Monthly Archives: May 2022

What Is Romantic in Nicaraguan Love?

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The cultural practices of Nicaraguan love have many specifics related to the country’s patriarchal way of life and gender inequality in relationships and marriages. Gender inequalities are prevalent in traditional patriarchal societies. However, gender relations in Latin American countries and Nicaragua are culturally specific and different from those in many other societies.

The Latin American cultural norms of “machismo” and “marianismo,” which show the masculinity of men and the femininity of women, are the source of these different gender roles.

So, what do love and relationships look like in this Central American society? Let’s look at the case of a small coastal town, San Juan, located in the southwest rural area of Nicaragua.

The Hierarchy of Gender Roles in Nicaraguan Love

In Nicaraguan patriarchal culture, like in other Latin American societies, there is a social hierarchy of gender roles. Men have a higher social standing than women. They have more behavioral affordances than women. In a relationship, their culturally normative rights are unequal. According to cultural norms, men should be dominant, whereas women should be submissive.

The different gender roles come from the Latin American cultural norms of “machismo” and “marianismo,” which show that men are strong, and women are weak. In Nicaragua, though, machismo and patriarchy have a strange twist on family structure and relationships (Karandashev, 2017).

Latin American Machismo and Marianismo in Nicaraguan Love

Machismo is a part of the male culture in Nicaragua. They have a lot of free time, which they spend idling and chatting in their peer groups, drinking, gambling, and going on risky adventures. Men can do whatever they want. They are proud of being on their own among other men and bragging in front of others.

Many men spend little time taking care of their families. Yet they expect that the women will take care of them by cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. Men can do whatever they want. They are proud of being on their own. Social norms allow men a lot of freedom in their sexual conduct and extramarital affairs. Nicaraguan culture assumes men to be active sexual beings. They may be good at sexual love and reproduction but less good at pair-bonding because macho culture teaches them certain values and skills but not others.

On the other hand, Nicaraguan women should follow the “marianismo” ideal, just like many Latin American women in other countries. A woman’s typical roles in Nicaraguan marianismo are to be a “good woman,” a “good wife,” a “good mother,” and to be docile and caring for her husband and children. Women serve men and give them as much freedom as they want in what they do and how they behave. On the other hand, cultural norms limit women’s sexuality and strongly condemn their extramarital affairs. Women are thought to be passive, emotional beings. (Hagene, 2010).

Do Nicaraguans Know About Romantic Love?

Nicaraguan men and women are well familiar with what romantic love is. TV shows, Latin American romantic movies, and telenovelas are the main sources of their romantic images and scripts. People in San Juan habitually watch romantic movies and “telenovelas” on TV, which present charming and captivating love stories.

Passionate love, sexual affairs, intrigues, and deceptions are intricately linked in these romantic stories. Although true romantic love encourages commitment and sexual fidelity, infidelity turns out to be a cultural reality in Latin American love relationships.

The Romantic Beginnings of Nicaraguan Love

In romantic love, men and women play different culturally normative roles. They are unequal in several regards, which are advised by culturally normative Latin American stereotypes of machismo and marianismo. Machismo and marianismo are culturally prescribed roles that have a significant impact on men’s and women’s love and family interactions.

According to the stereotypes of machismo, men are supposed to be assertive and dominant. Men have lots of autonomy in their lives, behaviors, and social relations. Men are supposed to show masculine manners, superior status, powerful strength, pride in themselves, and benevolent dominance in relationships with women. The culturally normative Latino macho men take the initiative in romantic courting, dating, and sexual activity. Conquering a woman is very romantic for them. They romantically enjoy sexual affairs rather than pair-bonding. Their macho culture advises them first, but not second.

According to the stereotypes of marianismo, women are supposed to be dutiful and submissive. Women have limited autonomy in life, behavior, and social relations. Women are supposed to display feminine manners, weakness, humble status, shy character, and altruistic dependency in relationships with men. The culturally normative Latina woman accepts a man’s leadership and guidance in romantic encounters and dating. She is attentive to men’s needs, responsive, agreeable, and amiable. The expectations of prospective marriage, family, and children are very romantic for them. They romantically enjoy the man’s wooing her, his commitment, and his promise to marry, pair-bond, and have children together. Their marianismo culture tells them all these things more than sexual love (Karandashev, 2017).

However, the following relationships give them experience of bittersweet Nicaraguan love associated with the necessity to have divided love.

Bittersweet Nicaraguan Love

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Western European culture and Latin American ideas about gender relations have both influenced the values, rules, and practices of romantic love in Latin American societies. It is often a bittersweet love.

The case of Nicaraguan love is one example illustrating the regional culture of Central America. Here I illustrate how men and women in the small Nicaraguan town of San Juan understand and practice romantic love relationships. Nicaraguan love is romantic, yet it is gender-hierarchical.

The Lexicon of Nicaraguan Love

Nicaragua is a typical Spanish-speaking society. To some extent, the lexicon of love that men and women use in their daily conversations reflects their emotions and relationships. Here are at least some lexical terms that the Nicaraguan people of San Juan typically use to describe their understanding of love. These Spanish words are “amar” (to love), “amor” (love), ser cariñoso (to be loving), querer (to love or care for), ser bueno (to be good), ser tierno (to be tender), and other variants. The love words express their motivations, dispositions, and happy and sorrowful emotions. The word “suffering” is among the key terms. It describes the bittersweet experience of Latin American love. They know that love is “suffering” (Hagene, 2008; Karandashev, 2017).

Latin American Media Representations of Love

Nicaraguan women and men are familiar with the concept of romantic love thanks to TV, movies, and social media. San Juan residents regularly watch romantic films and soap operas on television. Many women, girls, men, and boys watch charming and captivating romantic stories in “telenovelas,” which are fascinating, like soap operas. One of their favorite things to do every day is watch how the romantic stories and plots unfold from episode to episode.

Brazilian, Argentinian, and Mexican studios produce many of these telenovelas. They represent Latin American love in corresponding cultural contexts. Therefore, men and women learn culturally specific scripts and expressions of Latin love.

The main theme of these telenovelas is love (amor), with romantic storylines and narratives that continue from day to day. This is how men and women learn about romantic love. The plots and characters of these telenovelas are regularly mentioned in their everyday conversations.

Thus, people are familiar with romantic themes, plots, and screenplays. These romantic narratives and depictions of romantic expressions teach them about love, emotions, and relationships. In those tele stories, passionate love and sexuality are inextricably linked in romantic love. A relationship implies exclusive commitment to the beloved partner and fidelity. But cheating is still a big part of romantic relationships, as shown in many movies and telenovelas.

Machismo and Marianismo in Nicaraguan love

The romantic love of Nicaraguan men and women reflects the social realities in which they live, such as gender hierarchy, gender inequality, stereotypical gender roles, and gender segregation in many everyday living practices. These values and norms produce culturally specific ways of loving (Hagene, 2008).

Men are considered higher than women in social and gender status. Their roles in romantic and family relationships are unequal. Culturally normative stereotypes of machismo for men and marianismo for women teach them that men are supposed to be dominant and women are supposed to be submissive. Men have more freedom than women in relationships.

Machismo and marianismo are culturally specific ideas that have a big effect on both romantic and family relationships between men and women.

Men’s machismo behavior demonstrates masculinity and some form of dominance, whereas women’s marianismo behavior demonstrates femininity and submissiveness. The machismo cultural norms expect that men should take the initiative and take the lead in romantic love relationships, like courting and dating. Maranismo cultural norms expect women to be receptive, passively synchronous, agreeable, and accept the man’s rules (Karandashev, 2017).

Men’s romanticism is typically expressed through displays of pride, womanizing, and assertive manners, with few spoken sentiments. Sexual interest is evidently dominant in men’s romantic motivations, with little commitment.

“Romanticism” in Nicaraguan Marriage

Romantic love, with its corresponding behaviors and expressions, tends to fade in a marital relationship. Nicaraguan men are often not aware of what to do or what to talk about with women beyond sexual communication. They do not know how to deal with women in a companionate relationship. So, the man’s interest in his wife wanes.

Many Nicaraguan men prefer to spend their time in leisure activities with other men in public places, chatting, drinking, gambling, and womanizing. Their “romantic love” turns to another woman. The cultural role of macho requires a man to have an extramarital affair outside of marriage. If a man does not have a lover besides his marriage, he is in a risky position to lose his macho reputation among his peers.

On the other hand, there are wives whose dramatic stories show their inclinations to tolerate their experience of being maltreated and beaten by their husbands. The male romanticism of dating turns a twist into physical and sexual violence in the marital relationship.

Submissive Romantic Love of Nicaraguan Women

Many women frequently choose to submit to men in the hopes of finding emotional fulfillment in the realm of a man’s love. They approach this challenge in their marriage in different ways. However, many prefer this adversity to being abandoned (Hagene, 2010).

Women tolerate and accept a wide range of men’s maltreatment and behaviors because it is culturally acceptable that a man can abandon and leave her at any time for another woman. Then, despite everything, the woman strives to keep the man. But in many situations, the reality is still hard: the woman has to share her husband with another woman.

Nicaraguan women must accept the situations in which their men cohabit with other women and move back and forth. Women usually describe such love feelings as “amor compartido,” which means “shared love,” or “traición,” which means “treason” (Hagene, 2010).

This “sharing” is painful but unavoidable and occurs against the woman’s will. Many women are torn between submitting to this unavoidable practice and resisting it. They try to break free from this dependency. However, this would imply that the man would be lost.

What Does Nicaraguan Love Look Like?

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The idea of romantic love inspires men and women in many societies. Folk and literary stories across cultures are full of romantic joy and happiness but also drama, suffering, and even personal tragedy. They are often bittersweet. They are engaging for readers and listeners in their emotional ambivalence. What about the reality of romantic love? How does Nicaraguan love look in the small town of San Juan?

Across the history of humankind, in ancient civilizations, in traditional societies, and in modern societies, some people dared to fulfill their romantic dreams of love in their lives. Some men and women succeeded, while others did not. Some cultural contexts have been more conducive to romantic love than others.

Let us consider the case study of a Nicaraguan rural community in Central America. The “absentee patriarchy” in that context creates peculiar romantic and family relationships. Since a man often has more than one wife and family, he is away from them for quite a long period of time. Nevertheless, he continues to be in control of his wife and her life. So, we see that the reality of marriage and family life does not look romantic.

What about the ideals of love? Here is an example of men and women’s romantic love in the small Nicaraguan town of San Juan.

What Is Nicaraguan Love in Spanish?

The experience of romantic love engages a variety of feelings, emotions, dispositions, and actions. The lexicon of love certainly reflects that. In each culture, there are at least several words that are in typical usage by people (Karandashev, 2017, 2019).

In the Nicaraguan Spanish-speaking culture, the typical conversational words that people use to express their meanings of love are such as “amor” (love), “amar” (to love), querer (to love or care for), ser cariñoso (to be loving), ser tierno (to be tender), and ser bueno (to be good). The implicit notions of love, however, add more variants (Hagene, 2008).

What Is Romantic about Nicaraguan love?

Through social media, Nicaraguan women and men are acquainted with the notion of romantic love. In romantic love, passionate love and sexuality are intricately linked. And exclusivity in a romantic relationship implies a need for fidelity.

According to these romantic ideas, psychological experiences, emotional attachments, and expressive attributes of love take precedence, along with emotional and verbal intimacy. In romantic love, sex expresses strong passion and deep intimacy. Interpersonal attraction, free will, and the expectation of reciprocity flourish in romantic love. The values of practical, economic, and obligatory considerations are diminished.

Public Media Representations and the Reality of Nicaraguan Love

People in the small town of San Juan have lots of opportunities to watch romantic movies and soap operas on TV. In many families, women, girls, men, and boys watch beautiful and intriguing romantic stories in “telenovelas,” which are entertaining like soap operas. These are often their daily enjoyable habits to follow the unfolding romantic narrative episode by episode.

The main theme of such telenovelas is love (amor), with a romantic plot that progresses from one day to the next. This way, people learn about romantic love stories. These telenovelas’ plots and characters are frequently mentioned in people’s daily conversations. Thus, people are familiar with romantic themes, storylines, and screenplays. They learn about romance, love, and romantic expressions from these romantic narratives.

However, many characteristics of the social realities in which men and women live in this little town, such as gender roles, gender segregated leisure, and everyday living practices, are not conducive to romantic love (Hagene, 2008).

Hierarchical Nicaraguan Love

The communities in Nicaraguan culture have enduring explicit norms of gender hierarchy, in which men are of a higher rank than women. They have more freedom in relationships than women do. In both romantic and family relationships, their roles are unequal. According to culturally normative stereotypes, men are dominant and women are submissive. Nicaraguan culture has gender inequality between men and women.

These public stereotypes affect both romantic and family relationships. According to machismo cultural norms, men are supposed to be active, take initiative, and take the lead in romantic dating. According to marianismo cultural norms, women should be responsive, accept (or not accept) the man’s proposals, and passively follow his rules. The machismo behavior of men shows masculinity and dominance of some kind, while the marianismo behavior of women shows femininity and submissiveness (Karandashev, 2017).

These culturally specific concepts of machismo and marianismo have an impact on both romantic and familial relationships. Men’s romanticism tends to be expressed in their demonstrations of pride, womanizing dispositions, and assertive behaviors. Internal feelings, intimacy, and the expression of love are undervalued. The communicative lexicon of love is limited to little talking and a few verbalized sentiments. Sexual motivation in romantic relationships is strong.

A controversial feeling that Nicaraguan women experience in their families is divided love.

The Case Study of Divided Love in Nicaraguan Families

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Patriarchal cultures are still widespread in many countries across the world. These are usually traditional societies. Classical patriarchy is characterized by inequalities between men and women. Men take dominant positions in the family, while women are in submissive positions. Despite such inequality, both men and women fulfill their family roles, which are different, with reasonable contributions from both sides. The man provides resources, makes the rules, and takes control of family issues. The woman remains at home, does her family work, and nurtures the children.

The patriarchal system in some communities in Nicaragua, a Central American country, is different. This is known as “absentee patriarchy.” Men frequently have more than one wife and children with other women. And such situations are culturally accepted. “Absentee patriarchy” means that a man is physically absent from the family but still tries to control much of the woman’s life.

What about Nicaraguan love? How do love relationships look for women and men?

A Controversial Love Relationship

Women frequently accept unequal roles and exchange unequal responsibilities. They accept their husbands’ infidelity in the hope that this self-sacrifice will bring them fulfillment of their emotional longings. The woman’s motivation to maintain the relationship has been more emotional than financial. They strive to establish and maintain a relationship with their husband, even when they are subjected to emotional or physical abuse at his hands.

Women tolerate and accept many things from men. A man can abandon her and leave her for another woman at any time. It is culturally appropriate. So, the woman strives to keep the man, despite anything. However, in many cases, the reality is still difficult: they need to share their husband with another woman.

Women need to accept the circumstances when their men live simultaneously with other women and move back and forth. They usually call their feelings associated with such love “amor compartido“, meaning “divided love” or “traición“, meaning “treason” (Hagene, 2010).

This “sharing” occurs against the woman’s will and is painful but inevitable. Many women are torn between subordinating themselves to this unavoidable practice. They attempt to free themselves from this dependency. However, this would imply losing the man.

The Divided Love of Nicaraguan women

Women frequently choose to subordinate themselves to men in the hope of gaining emotional fulfillment in the realm of love. However, they meet this challenge in their marital lives in different ways.

Many of the women’s stories reveal how they need to tolerate maltreatment and violence (Hagene, 2010). They experience being beaten by their husbands, yet they prefer this adversity, not wanting to be abandoned.

Infidelity by a husband is another challenge that many women encounter. However, they explain their feelings in certain ways because they perceive love differently. Anyway, Nicaraguan women consider public infidelity in front of neighbors to be hurtful.

Secret infidelity practices appear to be compatible with the companionate perception of love. However, it would not be called romantic love.

Some women consider the infidelity of their husbands to be a problem only if he is not discreet. They are afraid that people will learn about it and tell others about it. The publicity surrounding infidelity is upsetting.

Discrete infidelity is more acceptable. So, women like it when their husbands go to other towns and have their affairs there, away from prying eyes.

Here are some stories from women who have lived through such love relationships:

A woman seemed to adapt to her husband’s infidelity, even though it hurt her. She had started living with her husband when she was 18 years old. They soon had children, and she worked double shift in a shop to maintain them all while he was studying agronomy. ‘To me it was happiness to be with my children and my husband’, she remembered. ‘My husband was not a saint, but if he was with me for a while, I was happy. Then he would go with other women, and I suffered, but when he came back, I was happy again’. She accepted her husband’s womanizing until he went too far. Her story highlights how this was a highly ambiguous experience. She felt liberated, but at the same time she experienced a sensation of loss.

(Hagene, 2010, p. 34).

Such “liberation” also implies a “loss” because she does not want him to go. However, she cannot take such “sharing” anymore (Hagene, 2010).

According to these stories, some men are very nice, amiable, tender, and loving when they conquer a girl and marry her. Relationship challenges begin later—in some cases, years later.

Husbands may begin with mere womanizing and then progress to engaging in parallel relationships. As we see, women in companionate love are frequently tolerant of such covert extramarital affairs. Even when such a relationship transforms into a kind of polygyny, women still accept their partners’ private infidelity.

Divided Love Despite Anything

Thus, many Nicaraguan women live their marital lives in a state of tension between agency and subordination. They do income-generating work, take on domestic work, and fulfill their child-rearing responsibilities and conjugal duties. Despite having little economic dependency, women accept such unequal exchanges with men for emotional reasons. Women grant their husbands status and services in exchange for very little, but often need to face their violence and infidelity (Hagene, 2010).

Gender Roles in Families in Nicaragua

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Across cultural history, patriarchal systems have been common in many human societies. Gender inequality has been typical of such patriarchal cultures. It is still widely present in many traditional societies around the world. Gender inequality in patriarchal societies, however, has cultural variations across all cultures. Let us see how it looks in Nicaragua, the country situated in Central America.

Inequality in Gender Roles in Nicaragua

In Nicaragua, there is a patriarchal culture with a social hierarchy of gender roles. Men have a higher social status than women. They have more affordances in their behavior than women do. Their culturally normative rights in a relationship are unequal. Men are supposed to be dominant, while women are supposed to be submissive.

Such gender roles and inequalities are rooted in the Latin American cultural norms of “machismo” and “marianismo,” which reflect the masculinity of men and the femininity of women. In Nicaragua, however, machismo and patriarchy take an odd twist with peculiar characteristics (Karandashev, 2017).

Typical Nicaraguan machismo cultural practices include their independence from family obligations, plenty of leisure time, taking adventurous actions, gambling, drinking, and womanizing. According to these gender norms, it is acceptable for men to do whatever they want. They are proud to feel independent.

On the other hand, Nicaraguan women, like many other Latin American women, are supposed to follow the ideal of “marianismo.” The typical cultural roles of Nicaraguan marianismo are to be a “good woman,” submissive, and nurturing. Women are expected to serve men and accept any degree of freedom in their behavior (Hagene, 2010).

These unequal gender roles of Nicaraguan men and women also include their sexual inequality. Society accepts that men are free in their sexual behavior, while women are culturally restricted in their sexuality. Both men and women view these cultural practices as normal. It is assumed that men are sexual beings and women are emotional beings.

Family Roles of Nicaraguan Women and Men

A Nicaraguan man can engage in polygamous relationships after being married. Men frequently have multiple women at the same time. Their formal marriage does not preclude husbands from having more than one partner. They can have two wives and children with other women. They feel free from family obligations.

On the other hand, a Nicaraguan married woman is more likely to stay in monogamy. Sometimes, she may need to engage in a serial monogamous relationship. It happens when one husband abandons her for another woman while another man approaches her with romantic advances. Women in Nicaragua are usually householders. They have strong agency in the economic and religious areas of their family life. However, they are certainly dependent on men in emotional and, to some extent, social matters (Hagene, 2010).

These examples of marital relationships represent a widespread cultural practice in society rather than isolated incidents. Hagene (2010) called this type of patriarchy the “absentee patriarchy,” in which a man is largely physically absent from the family but still attempts to control much of the woman’s life. In family relations, the man forces the woman into dependency by threatening to leave her. In fact, they frequently do so. Such an ambiguous relationship can also be called love, yet it is quite specific. The man practices this kind of love, which the woman calls amor compartido. This means “shared love,” when the man has another lover and sometimes has a second family.

Dramatic Stories of Women’s Marriages in Southwest Nicaragua

Historically, women’s economic reliance on men contributed to gender role asymmetry in Nicaraguan patriarchal society. However, women now control and head a sizable portion (nearly half) of families and households.

These cases are especially common in rural residency areas in southwest Nicaragua, such as San Juan, a small coastal town situated 87 miles (140 kilometers) south of Managua, the country’s capital.

An anthropological study has revealed the dramatic stories of love and marriage of women in those cultural contexts (Hagene, 2010). The women revealed in their interviews how difficult it is to balance the needs for income earning, raising their children, serving, and providing sexual and emotional support for their husbands, who frequently have more than one wife and family.

Why do women continue to accept such inequality and presumably unjust relationships with men? Hagene’s anthropological research shows that the reasons women submit to men and stay in relationships that aren’t fair are more emotional than economic.

Stories of Women’s Marriages in the Nicaraguan City of Rivas

It is likely that cultural practices differ across the country. Here are different examples obtained from the city of Rivas, located on land between the Pacific Ocean and Lake Nicaragua in southwestern Nicaragua. The stories of other studies have shown different pictures of marriage. For instance, patriarchy in the vegetable-growing collective in Rivas shows a different form of family relations. The husbands apparently sustain their wives and families, as in the classic patterns of patriarchy (Montoya, 2003).

Even though gender inequality is still present, it is based on a relatively fair contribution from both a man and a woman. In such families, the man makes the rules, provides resources, and holds control of family issues while the woman stays home, does household work, and cares for the children.

The Pursuit of Fair Marriages and Families in Nicaragua

There can be hope for more gender equality, just gender roles, and fair marital and family relationships in Nicaragua. In the 1980s, the Sandinista revolutionary government declared new legislation. The new laws pursue less asymmetrical and more just gender relationships. These laws also advocate for more egalitarian family authority, child support, and divorce.

However, Sandinista gender ideologies were ambiguous, allowing men to interpret revolutionary masculinity on their own terms. This revolutionary legislature was not able to dismantle gender inequality but destabilized local patriarchies (Montoya, 2003).

Cultural practices are still diverse in different regions of the country and, likely, in different social classes. In some residential areas and communities, such as Rivas, patriarchal cultural norms tend to be relatively fair according to the classic patriarchy. However, in other regions, such as San Juan, these new laws did not inspire husbands to fairly contribute to their household and maintain responsible family relations.

The Strange Gender Inequality between Nicaraguan Men and Women

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Sex differences between men and women are commonly known for several biological characteristics. The long history of gender inequality has shaped social and psychological differences in many patriarchal societies. There is no doubt that these different sexual and gender roles are reflected in the cultural norms and practices of how men and women love and marry.

The gender inequality of patriarchal societies, however, has cultural specifics across all cultures of the world. Let us consider gender-specific love and relationships in Nicaragua, the Central American country located between the Pacific Ocean and the Caribbean Sea.

The Notions of “Machismo” and “Marianismo” in Nicaraguan Culture

In Nicaraguan culture, there is a social hierarchy in which men have a higher rank and have more freedom than women. The rights in a relationship are unequal, with culturally normative men’s dominance and women’s submissiveness. These gender roles and relationship inequalities are coined in the culturally specific terms of “machismo” and “marianismo”, which are associated with Latin American notions of masculinity and femininity (Karandashev, 2017; Lancaster, 1992, p. 92).

The sociocultural conditions of colonial and Catholic traditions have had a significant impact on Nicaragua, like many other Latin American nations in that cultural region. These historical origins have had a significant impact on the formation of gender-specific concepts like “machismo” and “marianismo.” They still certainly affect relations between men and women.

Nicaraguan patriarchy and masculine “machismo,” however, have certain specific characteristics.

Typical masculine behaviors are characterized by independence, risky actions, drinking, gambling, and womanizing. These are the social norms and practices that men are commonly expected to follow in relationships. The fact that men don’t follow these rules is a threat to their manliness.

Cultural Norms of Gender Inequality in Nicaraguan relationships

Machismo norms presumptively assume that wives should serve their husbands in marital relationships. On the other hand, their gender norms allow men to do whatever they want. They can drink and womanize. Women tend to forgive their male spouse’s behavior. Following their gender roles, they frequently justify their husbands’ behavior and infidelity. They say that these manly traits, like strong sexual desires, are part of “male nature.”

According to “marianismo” roles, women demonstrate their submissive and nurturing qualities. They fulfill their gender roles as “good women,” upholding the chastity norm. Community control, ‘social censorship’, ‘rumors’, and ‘gossip’ strengthen their behaviors (Hagene, 2010).

Sexual Inequality in Nicaraguan Marriages

On the one hand, according to gender norms, women are expected to be chaste, submissive, and follow their sexual fidelity. On the other hand, according to gender norms, men can conquer, dominate, and womanize. Such practices are culturally normal. Both men and women believe that men are sexual beings and women are emotional beings.

Both men and women can have extramarital affairs. However, only men in Nicaragua can publicly display these relationships. Sometimes, they even use such relationships to implicitly threaten their women. This way, they enforce them to accept their behavior as it is. For women, having such complicated relationships with their partners is physically and emotionally painful, but they have to put up with it and accept it (Hagene, 2010).

It is common in Nicaraguan society for men to be romancing multiple women at the same time. But only one of these women succeeds in establishing herself as the ‘woman of his house.’ (Montoya, 2002).

Nicaraguan Men and Women Have Complicated Monogamous Relationships

In marriage, Nicaraguan women are more likely to practice monogamy than their husbands. Women often need to practice serial monogamy when they have one husband after another. They still maintain their family household. These instances present a widespread cultural practice rather than individual cases.

In contrast, men frequently practice “polymonogamy.” Formal marriage does not prevent husbands from having several partners. Men often have several women at the same time. Husbands may have two wives at the same time and have children with other women while still living with the first. This case also represents a widespread cultural practice (Hagene, 2008, p.32).

It appears that the practices of intergender relationships in Nicaragua are still following the cultural norms of gender inequality. The Nicaraguans continue to be resistant to modern cultural norms of gender equality, which are evident in many other societies.

What about Nicaraguan love? How does it look?

When We Are in Love, We Have Irrational Thinking

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For many people, romantic love appears to be an enchanting and mysterious emotional experience. It seems to be something irrational and inexplicable. People are curious about the secrets of love, yet not many scholars dare to rationally explain or scientifically understand why we fall in love. Do we follow our irrational thinking when we are in love?

Our Irrational Human Nature

Through centuries and across cultures, people have been inclined to think irrationally and intuitively about many things. Little knowledge and a lack of rational thinking were the main reasons why they thought this way.

Even though science has helped us understand the world and life more rationally, people still tend to think irrationally and rely on their gut feelings.

The Power of Irrational Thinking

This is why many people believe in some secret supernatural powers, in “conspiracy theories”, astrology, horoscopes, amulets, talismans, charms, interpretations of dreams, and many other mystical and magical things. No rational explanation can change their beliefs. These beliefs are persistent, despite anything.

Concerning this point, Howard Rankin asserts,

“Human beings are not logical; we are storytellers most interested in emotional comfort and safety. We can convince ourselves and justify anything. “

(Rankin, 2019).

As he claims,

“We are basically still Neanderthal, focused on survival and safety, and living in the present. Our brains haven’t adapted to a much more complex world.”

(Rankin, 2019).

Why Does Love Have Irrational Thinking?

In the same way, people believe in the irrational nature of romantic love and love attraction. They tend to trust their intuition rather than rational arguments. Many believe in fate and destiny in love, in the mythic “chemistry of love,” and in love at first sight. They believe that relationships work or do not work for them because they do not have the right “chemistry”. They tend to be intuitive and irrational in their relationships.

Many people believe that the mysteries of romantic love are beyond our rational knowledge, reason, and logic. Their ideas of love relationships concede some irrationality. People in traditional cultures who were not as well educated called this “the magic of love.” People who are better educated today call it “love’s chemistry.” Yet, love chemistry is still hard for us to understand from a scientific point of view. The term seems scholarly and respectable at first, although it is still irrational in its subject.

In their scholarly approach to love, modern educated and scientific conceptions of love strive to be rational, reasonable, and scientifically based. Nowadays, references to the stars aligning for a couple or fate sound pseudoscientific. The Amour’s, or Cupid’s, arrow in a heart is a beautiful symbol, but the myth seems too naïve to believe for modern people.

Nevertheless, many of them continue to believe in love irrationally. Why is that? 

The Pitfalls of Irrational Thinking

First, people’s minds have a dichotomy of rational and irrational thinking. Many can think rationally about science and business but prefer to think irrationally about their internal experiences and relationships. They can be objective about some things but tend to be subjective about others. They can be objective researchers in science, though they can be subjective devotees in religion. For them, these different perspectives appear compatible.

The Pitfalls of Intuitive Thinking

Second, people have two modes of thinking: analytical and intuitive. People can be rational and analytical thinkers in their cognition of objective external objects in the world. However, it is difficult for them to be objective toward people—others and themselves. They tend to think irrationally and intuitively about people and relationships.

The Pitfalls of Exhaustive Thinking

Third, critical thinking can be exhausting. Hard and extensive thinking is tiresome. As some people know, too much thinking can cause a headache. Therefore, some people prefer to rely on simplistic shortcuts, such as intuitive, irrational thinking. It is easier and simpler, yet frequently biased. People are especially biased in their perception of others, themselves, and relationships.

The Pitfalls of Thrilling Emotions

Fourth, people tend to like everything that is mysterious, surprising, wonderful, beautiful, and fascinating. Love is such a “thing” that excites men and women, young and old. They like the thrill of such knowledge. It is natural that they like things, experiences, and events that are intriguing, captivating, and charming.

Idealistic Thinking Makes Men and Women Happy

Across various cultures, romantic tales of folklore, art, novels, poetry, and movies have described romantic love and romantic relationships in fascinating, exciting, wonderful, and intriguing ways. Often, their plots and depictions are beautiful and unbelievably idealistic. They are like fairy tales or scary stories, which are thrilling and inspiring for children. In the same way, adults love romantic stories just as kids love fairy tales. Sometimes, they believe their dreams will come true.

Irrational, idealistic thinking is fascinating and exciting. Why then succumb to rational, realistic thinking? It seems more interesting to think irrationally, especially about love and relationships.

Love Destiny Across Cultures

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Is love really our destiny in life? What do different cultural beliefs tell us about love destiny? Our love destiny is likely to be our fate for life.

Love is a mysterious and unknown force that many cultural traditions consider fate and destiny. The English term “destiny” has Latin origins, denoting the meaning “determined.” It stands for a strong supernatural power that is embodied and personified as a cosmic or God’s superpower. It determines what happens in people’s lives and relationships.

The belief in fate and destined love suggests that there is only one true love and one predetermined marriage for life. Prospective partners are either meant for each other or not.

The Cross-Cultural Universality of Fate and Love Destiny

In many cultures and periods of history, people have held the view that love and a long-term relationship are their fate and destiny. These are the traditional European romantic love ideals found in literature and scholarship. Anthropological studies have shown that these cultural beliefs exist in many African and Asian societies (see for review, Karandashev, 2017, 2019).

These folk and literary perceptions are mirrored in words such as destiny and fate, which assume the existence of an ultimate agent that guides a person to perfect love and predetermined marital partnerships. True love is an unavoidable fate. It is beyond a person’s control. He or she just ought to succumb and accept it as destined love, with all that happens.

The Lexicon of Love Destiny Across Cultures

In many cultures and languages, there are words that express the meanings of fate, love destiny, or something similar. For example, the classical Greek word for an unshakable and binding destiny is “anánk” (starcrossed love). The Japanese word for the feeling that love with this person is inevitable is “koi no yokan.” The Chinese word for a force impelling a relationship’s destiny is “yuán fèn.” The Korean word for lifelong, unshakable love is “sarang” (Lomas, 2018).

We can see that the notion of predetermined love has appeared in a variety of cultures and languages. Here are just a couple of examples of the cultural beliefs in fate and destiny in love and marriage.

The Burmese Cultural Idea of Love Destiny

In a Burmese cultural context, here is the concept of love as fate. Previously known as Burma, Myanmar is a Southeast Asian country heavily influenced by Buddhist culture. Burmese folklore tradition teaches men and women that love is their fate.

The cultural myth tells people that shortly after one’s birth, the Hindu god Brahma writes one’s love destiny on the forehead. So, the destiny of love is what guides men and women in love and in their marital future, one for life. In Burmese society, there is no custom of arranged marriages. People follow their destiny.

Love is mostly involved in the marital relationship, along with sentimental affection, sexual attraction, sympathy, and attachment. However, despite its importance in men’s and women’s marital lives, love is exhibited in moderation (Victor de Munck, 2019; Spiro 1977).

Like in other East Asian societies, Burmese spouses are reserved in their emotional expressions.

The Chinese Cultural Idea of Love Destiny

These are the cultural beliefs about destined love in Chinese society. People have traditionally followed their faith through relational fatalism. Predestined relational affinity is embodied in the Chinese concept of “yuan” (Goodwin & Findlay, 1997; Yang, 2006).

Because they believe in a predetermined relationship affinity, people think that the type of relationship, how long it will last, and how well it will work are all determined by affinity.

The different types of yuan are the external and stable causal factors determining different types of relationships. This external attribution of the relationship to “yuan” plays its vital social-defensive and ego-defensive roles in the relationship.

In establishing a relationship, Chinese men and women particularly appreciate relational harmony. They have a fear of disharmony in the relationship and strive for harmony for the sake of harmony itself. Due to the attribution of yuan, family relationships are supposed to be kept harmonious and stable (Yang, 2006).

Our Love Destiny in Life

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Do we have a choice in love? Or is love really our destiny that we need to realize and follow?

Throughout history, folklore, literature, and art have portrayed romantic love as a mysterious connection between two people. People could not explain this feeling through rational thinking, logic, or reason. It seems there is some kind of “magic of love.” Such a mysterious force of love is love destiny or fate.

What Is Destiny?

Beliefs in destiny have been part of the cultures of many societies for hundreds of years. The term came from the Latin verb “dēstināre” which means “to determine.” The word refers to a powerful supernatural force that determines what happens in people’s lives. It is an unknown cosmic or divine superpower.

The modern term “destiny” commonly describes a preset and unavoidable future occurrence, experience, or outcome. The word also refers to the powerful force that determines them. Instead of natural causation, people believe in supernatural causation, which is responsible for the events. People can understand natural causes and generally control them. However, people cannot comprehend supernatural causes, and they are beyond their control.

“Fate” is just another word that people use to describe the meaning of the word “destiny.”

The belief in destiny has endured throughout time and cultures. Destiny has often been personified and represented as a person, idol, or other natural thing with supernatural power. It was often a goddess who possessed the power to determine the course of events in life.

The psychological phenomenon of “hindsight bias” easily explains the belief in love’s destiny. In other words, this is the “knew-it-all-along” phenomenon when people overestimate how predictable past events were. This is a psychological illusion of predictability. Hindsight bias misrepresents memories of what has occurred.

What Is Love Destiny

A belief in fate and destined love implies that we have just one predestined real love with a single person for life. According to this belief, we have a prospective partner who is destined for us.

The men and women who are waiting for the strike of true love are faithfully waiting for such a “magical” moment. Romantic novels and movies beautifully depict this “special” moment when a mysterious spark strikes the heart.

When a man or a woman is already in the state of being in romantic love, they have a magical experience that they have waited for and loved this person their whole life.

  • They feel a tacit sense of love destiny.
  • They realize they haven’t chosen their beloved.
  • They believe that unknown fortune, like fate, brought them this blessing of love.
  • They suddenly experience this impulse of natural attraction that comes from some supernatural force.
  • They call it “love destiny.”

“He believes it was his destiny to be there that day so that he could meet her—it was meant to be.”

According to the “love destiny” myth, men and women are predestined (or not predestined) to fall in love with someone. They do not choose to love someone; love destiny predetermines whom they fall in love with—once and for the rest of their lives. Romantic love ideals suggest that love is an unpredictable force and an unknown reality.

Romantic lovers deem that they have only one person in the world who is truly predestined for them. That person is their soul mate for life, with all their strengths and weaknesses. They believe it is better to “follow your heart than your head.” All these things are possible for true love, and it will find its way and endure forever.

Do You Believe or Not in Love Destiny?

Romantic ideals of predestined love have endured throughout the centuries. They were the sources of ultimate happiness, drama, and tragedy. Belief in destiny is a kind of “superstition.” Science often teaches us to abandon superstitions as scientifically invalid. Shall we do this in love?

However, such idealistic beliefs can be useful in life. Studies have found that romantic partners who believe in romantic destiny experience higher relationship satisfaction and have more stable relationships. Researchers found that it is true, at least for many Americans (e.g., Knee, 1998).

Yet “love destiny” can be a phenomenon that people believe in across cultures.

The Science of Love at First Sight

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Romantic love has been traditionally portrayed as a mysterious, inexplicable bond between two people—a man and a woman. It is a feeling that can’t be explained by logic or rational thought. Love emerges from the heart, not from the head. Love is a mysterious experience that makes a person enormously happy or sorrowfully miserable. It often comes unexpectedly as the enigmatic sense of “love at first sight.” We instantly know it is he or she—one who is special and uniquely destined for us.

The mysterious feelings associated with love are fascinating. And people across many cultures experience love at first sight.

Does this imply that love has a supernatural power? Is there any way for science to explain the “love-at-first-sight” phenomenon? Researchers have been able to explore the psychological experience of why I might fall in love with someone I just met for the first time.

The Irrational Nature of Love at First Sight

The cross-cultural commonality of the phenomena and lexicon of love at first sight likely emerges from the basic human mechanisms, which are psychological and physiological in nature. This experience of love is largely unconscious, irrational, intuitive, and not well reflected by individuals. One can explain this irrational aspect of love through the biochemistry of love or fate.

Fate is a good old-fashioned explanation for less educated people. Biochemistry sounds more scientific—according to the modern educated culture. Nevertheless, it still sounds magical. It implies that love at first sight is impossible to explain rationally.

Scientific Explanations of Love at First Sight

Scientifically, a “hindsight bias” can explain the belief in love’s destiny. In hindsight, memories of events are distorted. This is an experience of the “knew-it-all-along” phenomenon, when a person overestimates how predictable past events are. This is a psychological predictability illusion.

Here is another scientific explanation. It is likely that intuitive abilities allow a person to quickly appraise a suitable partner in about 100 ms (Olson & Marshuetz, 2005; Willis & Todorov, 2006). A physically attractive man or woman is more likely to spark love at first sight. It triggers their instant passionate physical attraction, which is experienced intuitively as an intense gut feeling.

This heightened passion of infatuation precipitates the “halo” effect, transmitting this emotional experience in total adoration of the beloved one. “José Maria had been a victim of Cupid’s arrows the instant he laid eyes on Soledad. Physical attraction and erotic passion were transformed in romantic love into an intuition of the qualities of the beloved” (Dueñas-Vargas, 2015p. 2).

The phenomenon can also be explained as an altered, idealized perception of another person induced by romantic infatuation or retrospective illusion (Grant-Jacob, 2016; Zsok, Haucke, De Wit, & Barelds, 2017). This is referred to as the “love is blind” bias. The belief in love at first sight can be retrospective due to the positive hindsight bias and the projection of current passion onto the first encounter. Unconsciously, their first meeting is tied to romantic relationship ideals as a way to make it special.

Cultural Differences in Attitudes Toward Love at First Sight

The cultures, however, differ in the value that people place on idealization and romantic beliefs—love at first sight is among those. Studies conducted in the 1980s–1990s and early 2000s (see, for review, Karandashev, 2019, 2021b) discovered that French, Germans, British, and Russians are more romantic than Americans. However, Americans are more romantic in their beliefs than Japanese, Chinese, Indians, Turkish, and African students.

The major noticeable differences between these societies are individualistic versus collectivistic, liberal versus conservative values, idealistic versus pragmatic orientations of their cultures, and corresponding individual freedom versus kin responsibility in marital choice. We can expect that people in those societies have corresponding beliefs about love at first sight—whether it is worthwhile to believe in this kind of love or not, if you have the freedom to follow your emotional inspiration or not. It’s also worth mentioning that in some countries, the old European traditions of romantic literature and art can still have a lasting effect on romantic beliefs. The belief in love at first sight is among them.