Monthly Archives: May 2022

The Mystery of Love at First Sight

Posted on by

Through the centuries, love has been depicted as a mysterious, incomprehensible connection between two people. It is a sense that defies logic, reason, or reasonable thought. The mysterious feeling of “love at first sight” is a wonderful example of such a happy and mysterious experience.

What Is Love at First Sight?

One of the major tenets of the classical romantic love model is love at first sight. The modern symbols of Cupid’s “love arrows”—the images of a winged infant carrying a bow and a heart pierced by an arrow—came from ancient Roman mythology. Nowadays, they signify love at first sight. Over history, love at first sight has been popularized in Western cultures through art, romantic novels, plays, shows, and movies.

What Does Love at First Sight Look Like?

These days, “falling in love,” likely at first sight, is typical in romantic love plots and the narrative of many romantic novels and films (Hefner & Wilson, 2000).

The dilated eyes look at an attractive stranger passing by or standing by in the hallway. And the character feels insight—actually, testosterone, estrogen, and oxytocin—hinting that this is true love. For many young people, personal models of love entertain the dreams of falling in love on a single happy occasion and with a delightful glance.

Physical attraction is evident in some expressions of the eyes, such as the copulatory gaze and the longing gaze into the eyes of an attractive person. If a person continues to gaze for many seconds, the loved one may notice this and be attracted back to that person. Therefore, the loved one may gaze back at the person. Consequently, the gaze back may reinforce the person’s belief that the loved one is interested in him or her. Then, both are silently gazing into each other’s eyes, feeling an immediate, unspoken emotional attraction. Thus, love at first sight can occur between them at the same time (Grant-Jacob, 2016).

The Cross-Cultural Nature of Love at First Sight

“Love at first sight” seems to be a common metaphor in both literary and colloquial English. The phenomenon of love at first sight is also known across cultures, despite different cultural attitudes toward free choice in love.

There are direct equivalents in other European languages, such as the German expression “Liebe auf den ersten Blick“, the Italian “amore a prima vista”, the Spanish “amor a primera vista”, and the French expression “coup de foudre“. The Italians and Spanish also frequently use the colloquial “colpo di fulmine” (Italian) and “oon fleh-chah-zoh” (Spanish).

The French idiomatic expression “le coup de foudre,” besides its literal meaning, also conveys a figurative meaning of “love at first sight.” It is well known to French-speakers and is different from “tomber amoureux (de)“—gradual falling in love with. 

The Chinese word “chengyu” (yí jiàn zhōng qíng) stands for love at first sight. Since ancient times, Chinese literature has had many tales of love at first sight and the flash of erotic bliss.

The Japanese Hitomebore also means the same basic emotional insight, while Koi No Yokan is an untranslatable Japanese phrase referring to “the premonition of love” – a sense that a person feels upon encountering someone with whom they inevitably fall in love.

How to explain love at first sight

Thus, we can see that love at first sight is a universal, cross-cultural experience. Does this support the supernatural power of love? Or can science explain the “love-at-first-sight” phenomenon in another way?

Over recent years, researchers have been able to delve into psychological explanations of this experience when we fall in love with someone we see for the first time. We instantly feel it’s he or it’s her—one and forever.

Love at first sight is only one of many phenomena illustrating the mystery of love.

And researchers are looking for a scientific explanation of love at first sight.

The Mystery of Love

Posted on by

Romantic love has been widely depicted across centuries as mystery, magic, and the mysterious chemistry between individuals. Many people believe that the secrets of romantic love are beyond our comprehension, rationality, and reasoning. Their beliefs in love admit irrationality of some sort. While the less educated people of the traditional cultures referred to the “magic of love”, the modern educated people call this “love’s chemistry.” The latter undoubtedly sounds more scientific yet still admits to love’s magic. Anyway, both “concepts” accept romantic love’s inexplicable irrationality. The scientific nature of love chemistry continues to elude our intellectual comprehension (Karandashev, 2017, 2019).

Unknown Causes and Nature of Love

The causes of love are unknown. Why may a man or woman not love someone who is good and nice in many respects? Why does a person sometimes fall in love with bad boys or girls?

Love can strike at any moment and in any place, rendering a lover a powerless victim who acts irrationally and loses control over his or her actions and motives. Men and women do not intentionally choose with whom they fall in love. It is assumed that it is impossible to purposefully fall in love with someone.

A person “falls in love not by design and conscious choice but according to some accident of fate over which the victim has no control”

(Greenfield, 1965, p. 363).

Romantic love is felt as an uncontrollable emotion, as an experience driven by an external power that overwhelms one’s life.

The Irrationality and Mystery of Love

As in any other mystical experience, romantic love appears as an insight that is incomprehensible and unreachable for the rational mind. To some people, the mystery of romantic love is comparable to the magic of religious experience. In both cases, rationality is not suitable to grasp them. In both cases, the rationale is not applicable to their comprehension. Lovers, like the denoted believers, are free from “the cold skeleton hands of rational orders, just as completely as from the banality of everyday routine” (Weber, 1958, p. 347).

The emotional experience of love for them resembles magical transcendence. Romantic love is felt as an “aching of the heart” and an “infection of the brain” (Tennov 1979).

According to anecdotal love stories and myths, people don’t truly understand why they love one person but not another. They rarely choose a partner and rarely fall in love for rational reasons.

The idea of an intentional fall in love by choice sounds unlikely. Most people do not believe that they can fall in love with someone when they wish.

Mystical Experience of Love

Across time, the mysterious, wonderful, and magical feelings associated with love have fascinated people. These long-held beliefs in the mystery of love were due to people’s inability to rationally explain why people suddenly fall in love. Cupid’s arrows fired from his bow caused the person struck to fall in love.

Love magic and love spells have been practiced for hundreds of years. The stories of success have been mostly anecdotal.

Love magic presumably attracts the love of the beloved. It’s frequently used by a woman to induce a certain man to love her or by a man to induce a specific woman to love him. It was a promising cure in the case of unrequited love. Magical love spells are supposed to be helpful in such cases.

Certain herbs, like the mandrake, were supposed to have aphrodisiac or magical properties that were particularly beneficial in cases of love. All in the name of love, amulets, charms, and talismans have been created, candles lit and ritualistically controlled, and ceremonies performed. The Gypsies use a variety of love charms and practices. They include using magic to draw in someone you want, push away someone you don’t want, and make connections stronger.

The Mystery of Love Across Cultures

The idea of the irrationality of love seems to be cross-culturally universal. The concepts of God’s blessing, miracle, destiny, fate, and love chemistry all describe that romantic love is beyond our rational understanding. Some cultures and some people believe in the irrationality of love more than others. For example, French people tend to more readily believe in the irrational nature of love than Americans (Karandashev, 2017, 2019).

Love at first sight is one of the most mysterious phenomena. People across many cultures experience it in their lives and relationships. Scientists are attempting to explain love at first sight.

The Story of How Love Conquered Marriage

Posted on by

Love and marriage have, for centuries, been separate realms of human existence. Love was for aesthetic exploration, observational enjoyment, and entertainment, while marriage was the condition of social life. Kings, queens, and aristocracies of the past could sometimes afford to marry those they loved, unless other social obligations restrained their desires. Commoners were more preoccupied with their daily labor and subsistence needs. The commoners often did not have much spare time to entertain the idea of love for marriage. They needed to marry to survive, both economically and socially, and to raise their offspring.

Love as a romantic literary idea

The idea of romantic love has been cherished in novels, poetry, and music for centuries and across many cultures. People entertained themselves with such amorous dreams as idealistic phantasies created by the romantic literature of the past. However, the idea of romantic love was alien to the idea of marriage for a long time. Romantic stories in novels, poems, dramas, tragedies, and folklore tales were enjoyed by people from both the Western and Eastern worlds, as well as people from other territories (Karandashev, 2017; Jankowiak et al., 1992, 1995). However, marriage was not for love, but for life. So, matrimonial unions have been largely arranged marriages all over the world.

Social Realities Resisted the Ideas of Love.

In history, early attempts to marry for love were dramatic but mostly tragic, like in Shakespeare’s story of Romeo and Juliette. For practical reasons, the collectivistic cultures of Western societies in those times were organized around family, kin, and clan interests. The interests of individuals were mostly ignored if they contradicted the interests of the family.

Love was mostly for the entertainment of affluent people of high social classes who had leisure time to write, read, and watch plays. Not many dared marry for love. They understood that real social life could not afford them this luxury. It was largely true for both noble and affluent people and commoners.

The Advent of Modern Individualistic Societies

Nevertheless, those times, with the industrial revolution, increased geographical, economic, and social mobility, and the urbanization of the population, caused the development of individualistic cultures. These ecological, economic, and social factors precipitated the individualistic organization of societies that gradually transformed from their former collectivistic organization. These individualistic socioeconomic conditions of living make love marriages more ecologically, economically, and socially affordable. However, these conditions were affordable for some but not for all socioeconomic classes (Karandashev, 2017, 2019).

The development of modern, speedier transportation has increased ecological and geographic mobility in some social groups and strata of the population. People had more opportunities and choices for mate partners outside of their local endogamous community. The diversity of their marriage pools expanded, thus giving them more chances to find someone to whom they are attracted beyond their neighborhood and local residential area.

The Evolution of Individualistic Cultures Is Conducive to Loving marriages.

Only in the modern times of the 18th to 20th centuries did the idea of love for marriage and in marriage emerge in some Western cultures. Some men and women dared to overcome social limitations and marry their soul mates, to whom they were romantically attracted. Passionate love was involved in courting. At that time, romantic love was a difficult venture in life with limited economic and social resources. Some succeeded, while others did not. Later on, in the Western world, love marriages became more common and widespread. However, until the 20th century, they were still infrequent (Coontz, 2005; Karandashev, 2017; Singer, 1987).

In the 20th century, even further increased geographical, economic, and social mobility of the population and urbanization occurred in industrial societies. These socioeconomic conditions extended people’s affordances. These new opportunities provided more independence from family influence in mating choices and processes. “Dating” appeared as a new form of courtship. “Dating” provided greater opportunities for men and women to mingle, interact, and dance in public gatherings. Rather than their families, men and women took control of courting.

Gradual Social Acceptance of Love in marriage

Romantic love was accepted as a possible reason for marriage in economically and socially advanced Western countries. People from the middle and upper socio-economic classes recognized interpersonal attraction, free choice of partners, and love as the prerequisites for marital decision-making (Karandashev, 2017).

This cultural trend became especially apparent in many societies in the second half of the 20th century. Studies conducted in more than 30 countries in various geographic, ethnic, religious, and cultural groups revealed that men and women in those societies viewed mutual attraction and love as the most desirable qualities of potential mate relationships (Buss, 1994; Buss et al., 1990; Buss et al., 2001).

Thus, by the middle of the 20th century, love had conquered marriage in many Western countries.

In the following decades, this trend continued in many traditional collectivistic countries, such as India and Jordan, with old customs of arranged marriages (Kamble, Shackelford, Pham, & Buss, 2014; Khallad, 2005). Young men and women in socially modernizing societies choose attraction and love as prerequisites for marriage more than ever before.

What Is “Love Marriage”?

Posted on by

Love marriage is a marital relationship that is based on interpersonal love attraction. Men and women experience love attraction for each other and they rely on it in their decisions to marry. Love marriage assumes a mutual desire for a partner. The idea of a free choice and a personal decision to marry are the key features of love marriages. Love marriage is opposite to arranged marriages, in which parents and families decide who is suitable for marriage and who is not.

Cultural evolution from arranged marriages to love marriages occurs when societies evolve from collectivistic to individualistic types of cultures.

Individualistic Societies and Love Marriage

The modern economic, social, and cultural conditions in individualistic European American and European Canadian cultures, West European countries, Australia, and New Zealand are conducive to love marriages. Men and women in those societies have more personal and social rights. They are relatively independent of social institutions such as families. Modern life in those countries provides people with more extended personal and relationship affordances in their marital choices.

Individual autonomy, the independence of members of a social group in their relationships, human rights, gender equality, the independent model of self, self-determination rights, and freedom of choice are among the social norms emphasized in those individualistic societies.

Person’s Individuality in Individualistic Cultures

A person’s personal self is seen as distinct and independent from others. The autonomous self-concept encourages men and women to pursue their own views, personal desires, and preferences. Their individuality encourages open expressions of their unique selves, freedom of choice, and personal decision-making. Their individual selves are the main source of people’s thoughts, feelings, motivations, and behaviors. Social connections and interpersonal bonds are important, yet they assume individual autonomy. Individuals have the option to start and end their relationships  (see for review, Karandashev, 2021; Markus & Kitayama, 1991; Uchida, Norasakkunkit, & Kitayama, 2004).

Social Affordances and Love Marriage

Economic wealth, social progress, and modernization of the societies in those nations decreased the values of physical and economic security and the role of survival needs, which were prevalent in traditional materialistic and collectivistic cultures. This socioeconomic progress substantially extended the personal and social affordances of love marriage as an individual enterprise, compared to previous arranged marriages as a family enterprise.

Economic and social modernization of societies increased the values of quality of life, subjective well-being, and self-expression, which have become prevalent in modernized individualistic and postmaterialistic cultures (Inglehart 1997, 2015; Inglehart & Baker, 2000; Inglehart & Welzel 2005).

The Cultural Norms of Love Marriage

Currently, love marriages are common in individualistic countries. They are defined by the free choice of partners and the limited or moderate involvement of families and parents. Women and men are free to choose their mates based on their attraction, passion, and romantic emotions. Parents cannot limit their children’s mate selection choices.

Since the middle of the 20th century, love marriages have been considered culturally normative in Western societies, such as Western European, European American, and Canadian American cultures. For example, during the 1960s, the self-expressive paradigm of love became increasingly popular in the United States. For many Americans, love and marriage have become arenas for individual self-exploration, self-esteem validation, personal discovery, self-fulfillment, and self-growth (Finkel, 2018). Marriage’s function has shifted. Marriage became less necessary as a formal social institution. It became more affordable for those who opt for it and are able to choose.

In many other countries around the world, love marriages are also on the rise, especially in urban areas. Modern individualistic as well as collectivistic societies around the world vary in terms of their beliefs and actual cultural practices. Many countries are in the process of modernization. Anyway, modern cultural ideals expand social and relationship opportunities and affordances in many societies. The conditions give people more freedom in love, dating, and marriage (Karandashev, 2021; Karandashev, 2023). 

The Evolution of Marriage: From Arranged Marriages to Love Marriages

Posted on by

The cultural evolution of marriage coincides with the evolution of societies from traditional collectivistic societies to modern individualistic societies. Increased social mobility, economic wealth, and other ecological, economic, and social factors all contributed to this evolution. All these circumstances of living allow certain ecological, economic, social, and cultural affordances. These affordances are what a specific society can afford individuals to undertake in certain settings of their lives to maintain a balance of social and personal interests. The values of freedom of choice and societal responsibility in marriages vary substantially between collectivistic and individualistic societies.

Social evolution has been increasing people’s ecological, economic, and social affordances, which were limited in traditional collectivistic societies but have become more readily available in modern individualistic societies. Economic and social progress has been driving cultural evolution from arranged marriage to love marriage (for a review, see Karandashev, 2017, 2021).

Arranged Marriages in Traditional Collectivistic Societies

Arranged marriages have been typical for traditional collectivistic societies, which are characterized by several ecological, economic, and social conditions of living that reduce ecological, economic, and social affordability in marriages. Strong interconnectedness, ingroup relationships, interdependence of members, and determined social organization characterize societies with collectivist cultures.

People in those societies have low geographic, socioeconomic, and relational mobility. Subsequently, social norms in collectivistic East Asian, South Asian, and Middle Eastern cultures emphasize harmonious interdependence and the social responsibility of individuals as cultural values. Men and women have limited freedom of choice and interdependence in their marriages. They have limited options and limited control over who, when, and how they marry. The parents and family are in control of their marriage. Therefore, their marriages are commonly homogamous and arranged by their parents or other senior members of their kin or local community. These marriages help groups stay together and compete with other groups, which is good for social survival.

In arranged marriages, parents impose limitations on their sons’ and daughters’ selection of mates based on certain economic and social circumstances of their lives. Young men and women have limited influence on the selection of their mates and the arrangement of marriage. These limitations are usually due to low social mobility, a tendency toward ingroup homogamy, and strong outgroup negative stereotypes. All of these factors, for the sake of community interests, limit men’s and women’s options for free mating.

Love Marriages in Modern Individualistic Societies

Independent social connectedness, ingroup relationship independence of members, and self-determined organization characterize societies with individualistic cultures. Therefore, ecological, economic, and social conditions of living have increased the affordability of love marriages in modern individualistic societies. The cultural evolution of marriage has occurred; love marriages have become more typical.

People in those societies have high geographic, socioeconomic, and relational mobility. Subsequently, social standards in individualistic European American and West European cultures emphasize autonomy, independence from others, and freedom of choice as cultural values.

People have greater freedom of choice and independence in their marriage. They have many possible options and a larger pool of prospective partners for their marriage choice. Men and women can have their own control over who, when, and how they marry. Therefore, their marriages are commonly heterogamous, and prospective partners select each other on their own based on personal preferences, such as attraction and love.

The socioeconomic and cultural circumstances of life in individualistic societies, which are largely mobile and wealthy, provide more affordances for love marriages. Parents and family do not limit their children’s choice of marital partners and are only moderately involved. The bride and groom are in control of their marriage. However, studies conducted in an individualistic American setting revealed that involving friends and family helps with marital issues.

Love marriages are viewed as culturally normative in modern Western cultures, such as in Western European and European American societies.

Modernization Theory of Social Evolution

Posted on by

Modernization theory states that traditional societies grow into societies of the modern type as they adopt modern values, institutions, norms, rules of law, and social practices. Social modernization is usually associated with economic development, social wealth, and political power. Citizens of countries with modernized societies have more freedom, human rights, and better standards of living.

Weber’s and Parsons’ Theories of Modernization

The origins of modernization theories come from the modernization paradigm developed by German sociologist Max Weber (1864–1920) and American sociologist Talcott Parsons (1902–1979). These theoretical ideas considered two kinds of societies, which were labeled as traditional and developed countries.

That modernization theory explains how traditional societies can evolve into more developed societies due to the economic and social processes of modernization. This modernization theory was especially popular among social scientists in the second half of the 20th century. This early sociological theory of modernization was mostly theoretical and relied on scientific observations.

Modernization theory describes a social model of how “traditional” (“pre-modern”) societies progressively transform into “modern” societies. This gradual shift occurs as societies adopt modern values, norms, and practices. In this way, modernization theory strives to explain the process of social evolution in countries and identify the social parameters that contribute to their development and social progress.

The countries undergoing the process of modernization make a transition from societies governed by authorities and traditions to societies regulated by abstract principles and democracies. The developments of faster transportation, expansive urbanization, new efficient technologies, cost-effective production, extensive industrialization, and dynamic communication have been the main driving forces of such modernization. In modernized societies, traditional religious beliefs decrease in influence while rational and critical thinking increase in influence on human minds. While in traditional societies, families and collective communities are the fundamental units, modern societies are societies of individuals. The theory assumes that human agency controls the speed and success of such modernization.

Inglehart’s Evolutionary Modernization theory

The American political scientist Inglehart (1934–2021) proposed the Modernization Theory, which is empirically based on the data of wide-world surveys taken across several generations. The theory compares countries based on their economic, political, social, and cultural attributes and assesses them along the spectrum from traditional to modern societies. These types of societies have two cultural dimensions: materialism versus postmaterialism, and modernization versus postmodernism.

In societies that are characterized by high materialistic values, people highly value security, survival, economic growth, and the stability of the economy. In societies that are characterized by high postmaterialistic values, people have high values of freedom, humane society, social participation, self-expression, and tolerance of minorities (Inglehart 1997; Inglehart & Baker, 2000; Inglehart & Welzel, 2005).

The survival values, which emphasize physical and economic security, are prevalent in traditional materialistic cultures, while the self-expression values, which emphasize quality of life and subjective well-being, are prevalent in modernized postmaterialistic cultures. In this regard, the term modernization means the transition from societies with a prevalence of survival values to societies with a prevalence of self-expression values (Inglehart 1997, 2015; Inglehart & Baker, 2000; Inglehart & Welzel 2005).

The World Value Survey obtained data from 60 countries (Inglehart & Baker, 2000), which accounted for 75% of the global population. Researchers have demonstrated the crucial role of socioeconomic factors in the modernization of societies.

It appears that religions also play a role in modernization. The data showed that countries with a Protestant culture place a high priority on freedom of expression, whereas countries with an Orthodox culture place a low value on these values. However, the role of these religions can be linked to the countries’ current socioeconomic situations.

During modernization, countries evolve:

  1. From traditional values to secular and rational values.
  2. From cultural values emphasizing survival to values emphasizing self-expression.

Finally, Inglehart summarized his extensive research in the Evolutionary Modernization Theory, which describes how societies evolve over time along with changes in social values and human priorities (Inglehart, 2018).

How Is Cultural Evolution Different from Social Evolution?

Posted on by

Throughout the centuries, the interaction of biological, ecological, social, economic, and cultural factors has determined the evolution of human mental processes, behaviors, and social practices. Therefore, evolutionary approaches are currently popular not only in the biological sciences but also in the social sciences. Social scientists delve into research on cultural evolution that explains many biological and social phenomena that have appeared throughout human history and in contemporary cultural contexts (see for review, Karandashev, 2022).

What Is an Evolutionary Perspective?

For the comprehension of many events and facts in life, behavior, and society, the evolutionary approach, as a scientific framework of thinking and inquiry, is progressive, productive, and logical. According to general evolutionary theory, evolution is the process by which organisms, individuals, societal groups, ideas, cultural phenomena, artifacts, and societal institutions change over time. These changes occur due to changes in the physical, biological, and social environments and help people adapt, survive, and thrive.

Evolutionary processes in humans and societies happen at different levels, such as the level of individual life, the level of species, the level of local cultural groups, and the level of larger social groups. Because of mutations, organisms, species, social groups, and individuals possess a wide range of qualities, attributes, traits, and features. Some organisms, species, social groups, and individuals have better-suited qualities and are well-suited for their environment. Therefore, they are more likely to “survive,” “reproduce,” and pass on their qualities to a future generation (Karandashev, 2021).

What Is Behavioral Evolution?

The basic needs of humans are the same or similar. However, they live in different local biological and social conditions, which provide them with different ecological, economic, and social affordances to meet these needs. Therefore, they adjust and adapt accordingly. These are the sources of their biological and cultural evolution.

Due to various geographical, economic, and cultural circumstances, different societies and local communities can afford individuals to exhibit certain personality traits, behaviors, and social relations. For example, collectivistic and individualistic societies provide different sets of affordances for people. They differ in the ways in which they shape the personalities and behaviors of people.

Collectivistic societies are characterized by interdependent and often hierarchical social organizations. They have low geographic, social, and relationship mobility. Collectivistic societies’ social norms promote interdependent models of self in people while discouraging the open expression of emotions.

Individualistic societies are characterized by independence in social organization that is often egalitarian. They have relatively high geographic, social, and relationship mobility. Individualistic societies encourage people to develop independent models of themselves and to express their emotions openly (Karandashev, 2021).

What Is Social Evolution?

Social and cultural evolution are changes in social and human life that are based on the same evolutionary process and principles.

According to the evolutionary processes of social selection, societies acquire and transmit some social institutions, actions, and changes more easily than others. Such social transmission transforms and alters them. Organizations of social groups, human cooperation, and competition evolve over time because of the social and economic development of societies (Karandashev, 2021).

For example, social evolution favors human cooperation. From an evolutionary perspective, people who have lived more cooperatively are better suited to their environment. And over time, this capability has been passed down from one generation to the next, changing the way people live and work. The more cooperative type of personality evolved across generations. The evolution of people’s ability to work together also explains the social organization of communities and larger societies throughout history.

As a result, humans are more cooperative than other primates, and this makes a big difference (Tomasello, 2011).

What Cultural Evolution?

Cultural evolution explains how cultural knowledge, ideas, meanings, values, norms, and practices transmit and evolve over time according to the principles of variation, differential fitness, and inheritance (in similar ways as in biological species). Cultural evolution occurs when the environment supports certain social ideas, cultural values, social norms, behaviors, and personality traits over others.

The cultural evolution of languages, social organizations, human cooperation and competition, and cultural traditions and norms present such examples (e.g., Whiten, Hinde, Stringer, & Laland, eds., 2012; Mace, 2000; Mace & Holden, 2005, see for review, Karandashev, 2021). Some principles of genetic evolution, however, are not relevant to cultural evolution (Mesoudi, 2016; Mesoudi, Whiten, & Laland, 2006).

The Changing Views on Divorce in Pakistan

Posted on by

For generations, Pakistani families and marriages have been endogamous. Their parents or other family elders arranged their children’s marriages. These were the “arranged marriages.” Currently, marriage is still a family affair in Pakistan. Despite modernization, arranged marriages are still widespread. Parents and other elderly people are involved in their married children’s future. However, the views on divorce in Pakistan are changing nowadays.

Divorce is frowned upon in Pakistani Islamic culture. Even discussing the potential for divorce in their extended families has been forbidden. However, the culture in Pakistan has been changing over recent years. Nowadays, the notion of divorce is not taboo anymore (Ahmed, 2021).

Cultural attitudes have shifted in many traditional societies around the world, including Pakistan, over the last few decades.

Cultural Evolution of Arranged Marriages

The idea that married couples should be in tune with their emotions and wellbeing is more culturally accepted now than before. People recognize that sometimes it is better to let go of something than to hang on to it. “Gone are the days when partners, especially women, could just stick with an abusive spouse because of the “What will people say syndrome.” (Sheraz, 2019).

Awareness and acceptance of gender equality, in some respects, are increasing in many countries, including Pakistan. In Pakistani society, education has played a significant role in the evolution of marriage. Modern women are more educated, so the concern about who will look after them has faded. Women today are more aware of their rights and choices. They have a better understanding of their rights and are aware that they can use their rights to achieve happiness. They understand that they have the freedom to walk away if they so choose.

As a result of changing cultural views, divorce rates are rising in Pakistan. Some can attribute the rise in divorce rates to the decline in arranged marriages and the rise in love marriages. This new social trend, however, may be caused by more people realizing that women and men have the right to choose who they want to marry and how they want to live their lives (Sheraz, 2019).

The Modern Right to Choose a Partner for Marriage and Divorce in Pakistan

In the end, men and women choose their own happiness over the happiness of their parents. Although this may appear cruel, it is critical for youngsters to consider their own destiny. Parents have already accepted their decisions, and it is now up to the children to make their own choices (Ahmed, 2021).

A divorce can be no bad thing at all, if it paves the way for a better life and the wellbeing of the people. Instead of enforced interdependence, which keeps a man and a woman together in an unhappy relationship, they get independence, which gives them the possibility of a better relationship. Arranged marriages have been based on economic and social needs for survival. Nowadays, many societies free people from the need for survival. As a result, the modernization of their culture provides the opportunity to pursue a happy relationship.

How are Pakistanis finding their partners these days? According to one of the recent Gallup polls conducted in Pakistan, only 5% of Pakistanis said they had a love marriage, while 85% of Pakistanis met their spouse through parents or close relatives (Sheraz, 2019).

Modernization in Pakistani Culture and Divorce in Pakistan

With the passage of time, better education, women’s empowerment, and western influence have changed Pakistani culture and people’s mindsets. Regardless of the modern shift in cultural attitudes, men and women may still face criticism if they come forward with a partner they wish to marry. Unfortunately, offensive actions against those who seek to express their freedom continue to occur in Pakistan and in the Pakistani diaspora abroad (Ahmed, 2021).

Assimilation of immigrants from Pakistani culture into other societies occurs slowly. It is likely that the second generation of Pakistanis will be able to better adopt new perspectives. And the cultural evolution of Pakistani marriages towards positive acceptance of love marriages will continue.

Social transformation from collectivistic societies of interpersonal interdependence to individualistic societies of interpersonal independence is the modern tendency of cultural evolution. People need to acknowledge that cultural evolution from arranged marriages to love marriages is inevitable. It just takes time.

What Pakistani Women and Men Think About Divorce

Posted on by

Some modern Pakistani women and men sometimes think about divorce, despite the culturally negative attitudes toward divorce. Traditional Pakistani family relationships and marriages have been endogamous for centuries. How does it look in Pakistan?

The boys’ and girls’ marriages were all arranged by their parents or other family elders. They found a suitable mate for their adult child, planned their wedding, and wished them well. That’s why these methods of family arrangement are dubbed “arranged marriages.”

These days, marriage is still a family matter in Pakistan. Parents and other elderly people feel responsible for their children’s future. Therefore, they are used to being active in their future marriage arrangements. Arranged marriages are still common despite their modern transformation.

The Pakistani Traditional Culture of Marriage

These marriage traditions have been related to the Pakistani communal and cooperative cultures of the past. Familial bonds are the basic means of community life. In Pakistan, the extended family is valued more than the nuclear family.

The extended family system is interwoven and intertwined. In many cases, spousal ties are weaker than other family obligations. Marital love and happiness are of lower importance. Parents are heavily involved in their children’s new families since they planned and organized their marriages. They perceive their son’s or daughter’s families as part of their large extended family. They can even intervene in situations when their son or daughter no longer wishes to remain married.

All these social and economic factors of Pakistani traditional life influence people’s cultural attitudes toward the idea of divorce. This is why Pakistani women and men rarely think about divorce.

These cultural factors also affect what men and women think and feel when, in the case of turbulent marital relationships, they try to contemplate the possibility of divorce. Let us consider the challenges that women and men encounter in such circumstances.

The Economic Challenges of Divorce for Pakistani Women

For women, for example, economic reasons have been the main reason for staying with their husbands. Who would support them if they left? Therefore, women are told to compromise on any issues in their relationship with their husbands for the sake of their security and subsistence. A woman would not have the resources to support herself once she was divorced:

“Divorce is a “nightmare” for her, affecting her financially, socially, and psychologically”

(Qamar & Faizan, 2021, p. 352).

“Her decision to stay in the marriage made it possible for her to practice choices regarding her employment and public mobility as well as decisions regarding her”

(Khurshid, 2020, p. 103)

Parental Families Are Unwelcoming for Divorced Women

A common perception of Pakistani marriages as stable can be deceptive and misleading. Such marriage “stability” can conceal the hidden problems of family relationships, making them invisible to outsiders. In traditional Pakistani culture, the return of married adult children to their different family homes is frequently frowned upon by their parents. Many parents never open their doors to their divorced children when they return home (Ahmed, 2021).

Therefore, rather than returning to their parental home and being confined to the rules of their house, women find more freedom in remaining in their marriage. They remain in marriages even though they are unhappy.

Here is an example of how a woman in the interview stated her reason to stay:

“She realised that returning to her parents’ home would invite ridicule and blaming from the community members and even from some members of her own family. She would not be seen as a ‘wise’ woman for leaving a man who did not have any extreme flaws”

(Khurshid, 2020, p.103)

Many women act wisely in marriage relationships. Instead of wasting time and ruminating on their unhappiness, they find satisfaction and settle into other things. Many of them find contentment in their children and relationships with other women in their extended family (Ahmed, 2021).

Challenges of Divorce for Pakistani Men

While it is more stigmatized among women, it is not deemed acceptable for men either. Pakistani men are also under pressure to keep their promises and stay in the marriages that have been arranged for them, including love marriages.

A Promise of Cultural Change: What do modern men and women think about divorce?

Thus, we can see that divorce is a difficult topic to discuss and even contemplate, both for women and men. The main reason is that in traditional Pakistani Islamic society, people have a negative mindset about divorce. Even talking about the possibility of divorce in their extended families is usually forbidden.

Pakistani culture, however, has evolved in recent years. Divorce is no longer regarded as a taboo subject. Over the last few decades, cultural attitudes have altered in many traditional societies around the world, including Pakistan. All this gives a promise of possible changes.

Cultural Views on Divorce in Pakistan

Posted on by

For generations, traditional Pakistani family relationships and marriages have functioned as endogamous unions. The parents of the children or other family elders arranged all marriage matters for the boys and daughters. They found a prospective mate for their grown child, organized their wedding, and cared about their future family life. This is why such matrimonial practices are called “arranged marriages.”

What Is Special About Pakistani Marriage Today?

Nowadays, marriage is still a family affair in Pakistani culture. Parents and other adults in the family feel responsible for their children’s future. They are accustomed to being involved in their marriage decisions, wedding arrangements, and later marital lives.

Pakistani traditions are collectivistic and follow a community-based way of life. The large extended family, rather than the nuclear family, is the foundational unit of community life. All family members are interdependent and intertwined with each other in many ways in the family structure. Spousal bonds are often no stronger than those with other members of the family. Love and intimacy between spouses are of lower importance than family responsibilities.

The priority of extended family over nuclear family is the main reason why arranged marriages have been common in Pakistani society for years. Since parents planned and arranged the marriages for their children, they were active in many of their new families’ interactions and relationships.

What Are the Cultural Attitudes Toward Divorce in Pakistan?

Traditionally, marriage in Pakistani society has been set up to fulfill family duties. For any family member, the responsibility of others was a priority. The pursuit of marital happiness was not in focus.

Therefore, Pakistani Islamic culture looks down on the idea of divorce. The Prophet said that, “Of all things permitted, divorce is the most hated by God” (Ali, 2003). Because of this, many religious Pakistanis take this statement very seriously. Even conversations about the possibility that divorce may happen in their extended families are not allowed. Zara Ahmed (2021), however, argues and contends that cultural reasons rather than religious ones are the main reasons why divorce is avoided.

Spouses, young or old, were supposed to manage any problems in their relationship for the sake of family preservation at any cost. Parents tell their married children that they need to live with their spouse despite anything that happens in their lives. They suggest that “suffering through the hardships of marriage is the right thing to do” (Ahmed, 2021, p. 8).

That especially refers to women. They are taught to understand, compromise, and do anything more than leave their marriage.

Public perception and opinion about family life rather than happiness in family relations are priorities for parents and kin. Parents cared more about “what the town gossip may have begun to say about them.”(Ahmed, 2021, p. 8).

To Divorce or Not to Divorce?

Pakistani arranged marriages tend to be stable and endure for years. Do they have a cultural recipe for marital happiness? The cause of such stability, however, is different. Marriage “stability” has other reasons that make spouses remain in their marital relationship despite anything.

In general, parents do not usually welcome their married adult children’s return to their family homes. Many parents never leave the doors of their home open for their divorced children to come back.

Traditional culture teaches women and men that once they are married, they are married for life. Their parents encouraged them to do all possible things to bring peace to their marriage. Therefore, women and men stay in their marriages in order to satisfy their families. Their personal happiness takes a backseat.

For better or worse, spouses are aware that their extended family will never accept divorce. Therefore, it is pointless to try. It is extremely difficult to convince the parents’ family to agree with this.