Monthly Archives: September 2022

The Benevolence of True Love: A Cross-Cultural Perspective

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The feelings, thoughts, and acts of doing good for the one you love are a feature central to the concept of love across many different cultures and historic eras of humankind. According to many studies, the benevolence of love might be a more important feeling and act for various kinds of love than the experience of passion, intimacy, commitment, and attachment.

Love Is Benevolence

Benevolence and altruism are commonly driven by a desire to help others. Most likely, kindness is the highest form of love. It is the desire to do something good for someone else, including the beloved, loved ones, and anyone else who deserves it.

Are Humans Benevolent by Nature?

Humans, according to some philosophers, scientists, and theologians, are an altruistic species by nature.However, they suggest the importance of differentiating the concepts of “benevolence” and “altruism.” They also advise that the meaning of each of these concepts varies depending on the social conditions of living (Jencks, 1990; Nunney, 2000).

Scholars illustrate how the human experiences of benevolence and altruism evolve in certain social and cultural contexts. (e.g., Flescher & Worthen, 2007; Jellal & Wolff, 2002; Nunney, 2000; Sober & Wilson, 1998).

The findings of historical and cultural investigations are generally in accord with this assertion of the nearly universal nature of benevolence and altruism (see for review, Karandashev, 2017, 2019). Nevertheless, we should acknowledge that many cases of the adversity, selfishness, and aggression that people have experienced and exhibited in the past may contradict such a declaration.

Cross-cultural Universality of Benevolent Love

The anthropological and linguistic studies of love have explored the universality of the idea of benevolent love. These studies have revealed that cultural views on and understanding of love can vary significantly in many societies. This evidence makes it challenging to compare the love lexicon across cultures and languages (see for review, Karandashev, 2017, 2019).

For example, some societies do not have the word “love” in their vocabulary. Some researchers in linguistics believe that the word “love” is too abstract to denote the reality of human life. Many researchers may agree with this statement. Love exists in human life in various kinds and types of love, like kinship love, maternal love, romantic love, marital love, and others. Love exists in people’s lives in various feelings, emotions, attitudes, traits, and values. All these varieties of loving ideas, experiences, expressions, and actions have their own words.

According to cultural anthropologists and psycholinguists, the corresponding words have only recently evolved in some languages and societies. For centuries, many other, more specific, words denoted specific aspects of human experiences associated with the modern abstract notion of love. This is why, in various cultural contexts, people have had other words that express particular experiences, expressions, and acts of love. Because there are so many different ways to talk about love, it is hard to find words that mean the same thing in different languages (see Karandashev, 2017; 2019; 2022a). 

A Simple and Universal Linguistic Formula of Love

Nevertheless, some language researchers, like Anna Wierzbicka, have been persistent in their search for basic linguistic universals of love. Anna Wierzbicka has demonstrated that love lexicons substantially vary and can denote different things in different cultures and languages. Nevertheless, all cultures and languages are capable of communicating the ultimate meaning of love. This meaning of love is the same in all cultures, and it can be expressed in a simple formula:

“Person X does good things for person Y.”

(Wierzbicka, 1999).

So, it seems that the key cross-culturally universal meaning of love is the experience, expression, and action of giving and doing something good for another person. This is why true love is benevolent love.

The Universality of Benevolent Love Across Cultures

Benevolent love has been an enduring cultural concept for centuries.

The ancient Greek word “agape” meant benevolent, altruistic love for everyone, including family members and people you don’t know.

The comparable Latin word of the ancient Romans for this kind of benevolent love for all was “caritas.”

Christian teachings elevated benevolent love as “agape,” defining it as universal, selfless, and all-giving love to others. Agape love is completely selfless and gives without expecting anything in return.

The ancient Chinese word “ren” meant benevolent love for others. The word conveys the same benevolent meaning even though it has a specific meaning inspired by Confucian teachings that originated in ancient Chinese civilizations of past centuries.

The cross-cultural concept of benevolent love for all and everyone is present far beyond Western and Eastern cultures, far beyond Christian and Confucian religious traditions. This type of benevolent love has its own lexicon in many languages (Lomas, 2008). Here are some examples.

The Indian Sanskrit word “maitrī“means benevolence and loving-kindness.

The word “metta” is a culturally traditional Buddhist concept for lovingkindness.

The Yiddish word “gemilut hasadim”  describes the concept of loving kindness in Jewish culture.

In the Inuit language of indigenous peoples of the Arctic regions, the word “pittiarniq” expresses the meaning of benevolent love.

The Nguni Bantu word “ubuntu” of many African cultures also bears the meaning of benevolent love for all others, for humanity overall.

The Pashto language of Persian origins has the word “melmastyā́,” which essentially conveys the meaning of welcoming love for others, whether they are members of one’s own tribe or strangers. I could provide many other cultural and linguistic examples that show the benevolent nature of love (Karandashev, 2022a).

What Is Altruism? A Cross-Cultural Perspective

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To put it briefly, altruism is feeling empathy and caring about others’ well-being despite our own interests, without expecting anything in return. In true love, lovers are altruistic: they passionately strive to do anything good for their beloved, even sacrificing themselves.

Altruism: What Is It?

Altruism is the ethical belief and practice of caring about the well-being of other people or another individual regardless of our personal interests. In other words, it is the ability to care about another’s well-being without wanting anything in return. It’s important that altruistic actions are ones that people intentionally choose to do because they want to help and benefit another person.

Altruistic lovers behave by being motivated by a desire to benefit the beloved for the sake of that person. In some cases, altruism requires doing something to help someone else, even scarifying yourself in one or another way, to one or another extent.

People commonly use the term altruism as an antonym for “self-interested,” “selfish,” or “egoistic” thinking, feelings, and behaving.

What Do Altruistic People Have in Return?

We shall, however, admit that acts of altruism and kindness are probably not completely selfless. Altruistic people still receive psychological rewards for these actions through hedonistic motivation of internal and intrinsic emotions. For example, American psychologists Robert Cialdini and Douglas Kenrick (1976) did a study that proved the hedonistic view of altruism to be true. Some people find it emotionally rewarding and self-gratifying to do good things for others. Their socialization experiences likely had an impact on their altruistic psychological traits, emotions, motivation, and behavior.

Recent studies have shown the power of love and benevolence and demonstrated how altruistic love brings good not only to others but also to those who do good things.

The Multifaceted Concept of Altruism

Throughout centuries, scholars studying altruism and altruistic love have been prolific in their research (Karandashev, 2022a).  Thanks, now we know much more about this topic than ever before.

Altruism is a complex cultural idea that includes values, traits, attitudes, moods, and emotions. In this regard, altruism is multilayered. The psychology of altruistic love consists of (1) the desire to help others, (2) the action tendency to do things for their own good, and (3) the act of helping others. Altruistic psychology also involves altruistic thinking and feelings.

The Nearly Cross-Cultural Universality of Altruism and Altruistic Love

The moral virtue of altruism has been around for a long time in many cultures across religious and nonreligious contexts. Many religious worldviews preach the high value of altruism as their central tenet. I presented the Western Christian and Eastern Confucian religious teaching of altruism elsewhere.

Scholars and educated people in both the West and the East know a lot about altruism and altruistic love. What about other cultural contexts? Many other cultures around the world have had a long history of contemplating and writing about selfless, altruistic love (Karandashev, 2022a). Scholars can trace these selfless tenets of love back to the earliest periods of the cultural ethics of the world’s major religions, including Christianity, Judaism, Confucianism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, and Taoism. The scholars of many countries have widely discussed the concept of altruism and altruistic love in nonreligious contexts (Karandashev, 2022a).

How Altruistic Are Chinese Attitudes in Love Relationships?

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The concepts of altruism and altruistic love are well known to Western and Eastern scholars and the educated public. Ideas of selfless, altruistic love can be traced back to ancient times in many cultures of the world, specifically in Western and Eastern civilizations. These altruistic ideas were among the earliest in the cultural ethics of Judaism, Christianity, Hinduism, Confucianism, Buddhism, Taoism, and Islam (see for review, Karandashev, 2022a).

It is apparent that the Christian teaching of agape love, which I presented elsewhere, is similar and comparable to the Confucian concept of altruistic love, presented in another article. Yet, they have some important differences.

What Is the Legacy of Confucian Teachings of Altruistic Love in Modern Asia?

The religious and philosophical teachings of Confucius (trad. 551–479 BCE) have served as the cultural basis for many Chinese values, ethics, and social and moral philosophy. Altruism was a central tenet of Confucian ethics, and his ethical teachings placed a considerable emphasis on concepts such as loving kindness and selfless love. As he once said,

“Do not do to others what you would not like to do to yourself.”

The Chinese word “ren” expresses one of the most significant cultural meanings of love. Confucius defined “ren” as the common Chinese word for “love,” “ai.” In many lexical contexts, it is translated more specifically as benevolent love, kindness, compassion, and altruism.

Different from the Christian concept of agape love, the Confucian concept of ren love reflected the Chinese hierarchical social structure of group relationships.

Selfless Giving in the Modern Understanding of Altruistic Love in China

In modern Chinese society and scholarship, the altruistic nature of love is expressed in selfless giving. In this regard, the Chinese understanding of altruistic love resembles the traditional Christian concept of agape love as being unselfish and undemanding. Both concepts include giving without expecting anything in return as one of their central emotions and actions (Chen & Li, 2007).

Sacrifices in the Modern Understanding of Altruistic Love in China

According to the traditional ideology of Confucianism, the commitment of an individual to the affectionate relationship of marital love implies sacrifices. It is applicable first to such a close relationship as the family.

In modern Chinese culture, people tend to exhibit the capacity and disposition to put their families’ harmony, cohesion, and prosperity ahead of their own personal interests, goals, and well-being. This is a cultural Chinese trait that goes back centuries.

For instance, Wang (1999) considered self-sacrifice and devotion as the primary components of family commitment. His research has shed light on the role of self-sacrifice in the Taiwanese culture of interpersonal relationships. The author provided convincing evidence supporting the high value of sacrifice in Taiwanese marriages. He revealed that even in today’s Taiwanese society, cultural norms anticipate that spouses will make sacrifices for one another. Results of the study showed that in most cases of marital relationships, partners are willing to sacrifice something if it helps improve the quality of their relationship or the health of their partner.

The Impact of Chinese Collectivism on People’s Willingness to Sacrifice in Marital Relationships

Depending on its individualistic and collectivistic values, a culture can affect a spouse’s willingness to make sacrifices within a marriage. The degree to which a culture places an emphasis on collectivism as opposed to individualism can have a direct impact on how men and women are willing to make sacrifices for one another in marriage.

In a collectivist Chinese society, societal beliefs can interfere with the individual rights of a spouse, such as a woman’s right to equality. This is why gender inequality is culturally acceptable. For men and women, such marital customs are acceptable for the sake of interdependence and relationship harmony. On the other hand, people from a culture that emphasizes individualism view such gender inequality as unacceptable. Their cultural beliefs about individual rights and independence may conflict with the potential need for self-sacrifice that marriage may necessitate. So, due to high values of autonomy and personal independence, it is challenging for men and women in individualistic cultures to maintain a balance between personal and family needs.

How Altruistic Are Western Attitudes in Love Relationships?

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The Christian ideals of agape, which have been prevalent in Western cultures, placed a greater emphasis on the value of altruistic agape love as opposed to passionate Eros love.

Passionate Versus Altruistic Love

On the one hand, the experience of passionate Eros love makes a lover more likely to be egocentric, possessive, and sexually obsessive.

On the other hand, when a lover experiences altruistic Agape love, he or she is more likely be unselfish, act benevolently, to give freely, and be willing to sacrifice for others (Nygren 1989).

Throughout the centuries, one and another kind of these cultural values have competed with one other in the minds of romantic lovers inspiring various love story plots. The most romantic stories, however, inspired lovers to put the interests of the beloved first, above their own, prioritizing altruism over passionate possessiveness.

What Does It Mean to Love Altruistically?

Individuals with predominant altruistic love in heterosexual relationships perceive the beloved as an idealized, unique individual. Their passion is to make their loved one happy. Their love is capable of overcoming selfishness in a relationship centered on the well-being of a partner.

Such altruistic lovers are willing to give up a lot of things in their life for the sake of the person they love and care about.  The well-being of their beloved is the most important thing in the world to them. For the sake and life of a beloved, they are willing to endure inconvenience, discomfort, suffering, and pain, and if necessary, even death. This altruistic love, known as agape, is very romantic. It may look not less romantic than passionate love (for example, Ben-Zev & Goussinsky, 2008).

Their selfless attitudes prioritize the well-being of the beloved. Their altruistic attitudes go beyond their self. Reciprocation is not important: they do not expect anything in return. they are willing to give the beloved rather than receive from him/her.

Giving for them is a joy of love. They give everything they have and themselves without considering the material or psychological cost of what they do. As Erich Fromm (1956) once beautifully noted,

“Giving is the highest expression of potency. In the very act of giving, I experience my strength, my wealth, my power. This experience of heightened vitality and potency fills me with joy. I experience myself as overflowing, spending, alive, hence as joyous. Giving is more joyous than receiving, not because it is a deprivation, but because in the act of giving lies the expression of my aliveness.” 

(Fromm, (956/2006, p.21).

The Chinese Culture of Altruistic Love

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Western scholars and the educated public are well familiar with the concepts of altruism and altruistic love. In the ancient Greek philosophy, the word “agape” defined this kind of altruistic, selfless, and all-giving love. Later, Christian teachings elevated the concept of universal altruistic love, characterized by unconditional kindness and compassion for others. However, these Western cultural ideas of altruistic love are not unique in the history of human civilizations.

In different parts of the world, especially the Eastern cultures, the ideas of altruistic love appeared quite early in the history of Chinese civilizations.

The Confucian Contributions to Chinese Culture

Confucianism, Buddhism, and Taoism are the three Chinese religious philosophies that have had the greatest influence on Chinese culture. Their schools of thought also substantially affected the Chinese understanding of altruistic love. The ancient Chinese philosopher and prophet Confucius (trad. 551–479 BCE) is perhaps the most significant social reformer in East Asian history. His name is associated with many of East Asia’s foundational concepts and cultural practices. He was known in early modern Europe as an originator of “Eastern” thought. He had a substantial impact on the social and cultural development of China in its early history. This is why his name is well-known as a global metonym for the culture of traditional East Asian societies.

Confucian religious and philosophical teachings have been the foundations of Chinese values’ ethics and social and moral philosophy. Altruism was a prominent theme in Confucian ethical teaching.

So, the concepts of loving kindness and altruistic love played a central role in the ethical teachings of Confucius. One of his frequently quoted sayings says:

“Do not do to others what you would not like to do to yourself.”

It is easy to see how this Chinese concept of love is comparable to the Christian teaching of agape love, which I mentioned earlier.

On the other hand, this Chinese concept refers to love in a structurally graded form and not the unconditional love advocated by Christian teachings. The concept of altruism in Christianity takes on a more egalitarian form. It emphasizes love for all people rather than the establishment of hierarchical structures as in Chinese cultural concepts.

The Chinese “Ren”

The fundamental virtue of Confucian moral ethics is the concept of “ren.” It’s important to note that the idea of “ren” is also highly valued in Buddhist and Taoist cultures (Chan, 1955; Dubs, 1951).

The word “ren” is frequently translated as kindness, altruism, compassion, benevolence, and benevolent love. Confucius defined the term “ren” with the common Chinese term “ai”, which means “love.” It is important to note that the Chinese character for “ren” consists of two parts: “human”and “two.” Therefore, according to Confucius, ren is an essential human quality in which two humans express benevolent and altruistic love for one another.

How Is Confucian Ren Different from Christian Agape?

In contrast to the Christian ideal of agape love, the Confucian concept of ren reflected the hierarchical social structure of Chinese society. The five (“wu-lun”) zones were distinguished by the hierarchy of their group relationships.

In Chinese culture, these five cardinals of wu-lun are, in descending order,

(1) Emperor-Ministers (state level),

(2) Father-son (family level),

(3) Husband-wife (family level),

(4) Older-younger brothers (family level), and

(5) Friends (individual level).

In Chinese culture, these five wu-lun of social relations establish the relationship web of society. In Chinese culture, the social life is made up of these five wu-lun of social relationships.

The Hierarchical Nature of Love Attitudes in Chinese “Ren”

Confucius viewed “ren” primarily as the love attitude of a bountiful lord. The superior must demonstrate generosity and kindness toward his subordinates.

Confucian ethics did not expect subordinates to show superiors benevolent love since this would be presumptuous. The culturally proper expressions of love from subordinates toward superiors are loyalty and submission (Chan, 1955; Dubs, 1951).

According to Confucius, people tend to feel and show more natural love towards their parents, relatives, and other close relatives. He taught that altruistic love between members of a small network of relationships is stronger than between members outside of this relationship network.

The Cultural Legacy of Confucian Teachings on Love

Confucius and his disciples in the following times believed that equal love for all was unnatural (Chan, 1955; Dubs, 1951). Therefore, the Confucian cultural ideas of this graded love have been prevalent in many Asian societies for a number of centuries (Ma, 2009). As a direct consequence of Confucius’ legacy and his cultural roots, the hierarchical model of love is still widely accepted in Chinese society. Such a hierarchical conception of love is also widespread in other East Asian cultures that are dominated by the Confucian philosophy (Karandashev, 2022a).

The Christian Culture of Altruistic Love

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Being originated from the ancient Greek philosophy, the word “agape” defining this kind of selfless and all-giving love, elevated in Christian teachings as the universal love of mankind, the love for all and for everyone. The core feature of agape love is altruism, along with its unconditional kindness, compassion, and empathetic feelings for others.

Ancient Greek Origins of Agape Love

The word “agape” and the term “agape love” originated from the philosophy of the Ancient Greeks. Since those times, it has conveyed the meaning of universal love for all and for everyone. It is love of mankind. However, it also carries the meaning of unconditional and empathetic love, connotated with kindness, compassion, and concern for others. In this regard, agape love is selfless love. It serves the interests and wellbeing of others without expecting anything in return. Because of this, the concept of agape love is often associated with the concept of altruistic love.

Agape love was one of many kinds of love in ancient Greece, along with philia, storge, eros, and pragma.

Agape love was elevated in the Christian Scriptures as the transcendent love, the highest form of love. It was contrasted with the erotic love of eros and the brotherly love of philia.

What Is Agape and Altruistic Love in Christianity?

Agapē in the New Testament was defined as the fatherly love of God for humans and the human reciprocal love for God. The culture of Christianity further elevated the ideals of selflessness and unconditional love, known to the ancient Greeks as agape (Post, 1990, 2002).

In Christian culture, the altruism of agape love means universal love. Agape is the highest type of Christian love; it is the “gift of love” (Lewis, 1960; Post, 2003; Templeton, 1999).

The unconditional, compassionate, and caring love that God has for all people is referred to as agape love. It is regarded as the most important theological virtue. The agape, as noted above, represents both the love that God has for humanity and the love that humanity has for God in return. These kinds of love also serve as models for the love that people should have for one another—through their relationship with God.

The teachings of Jesus Christ revolve around selfless and unconditional love as the core religious value. The love that Jesus has for his followers transcends all boundaries. And the Gospel of Luke emphasizes this (Meisinger, 2000). In the parable of the Good Samaritan, we see a perfect illustration of altruistic love that puts others before oneself (Luke 10:25–37). The moral of this teaching is that benevolence and kindness should be extended to all people.

The Christian Perspective on Agape Love

Here is a summary of Jesus’s commandments:

“Love [agapao] the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love [agapao] your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:36-39, NRSV).

According to Christian teaching, love entails taking responsibility for the wellbeing of other people. In other words, this idea emphasizes the significance of loving the people around oneself, including members of one’s immediate family as well as strangers. The Christian principle of universal love implies the meaning of altruistic love for everyone. Such agape love does not require anything in return. It is the highest form of love.

The golden rule of love entails the following:

“In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets” (Matt 7:12 NRSV).

Throughout the centuries, Christian religion and theology have had a significant impact on many different cultures, not only in Europe and North America but also in other parts of the world (Karandashev, 2022a).

What Is Agape Love?

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Agape love, in its broadest sense, refers to a love that encompasses all people and is directed toward all. Love that is selfless, selfless, and kind is love that is directed toward other people. In other words, it is love that gives without expecting anything in return and is completely selfless.

What Is Agape?

The term agape conveys a very broad meaning of love for all and for everyone. Specific forms of agape embody such feelings and actions as benevolence, compassion, kindness, and concern for others. These could be romantic partners, family members, relatives, friends, acquaintances, or even strangers.

This kind of love is an unconditional and universal feeling and action of kindness. Agape love is love for the sake of another person or other people, regardless of personal interests or benefits. This is why agape love frequently refers to the meaning of altruistic love.

What Does “Agape Love” Mean?

Even though the word “agape” derives from Ancient Greek philosophy, the other major ancient civilizations also had comparable terms. For example, the Latin term “caritas” and the Chinese word “ren” are similar in meaning to the Greek term “agape.”

“The core meaning of agape is other-centered love, selfless love, and selfless giving of anything that may convey love feelings, emotions, attitudes, and values.”

(Karandashev, 2022a, p. 290).

An individual’s capacity for agape love can be estimated by the measures of how much and how significant things they are willing to give up and even sacrifice for the benefit of another person. The feeling that an individual is willing to die – to sacrifice even their own life as the most precious thing for another person – is the highest and most complete expression of agape love.

Agape Is Self-less Love

One of the most notable features of agape love is that no return is expected. Genuine examples of such agape love are uncommon among people. True agape love is rare.

It is different from the exchange model of relationships, in which couples expect that their beloved will do something good for them. Many lovers expect pleasure and other rewards from their loved ones and relationships. When doing something good for their beloved, they implicitly expect to be rewarded in an emotional, personal, or material sense. They also expect some kind of recognition or appreciation.

The Cultural Origins of Agape

The term agape originates from Ancient Greek philosophy. As I noted above, the Latin word “caritas” is synonymous in several meanings with the Greek word “agape.” The meaning of the Chinese word “ren” is also comparable to that of the Greek term “agape.”

The ideals of agape love have been elevated in Christian culture. The concepts of agape love in Chinese culture are expressed in other words such as “ren.” Confucianism, Buddhism, and Taoism are the three Chinese religious philosophies that all convey the concept of agape love.

The concept of agape is present in numerous other religious traditions as well. Religions like Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Confucianism, and Native American spirituality promote altruistic and unconditional agape love as the most important human virtue (see Templeton, 1999 for a review).

For example, Theravāda Buddhism has praised the value of “mettā”, or “universal loving kindness.” This love of the agape type inspires the spiritual individual to “love without regard to return.” This love is communicated to others through acts of kindness, compassion, and generosity. The following a path of compassion and concern for others is the primary cultural value in the lives of Buddhists (Templeton, 1999). So, the idea and word of “agape love” have been around for a long time and have meant different things to different people in different cultures.

How Kindness Makes People Healthier

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Kindness is at the foundation of what it means to love someone. Being kind is an essential expression of love for another person. In general, acts of kindness and love help us maintain and cultivate happy and healthy relationships with others. When we are thoughtful toward one another and do nice things for other people, it makes those other people feel good.

The recipient of such kind love experiences positive emotions and a sense of well-being. Moreover, the giver of such kind love also benefits from these feelings and actions. The selfless acts you perform do, in fact, provide you with more psychological benefits than you might think at first.

Kindness makes people not only happier but also healthier. It is important to recognize that our physical and mental health can improve when we are kind, considerate, and compassionate toward other people.  Kindness, in whatever form it takes, appears to elicit positive and eliminate negative physiological and psychological responses in people. Kindness in relationships tends to buffer their negative emotions and stresses. Studies have shown that interventions that focus on kindness are good for physical and mental health, preventing the common cold, and dealing with pain.

Kindness Tends to Prevent Common Colds

It may be surprising, but kindness can help to reduce the prevalence of the common cold. According to some evidence, people who perceived clinicians showing greater empathy experienced (1) increased levels of immune responses, (2) less severe symptoms of the common cold, and (3) lower durations of the common cold. The findings from randomized controlled trials are encouraging (Rakel et al., 2009). Kindness can help keep you from getting sick, even if it’s just the common cold. 

The Positive Impact of Kindness on Pain Relief

It has been known for quite a long time that not only physiological processes but also mental ones can influence the intensity with which one experiences pain. Consistent with this evidence, the use of psychological treatments and specific interventions has been utilized and shown to be beneficial for those suffering from long-term pain. Many of these treatments are based on active self-kindness, such as mindfulness. Cognitive behavior therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy have widely used the benefits of kindness.

Compassion-focused Therapy of Pain

For example, compassion-focused therapy (CFT) is based on the power of kindness. This is a type of psychotherapy that merges the techniques of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) with concepts of Buddhist psychology. It also employs some ideas from social, developmental, and neuroscience to teach compassion. Compassion-focused therapy is especially beneficial for people who tend to frequently experience shame and high self-criticism. This makes it difficult for them to feel warm toward and be kind to themselves or others.

One study, for example, looked at how interventions based on compassion and loving-kindness affected how people thought about and felt about persistent pain (Penlington, 2019).

Some people tend to over-evaluate their daily life or past difficulties. Consequently, their soothing systems can be relatively weak. In such cases, kindness and compassion can be a good way to develop these calming systems. Participants in the study practiced compassion-focused exercises, helping them to recognize certain maladaptive patterns in their thoughts and behavior and develop adaptive ones. Researchers came to the conclusion (Penlington, 2019) that compassion-based interventions like mindfulness and loving-kindness exercises could be used in everyday pain management. 

The Benefits of Kindness for the Kind and Loving Person

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The core quality of love is kindness. Being kind to someone else is an act of love. Overall, kindness and love strengthen our positive social connections. All the kind things that we do for other people make them feel good. Such love with kindness brings good feelings and well-being not only to the loved one but also to the person who gives love and kindness. It is worthwhile to note that by doing good and kind things to others, we also benefit psychologically. Is it true? Yes, the kind things you do bring you more psychological benefits than you might think.

How Do You Feel When You Do Something Kind and Good for Someone Else? 

Being kind and loving brings a lot of benefits, not only to the other person whom you love but also to you.

Acts of kindness make you feel more confident, happy, and hopeful. They boost self-esteem and personal satisfaction in one’s life. Such good feelings work as self-rewarding incentives, motivating you to do more and more kind and loving things for others.

People who are kind and loving more frequently experience pleasant feelings. Studies show that being kind and loving makes us feel better. When we do good things for other people, we can feel good and even happy. Doing good things for other people, like helping them out, makes us feel what’s called an “other-praising moral emotion.” This is a term for the good feelings you get when you see other people doing good things, like being generous, selfless, loving, and kind.

Your kind and loving behavior toward others may also inspire others to perform acts of kindness similar to those that they have personally experienced. Therefore, the kindness of love can be contagious. It tends to be reciprocated and transmitted to others. This way, kindness has the power to make the world a better place to live.

All Kinds of Kindness Make Life Happier  

Here is an example of a study I described elsewhere that showed that acts of kindness enhance positive emotions, moods, and wellbeing in those who act kindly. The research findings revealed that those who engaged in acts of kindness felt significantly higher levels of satisfaction with themselves and life. Moreover, the more acts of kindness people perform, the happier they feel. Across groups of participants and experimental conditions, the effect was consistent. Kindness to others, kindness to oneself, and seeing others be kind all make people happier (Rowland & Curry, 2019).

Another study, which I described elsewhere, examined how social media kindness inspires people to do good things. The study demonstrated that watching kindness-related media increased feelings of calmness, gratitude, and happiness. It also reduced people’s irritability. The acts of kindness in the media inspired viewers, making them feel touched and moved. Overall, being kind, even viewing kind media, makes people feel better and more generous (Fryburg et al., 2021).

How Kind Love Can Make Your Relationships Better

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Kindness in interpersonal relationships is very important for people to strengthen their positive social connections and daily love. Such loving kindness makes it easier for individuals to get along with each other. Being kind to someone else is an important way to show love. Kindness, as well as basic feelings and acts of love, means that you want and do the best for the person you love.

When Love Is Kindness

Kindness is a form of love because it means wanting good things to happen to the person you care about. These kinds of reasons and actions make love stronger as a positive bond between the person who loves and the person who is loved. Kind love makes it easier to connect with each other. These acts of kindness and love benefit both the person who is loved and the person who loves.

In another post, I explain why kindness is love. Anthropological and psycholinguistic studies conducted across many cultures (see Karandashev, 2019; 2022 for a review) revealed the core cross-culturally universal meaning of love:

Love is wanting and doing something good for another person (Wirzbicka, 1992, 1999). So, to love someone is to have their best interests in mind and act accordingly. This is exactly what kindness does.

The Positives of Social Media for Interpersonal Loving Connections

Humans are social beings and can be predisposed to feeling kind love. Therefore, a lack of social connection can pose significant threats and have a negative impact on a person’s physical and mental health as well as overall well-being.

However, it is possible to alleviate feelings of discomfort, anxiety, and depression by maintaining positive social connections with other people in both distant and close relationships.

Modern social media provides us with the opportunity to locate the “network of peer support” or our “tribe.” It is without a doubt one of the most appealing aspects of this medium of connection. It might be our family, it might be our friends, it might be a book club, or it might be a gardening club. The use of social media has the potential to make users feel more connected to their communities. Thus, one of the positive aspects of online communities has been the ability to connect with others, be more open with one another, share our personal emotional experiences, and promote feelings of belongingness.

Kindness in the Media Can Influence our Positive Emotional Responses 

For example, a recent study (Fryburg et al., 2021) investigated how viewing kindness on social media inspires people to feel good and do good things. In the study, participants watched the media depicting kindness (experimental group) or standard televised children (control group). Participants filled out a survey about how they felt before and after 8 minutes of watching the media.

The results of the study found that those participants who watched kindness-related media experienced significantly higher levels of happiness, calmness, gratitude, and lower irritability. Also, viewing the kindness media made people feel inspired, moved, or touched. Those who watched the kind media were more generous. Overall, researchers concluded that being kind, even viewing kind media, makes people feel better and makes them more generous.