customary practical love of daily routine. Romantic love turns into love as service action. In peasant communities, where men and women do different but complementary jobs and have different roles, this idea of love is common (Hagene, 2008; Rebhun, 1999).

The practical perception of love has much meaning in rural and agricultural settings and can be considered a version of love in accordance with the gendered division of tasks in the traditional patriarchal gender order. Work, proper gender role fulfillment, and cooperation are prioritized. In everyday life, a husband can do his wife’s tasks when she is ill, and this is also regarded as an act of love. In many different sociocultural contexts, doing each other favors indicates love.

Men frequently refer to women’s cooking and other housework as acts of love. As one man commented,

“I can never get to clean a glass or anything because she will do it all for me.”

A woman expressed her perspective on love as action this way: “I remember how he cared for me after I had given birth to our son. He bathed me, combed my hair, and cooked for me.”

This woman did not say that this was an expression of love, but her voice and dreamy smile seemed to indicate it (Hagene, 2008, p.221).

Men and women love in these cultural contexts by doing something good for each other and their families, rather than experiencing and expressing love verbally or nonverbally. They feel love when they consider what they can do for someone else. For them, love is work and service for the common good of the family.

Habits of Practical Love

These notions of love refer to love as a habit or customary love that a wife and husband develop through their day-to-day complementary practical cooperation. Spouses communicate love less frequently through sexual and verbal channels and more in the practical actions of serving each other and their families. What they do for the family is what really conveys love.

In this customary love, the values of emotional experiences and verbal expressions diminish. Intimacy does not play much of a role. In the context of this love, sex is a part of the wife’s housework routine. In this context, a woman may perceive the man’s infidelity as not being as problematic as it appears at first glance. For her, it can endanger the social side of the relationship rather than the emotional one. These family unions are driven more by social than emotional motives (Hagene, 2008; Rebhun, 1999).

What Is Romantic in Nicaraguan Love?

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The cultural practices of Nicaraguan love have many specifics related to the country’s patriarchal way of life and gender inequality in relationships and marriages. Gender inequalities are prevalent in traditional patriarchal societies. However, gender relations in Latin American countries and Nicaragua are culturally specific and different from those in many other societies.

The Latin American cultural norms of “machismo” and “marianismo,” which show the masculinity of men and the femininity of women, are the source of these different gender roles.

So, what do love and relationships look like in this Central American society? Let’s look at the case of a small coastal town, San Juan, located in the southwest rural area of Nicaragua.

The Hierarchy of Gender Roles in Nicaraguan Love

In Nicaraguan patriarchal culture, like in other Latin American societies, there is a social hierarchy of gender roles. Men have a higher social standing than women. They have more behavioral affordances than women. In a relationship, their culturally normative rights are unequal. According to cultural norms, men should be dominant, whereas women should be submissive.

The different gender roles come from the Latin American cultural norms of “machismo” and “marianismo,” which show that men are strong, and women are weak. In Nicaragua, though, machismo and patriarchy have a strange twist on family structure and relationships (Karandashev, 2017).

Latin American Machismo and Marianismo in Nicaraguan Love

Machismo is a part of the male culture in Nicaragua. They have a lot of free time, which they spend idling and chatting in their peer groups, drinking, gambling, and going on risky adventures. Men can do whatever they want. They are proud of being on their own among other men and bragging in front of others.

Many men spend little time taking care of their families. Yet they expect that the women will take care of them by cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. Men can do whatever they want. They are proud of being on their own. Social norms allow men a lot of freedom in their sexual conduct and extramarital affairs. Nicaraguan culture assumes men to be active sexual beings. They may be good at sexual love and reproduction but less good at pair-bonding because macho culture teaches them certain values and skills but not others.

On the other hand, Nicaraguan women should follow the “marianismo” ideal, just like many Latin American women in other countries. A woman’s typical roles in Nicaraguan marianismo are to be a “good woman,” a “good wife,” a “good mother,” and to be docile and caring for her husband and children. Women serve men and give them as much freedom as they want in what they do and how they behave. On the other hand, cultural norms limit women’s sexuality and strongly condemn their extramarital affairs. Women are thought to be passive, emotional beings. (Hagene, 2010).

Do Nicaraguans Know About Romantic Love?

Nicaraguan men and women are well familiar with what romantic love is. TV shows, Latin American romantic movies, and telenovelas are the main sources of their romantic images and scripts. People in San Juan habitually watch romantic movies and “telenovelas” on TV, which present charming and captivating love stories.

Passionate love, sexual affairs, intrigues, and deceptions are intricately linked in these romantic stories. Although true romantic love encourages commitment and sexual fidelity, infidelity turns out to be a cultural reality in Latin American love relationships.

The Romantic Beginnings of Nicaraguan Love

In romantic love, men and women play different culturally normative roles. They are unequal in several regards, which are advised by culturally normative Latin American stereotypes of machismo and marianismo. Machismo and marianismo are culturally prescribed roles that have a significant impact on men’s and women’s love and family interactions.

According to the stereotypes of machismo, men are supposed to be assertive and dominant. Men have lots of autonomy in their lives, behaviors, and social relations. Men are supposed to show masculine manners, superior status, powerful strength, pride in themselves, and benevolent dominance in relationships with women. The culturally normative Latino macho men take the initiative in romantic courting, dating, and sexual activity. Conquering a woman is very romantic for them. They romantically enjoy sexual affairs rather than pair-bonding. Their macho culture advises them first, but not second.

According to the stereotypes of marianismo, women are supposed to be dutiful and submissive. Women have limited autonomy in life, behavior, and social relations. Women are supposed to display feminine manners, weakness, humble status, shy character, and altruistic dependency in relationships with men. The culturally normative Latina woman accepts a man’s leadership and guidance in romantic encounters and dating. She is attentive to men’s needs, responsive, agreeable, and amiable. The expectations of prospective marriage, family, and children are very romantic for them. They romantically enjoy the man’s wooing her, his commitment, and his promise to marry, pair-bond, and have children together. Their marianismo culture tells them all these things more than sexual love (Karandashev, 2017).

However, the following relationships give them experience of bittersweet Nicaraguan love associated with the necessity to have divided love.

Bittersweet Nicaraguan Love

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Western European culture and Latin American ideas about gender relations have both influenced the values, rules, and practices of romantic love in Latin American societies. It is often a bittersweet love.

The case of Nicaraguan love is one example illustrating the regional culture of Central America. Here I illustrate how men and women in the small Nicaraguan town of San Juan understand and practice romantic love relationships. Nicaraguan love is romantic, yet it is gender-hierarchical.

The Lexicon of Nicaraguan Love

Nicaragua is a typical Spanish-speaking society. To some extent, the lexicon of love that men and women use in their daily conversations reflects their emotions and relationships. Here are at least some lexical terms that the Nicaraguan people of San Juan typically use to describe their understanding of love. These Spanish words are “amar” (to love), “amor” (love), ser cariñoso (to be loving), querer (to love or care for), ser bueno (to be good), ser tierno (to be tender), and other variants. The love words express their motivations, dispositions, and happy and sorrowful emotions. The word “suffering” is among the key terms. It describes the bittersweet experience of Latin American love. They know that love is “suffering” (Hagene, 2008; Karandashev, 2017).

Latin American Media Representations of Love

Nicaraguan women and men are familiar with the concept of romantic love thanks to TV, movies, and social media. San Juan residents regularly watch romantic films and soap operas on television. Many women, girls, men, and boys watch charming and captivating romantic stories in “telenovelas,” which are fascinating, like soap operas. One of their favorite things to do every day is watch how the romantic stories and plots unfold from episode to episode.

Brazilian, Argentinian, and Mexican studios produce many of these telenovelas. They represent Latin American love in corresponding cultural contexts. Therefore, men and women learn culturally specific scripts and expressions of Latin love.

The main theme of these telenovelas is love (amor), with romantic storylines and narratives that continue from day to day. This is how men and women learn about romantic love. The plots and characters of these telenovelas are regularly mentioned in their everyday conversations.

Thus, people are familiar with romantic themes, plots, and screenplays. These romantic narratives and depictions of romantic expressions teach them about love, emotions, and relationships. In those tele stories, passionate love and sexuality are inextricably linked in romantic love. A relationship implies exclusive commitment to the beloved partner and fidelity. But cheating is still a big part of romantic relationships, as shown in many movies and telenovelas.

Machismo and Marianismo in Nicaraguan love

The romantic love of Nicaraguan men and women reflects the social realities in which they live, such as gender hierarchy, gender inequality, stereotypical gender roles, and gender segregation in many everyday living practices. These values and norms produce culturally specific ways of loving (Hagene, 2008).

Men are considered higher than women in social and gender status. Their roles in romantic and family relationships are unequal. Culturally normative stereotypes of machismo for men and marianismo for women teach them that men are supposed to be dominant and women are supposed to be submissive. Men have more freedom than women in relationships.

Machismo and marianismo are culturally specific ideas that have a big effect on both romantic and family relationships between men and women.

Men’s machismo behavior demonstrates masculinity and some form of dominance, whereas women’s marianismo behavior demonstrates femininity and submissiveness. The machismo cultural norms expect that men should take the initiative and take the lead in romantic love relationships, like courting and dating. Maranismo cultural norms expect women to be receptive, passively synchronous, agreeable, and accept the man’s rules (Karandashev, 2017).

Men’s romanticism is typically expressed through displays of pride, womanizing, and assertive manners, with few spoken sentiments. Sexual interest is evidently dominant in men’s romantic motivations, with little commitment.

“Romanticism” in Nicaraguan Marriage

Romantic love, with its corresponding behaviors and expressions, tends to fade in a marital relationship. Nicaraguan men are often not aware of what to do or what to talk about with women beyond sexual communication. They do not know how to deal with women in a companionate relationship. So, the man’s interest in his wife wanes.

Many Nicaraguan men prefer to spend their time in leisure activities with other men in public places, chatting, drinking, gambling, and womanizing. Their “romantic love” turns to another woman. The cultural role of macho requires a man to have an extramarital affair outside of marriage. If a man does not have a lover besides his marriage, he is in a risky position to lose his macho reputation among his peers.

On the other hand, there are wives whose dramatic stories show their inclinations to tolerate their experience of being maltreated and beaten by their husbands. The male romanticism of dating turns a twist into physical and sexual violence in the marital relationship.

Submissive Romantic Love of Nicaraguan Women

Many women frequently choose to submit to men in the hopes of finding emotional fulfillment in the realm of a man’s love. They approach this challenge in their marriage in different ways. However, many prefer this adversity to being abandoned (Hagene, 2010).

Women tolerate and accept a wide range of men’s maltreatment and behaviors because it is culturally acceptable that a man can abandon and leave her at any time for another woman. Then, despite everything, the woman strives to keep the man. But in many situations, the reality is still hard: the woman has to share her husband with another woman.

Nicaraguan women must accept the situations in which their men cohabit with other women and move back and forth. Women usually describe such love feelings as “amor compartido,” which means “shared love,” or “traición,” which means “treason” (Hagene, 2010).

This “sharing” is painful but unavoidable and occurs against the woman’s will. Many women are torn between submitting to this unavoidable practice and resisting it. They try to break free from this dependency. However, this would imply that the man would be lost.

What Does Nicaraguan Love Look Like?

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The idea of romantic love inspires men and women in many societies. Folk and literary stories across cultures are full of romantic joy and happiness but also drama, suffering, and even personal tragedy. They are often bittersweet. They are engaging for readers and listeners in their emotional ambivalence. What about the reality of romantic love? How does Nicaraguan love look in the small town of San Juan?

Across the history of humankind, in ancient civilizations, in traditional societies, and in modern societies, some people dared to fulfill their romantic dreams of love in their lives. Some men and women succeeded, while others did not. Some cultural contexts have been more conducive to romantic love than others.

Let us consider the case study of a Nicaraguan rural community in Central America. The “absentee patriarchy” in that context creates peculiar romantic and family relationships. Since a man often has more than one wife and family, he is away from them for quite a long period of time. Nevertheless, he continues to be in control of his wife and her life. So, we see that the reality of marriage and family life does not look romantic.

What about the ideals of love? Here is an example of men and women’s romantic love in the small Nicaraguan town of San Juan.

What Is Nicaraguan Love in Spanish?

The experience of romantic love engages a variety of feelings, emotions, dispositions, and actions. The lexicon of love certainly reflects that. In each culture, there are at least several words that are in typical usage by people (Karandashev, 2017, 2019).

In the Nicaraguan Spanish-speaking culture, the typical conversational words that people use to express their meanings of love are such as “amor” (love), “amar” (to love), querer (to love or care for), ser cariñoso (to be loving), ser tierno (to be tender), and ser bueno (to be good). The implicit notions of love, however, add more variants (Hagene, 2008).

What Is Romantic about Nicaraguan love?

Through social media, Nicaraguan women and men are acquainted with the notion of romantic love. In romantic love, passionate love and sexuality are intricately linked. And exclusivity in a romantic relationship implies a need for fidelity.

According to these romantic ideas, psychological experiences, emotional attachments, and expressive attributes of love take precedence, along with emotional and verbal intimacy. In romantic love, sex expresses strong passion and deep intimacy. Interpersonal attraction, free will, and the expectation of reciprocity flourish in romantic love. The values of practical, economic, and obligatory considerations are diminished.

Public Media Representations and the Reality of Nicaraguan Love

People in the small town of San Juan have lots of opportunities to watch romantic movies and soap operas on TV. In many families, women, girls, men, and boys watch beautiful and intriguing romantic stories in “telenovelas,” which are entertaining like soap operas. These are often their daily enjoyable habits to follow the unfolding romantic narrative episode by episode.

The main theme of such telenovelas is love (amor), with a romantic plot that progresses from one day to the next. This way, people learn about romantic love stories. These telenovelas’ plots and characters are frequently mentioned in people’s daily conversations. Thus, people are familiar with romantic themes, storylines, and screenplays. They learn about romance, love, and romantic expressions from these romantic narratives.

However, many characteristics of the social realities in which men and women live in this little town, such as gender roles, gender segregated leisure, and everyday living practices, are not conducive to romantic love (Hagene, 2008).

Hierarchical Nicaraguan Love

The communities in Nicaraguan culture have enduring explicit norms of gender hierarchy, in which men are of a higher rank than women. They have more freedom in relationships than women do. In both romantic and family relationships, their roles are unequal. According to culturally normative stereotypes, men are dominant and women are submissive. Nicaraguan culture has gender inequality between men and women.

These public stereotypes affect both romantic and family relationships. According to machismo cultural norms, men are supposed to be active, take initiative, and take the lead in romantic dating. According to marianismo cultural norms, women should be responsive, accept (or not accept) the man’s proposals, and passively follow his rules. The machismo behavior of men shows masculinity and dominance of some kind, while the marianismo behavior of women shows femininity and submissiveness (Karandashev, 2017).

These culturally specific concepts of machismo and marianismo have an impact on both romantic and familial relationships. Men’s romanticism tends to be expressed in their demonstrations of pride, womanizing dispositions, and assertive behaviors. Internal feelings, intimacy, and the expression of love are undervalued. The communicative lexicon of love is limited to little talking and a few verbalized sentiments. Sexual motivation in romantic relationships is strong.

A controversial feeling that Nicaraguan women experience in their families is divided love.

The Case Study of Divided Love in Nicaraguan Families

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Patriarchal cultures are still widespread in many countries across the world. These are usually traditional societies. Classical patriarchy is characterized by inequalities between men and women. Men take dominant positions in the family, while women are in submissive positions. Despite such inequality, both men and women fulfill their family roles, which are different, with reasonable contributions from both sides. The man provides resources, makes the rules, and takes control of family issues. The woman remains at home, does her family work, and nurtures the children.

The patriarchal system in some communities in Nicaragua, a Central American country, is different. This is known as “absentee patriarchy.” Men frequently have more than one wife and children with other women. And such situations are culturally accepted. “Absentee patriarchy” means that a man is physically absent from the family but still tries to control much of the woman’s life.

What about Nicaraguan love? How do love relationships look for women and men?

A Controversial Love Relationship

Women frequently accept unequal roles and exchange unequal responsibilities. They accept their husbands’ infidelity in the hope that this self-sacrifice will bring them fulfillment of their emotional longings. The woman’s motivation to maintain the relationship has been more emotional than financial. They strive to establish and maintain a relationship with their husband, even when they are subjected to emotional or physical abuse at his hands.

Women tolerate and accept many things from men. A man can abandon her and leave her for another woman at any time. It is culturally appropriate. So, the woman strives to keep the man, despite anything. However, in many cases, the reality is still difficult: they need to share their husband with another woman.

Women need to accept the circumstances when their men live simultaneously with other women and move back and forth. They usually call their feelings associated with such love “amor compartido“, meaning “divided love” or “traición“, meaning “treason” (Hagene, 2010).

This “sharing” occurs against the woman’s will and is painful but inevitable. Many women are torn between subordinating themselves to this unavoidable practice. They attempt to free themselves from this dependency. However, this would imply losing the man.

The Divided Love of Nicaraguan women

Women frequently choose to subordinate themselves to men in the hope of gaining emotional fulfillment in the realm of love. However, they meet this challenge in their marital lives in different ways.

Many of the women’s stories reveal how they need to tolerate maltreatment and violence (Hagene, 2010). They experience being beaten by their husbands, yet they prefer this adversity, not wanting to be abandoned.

Infidelity by a husband is another challenge that many women encounter. However, they explain their feelings in certain ways because they perceive love differently. Anyway, Nicaraguan women consider public infidelity in front of neighbors to be hurtful.

Secret infidelity practices appear to be compatible with the companionate perception of love. However, it would not be called romantic love.

Some women consider the infidelity of their husbands to be a problem only if he is not discreet. They are afraid that people will learn about it and tell others about it. The publicity surrounding infidelity is upsetting.

Discrete infidelity is more acceptable. So, women like it when their husbands go to other towns and have their affairs there, away from prying eyes.

Here are some stories from women who have lived through such love relationships:

A woman seemed to adapt to her husband’s infidelity, even though it hurt her. She had started living with her husband when she was 18 years old. They soon had children, and she worked double shift in a shop to maintain them all while he was studying agronomy. ‘To me it was happiness to be with my children and my husband’, she remembered. ‘My husband was not a saint, but if he was with me for a while, I was happy. Then he would go with other women, and I suffered, but when he came back, I was happy again’. She accepted her husband’s womanizing until he went too far. Her story highlights how this was a highly ambiguous experience. She felt liberated, but at the same time she experienced a sensation of loss.

(Hagene, 2010, p. 34).

Such “liberation” also implies a “loss” because she does not want him to go. However, she cannot take such “sharing” anymore (Hagene, 2010).

According to these stories, some men are very nice, amiable, tender, and loving when they conquer a girl and marry her. Relationship challenges begin later—in some cases, years later.

Husbands may begin with mere womanizing and then progress to engaging in parallel relationships. As we see, women in companionate love are frequently tolerant of such covert extramarital affairs. Even when such a relationship transforms into a kind of polygyny, women still accept their partners’ private infidelity.

Divided Love Despite Anything

Thus, many Nicaraguan women live their marital lives in a state of tension between agency and subordination. They do income-generating work, take on domestic work, and fulfill their child-rearing responsibilities and conjugal duties. Despite having little economic dependency, women accept such unequal exchanges with men for emotional reasons. Women grant their husbands status and services in exchange for very little, but often need to face their violence and infidelity (Hagene, 2010).

Gender Roles in Families in Nicaragua

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Across cultural history, patriarchal systems have been common in many human societies. Gender inequality has been typical of such patriarchal cultures. It is still widely present in many traditional societies around the world. Gender inequality in patriarchal societies, however, has cultural variations across all cultures. Let us see how it looks in Nicaragua, the country situated in Central America.

Inequality in Gender Roles in Nicaragua

In Nicaragua, there is a patriarchal culture with a social hierarchy of gender roles. Men have a higher social status than women. They have more affordances in their behavior than women do. Their culturally normative rights in a relationship are unequal. Men are supposed to be dominant, while women are supposed to be submissive.

Such gender roles and inequalities are rooted in the Latin American cultural norms of “machismo” and “marianismo,” which reflect the masculinity of men and the femininity of women. In Nicaragua, however, machismo and patriarchy take an odd twist with peculiar characteristics (Karandashev, 2017).

Typical Nicaraguan machismo cultural practices include their independence from family obligations, plenty of leisure time, taking adventurous actions, gambling, drinking, and womanizing. According to these gender norms, it is acceptable for men to do whatever they want. They are proud to feel independent.

On the other hand, Nicaraguan women, like many other Latin American women, are supposed to follow the ideal of “marianismo.” The typical cultural roles of Nicaraguan marianismo are to be a “good woman,” submissive, and nurturing. Women are expected to serve men and accept any degree of freedom in their behavior (Hagene, 2010).

These unequal gender roles of Nicaraguan men and women also include their sexual inequality. Society accepts that men are free in their sexual behavior, while women are culturally restricted in their sexuality. Both men and women view these cultural practices as normal. It is assumed that men are sexual beings and women are emotional beings.

Family Roles of Nicaraguan Women and Men

A Nicaraguan man can engage in polygamous relationships after being married. Men frequently have multiple women at the same time. Their formal marriage does not preclude husbands from having more than one partner. They can have two wives and children with other women. They feel free from family obligations.

On the other hand, a Nicaraguan married woman is more likely to stay in monogamy. Sometimes, she may need to engage in a serial monogamous relationship. It happens when one husband abandons her for another woman while another man approaches her with romantic advances. Women in Nicaragua are usually householders. They have strong agency in the economic and religious areas of their family life. However, they are certainly dependent on men in emotional and, to some extent, social matters (Hagene, 2010).

These examples of marital relationships represent a widespread cultural practice in society rather than isolated incidents. Hagene (2010) called this type of patriarchy the “absentee patriarchy,” in which a man is largely physically absent from the family but still attempts to control much of the woman’s life. In family relations, the man forces the woman into dependency by threatening to leave her. In fact, they frequently do so. Such an ambiguous relationship can also be called love, yet it is quite specific. The man practices this kind of love, which the woman calls amor compartido. This means “shared love,” when the man has another lover and sometimes has a second family.

Dramatic Stories of Women’s Marriages in Southwest Nicaragua

Historically, women’s economic reliance on men contributed to gender role asymmetry in Nicaraguan patriarchal society. However, women now control and head a sizable portion (nearly half) of families and households.

These cases are especially common in rural residency areas in southwest Nicaragua, such as San Juan, a small coastal town situated 87 miles (140 kilometers) south of Managua, the country’s capital.

An anthropological study has revealed the dramatic stories of love and marriage of women in those cultural contexts (Hagene, 2010). The women revealed in their interviews how difficult it is to balance the needs for income earning, raising their children, serving, and providing sexual and emotional support for their husbands, who frequently have more than one wife and family.

Why do women continue to accept such inequality and presumably unjust relationships with men? Hagene’s anthropological research shows that the reasons women submit to men and stay in relationships that aren’t fair are more emotional than economic.

Stories of Women’s Marriages in the Nicaraguan City of Rivas

It is likely that cultural practices differ across the country. Here are different examples obtained from the city of Rivas, located on land between the Pacific Ocean and Lake Nicaragua in southwestern Nicaragua. The stories of other studies have shown different pictures of marriage. For instance, patriarchy in the vegetable-growing collective in Rivas shows a different form of family relations. The husbands apparently sustain their wives and families, as in the classic patterns of patriarchy (Montoya, 2003).

Even though gender inequality is still present, it is based on a relatively fair contribution from both a man and a woman. In such families, the man makes the rules, provides resources, and holds control of family issues while the woman stays home, does household work, and cares for the children.

The Pursuit of Fair Marriages and Families in Nicaragua

There can be hope for more gender equality, just gender roles, and fair marital and family relationships in Nicaragua. In the 1980s, the Sandinista revolutionary government declared new legislation. The new laws pursue less asymmetrical and more just gender relationships. These laws also advocate for more egalitarian family authority, child support, and divorce.

However, Sandinista gender ideologies were ambiguous, allowing men to interpret revolutionary masculinity on their own terms. This revolutionary legislature was not able to dismantle gender inequality but destabilized local patriarchies (Montoya, 2003).

Cultural practices are still diverse in different regions of the country and, likely, in different social classes. In some residential areas and communities, such as Rivas, patriarchal cultural norms tend to be relatively fair according to the classic patriarchy. However, in other regions, such as San Juan, these new laws did not inspire husbands to fairly contribute to their household and maintain responsible family relations.

The Strange Gender Inequality between Nicaraguan Men and Women

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Sex differences between men and women are commonly known for several biological characteristics. The long history of gender inequality has shaped social and psychological differences in many patriarchal societies. There is no doubt that these different sexual and gender roles are reflected in the cultural norms and practices of how men and women love and marry.

The gender inequality of patriarchal societies, however, has cultural specifics across all cultures of the world. Let us consider gender-specific love and relationships in Nicaragua, the Central American country located between the Pacific Ocean and the Caribbean Sea.

The Notions of “Machismo” and “Marianismo” in Nicaraguan Culture

In Nicaraguan culture, there is a social hierarchy in which men have a higher rank and have more freedom than women. The rights in a relationship are unequal, with culturally normative men’s dominance and women’s submissiveness. These gender roles and relationship inequalities are coined in the culturally specific terms of “machismo” and “marianismo”, which are associated with Latin American notions of masculinity and femininity (Karandashev, 2017; Lancaster, 1992, p. 92).

The sociocultural conditions of colonial and Catholic traditions have had a significant impact on Nicaragua, like many other Latin American nations in that cultural region. These historical origins have had a significant impact on the formation of gender-specific concepts like “machismo” and “marianismo.” They still certainly affect relations between men and women.

Nicaraguan patriarchy and masculine “machismo,” however, have certain specific characteristics.

Typical masculine behaviors are characterized by independence, risky actions, drinking, gambling, and womanizing. These are the social norms and practices that men are commonly expected to follow in relationships. The fact that men don’t follow these rules is a threat to their manliness.

Cultural Norms of Gender Inequality in Nicaraguan relationships

Machismo norms presumptively assume that wives should serve their husbands in marital relationships. On the other hand, their gender norms allow men to do whatever they want. They can drink and womanize. Women tend to forgive their male spouse’s behavior. Following their gender roles, they frequently justify their husbands’ behavior and infidelity. They say that these manly traits, like strong sexual desires, are part of “male nature.”

According to “marianismo” roles, women demonstrate their submissive and nurturing qualities. They fulfill their gender roles as “good women,” upholding the chastity norm. Community control, ‘social censorship’, ‘rumors’, and ‘gossip’ strengthen their behaviors (Hagene, 2010).

Sexual Inequality in Nicaraguan Marriages

On the one hand, according to gender norms, women are expected to be chaste, submissive, and follow their sexual fidelity. On the other hand, according to gender norms, men can conquer, dominate, and womanize. Such practices are culturally normal. Both men and women believe that men are sexual beings and women are emotional beings.

Both men and women can have extramarital affairs. However, only men in Nicaragua can publicly display these relationships. Sometimes, they even use such relationships to implicitly threaten their women. This way, they enforce them to accept their behavior as it is. For women, having such complicated relationships with their partners is physically and emotionally painful, but they have to put up with it and accept it (Hagene, 2010).

It is common in Nicaraguan society for men to be romancing multiple women at the same time. But only one of these women succeeds in establishing herself as the ‘woman of his house.’ (Montoya, 2002).

Nicaraguan Men and Women Have Complicated Monogamous Relationships

In marriage, Nicaraguan women are more likely to practice monogamy than their husbands. Women often need to practice serial monogamy when they have one husband after another. They still maintain their family household. These instances present a widespread cultural practice rather than individual cases.

In contrast, men frequently practice “polymonogamy.” Formal marriage does not prevent husbands from having several partners. Men often have several women at the same time. Husbands may have two wives at the same time and have children with other women while still living with the first. This case also represents a widespread cultural practice (Hagene, 2008, p.32).

It appears that the practices of intergender relationships in Nicaragua are still following the cultural norms of gender inequality. The Nicaraguans continue to be resistant to modern cultural norms of gender equality, which are evident in many other societies.

What about Nicaraguan love? How does it look?