Monthly Archives: April 2023

Women Should Beware of False Lovers

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The article contains practical quotations from Ovid’s “Ars Amatoria” advising women to avoid false lovers.

Ovid was a well-known Roman poet who lived from 43 BCE to 17 CE. His poetry trilogy “Ars Amatoria” (The Art of Love) has been popular among educated and noble individuals for centuries. Numerous contemporary humanities experts have read and praised Ovid’s “The Art of Love.” In his poems, Ovid imparted to Roman men and women his love advice. He instructs them on how to attract, entice, and maintain a romantic relationship. He also instructs them on how to apply the art of love to their romantic relationships.

The Romans lived in a different time than we do and had a different way of life. But I think that Ovid’s poetry collections can teach educated men and women something interesting and useful about love today. This is why I put excerpts from these books on this website for people who want to learn more about how people lived and loved in ancient Rome.

The poetry collection “Ars Amatoria” provides contemporary men and women with practical advice on how to find, attract, and maintain a romantic partner. The first two books of this collection of poetry by Ovid contain advice for men on how to approach, court, and entice women. The third book teaches women how to be attractive, lovable, and maintain loving relationships with men through the use of poetic wisdom.

I’ve previously shared some of Ovid’s poetry-based advice for men in previous blog posts. Among the topics covered in these lovely verses are the following: “how to find her“, “search for love while walking“, “triumphs that are good to attract a woman“, “how to win her“, “how to be attentive to her“, and “how to make promises and deceive.”

Besides, this blog’s articles include Ovid’s wisdom of love for women on “how to appear,” “how to keep taste and elegance in hair and dress,” “how to use makeup,” “how to hide defects in appearance,” and “how to be modestly expressive.”

Here are some new poetic quotes from Book III of Ovid’s “Ars Amatoria,” addressed to girls and women. Ovid teaches them to be modest in their laughter and movements and to be moderately expressive women.

Ovid Advises Women to Beware of False Lovers

“Avoid those men who profess to looks and culture,

who keep their hair carefully in place.

What they tell you they’ve told a thousand girls:

their love wanders and lingers in no one place.

Woman, what can you do with a man more delicate than you,

and one perhaps who has more lovers too?

You’ll scarcely credit it, but credit this: Troy would remain,

if Cassandra’s warnings had been heeded.

Some will attack you with a lying pretence of love,

and through that opening seek a shameful gain.

But don’t be tricked by hair gleaming with liquid nard,

or short tongues pressed into their creases:

don’t be ensnared by a toga of finest threads,

or that there’s a ring on every finger.

Perhaps the best dressed among them all’s a thief,

and burns with love of your finery.

‘Give it me back!’ the girl who’s robbed will often cry,

‘Give it me back!’ at the top of her voice in the cattle-market.

Venus, from your temple, all glittering with gold,

you calmly watch the quarrel, and you, Appian nymphs.

There are names known for a certain sort of reputation too,

they’re guilty of deceiving many lovers.

Learn from other’s grief to fear your own:

don’t let the door be opened to lying men.

Athenian girls, beware of trusting Theseus’s oaths:

those gods he calls to witness, he’s called on before.

And you, Demophoon, heir to Theseus’s crimes,

no honour remains to you, with Phyllis left behind.

If they promise truly, promise in as many words:

and if they give, you give the joys that were agreed.

She might as well put out the sleepless Vestal’s fire,

and snatch the holy relics from your Temple, Ino,

and give her man hemlock and monkshood crushed together, as deny him sex if she’s received his gifts.”

Kline, A. S. (2001). Translation of Ovid’s Ars Amatoria: The Art of Love.

It Is Sensible to Be a Modestly Expressive Woman

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The article presents sensible quotes from Ovid’s “Ars Amatoria” with advice to be a modestly expressive woman in laughter and movements.

Ovid was a well-known poet who lived in ancient Rome from 43 BCE to 17 CE. For centuries, his poetry trilogy “Ars Amatoria” (The Art of Love) has been popular among educated and noble people. Many modern humanities scholars have read and highly praised Ovid’s “The Art of Love.” In his poems, Ovid shared his wisdom on love matters with Roman men and women. He advises them on how to attract, entice affection, and keep a relationship with a partner. He also teaches them how to use the art of love in their love affairs.

The Romans lived in a different era and led a different lifestyle than we do today. But I believe that educated men and women today can learn something interesting and useful about love from Ovid’s poetry collections. This is why I’ve included excerpts from these books on this website for those interested in learning more about how ancient Romans lived and loved.

The poetry collection “Ars Amatoria” offers contemporary men and women sensible guidance on how to find, attract, and keep a partner in a relationship. The first two books of this poetry collection by Ovid offer suggestions to men on how to approach, court, and entice women. The third book teaches women the poetic wisdom of how to be attractive, lovable, and maintain loving relationships with men.

The Art of Roman Love Shared in my Previous Blog Posts

In previous blog posts, I shared some of Ovid’s poetry-based advice for men. Among the topics discussed in these beautiful verses are the following:

“How to Find Her“, “Search for Love While Walking“, “Triumphs that Are Good to Attract a Woman“, “How to Win Her“, “How to Be Attentive to Her“, and “How to Make Promises and Deceive”.

The articles on this blog also include Ovid’s wisdom of love for women on “How to Appear,” “How to Keep Taste and Elegance in Hair and Dress,” “How to Use Makeup,” and “How to Hide Defects in Appearance.”

Here are the new poetic quotes with advice from Book III of Ovid’s “Ars Amatoria,” addressed to girls and women. Ovid teaches them to be moderately expressive women who are modest in their laughter and movements.

The Ovid Advice to Be a Modestly Expressive Woman in Laughter and Movements

“If you’re teeth are blackened, large, or not in line

from birth, laughing would be a fatal error.

Who’d believe it? Girls must even learn to laugh,

they seek to acquire beauty also in this way.

Laugh modestly, a small dimple either side,

the teeth mostly concealed by the lips.

Don’t strain your lungs with continual laughter,

but let something soft and feminine ring out.

One girl will distort her face perversely by guffawing:

another shakes with laughter, you’d think she’s crying.

That one laughs stridently in a hateful manner,

like a mangy ass braying at the shameful mill.

Where does art not penetrate? They’re taught to cry,

with propriety, they weep when and how they wish.

Why! Aren’t true words cheated by the voice,

and tongues forced to make lisping sounds to order?

Charm’s in a defect: they try to speak badly:

they’re taught, when they can speak, to speak less.

Weigh all this with care, since it’s for you:

learn to carry yourself in a feminine way.

And not the least part of charm is in walking:

it attracts men you don’t know, or sends them running.

One moves her hips with art, catches the breeze

with flowing robes, and points her toes daintily:

another walks like the wife of a red-faced Umbrian,

feet wide apart, and with huge paces.

But there’s measure here as in most things: both the rustic’s stride,

and the more affected step should be foregone.

Still, let the parts of your lower shoulder and upper arm

on the left side, be naked, to be admired.

That suits you pale-skinned girls especially: when I see it, I want to kiss your shoulder, as far as it’s shown.”

Kline, A. S. (2001). Translation of Ovid’s Ars Amatoria: The Art of Love.

It Is Wise for a Woman Hiding Her Defects

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Ovid was a renowned Roman poet who lived between 43 BCE and 17 CE. His poetry trilogy “Ars Amatoria” (The Art of Love) has been popular among educated and noble individuals for centuries. Numerous modern humanities scholars are familiar with Ovid’s “The Art of Love.” In his poems, Ovid instructs Roman men and women on how to attract and maintain a partner’s affection as well as how to make love.

The Romans lived in a different time and had a different way of life than people do now. But I think that educated men and women today can still learn something from Ovid’s poetry collections about love. This is why I’ve put excerpts from these books on this website for people who want to learn more about how ancient Romans thought about love.

“Ars Amatoria” is a book of poetry with helpful advice for modern men and women on how to find and keep a partner. Ovid’s first two books of poetry give advice on how to talk to, court, and seduce women. The poetic wisdom in the third book shows women how to entice and love men.

The Roman Art of Love Published in my Earlier Blog Posts

In earlier blog posts, I shared some of Ovid’s advice to men in the form of poetry. Some of the things these beautiful verses talk about are, “What Is His Task“, “Search for Love while at the Theatre“, “Triumphs that Are Good to Attract a Woman“, “Search for Love around the Dinner-Table and on the Beach“, “How to Know the Maid“, “How to Make Promises of Love to Her“, “How to Woo and Seduce a Woman”, “How to Captivate a Woman at Dinner”, and “How Tears, Kisses, Taking the Lead Can Help in Love Affairs”.

Here are some poetic quotes from Book III of Ovid’s “Ars Amatoria,” addressed to girls and women. Ovid teaches them about love and how prudent it is for a woman to conceal her defects.

Idealization of the beloved is the core feature of romantic love (Karandashev, 2017; 2019; 2022). So, what Ovid suggested is really worthwhile.

Here Is How Ovid Advises Women to Be Prudent in Concealing Their Defects

“I’ve not come to teach Semele or Leda, or Sidon’s Europa,

carried through the waves by that deceptive bull,

or Helen, whom Menelaus, being no fool, reclaimed,

and you, Paris, her Trojan captor, also no fool, withheld.

The crowd come to be taught, girls pretty and plain:

and always the greater part are not-so-good.

The beautiful ones don’t seek art and instruction:

they have their dowry, beauty potent without art:

the sailor rests secure when the sea’s calm:

when it’s swollen, he uses every aid.

Still, faultless forms are rare: conceal your faults,

and hide your body’s defects as best you may.

If you’re short sit down, lest, standing, you seem to sit:

and commit your smallness to your couch:

there also, so your measure can’t be taken,

let a shawl drop over your feet to hide them.

If you’re very slender, wear a full dress, and walk about

in clothes that hang loosely from your shoulders.

A pale girl scatters bright stripes across her body,

the darker then have recourse to linen from Alexandria.

Let an ugly foot be hidden in snow-white leather:

and don’t loose the bands from skinny legs.

Thin padding suits those with high shoulder blades:

a good brassiere goes with a meagre chest.

Those with thick fingers and bitten nails,

make sparing use of gestures whenever you speak.

Those with strong breath don’t talk when you’re fasting. and always keep your mouth a distance from your lover.”

Kline, A. S. (2001). Translation of Ovid’s Ars Amatoria: The Art of Love.

The Value of Makeup for Women in Their Art of Love

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Ovid was a renowned poet of the Roman Empire who lived from 43 BCE to 17 CE. For centuries, his poetry trilogy “Ars Amatoria” (The Art of Love) has been popular among educated and aristocratic people. Many modern scholars in the humanities are familiar with Ovid’s “The Art of Love.” Ovid teaches Roman men and women how to capture and retain a partner’s affection. He also instruct them how to be attractive, and how to make love.

The ancient Romans lived in a different era and social structure than people do today. But I believe that modern educated men and women can appreciate the lessons about love found in Ovid’s poetry collections. I have posted the excerpts from these books on this website. They are interesting for those interested in learning more about the cultural wisdom of love in ancient Roman culture.

The poetry of “Ars Amatoria” contains helpful advice for modern men and women on how to find and maintain a partner in a relationship. The first two collections of poetry by Ovid include instructions on how to approach, court, and seduce women. The third book’s poetic guidance teaches women the art of loving men.

I presented poetic excerpts of Ovid’s advice to men in previous blog posts. For example, those lovely verses are discussing “How to Find Her“, “Search for Love While Walking“, “Search for Love at the Races or Circus“, “How to Win Her“, “How to Be Attentive to Her“, “How to Woo and Seduce a Woman”, “How to Make Promises and Deceive”, and “How Tears, Kisses, Taking the Lead Can Help in Love Affairs”.

Here are some poetic quotes from Ovid’s “Ars Amatoria,” Book III, addressed to girls and women. In this book, Ovid teaches them about love. In particular, he tells them how taste, elegance in hair and dress, and makeup are important for their art of love.

Makeup Is Important for Women in their Art of Love

“How near I was to warning you, no rankness of the wild goat

under your armpits, no legs bristling with harsh hair!

But I’m not teaching girls from the Caucasian hills,

or those who drink your waters, Mysian Caicus.

So why remind you not to let your teeth get blackened,

by being lazy, and to wash your face each morning in water?

You know how to acquire whiteness with a layer of powder:

she who doesn’t blush by blood, indeed, blushes by art.

You make good the naked edges of your eyebrows,

and hide your natural cheeks with little patches.

It’s no shame to highlight your eyes with thinned ashes,

or saffron grown by your banks, bright Cydnus.

It’s I who spoke of facial treatments for your beauty,

a little book, but one whose labour took great care.

There too you can find protection against faded looks:

my art’s no idle thing in your behalf.

Still, don’t let your lover find cosmetic bottles

on your dressing table: art delights in its hidden face.

Who’s not offended by cream smeared all over your face,

when it runs in fallen drops to your warm breast?

Don’t those ointments smell? Even if they are sent from Athens,

they’re oils extracted from the unwashed fleece of a sheep.

Don’t apply preparations of deer marrow openly,

and I don’t approve of openly cleaning your teeth:

it makes for beauty, but it’s not beautiful to watch:

many things that please when done, are ugly in the doing:

What now carries the signature of busy Myron

was once dumb mass, hard stone:

to make a ring, first crush the golden ore:

the dress you wear, was greasy wool:

That was rough marble, now it forms a famous statue,

naked Venus squeezing water from her wet hair.

We’ll think you too are sleeping while you do your face: fit to be seen after the final touches.”

Kline, A. S. (2001). Translation of Ovid’s Ars Amatoria: The Art of Love.

Yet, Ovid Suggests Women Use Makeup in Private

“Why should I know the source of the brightness in your looks?

Close your bedroom door! Why betray unfinished work?

There are many things it’s right men shouldn’t know:

most things offend if you don’t keep them secret.

The golden figures shining from the ornate theatre,

examine them, you’ll despise them: gilding hiding wood:

but the crowd’s not allowed to approach them till they’re done,

and till your beauty’s ready banish men.

But I don’t forbid your hair being freely combed,

so that it falls, loosely spread, across your shoulders.

Beware especially lest you’re irritable then,

or are always loosening your failed hairstyle again.

Leave your maid alone: I hate those who scratch her face

with their nails, or prick the arm they’ve snatched at with a pin.

She’ll curse her mistress’s head at every touch,

as she weeps, bleeding, on the hateful tresses.

If you’re hair’s appalling, set a guard at your threshold,

or always have it done at Bona Dea’s fertile temple.

I was once suddenly announced arriving at some girl’s:

in her confusion she put her hair on wrong way round.

May such cause of cruel shame come to my enemies,

and that disgrace be reserved for Parthian girls.

Hornless cows are ugly, fields are ugly without grass, and bushes without leaves, and a head without its hair.”

Kline, A. S. (2001). Translation of Ovid’s Ars Amatoria: The Art of Love.

How Taste and Elegance in Hair and Dress Are Important for the Art of Love

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Ovid (43 BCE–17 CE) was a well-known Roman Empire poet. Many love scholars are familiar with his “Ars Amatoria” (The Art of Love), a trilogy of poetry books. “The Art of Love” has been popular among educated and aristocratic people for centuries.

In these books, Ovid instructs Roman men and women on what love is. He teaches men how to find and keep women. He also teaches women how to win and keep a man’s love.

The Romans of antiquity lived in a different time and society than do contemporary people. However, I think modern educated men and women can still appreciate the guidance of love found in Ovid’s poetry collections. For those who are interested in learning about the cultural wisdom of love in ancient Roman culture, I have posted excerpts from these books on this website.

Men and women of nowadays can find useful tips in the “Ars Amatoria” poetry on how to find and keep a partner in a relationship. Ovid’s first two poetry collections offer advice on how to approach, court, and seduce women. The third book’s poetic advice is primarily addressed to women in order to impart the art of love.

My Previous Blog Posts on The Roman Art of Love

In previous blog posts, I presented poetic excerpts of Ovid’s advice to men. Those lovely verses are talking about, for example, “What Is His Task“, “How to Find Her“, “Search for Love While Walking“, “Search for Love while at the Theatre“, “Search for Love at the Races or Circus“, “Triumphs that Are Good to Attract a Woman“, “Search for Love around the Dinner-Table and on the Beach“, “How to Win Her“, “How to Know the Maid“, “How to Be Attentive to Her“, “How to Make Promises of Love to Her“, “How to Woo and Seduce a Woman”, “How to Captivate a Woman at Dinner”, “How to Make Promises and Deceive”, and “How Tears, Kisses, Taking the Lead Can Help in Love Affairs”.

Here are some poetic quotes from Ovid’s “Ars Amatoria,” Book III, addressed to girls and women. Ovid teaches them about love and tells them how taste and elegance in hair and dress are important for the art of love.

Ovid’s Advice on How Taste and Elegance in Hair and Dress Are Important for the Art of Love

“We’re captivated by elegance: don’t ignore your hair:

beauty’s granted or denied by a hand’s touch.

There isn’t only one style: choose what suits each one,

and consult your mirror in advance.

An oval-shaped head suggests a plain parting:

that’s how Laodamia arranged her hair.

A round face asks for a small knot on the top,

leaving the forehead free, showing the ears.

One girl should throw her hair over both shoulders:

like Phoebus when he takes up the lyre to sing.

Another tied up behind, in Diana’s usual style,

when, skirts tucked up, she seeks the frightened quarry.

Blown tresses suit this girl, loosely scattered:

that one’s encircled by tight-bound hair.

This one delights in being adorned by tortoiseshell from Cyllene:

that one presents a likeness to the curves of a wave.

But you’ll no more number the acorns on oak branches,

or bees on Hybla, wild beasts on Alpine mountains,

than I can possibly count so many fashions:

every new day adds another new style.

And tangled hair suits many girls: often you’d think

it’s been hanging loose since yesterday: it’s just combed.

Art imitates chance: when Hercules, in captured Oechalia,

saw Iole like that, he said: ‘I love that girl.’

So you Bacchus, lifted forsaken Ariadne, into your chariot, while the Satyrs gave their cries.”

Kline, A. S. (2001). Translation of Ovid’s Ars Amatoria: The Art of Love.

Then Ovid Continues His Advice

“O how kind nature is to your beauty,

how many ways you have to repair the damage!

We’re sadly exposed, and our hair, snatched at by time,

falls like the leaves stripped by the north wind.

A woman dyes the grey with German herbs,

and seeks a better colour by their art:

a woman shows herself in dense bought curls,

instead of her own, pays cash for another’s.

No blushes shown: you can see them coming, openly,

before the eyes of Hercules and the Virgin Muses Choir.

What to say about dress? Don’t ask for brocade,

or wools dyed purple with Tyrian murex.

With so many cheaper colours having appeared,

it’s crazy to bear your fortune on your back!

See, the sky’s colour, when the sky’s without a cloud,

no warm south-westerly threatening heavy rain.

See, what to you, you’ll say, looks similar to that fleece,

on which Phrixus and Helle once escaped fierce Ino:

this resembles the waves, and also takes its name from the waves:

I might have thought the sea-nymphs clothed with this veil.

That’s like saffron-flowers: dressed in saffron robes,

the dew-wet goddess yokes her shining horses:

this, Paphian myrtle: this, purple amethyst,

dawn roses, and the Thracian crane’s grey.

Your chestnuts are not lacking, Amaryllis, and almonds:

and wax gives its name to various wools.

As many as the flowers the new world, in warm spring, bears

when vine-buds wake, and dark winter vanishes,

as many or more dyes the wool drinks: choose, decisively:

since all are not suitable for everyone.

dark-grey suits snow-white skin: dark-grey suited Briseis:

when she was carried off, then she also wore dark-grey.

White suits the dark: you looked pleasing, Andromeda, in white: so dressed, the island of Seriphos was ruled by you.”

Kline, A. S. (2001). Translation of Ovid’s Ars Amatoria: The Art of Love.

Ovid’s Advice on How to Take Care of How You Look

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Ovid (43 BCE–17 CE) was a famous poet of the ancient Roman Empire. Many love scholars know him very well for his “Ars Amatoria” (The Art of Love), a series of three books of poems. In these books, Ovid gives Roman men and women the practical instructions on what is love and how to make it with the art of seduction and intrigue.

The books instructed men on how to find and keep a woman. The books also advised women on how to win and maintain a man’s love. Throughout the centuries, “The Art of Love” has been quite popular among educated and aristocratic individuals.

Modern people live in a different time period and society than the ancient Romans. Nevertheless, I believe they can still appreciate the love advice in Ovid’s books of poems. I have published excerpts from these books on this website for those interested in cross-cultural love wisdom.

The poetry of “Ars Amatoria” provides men and women with advice on finding and maintaining a romantic partner. The first two books of Ovid’s poetry teach how to meet, flirt with, and seduce a woman. The poetic advice in the third book aimed to teach the art of love primarily to women.

Other Blog Articles I’ve Written about The Roman Art of Love

In previous blog posts, I presented poetic excerpts of Ovid’s advice to men. Those lovely verses are about “How to Find Her“, “Search for Love While Walking“, “Search for Love while at the Theatre“, “Search for Love at the Races or Circus“, “Triumphs that Are Good to Attract a Woman“, “Search for Love around the Dinner-Table and on the Beach“, “How to Win Her“, “How to Know the Maid“, “How to Be Attentive to Her“, “How to Make Promises of Love to Her“, “How to Woo and Seduce a Woman”, “How to Captivate a Woman at Dinner”, “How to Make Promises and Deceive”, and “How Tears, Kisses, Taking the Lead Can Help in Love Affairs”.

Here are the poetic quotes from Ovid’s Book III of “Ars Amatoria” addressed to women. Ovid teaches girls the lessons of love and advises them to “take care of how you look.”

Ovid’s Advice to “Take Care of How You Look”

“But I’m blown about by greater gusts of wind,

while we’re in harbour, may you ride the gentle breeze.

I’ll start with how you look: good wine comes from vines

that are looked after, tall crops stand in cultivated soil.

Beauty’s a gift of the gods: how many can boast it?

The larger number among you lack such gifts.

Taking pains brings beauty: beauty neglected dies,

even though it’s like that of Venus, the Idalian goddess.

If girls of old didn’t cultivate their bodies in that way,

well they had no cultivated men in those days:

if Andromache was dressed in healthy clothes,

what wonder? Her husband was a rough soldier?

Do you suppose Ajax’s wife would come to him all smart,

when his outer layer was seven hides of an ox?

There was crude simplicity before: now Rome is golden,

and owns the vast wealth of the conquered world.

Look what the Capitol is now, and what it was:

you’d say it belonged to a different Jove.

The Senate-House, now worthy of such debates,

was made of wattle when Tatius held the kingship.

Where the Palatine now gleams with Apollo and our leaders,

what was that but pasture for ploughmen’s oxen?

Others may delight in ancient times: I congratulate myself

on having been born just now: this age suits my nature.

Not because stubborn gold’s mined now from the earth,

or choice shells come to us from farthest shores:

nor because mountains shrink as marble’s quarried,

or because blue waters retreat from the piers:

but because civilisation’s here, and no crudity remains,

in our age, that survives from our ancient ancestors.

You too shouldn’t weight your ears with costly stones,

that dusky India gathers in its green waters,

nor show yourself in stiff clothes sewn with gold,

wealth which you court us with, often makes us flee.”

Kline, A. S. (2001). Translation of Ovid’s Ars Amatoria: The Art of Love.

Ovid’s Art of Love for Girls

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The ancient Roman poet Ovid (43 BCE and 17 CE) is well-known among love scholars for his “Ars Amatoria,” a three-volume instructional series of poems describing what love is and how to love using the arts of seduction and intrigue.

In the first two books of “The Art of Love”, Ovid addresses his poems to men. He advises men on “letting her miss you, but not for too long,” “remembering her birthday,” and “not asking her age.”

In previous blog posts, I presented poetic excerpts of Ovid’s advice to men. Those lovely verses are about “How to Find Her“, “Search for Love While Walking“, “Search for Love while at the Theatre“, “Search for Love at the Races or Circus“, “Triumphs that Are Good to Attract a Woman“, “Search for Love around the Dinner-Table and on the Beach“, “How to Win Her“, “How to Know the Maid“, “How to Be Attentive to Her“, “How to Make Promises of Love to Her“, “How to Woo and Seduce a Woman” , “How to Captivate a Woman at Dinner”, “How to Make Promises and Deceive”, and “How Tears, Kisses, Taking the Lead Can Help in Love Affairs”.

His poems are full of clever love advice for both men and women. I think that some of his advice is still useful and would be interesting to read.

Here I am starting to post the poetic excerpts from Book III of Ovid’s “Ars Amatoria” (The Art of Love) addressed to women. In Part 1 of this book, Ovid teaches girls the lessons of love.

“It’s Time to Teach You Girls”

“I’ve given the Greeks arms, against Amazons: arms remain,

to give to you Penthesilea, and your Amazon troop.

Go equal to the fight: let them win, those who are favoured

by Venus, and her Boy, who flies through all the world.

It’s not fair for armed men to battle with naked girls:

that would be shameful, men, even if you win.

Someone will say: ‘Why add venom to the snake,

and betray the sheepfold to the rabid she-wolf?’

Beware of burdening the many with the crime of the few:

let the merits of each separate girl be seen.

Though Menelaus has Helen, and Agamemnon

has Clytemnestra, her sister, to charge with crime,

though Amphiarus, and his horses too, came living to the Styx,

through the wickedness of Eriphyle,

Penelope was faithful to her husband for all ten years

of his waging war, and his ten years wandering.

Think of Protesilaus, and Laodameia who they say

followed her marriage partner, died before her time.

Alcestis , his wife, redeemed Admetus’s life with her own:

the wife, for the man, was borne to the husband’s funeral.

‘Capaneus, receive me! Let us mingle our ashes,’

Evadne cried, and leapt into the flames.

Kline, A. S. (2001). Translation of Ovid’s Ars Amatoria: The Art of Love.

Then Ovid Continues Teaching the Art of Love for Girls

Virtue herself is named and worshipped as a woman too:

it’s no wonder that she delights her followers.

Yet their aims are not required for my art,

smaller sails are suited to my boat,

Only playful passions will be learnt from me:

I’ll teach girls the ways of being loved.

Women don’t brandish flames or cruel bows:

I rarely see men harmed by their weapons.

Men often cheat: it’s seldom tender girls,

and, if you check, they’re rarely accused of fraud.

Falsely, Jason left Medea, already a mother:

he took another bride to himself.

As far as you knew, Theseus, the sea birds fed on Ariadne,

left all by herself on an unknown island!

Ask why one road’s called Nine-Times and hear

how the woods, weeping, shed their leaves for Phyllis.

Though he might be famed for piety, Aeneas, your guest,

supplied the sword, Dido, and the reason for your death.

What destroyed you all, I ask? Not knowing how to love:

your art was lacking: love lasts long through art. You still might lack it now: but, before my eyes,

stood Venus herself, and ordered me to teach you.

She said to me. then: ‘What have the poor girls done,

an unarmed crowd betrayed to well-armed men?

Two books of their tricks have been composed:

let this lot too be instructed by your warnings.

Stesichorus who spoke against Helen’s un-chastity,

soon sang her praises in a happier key.

If I know you well (don’t harm the cultured girls now!)

this favour will always be asked of you while you live.’

She spoke, and she gave me a leaf, and a few myrtle

berries (since her hair was crowned with myrtle):

I felt received power too: purer air

glowed, and a whole weight lifted from my spirit.

While wit works, seek your orders here girls,

those that modesty, principles and your rules allow.

Be mindful first that old age will come to you:

so don’t be timid and waste any of your time.

Have fun while it’s allowed, while your years are in their prime:

the years go by like flowing waters:

The wave that’s past can’t be recalled again,

the hour that’s past never can return.

Life’s to be used: life slips by on swift feet,

what was good at first, nothing as good will follow.

Those stalks that wither I saw as violets:

from that thorn-bush to me a dear garland was given.

Kline, A. S. (2001). Translation of Ovid’s Ars Amatoria: The Art of Love.

And Finally, Ovid Advises Girls…

There’ll be a time when you, who now shut out your lover,

will lie alone, and aged, in the cold of night,

nor find your entrance damaged by some nocturnal quarrel, nor your threshold sprinkled with roses at dawn.

How quickly (ah me!) the sagging flesh wrinkles,

and the colour, there, is lost from the bright cheek.

And hairs that you’ll swear were grey from your girlhood

will spring up all over your head overnight.

Snakes shed their old age with their fragile skin,

antlers that are cast make the stag seem young:

un-aided our beauties flee: pluck the flower,

which, if not plucked, will of itself, shamefully, fall.

Add that the time of youth is shortened by childbirth:

the field’s exhausted by continual harvest.

Endymion causes you no blushes, on Latmos, Moon,

nor is Cephalus the rosy goddess of Dawn’s shameful prize.

Though Adonis was given to Venus, whom she mourns to this day,

where did she get Aeneas, and Harmonia, from?

O mortal girls go to the goddesses for your examples,

and don’t deny your delights to loving men.

Even if you’re deceived, what do you lose? It’s all intact:

though a thousand use it, nothing’s destroyed that way.

Iron crumbles, stone’s worn away with use:

that part’s sufficient, and escapes all fear of harm.

Who objects to taking light from a light nearby?

Who hoards the vast waters of the hollow deep?

So why should any woman say: ‘Not now’? Tell me,

why waste the water if you’re not going to use it?

Nor does my voice say sell it, just don’t be afraid of casual loss: your gifts are freed from loss.”

Kline, A. S. (2001). Translation of Ovid’s Ars Amatoria: The Art of Love.

Gratitude and Love in Cultural Perspective

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The grateful attitude and emotions toward other people and life are referred to as gratitude. When we express gratitude for what other people and life have given us, we experience several situational emotions. When we are grateful, thankful, and appreciative to someone for something, we can feel a variety of positive emotions. Gratitude and love commonly go hand in hand and are closely related to each other.

Gratitude and Love in Our Life

As I showed in another article, gratitude and love frequently go together. Not only does the experience of gratitude entail the emotion of love, but love also implies the expression of gratitude.

Love frequently involves expressions of gratitude and appreciation. Love, gratitude, and appreciation are deeply relational feelings that encompass a wide range of dispositions, moods, and situational emotions and feelings. Participants use a variety of methods to express their feelings of love, including loving others, loving oneself, receiving love, and feeling thankful for love.

A Chinese Cultural Perspective on Gratitude and Love

The indigenous Chinese concept of “enqing” means grateful love (Chen & Li, 2007). This type of love includes the feelings of responsibilities and obligations associated with a spouse’s feelings of appreciation, gratitude, and indebtedness for what the partner does for the marriage. The origins of “enqing” are in Chinese relationship orientation and the traditional Confucian value of duty in marriage.

While Western marital intimacy is characterized by feelings of togetherness and compatibility, Chinese marital intimacy is characterized by feelings of admiration and gratitude.

The Chinese Concept of “Enqing”

People in traditional Chinese society typically place little emphasis on marital intimacy. Instead, “enqing”—the expression of gratitude and admiration—may bind Chinese couples closely together.

Many researchers have identified “enqing” as the primary element of Chinese marital affection and love (e.g., Li & Chen, 2002; Tang, 1991; see for a review, Karandashev, 2019). In traditional Chinese marriage, “enqing” plays a central role in marital affection and love. The four pillars of Chinese couples’ love are:

(a) feelings of gratitude,

(b) admiration,

(c) togetherness, and

(d) compatibility

(Chen & Li, 2007).

How Gratitude and Love Develop in Chinese Marriage

Why and how does this kind of grateful love between married people grow?

In traditional Chinese culture, parents frequently arrange marriages. Under these conditions, many people got married without knowing each other well. Moreover, even after they get married, Chinese cultural norms do not consider the intimate relationship between the couple as important. The “enqing“, or expression of gratitude and admiration, develops from conjugal love and role fulfillment. That is what keeps Chinese couples together and close.

People experience intimacy more frequently in modern Taiwanese (Chinese) marriages than ever before. However, the presence of “enqing” remains. Modern Western ideas about love have an effect on Chinese marriages. Nevertheless, the traditional Chinese idea of “enqing” has not gone away (Li & Chen, 2002).

How the Expression of Gratitude Differs in Chinese and American Cultures

A series of cross-cultural studies examined the impact of verbal and nonverbal expressions of appreciation on the quality of romantic relationships in “high-context, collectivistic cultures and low-context, individualistic cultures” (Bello et al., 2010, p. 294).

The authors discovered that in cultures such as the United States and China, appreciation takes different forms and plays different roles in relationships. Participants from both countries listed specific ways they express gratitude in a romantic relationship.

The results show that Chinese participants prefer nonverbal expressions of appreciation over verbal ones, while American participants favor both verbal and nonverbal ones.

Overall, data showed that Americans use significantly more frequent expressions of gratitude in love than Chinese people. This is mostly due to the extensive use of verbal expressions in the United States. Chinese people, on the other hand, use more indirect ways to express gratitude in love than Americans see for a review, Karandashev, 2019).

Emotions Associated With Gratitude

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We can characterize gratitude as the grateful attitudes toward other people and life. Gratitude also involves several situational emotions when we experience gratitude for what other people and life give to us. We can experience several positive emotions when we are grateful, thankful, and appreciative to someone for something.

What Is the Lived Experience of Gratitude?

Researchers from Sofia University in California, USA, Patty Hlava and John Elfers conducted a qualitative study to investigate the ways in which individuals experience gratitude throughout their lives. The authors also investigated the advantages of practicing and expressing gratitude, both for relationships with others and personal emotions. What does it mean for people to be grateful for their lives, and how do they feel gratitude in their somatic feelings? How does gratitude benefit our relationships, and how does it change our relationships with others?

How Emotional Is the Lived Experience of Gratitude?

In this qualitative study, the authors explored the individual narratives of the lived emotional experience of gratitude. Some descriptions identified the feelings elicited by a specific event. The other descriptions identified the generalized descriptions that people reminisce over in a wide range of examples (Hlava & Elfers, 2014).

The Gratitude Emotions of Acceptance, Comfort, and Security

Many participants in their narratives expressed emotions of acceptance of themselves and of the world associated with a sense of rightness or completeness. They also described feelings of comfort and security.

I can just be in the world and not in conflict with it. (Jennifer)

Yeah, I felt real grounded, and centered, and refreshed. (Mimi)

There is this thread of deep contentment that runs like an underground river through everything. (Albert)

I’m grateful because there’s that unconditional love and that safety and security, which makes me feel strong and powerful. (Melanie)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 447).

The Gratitude Emotions of Being Blessed

Participants described the feelings of being fortunate, lucky, and blessed as a common theme. It was a sense of personal worth and the value of the self in relation to others. This experience of gratitude, however, was not associated with feelings of guilt or indebtedness for the benefit.

Some participants recognized their responsibility to give back in response to the gift. They feel a desire to act on that responsibility.

A sense of being blessed and of savoring every little moment. (Sue)

I don’t know if I’m going to be able to be worthy of their faith in me. (Louise)

I just remember feeling so overwhelmed with feeling blessed and feeling just joyful, feeling just fortunate. (Betty) I get really excited, and I literally feel giddy. Then I feel lucky, and then I feel humbled. Then I feel like I should share it. (Melanie)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 447).

The Gratitude Emotions of Joy

Participants described the positive emotion-experience of gratitude in terms of the pleasant sensations of euphoria, joy, and happiness.

A wonderful state of euphoria; pleasurable sensations, both mental and physical; happiness of memories. (Doris)

I was smiling, on top of my feeling a sense of joy in my face, and then a welling up in my eyes. (Betty)

I feel lighter and definitely happier. Gratitude is like sunshine. (Sarita) Then I was just really happy. I thought I was like Disneyland happy. (Link)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 447).

The Gratitude Emotions of Love

The experience of love frequently expresses gratitude. Both love and gratitude are highly relational emotions, and both embody a broad affective range of feelings and contexts. Participants expressed the sentiments of love in a variety of ways, such as by loving another, loving oneself, being loved, and feeling grateful for being loved. The sentiments of love were also felt as being accepted, supported, protected, and understood.

Overwhelming love, I would say. In love with them, and feeling loved by them. (Betty)

I feel love. (pause) It’s kind of funny; because I think love and gratitude are almost like twins. You don’t have to love someone you’re grateful to, but it certainly seems to enhance gratitude and a lot of times if I’m grateful, really, I’m feeling loved. (Nancy)

How grateful I was to have been involved and been a part of such a wonderful and loving family. I really was overcome with just a feeling of gratefulness and almost to the point where it brought me to tears. (Lou)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 448).

How People Feel Gratitude

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Being grateful makes our relationships with other people stronger. When people feel grateful, the way they feel grateful and the emotions that accompany this experience strengthen their sense of belonging to the group and their connectedness with others.

What Is Gratitude?

Gratitude is a set of dispositions and emotions characterized by being thankful and appreciative for what other people and life give to us. There are many things for which we may be grateful.

Gratitude is daily and widely involved in our interpersonal communication and relationships. Clearly, gratitude plays a crucial role in interpersonal relationships. An essential component of practicing gratitude is recognizing and appreciating the people around us and the things they do for us.

Gratitude is an essential component of romantic and companionate relationships. In some respects, gratitude is the feeling of being thankful for what another person has done or continues to do for us.

Being thankful makes us feel better, both physically and mentally. It makes our lives and relationships better in many ways. Some people tend to be grateful more frequently than others. How does their experience of being grateful reflect on their emotional experience and feelings? How do grateful individuals feel gratitude?

A Study of the Lived Experience of Gratitude

Patty Hlava and John Elfers, researchers at Sofia University in California, conducted a qualitative study exploring how people feel gratitude in their lives. They also examined the benefits of experiencing and expressing gratitude. What is the meaning of gratitude for their lives, relationships, and emotions?

How Emotionally Do Grateful People Feel Gratitude?

Being grateful is an emotional experience characterized by varying intensity. People experience gratitude with subjective feelings that can range from low intensity to overwhelming.

Many participants of the study reported their feelings of tearfulness and overwhelming emotion—the sense of taking the breath away, of bursting with feeling, or of fullness. Men and women described the range of emotional responses to gratitude, from mild feelings of appreciation to the sensations of upwelling tearfulness. The tears, however, were not from sadness. Some admitted that the power of the emotion made them silent, uncomfortable, and embarrassed.

Participants commonly feel gratitude, describing it with positive emotions such as joy, release, love, peace, security, and happiness.

Some examples of quotes from participants are:

I start tearing because I’m so—it’s an overwhelming emotion. It’s an overflowing with joy kind of feeling. (Joe)

My eyes fill with tears, but I do not feel sadness. I feel at a loss for words and am filled with gratitude and love. (Zoe)

I just burst into tears, and I was crying, I mean, in addition to just the positive feelings of just gratitude and excitement. (Louise)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 444).

Somatic Experiences in the Heart and Chest

These are the sensations of warmth and the feeling that the chest and heart are expanding. It is often described as fullness, swelling, or lightness. Participants often described the feelings in their hearts as softening or melting into something larger. The feeling of the breath was light and expansive.

The feelings in the heart and chest are sometimes identified as the “core” and central feelings of people’s gratitude. Several quotes from the participants include:

I noticed a fullness in my chest like my heart is bursting, and it’s full. Not an uncomfortable feeling, like a warm feeling, almost like love but not as localized or something. It’s less concentrated. It’s just a bigger feeling. (Allison)

A slow dawning, more of a warm feeling inside of you rather than something that suddenly catches you by surprise. (Louise)

[The heart sensation] is not flat. It has dimension. That is why I feel it is the core. (Sophie)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 445).

The sensation of warmth is another feature of how people somatically feel gratitude. Participants frequently indicated the feelings in their upper and middle backs. They also experienced the rush and flush of warmth in the abdomen, the skin, the face, the throat, and the feeling of warmth and flushing in the entire body. These warm feelings in the chest are commonly associated with sensations of elevation.

The Somatic and Psychological Feeling of Release

The way people feel gratitude is commonly associated with somatic and psychological feelings of release. They frequently described these feelings as letting go, a feeling of lightness, a weight lifted, liberation, and freedom.

I had, for lack of a better term, a long internal sigh. I was so relieved. (Link)

I just feel so relieved, just like something left my body. (Aneska)

It was like I had a huge weight lifted off of me. (Cait)

I remember being released. I was completely and utterly free. (Herbie)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 446).

Participants describe these feelings as a deeply somatic experience in terms of shoulders relaxing, a reduction in stress levels, a lighter, bouncier step, and a weight lifted off.