Category Archives: compassionate love

The Chinese Culture of Altruistic Love

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Western scholars and the educated public are well familiar with the concepts of altruism and altruistic love. In the ancient Greek philosophy, the word “agape” defined this kind of altruistic, selfless, and all-giving love. Later, Christian teachings elevated the concept of universal altruistic love, characterized by unconditional kindness and compassion for others. However, these Western cultural ideas of altruistic love are not unique in the history of human civilizations.

In different parts of the world, especially the Eastern cultures, the ideas of altruistic love appeared quite early in the history of Chinese civilizations.

The Confucian Contributions to Chinese Culture

Confucianism, Buddhism, and Taoism are the three Chinese religious philosophies that have had the greatest influence on Chinese culture. Their schools of thought also substantially affected the Chinese understanding of altruistic love. The ancient Chinese philosopher and prophet Confucius (trad. 551–479 BCE) is perhaps the most significant social reformer in East Asian history. His name is associated with many of East Asia’s foundational concepts and cultural practices. He was known in early modern Europe as an originator of “Eastern” thought. He had a substantial impact on the social and cultural development of China in its early history. This is why his name is well-known as a global metonym for the culture of traditional East Asian societies.

Confucian religious and philosophical teachings have been the foundations of Chinese values’ ethics and social and moral philosophy. Altruism was a prominent theme in Confucian ethical teaching.

So, the concepts of loving kindness and altruistic love played a central role in the ethical teachings of Confucius. One of his frequently quoted sayings says:

“Do not do to others what you would not like to do to yourself.”

It is easy to see how this Chinese concept of love is comparable to the Christian teaching of agape love, which I mentioned earlier.

On the other hand, this Chinese concept refers to love in a structurally graded form and not the unconditional love advocated by Christian teachings. The concept of altruism in Christianity takes on a more egalitarian form. It emphasizes love for all people rather than the establishment of hierarchical structures as in Chinese cultural concepts.

The Chinese “Ren”

The fundamental virtue of Confucian moral ethics is the concept of “ren.” It’s important to note that the idea of “ren” is also highly valued in Buddhist and Taoist cultures (Chan, 1955; Dubs, 1951).

The word “ren” is frequently translated as kindness, altruism, compassion, benevolence, and benevolent love. Confucius defined the term “ren” with the common Chinese term “ai”, which means “love.” It is important to note that the Chinese character for “ren” consists of two parts: “human”and “two.” Therefore, according to Confucius, ren is an essential human quality in which two humans express benevolent and altruistic love for one another.

How Is Confucian Ren Different from Christian Agape?

In contrast to the Christian ideal of agape love, the Confucian concept of ren reflected the hierarchical social structure of Chinese society. The five (“wu-lun”) zones were distinguished by the hierarchy of their group relationships.

In Chinese culture, these five cardinals of wu-lun are, in descending order,

(1) Emperor-Ministers (state level),

(2) Father-son (family level),

(3) Husband-wife (family level),

(4) Older-younger brothers (family level), and

(5) Friends (individual level).

In Chinese culture, these five wu-lun of social relations establish the relationship web of society. In Chinese culture, the social life is made up of these five wu-lun of social relationships.

The Hierarchical Nature of Love Attitudes in Chinese “Ren”

Confucius viewed “ren” primarily as the love attitude of a bountiful lord. The superior must demonstrate generosity and kindness toward his subordinates.

Confucian ethics did not expect subordinates to show superiors benevolent love since this would be presumptuous. The culturally proper expressions of love from subordinates toward superiors are loyalty and submission (Chan, 1955; Dubs, 1951).

According to Confucius, people tend to feel and show more natural love towards their parents, relatives, and other close relatives. He taught that altruistic love between members of a small network of relationships is stronger than between members outside of this relationship network.

The Cultural Legacy of Confucian Teachings on Love

Confucius and his disciples in the following times believed that equal love for all was unnatural (Chan, 1955; Dubs, 1951). Therefore, the Confucian cultural ideas of this graded love have been prevalent in many Asian societies for a number of centuries (Ma, 2009). As a direct consequence of Confucius’ legacy and his cultural roots, the hierarchical model of love is still widely accepted in Chinese society. Such a hierarchical conception of love is also widespread in other East Asian cultures that are dominated by the Confucian philosophy (Karandashev, 2022a).

The Christian Culture of Altruistic Love

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Being originated from the ancient Greek philosophy, the word “agape” defining this kind of selfless and all-giving love, elevated in Christian teachings as the universal love of mankind, the love for all and for everyone. The core feature of agape love is altruism, along with its unconditional kindness, compassion, and empathetic feelings for others.

Ancient Greek Origins of Agape Love

The word “agape” and the term “agape love” originated from the philosophy of the Ancient Greeks. Since those times, it has conveyed the meaning of universal love for all and for everyone. It is love of mankind. However, it also carries the meaning of unconditional and empathetic love, connotated with kindness, compassion, and concern for others. In this regard, agape love is selfless love. It serves the interests and wellbeing of others without expecting anything in return. Because of this, the concept of agape love is often associated with the concept of altruistic love.

Agape love was one of many kinds of love in ancient Greece, along with philia, storge, eros, and pragma.

Agape love was elevated in the Christian Scriptures as the transcendent love, the highest form of love. It was contrasted with the erotic love of eros and the brotherly love of philia.

What Is Agape and Altruistic Love in Christianity?

Agapē in the New Testament was defined as the fatherly love of God for humans and the human reciprocal love for God. The culture of Christianity further elevated the ideals of selflessness and unconditional love, known to the ancient Greeks as agape (Post, 1990, 2002).

In Christian culture, the altruism of agape love means universal love. Agape is the highest type of Christian love; it is the “gift of love” (Lewis, 1960; Post, 2003; Templeton, 1999).

The unconditional, compassionate, and caring love that God has for all people is referred to as agape love. It is regarded as the most important theological virtue. The agape, as noted above, represents both the love that God has for humanity and the love that humanity has for God in return. These kinds of love also serve as models for the love that people should have for one another—through their relationship with God.

The teachings of Jesus Christ revolve around selfless and unconditional love as the core religious value. The love that Jesus has for his followers transcends all boundaries. And the Gospel of Luke emphasizes this (Meisinger, 2000). In the parable of the Good Samaritan, we see a perfect illustration of altruistic love that puts others before oneself (Luke 10:25–37). The moral of this teaching is that benevolence and kindness should be extended to all people.

The Christian Perspective on Agape Love

Here is a summary of Jesus’s commandments:

“Love [agapao] the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love [agapao] your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:36-39, NRSV).

According to Christian teaching, love entails taking responsibility for the wellbeing of other people. In other words, this idea emphasizes the significance of loving the people around oneself, including members of one’s immediate family as well as strangers. The Christian principle of universal love implies the meaning of altruistic love for everyone. Such agape love does not require anything in return. It is the highest form of love.

The golden rule of love entails the following:

“In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets” (Matt 7:12 NRSV).

Throughout the centuries, Christian religion and theology have had a significant impact on many different cultures, not only in Europe and North America but also in other parts of the world (Karandashev, 2022a).

What Is Agape Love?

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Agape love, in its broadest sense, refers to a love that encompasses all people and is directed toward all. Love that is selfless, selfless, and kind is love that is directed toward other people. In other words, it is love that gives without expecting anything in return and is completely selfless.

What Is Agape?

The term agape conveys a very broad meaning of love for all and for everyone. Specific forms of agape embody such feelings and actions as benevolence, compassion, kindness, and concern for others. These could be romantic partners, family members, relatives, friends, acquaintances, or even strangers.

This kind of love is an unconditional and universal feeling and action of kindness. Agape love is love for the sake of another person or other people, regardless of personal interests or benefits. This is why agape love frequently refers to the meaning of altruistic love.

What Does “Agape Love” Mean?

Even though the word “agape” derives from Ancient Greek philosophy, the other major ancient civilizations also had comparable terms. For example, the Latin term “caritas” and the Chinese word “ren” are similar in meaning to the Greek term “agape.”

“The core meaning of agape is other-centered love, selfless love, and selfless giving of anything that may convey love feelings, emotions, attitudes, and values.”

(Karandashev, 2022a, p. 290).

An individual’s capacity for agape love can be estimated by the measures of how much and how significant things they are willing to give up and even sacrifice for the benefit of another person. The feeling that an individual is willing to die – to sacrifice even their own life as the most precious thing for another person – is the highest and most complete expression of agape love.

Agape Is Self-less Love

One of the most notable features of agape love is that no return is expected. Genuine examples of such agape love are uncommon among people. True agape love is rare.

It is different from the exchange model of relationships, in which couples expect that their beloved will do something good for them. Many lovers expect pleasure and other rewards from their loved ones and relationships. When doing something good for their beloved, they implicitly expect to be rewarded in an emotional, personal, or material sense. They also expect some kind of recognition or appreciation.

The Cultural Origins of Agape

The term agape originates from Ancient Greek philosophy. As I noted above, the Latin word “caritas” is synonymous in several meanings with the Greek word “agape.” The meaning of the Chinese word “ren” is also comparable to that of the Greek term “agape.”

The ideals of agape love have been elevated in Christian culture. The concepts of agape love in Chinese culture are expressed in other words such as “ren.” Confucianism, Buddhism, and Taoism are the three Chinese religious philosophies that all convey the concept of agape love.

The concept of agape is present in numerous other religious traditions as well. Religions like Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Confucianism, and Native American spirituality promote altruistic and unconditional agape love as the most important human virtue (see Templeton, 1999 for a review).

For example, Theravāda Buddhism has praised the value of “mettā”, or “universal loving kindness.” This love of the agape type inspires the spiritual individual to “love without regard to return.” This love is communicated to others through acts of kindness, compassion, and generosity. The following a path of compassion and concern for others is the primary cultural value in the lives of Buddhists (Templeton, 1999). So, the idea and word of “agape love” have been around for a long time and have meant different things to different people in different cultures.

How Kindness Makes People Healthier

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Kindness is at the foundation of what it means to love someone. Being kind is an essential expression of love for another person. In general, acts of kindness and love help us maintain and cultivate happy and healthy relationships with others. When we are thoughtful toward one another and do nice things for other people, it makes those other people feel good.

The recipient of such kind love experiences positive emotions and a sense of well-being. Moreover, the giver of such kind love also benefits from these feelings and actions. The selfless acts you perform do, in fact, provide you with more psychological benefits than you might think at first.

Kindness makes people not only happier but also healthier. It is important to recognize that our physical and mental health can improve when we are kind, considerate, and compassionate toward other people.  Kindness, in whatever form it takes, appears to elicit positive and eliminate negative physiological and psychological responses in people. Kindness in relationships tends to buffer their negative emotions and stresses. Studies have shown that interventions that focus on kindness are good for physical and mental health, preventing the common cold, and dealing with pain.

Kindness Tends to Prevent Common Colds

It may be surprising, but kindness can help to reduce the prevalence of the common cold. According to some evidence, people who perceived clinicians showing greater empathy experienced (1) increased levels of immune responses, (2) less severe symptoms of the common cold, and (3) lower durations of the common cold. The findings from randomized controlled trials are encouraging (Rakel et al., 2009). Kindness can help keep you from getting sick, even if it’s just the common cold. 

The Positive Impact of Kindness on Pain Relief

It has been known for quite a long time that not only physiological processes but also mental ones can influence the intensity with which one experiences pain. Consistent with this evidence, the use of psychological treatments and specific interventions has been utilized and shown to be beneficial for those suffering from long-term pain. Many of these treatments are based on active self-kindness, such as mindfulness. Cognitive behavior therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy have widely used the benefits of kindness.

Compassion-focused Therapy of Pain

For example, compassion-focused therapy (CFT) is based on the power of kindness. This is a type of psychotherapy that merges the techniques of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) with concepts of Buddhist psychology. It also employs some ideas from social, developmental, and neuroscience to teach compassion. Compassion-focused therapy is especially beneficial for people who tend to frequently experience shame and high self-criticism. This makes it difficult for them to feel warm toward and be kind to themselves or others.

One study, for example, looked at how interventions based on compassion and loving-kindness affected how people thought about and felt about persistent pain (Penlington, 2019).

Some people tend to over-evaluate their daily life or past difficulties. Consequently, their soothing systems can be relatively weak. In such cases, kindness and compassion can be a good way to develop these calming systems. Participants in the study practiced compassion-focused exercises, helping them to recognize certain maladaptive patterns in their thoughts and behavior and develop adaptive ones. Researchers came to the conclusion (Penlington, 2019) that compassion-based interventions like mindfulness and loving-kindness exercises could be used in everyday pain management. 

The Benefits of Kindness for the Kind and Loving Person

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The core quality of love is kindness. Being kind to someone else is an act of love. Overall, kindness and love strengthen our positive social connections. All the kind things that we do for other people make them feel good. Such love with kindness brings good feelings and well-being not only to the loved one but also to the person who gives love and kindness. It is worthwhile to note that by doing good and kind things to others, we also benefit psychologically. Is it true? Yes, the kind things you do bring you more psychological benefits than you might think.

How Do You Feel When You Do Something Kind and Good for Someone Else? 

Being kind and loving brings a lot of benefits, not only to the other person whom you love but also to you.

Acts of kindness make you feel more confident, happy, and hopeful. They boost self-esteem and personal satisfaction in one’s life. Such good feelings work as self-rewarding incentives, motivating you to do more and more kind and loving things for others.

People who are kind and loving more frequently experience pleasant feelings. Studies show that being kind and loving makes us feel better. When we do good things for other people, we can feel good and even happy. Doing good things for other people, like helping them out, makes us feel what’s called an “other-praising moral emotion.” This is a term for the good feelings you get when you see other people doing good things, like being generous, selfless, loving, and kind.

Your kind and loving behavior toward others may also inspire others to perform acts of kindness similar to those that they have personally experienced. Therefore, the kindness of love can be contagious. It tends to be reciprocated and transmitted to others. This way, kindness has the power to make the world a better place to live.

All Kinds of Kindness Make Life Happier  

Here is an example of a study I described elsewhere that showed that acts of kindness enhance positive emotions, moods, and wellbeing in those who act kindly. The research findings revealed that those who engaged in acts of kindness felt significantly higher levels of satisfaction with themselves and life. Moreover, the more acts of kindness people perform, the happier they feel. Across groups of participants and experimental conditions, the effect was consistent. Kindness to others, kindness to oneself, and seeing others be kind all make people happier (Rowland & Curry, 2019).

Another study, which I described elsewhere, examined how social media kindness inspires people to do good things. The study demonstrated that watching kindness-related media increased feelings of calmness, gratitude, and happiness. It also reduced people’s irritability. The acts of kindness in the media inspired viewers, making them feel touched and moved. Overall, being kind, even viewing kind media, makes people feel better and more generous (Fryburg et al., 2021).

How Kind Love Can Make Your Relationships Better

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Kindness in interpersonal relationships is very important for people to strengthen their positive social connections and daily love. Such loving kindness makes it easier for individuals to get along with each other. Being kind to someone else is an important way to show love. Kindness, as well as basic feelings and acts of love, means that you want and do the best for the person you love.

When Love Is Kindness

Kindness is a form of love because it means wanting good things to happen to the person you care about. These kinds of reasons and actions make love stronger as a positive bond between the person who loves and the person who is loved. Kind love makes it easier to connect with each other. These acts of kindness and love benefit both the person who is loved and the person who loves.

In another post, I explain why kindness is love. Anthropological and psycholinguistic studies conducted across many cultures (see Karandashev, 2019; 2022 for a review) revealed the core cross-culturally universal meaning of love:

Love is wanting and doing something good for another person (Wirzbicka, 1992, 1999). So, to love someone is to have their best interests in mind and act accordingly. This is exactly what kindness does.

The Positives of Social Media for Interpersonal Loving Connections

Humans are social beings and can be predisposed to feeling kind love. Therefore, a lack of social connection can pose significant threats and have a negative impact on a person’s physical and mental health as well as overall well-being.

However, it is possible to alleviate feelings of discomfort, anxiety, and depression by maintaining positive social connections with other people in both distant and close relationships.

Modern social media provides us with the opportunity to locate the “network of peer support” or our “tribe.” It is without a doubt one of the most appealing aspects of this medium of connection. It might be our family, it might be our friends, it might be a book club, or it might be a gardening club. The use of social media has the potential to make users feel more connected to their communities. Thus, one of the positive aspects of online communities has been the ability to connect with others, be more open with one another, share our personal emotional experiences, and promote feelings of belongingness.

Kindness in the Media Can Influence our Positive Emotional Responses 

For example, a recent study (Fryburg et al., 2021) investigated how viewing kindness on social media inspires people to feel good and do good things. In the study, participants watched the media depicting kindness (experimental group) or standard televised children (control group). Participants filled out a survey about how they felt before and after 8 minutes of watching the media.

The results of the study found that those participants who watched kindness-related media experienced significantly higher levels of happiness, calmness, gratitude, and lower irritability. Also, viewing the kindness media made people feel inspired, moved, or touched. Those who watched the kind media were more generous. Overall, researchers concluded that being kind, even viewing kind media, makes people feel better and makes them more generous.

How Love Kindness Makes You Feel Good

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Simple kindness toward another person is an important act of love. Kindness is a form of love because it includes the desire for good and positive consequences for the loved person. These kinds of motivations and actions strengthen love as the positive interpersonal connection between one who loves and another who is loved. Love kindness promotes connections to others. This good will and doing of love are beneficial to the one who loves. 

Why Kindness Is Love?

There is a great diversity of cultural and individual understanding of what love is. The languages across cultures vary in the words they use for love (Karandashev, 2019). Despite this diversity, the most basic and important thing about any kind of love is that it brings and does something good for another person (Wirzbicka, 1992, 1999). In other words, love is an investment in the other’s well-being for the sake of the other (Hegi & Bergner, 2010). See more about this in Cultural Typologies of Love (Karandashev, 2022). So, to love someone means wanting the best for them and acting in their best interests. This is exactly what kindness does.

Kindness Strengthens Positive Social Connection in Love

The kindness of love is thought to be a form of positive social connection. When you do things that help other people, like saying good words or giving personal support, you make positive connections with another person. Love as kindness can also be described by words like compassion, generosity, and care, among other similar words. All these kind things make another person feel good.

When Kindness Makes People Feel Good

The study of Rowland and Curry (2019), for instance, has shown a range of kindness activities that boost people’s positive moods and feelings of happiness. Researchers investigated the effects of a seven-day kindness activity on changes in subjective happiness. Their study was based on an earlier systematic review and meta-analysis of the psychological effects of kindness, which showed that performing these acts of kindness increases people’s happiness and overall well-being.

The specific purpose of this study was to see how different manifestations of kindness, as narrated by the type of activity prescribed, have different effects on happiness. Researchers compared acts of kindness to strong social ties, novel acts of self-kindness, weak social ties, and observed kindness. The study compared experimental groups to a control group that was not assigned to do any acts of kindness.

Overall, the results showed that participating in kindness activities for a week increased happiness. Also, researchers found a strong link between the number of acts of kindness and an increase in happiness. Interestingly, the effect did not differ across the various types of experimental groups and conditions. This means that being kind to others in both strong and weak relationships, being kind to oneself, and just seeing other people be kind all make people happier.

Why Love and Kindness Make You Feel Good According to studies, kindness elicits an elevated mood and increases altruism. Moreover, by doing good things for another person, you can make yourself feel good and even happy. Such prosocial behavior as doing good things for another person makes you feel what’s called “other-praising moral emotion.” This is a term for the good feelings you get when you see other people doing good things like being generous, selfless, loving, and kind. Some of the physical sensations of being uplifted are warmth and tears (see for review, Aliouche, The Science of Kindness).