Monthly Archives: April 2023

How Gratitude Changes Our Relationships

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Social bonding entails reciprocal giving and receiving. These actions are essential for the proper formation of obligations between individuals and the maintenance of interpersonal relationships within human communities.

Because of this, gratitude clearly plays a vital role in interpersonal relationships. Recognizing and appreciating the people around us and the things they do for us is an essential component of practicing gratitude. Being grateful improves both our physical and mental well-being. It has a multiplicity of positive effects on our lives and on the relationships we maintain.

Due to gratitude, people feel several transformations in their relationships: personal, interpersonal, and transpersonal. They feel connected with

  • (1) a part of oneself,
  • (2) an individual or group, or
  • (3) something outside oneself.

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 439).

The Sense of Personal Self Within a Relationship

Here are some examples of quotes:

It is a connection with myself, connection with nature, feeling comfortable in my own skin. (Gwen)

I do think it’s—I think it’s—it is almost—it is kind of a Zen experience in a very active way. But, yeah, I definitely feel connection and at peace with myself. (Ramona)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 440).

The Sense of Connection with Another Individual, a Group, a Family, or a Community

On a deeper level, it is a sense of belonging to another individual, a group, a family, or a community. Here are some examples of quotes:

It’s those grand gestures [of gratitude] that sort of remind you of what you have: wow, that person really is there, and is connected, and is—so it sort of supports the daily sense of gratitude and reinforces it. (Sally)

I feel like a light feeling, and it’s a great feeling of just the love of my family, almost—kind of like sharing, that gratefulness that I’m feeling, it’s almost like it’s coming back at me, and it just puts a smile on my face and a feeling of satisfaction. (Lou)

Yeah, overwhelmed and probably, well, grateful that they’re there because who else would celebrate with me right now when I didn’t know I needed to celebrate. They knew what I needed before I knew that I needed it, and I was really grateful for that. (Roxy)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 440).

The Sense of Connection with Something Larger or Beyond the Self

This sense of connection includes an awareness of something larger or beyond the self. This sense also engages an experience of awe. Here are some examples of quotes:

But I guess it would be some form of a spiritual connection, just a very direct, very personal connection with nature, with the ocean in particular, just being in the water. But it’s more of an experience of bliss or being at peace with the environment and of just feeling full. (Luis)

I think when I’m in those moments [of gratitude], there’s a sense of connection to something greater than me, whatever that is, I’m not even sure. I mean sometimes I call it “God” or “Higher Power,” and I think that’s part of what the sense of wellbeing and relaxation is, is the sense that everything is okay just as it is. I’m a part of that; I’m not separate from that. (Allison)

It really was a feeling of—like I had a connection, some connection outside of myself, and it’s a wonderful feeling. (Lou)

Well, nature provides me with a sense of the oneness or the connection of all things being connected. So when I am in nature, I am connected, maybe I’m alone but I’m not lonely. (Sue)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 440-441).

How Gratitude Benefits Our Relationships

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Gratitude benefits are culturally normative in all major cultures, which encourage people to be grateful and express their gratitude to others. The cultural norms of gratitude have been highly valued across civilizations and cultures. In the ritual of “giving thanks,” people expressed their gratitude to God, spirits, mother nature, and others.

Interpersonal relationships commonly involve the experience and expression of gratitude. Gratitude entails more than simply saying “thank you.” It entails acknowledging and appreciating others and what they do for us. Gratitude is the thankful love—the love for what another person did or does for us. Gratitude is an important constituent of love.

Gratitude strengthens our connections with others. When individuals experience gratitude, these emotions strengthen their sense of belonging to and connectedness with others. They feel fewer boundaries between themselves and others. In another article, I explained what gratitude is and why it is important for our lives and well-being.

Gratitude Benefits Make Our Relationships Better

Social bonding entails giving and receiving on both sides. These actions are essential for the proper formation of obligations between individuals and the maintenance of interpersonal bonds within human communities.

Gratitude involves social obligations as well as personal benefits for our relationships, self-esteem, and wellbeing. Feeling and expressing gratitude improves our mood and makes us feel better. In many ways, it improves our lives and interpersonal relationships.

A Study of Gratitude Revealed:

The recent qualitative study by the researchers from Sofia University in California, Patty Hlava and John Elfers, explored how people experience the meaning of gratitude in their lives and what positive changes they get when they experience and express gratitude. In particular, they found that

Gratitude Strengthens our Connections with Others

When people experience gratitude, these emotions enhance their feelings of connectedness with others. They feel that their boundaries with another person have become shorter and softer. A range of their feelings involves the sensation of being physically close, not separate or alone. They get a sense of community, enjoy deep communication, and have the feeling of merging with something larger than themselves.

Here are the examples that authors provide to illustrate these feelings:

That feeling of being enveloped, or embraced, or being touched. It’s like they just know you, like they’ve been there forever, and you’ve been with them forever. (Goldie)

It’s more a sense of feeling connected to people, not that they’re giving me something, a material object but that they’re giving me a part of their heart or something. (Allison)

It was a sense of connectedness. I felt that even sort of our heartbeats sort of synced, just a oneness about the whole situation. (Sue)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 438).

By experiencing and cultivating the attitudes, feelings, and expression of gratitude, people experience transformation in their personal, interpersonal, and transpersonal relationships. They experience a sense of belonging to a group, community, or something else outside themselves.

How People Experience the Meaning of Gratitude

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Reciprocal giving and receiving have the adaptive function of creating interpersonal obligations and maintaining personal bonding between people. In another place, I talked more about what gratitude is and why it is important in our lives. However, the meaning of gratitude can be different for different people. For example,

“Beneath the warm feelings of gratitude resides an imperative force, a force that compels us to return the benefit we have received”

(Komter, 2004, p. 195).

What Is the Meaning of Gratitude?

Gratitude is a personal experience that people live by in their daily social lives. It plays a functional role within the dynamics of interpersonal relationships. The concept of gratitude is quite broad and includes cognitive, affective, expressive, and behavioral processes.

What People Experience When They Experience Gratitude

Patty Hlava and John Elfers, the researchers from Sofia University in Palo Alto, California, USA, conducted a qualitative study of how people experience gratitude.

The authors interviewed 51 participants, ranging in age from 18 to 80 years, who likely engaged in a full range of embodied experiences of gratitude. The sample was ethnically diverse, with a first language other than English. Among participants, the majority were Caucasians, with less representation of Middle Eastern, Eastern European, Hispanic, African American, and other groups.

Researchers asked participants to recall a specific experience of gratitude. They asked to focus on their physiological and somatic experiences during these feelings. Researcher asked:

  • “In what way does the feeling of gratitude show up in your body?
  • Where specifically do you experience the sensations?”
(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 438).

Researchers asked people to think about their lived experience of gratitude, developmental history, personality orientation, and how they thought gratitude affected their relationships.

The study revealed patterns of emotions that include somatic experiences and cognitive appraisals. Among those are the feelings of love, joy, awakening, awe, release, and being blessed.

What People Experience When They Experience Gratitude

Researchers revealed in their study several specific features of the somatic experience of gratitude. These include:

  • Sensations in the Heart and Chest/Warmth
  • Release
  • Awakening
  • Comfort, Security, Acceptance
  • Blessed
  • Joy
  • Love
  • Witnessed
  • Presence
  • Thankful