Category Archives: interpersonal perception in love

Attractive Personality Traits for Relationship

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Several articles on this blog have covered a wide range of physical and socioeconomic characteristics that people in various cultures search for in potential mating partners. The last article demonstrated how the stereotype “what-is-beautiful-is-good” makes us believe in many other positive personality traits of a physically attractive person.

On the other hand, I showed how a good personality and love make us perceive the beauty in our beloved one.

People’s wisdom across cultures says, “Never judge a book by its cover.” For example, as the Russian proverb says, “Looks aren’t the only thing that matters” (“Beauty is only skin deep”). Many people and cultures consider personality traits as more important attributes of potential mates than their physical appearance (see for review, Karandashev, 2019).

Among psychological factors, the personality characteristics of a potential partner play a significant role in romantic encounters and relationships (e.g., Walster, Aronson, Abrams, & Rottman, 1966).

Let us consider the personality traits that are attractive to people in various cultures. Are there any similarities? How different are such preferences in different societies?

Early Studies of Mating Preferences from an Evolutionary Perspective

One of the early cross-cultural studies across 37 cultural groups from 33 nations revealed that personality traits that men and women in many societies find attractive in potential mates are being lively, having a pleasing disposition, having emotional stability, having a dependable character, being kind, having intelligence, and being mature. These studies of mate preferences for long-term mating showed that the physical attractiveness of women for men and the resource prospects of men for women were only of moderate importance compared to those psychological and personality characteristics (Buss et al., 1989)

Evolutionary interpretations are very plausible. Men, who presumably needed to propagate their own offspring, wanted to ensure that they were the rightful parents. Therefore, they are especially concerned to know that they are the parents of their children.

From an evolutionary perspective, men were not very selective in their sexual relationships. Nevertheless, they still preferred women “who are sexually loyal and likely to be faithful as indicators of paternity certainty.”(Buss & Schmitt, 1993, p. 226).

The Cultural Evolution of Mating Preferences in Attractive Personality Traits from the 1939s to the 1990s

The later studies demonstrated that cultural evolution throughout the second half of the XX century (from 1939 to 1996) took place and changed the valuation of psychological and personality mating factors. Men’s and women’s preferences for a prospective partner’s intelligence, education, and sociability have become higher. However, the mating values of chastity, neatness, and refinement diminished (Buss et al., 2001).

During the period from 1939 to 1996, the importance of political background was still low for prospective mating partners. 

During those decades of the 20th century, several personality characteristics of a prospective partner, such as a pleasing disposition, emotional stability, dependable character, and maturity, were consistently of high value for both men and women.

By the early 1990s, men had increased their preferences for similarity of educational background and good financial prospects in their prospective partners, which was a noticeable change in the historical evolution of mating preferences. Yet, for men, the value of a woman as a good cook and housekeeper decreased. On the other hand, for women, the mating value of a man being ambitious and industrious decreased.

Modern Mating Preferences for Attractive Personality Traits

The importance of various traits in modern mating preferences has been demonstrated in another study from the early 2000s. The British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) administered an Internet survey about preferred traits in a mate among 119,733 men and 98,462 women. Respondents in this cross-national study were asked to select the traits that they viewed as the first, second, and third most important attributes in a prospective partner. From a list of 23 characteristics, participants across all nations and cultures ranked as the most important traits “intelligence, humor, honesty, kindness, overall good looks, facial attractiveness, values, communication skills, and dependability.” (Lippa, 2007, p. 193).

Overall, men ranked facial attractiveness and good looks more important than women did. Sex differences in rankings of attractiveness were very consistent across 53 nations. On the other side, women ranked honesty, humor, kindness, and dependability as more important than men did. Across countries, indices of gender equality correlated with rankings of character traits in both women’s and men’s responses. However, there was no correlation with rankings of physical attractiveness. The study showed that cultural factors were associated with how women and men ranked character traits. On the other hand, biological factors were relatively more predictive of women’s and men’s rankings of physical attractiveness.

Attractive Personality Traits Among Muslims and Jordanians in the Early 2000s

Muslim women living in the United States prefer a prospective partner who is emotionally sensitive and sincere. They place a higher value on these characteristics than men do (Badahdah & Tiemann, 2005).

Men and women in Jordanian society prefer the same attractive personality traits in their prospective partners as in many other cultures. These are refinement, neatness, kindness, and a pleasing disposition (Khallad, 2005).

What Physical Attractiveness Tells about Personality Traits

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We like to talk to and have a relationship with beautiful and physically attractive men and women. Their physical attractiveness is pleasant for interpersonal communication. What is their personality like?

Do pleasant or unpleasant personality traits predispose us to perceive men and women as physically attractive? According to studies, character and personality affect whether we perceive the physical appearance of a partner as attractive or not.

What Do Men and Women Look for in Prospective Mates?

Men and women have their own sexual preferences for physical attractiveness in prospective partners. Other articles on this website have presented a variety of physical attributes that men and women in different cultures look for in their prospective partners.

The evolutionary mate-selection theory asserts that some qualities that attract women and men in potential mates are cross-culturally universal. According to the theory, good-looking physical appearance is more important for men in their judgment of women than it is for women in their judgment of men. And some research findings back up this theory (e.g., Buss et al., 1990; Buss, 1994; Buss & Barnes, 1986).

However, other studies have not been consistent in this regard. It turned out that cultural contexts and other moderating variables produce differential effects (see review in other articles on this website).

As we’ll see below, personality traits are among those.

What Is Beautiful Is Good

It is commonly known that people like others who are beautiful. Besides the obvious immediate and direct importance of physical attractiveness for love, good-looking people often have good character and personality. Or this might be just a stereotype.

Meanwhile, the “what-is-beautiful-is-good” effect (see another article on this website) can explain why physical attractiveness is important (evolutionarily or culturally), suggesting good personality traits in a potential partner, such as dependable character, emotional stability, pleasing disposition, kindness, intelligence, and maturity (Fugère, Madden, & Cousins, 2019; Yela & Sangrador, 2001).

Does Good Character Make Men and Women Physically Attractive?

On the other hand, character and personality also affect whether physical appearance is perceived as attractive. Studies have suggested that the perception of physical attractiveness is contingent on many other contextual factors: positive or negative knowledge, personality characteristics of a person, the context in which they see that person, and so on. Across cultures, wise people say, “Beauty is only skin-deep.”

A series of studies collected the data in several international samples and revealed how the personality characteristics of women affect men’s perceptions of their physical attractiveness when women appeared in various body sizes, weights, and waist-to-hip ratios. In the same way, studies found that the personality characteristics of men affect women’s perceptions of their physical attractiveness (Fugère, Madden, & Cousins, 2019; Swami, Greven, & Furnham, 2007; Swami et al., 2010; Yela & Sangrador, 2001).

These findings demonstrate that beauty is more than just skin-deep. In particular, men who have prior positive knowledge about the personality of a woman perceive her as physically attractive in a wider variety of body sizes. Men who have prior negative knowledge about her personality, on the other hand, perceive her as physically attractive only in a narrower range of body sizes (Swami et al., 2010).

According to other studies, dependable character, emotional stability, pleasing disposition, and kindness also affect positive impressions of physical appearance (Fugère, Madden, & Cousins, 2019; Yela & Sangrador, 2001).

Is Beauty in the Eye of the Beholder?

From the ancient Egyptians, Greeks, and Romans across centuries, multiple scholars and artists have explored many objective qualities of beautiful people, such as symmetry, proportion, harmony, averageness, and others.

Nevertheless, there is strong scientific evidence that the personality of a perceiver also affects their perception of the attractiveness of another person. Some people are personally and culturally predisposed to seeing beauty in its variety, while others are not. Individuals high in the personality trait of Openness to Experience, as well as men high in the trait of Agreeableness, perceive a wider range of men’s and women’s body sizes as attractive. They also tend to idealize a heavier body size among women (Swami, Buchanan, Furnham, & Tovée, 2008).

The physical attractiveness of another person also depends on the perceiver’s state of being. Happiness makes everything beautiful, while depression makes everything worse. Being in romantic love, a person sees others through rose-colored glasses. Beauty is quite subjective and can be pleasantly illusionary. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

As I noted elsewhere,

“we love a partner not because he or she is beautiful; we rather perceive him or her as beautiful because we love them.”

Our love makes them beautiful.

Lovers tend to have positive partner illusions and perceive their beloved as more attractive than others, as well as themselves. Based on the attractiveness of body parts, men and women rate their romantic partners as more attractive than others and themselves. Experience of romantic love and relationship satisfaction make them vulnerable to the love-is-blind bias. However, those who are in long relationships with their partner experience this attractiveness bias much less (Swami, Stieger, Haubner, Voracek, & Furnham, 2009).

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The Culturally High Emotional Expressiveness of Love

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The studies presented in this article show that high levels of emotional expressiveness have become culturally normative forms of self-expression in modern societies.

Multiple studies throughout the decades have reported numerous cross-cultural findings on how physical types of appearance, such as skin, body, and face, are perceived by men and women as attractive in their desired mates.

These qualities are the static physical features that researchers expose to people in pictures. Surprisingly, many of these attractive qualities are similar across cultures, yet many of these qualities are specific to some societies living in specific ecological, social, and cultural conditions.

The static physiological characteristics of beauty are especially important in traditional collectivistic (see another post). However, in modernized individualistic societies, their importance for partnership has substantially decreased. Instead, expressive characteristics of physical appearance, such as expressive faces, bodies, smiles, deodorants, original hair styles, and clothes, have become more valuable in modern societies (Karandashev, 2022a).

The Cultures of High Emotional Expressiveness versus Low Emotional Expressiveness

A comprehensive meta-analysis of multiple studies has revealed the two typologies of expressivity in emotional life across cultures.

  • One typology identified (a) expressive and (b) non-expressive cultural models of emotions.
  • Another typology identified cultural models of (c) direct and (d) indirect emotional expressivity.

Each of these models represents a spectrum of variations representing a diversity of ways in which people express their emotions across different societies, rather than dichotomies (Karandashev, 2021).

The patterns of emotional expressiveness are apparently different between highly expressive cultures, preferred and prevalent among European Americans, and low-expressive cultures, preferred and prevalent among East Asians (Karandashev, 2021).

A meta-analysis of numerous studies undertaken across 26 countries discovered that people in societies with higher levels of individualism are more emotionally expressive. Men and women living in wealthy societies are not necessarily emotionally expressive, while social and political factors in those societies affect expressivity. In countries that respect democracy and human rights, people are generally more emotionally expressive. People in politically stable societies are also more expressive of their positive emotions (Van Hemert, Poortinga, & van de Vijver, 2007).

In modern individualistic societies, the expressive nonverbal behavior of men and women is displayed in closer proximity in interaction: open body position, eye contact, more vocal animation, touching, smiling, and expressiveness. When partners mutually love each other, they tend to reciprocate these kinds of behaviors (Andersen & Andersen, 1984).

The Cultural Values of Emotional Self-expression in Modern Societies

Recent cross-cultural research showed that people in comparatively modernized societies differ from traditional ones in the physical characteristics that they view as more valuable in their love partners. Data revealed that modernized individualistic societies (such as France, Portugal, and the USA) are mainly self-expression cultures, which are characterized by a decreased value of the Power Distance and prevalent values of Individualism, Indulgence, and Emancipation. These cultures are largely liberal and encourage open and sincere facial and body expressiveness (Karandashev et al., 2016, 2020).

The culturally determined dynamic, flexible, and expressive physical qualities of a partner’s appearance, such as an expressive face and body, a smile, expressive speaking, outfits, and fashion, are especially valuable for men and women in more modernized societies. Fashion does not require one to follow cultural conventions. It is more about personal style. It encourages self-expression rather than conformism to social rules (Karandashev et al., 2016, 2020).

Expressive Individualism of European American Culture

For instance, expressive individualism is one of the most important features of European-American culture. Men and women communicate with others by expressing their feelings. Personal feelings are of the utmost importance to them (Lutz, 1988). Their emotional styles are more expressive than the suppressive styles found in East Asian cultures. European Americans tend to be more emotionally expressive than Japanese, both verbally and non-verbally (Matsumoto et al., 1988).

People in expressive societies, such as the United States and some countries in Europe, often rely on overt behaviors and explicit messages (Hall, 1976; Lustig & Koester, 1999). Men and women in those cultures are consistently in contact with their feelings. They trust verbal communication of emotions, preferring direct and explicit emotional messages. People from other cultures frequently perceive them as excessively talkative and emotional in interpersonal communication.

The Cultural Values of Verbal Emotional Expressiveness

People in emotionally expressive cultures rely on verbal communication when they interact with each other. People in the United States, for example, find more verbally expressive men and women more attractive (Elliott et al., 1982).

Women and men, especially men, are less sensitive to nonverbal communication. They have difficulties understanding such aspects of relationships as unarticulated emotions, moods, and subtle gestures (Andersen, Hecht, Hoobler, & Smallwood, 2003; Hall, 1976).

How Does Self-expression Affect Life Satisfaction?

Across 46 countries, in modernized societies with high values of self-expression, such as the Netherlands, the USA, Canada, and Australia, the expression of positive emotions determined greater life satisfaction than in countries with prevalent values of survival, such as Russia, Hungary, China, and Zimbabwe (Kuppens et al., 2008).

For example, Americans are very expressive when they communicate their happiness to others. And happiness is one of the most admired focal emotions in American culture (see for review: Mesquita & Leu, 2007).

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To better understand the low level of expressed emotion in collectivistic cultures, it is interesting to compare how people experience and express emotions in individualistic cultures and how the culturally low emotional expressiveness of love is culturally valuable in traditional collectivistic societies.

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We Love the Way We See and Hear Each Other

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Many people, both men and women, think that their appearance is the most important factor in finding love. For those who want to be attractive in love, the value of physical beauty seems universal. It is really true.

Physically attractive and good-looking people across many cultures are more likely to be asked out on dates and to behave confidently in romantic situations (Hatfield & Rapson, 2000; Hatfield & Sprecher, 1986; Poulsen et al., 2013; Walster, Aronson, Abrams, & Rottman, 1966, see for review, Karandashev, Evans, et al., 2020).

However, various sensory appealing physical characteristics of a partner can inspire romantic physical attraction and passionate love. Auditory sensory impressions—how they sound—are equally as significant as how they appear visually.

Multisensory Interpersonal Attraction

Interpersonal physical attraction is the attraction of a man or a woman to another person that is based on the other person’s physical traits and appearance, whether it is someone’s body, face, eyes, hair, attire, voice, odor, etc. Our perception of another person is multisensory and engages visual, auditory, tactile-kinesthetic, and olfactory modalities during romantic interaction (Karandashev & Fata, 2014; Karandashev et al., 2016; 2020).

Visual Perception of an Attractive Partner

The visual sensory modality of attraction is based on a partner’s visually appealing physical traits. This includes, but is not limited to, his or her body type, form, and facial features, such as the nose, mouth, forehead, eyes, and the shape of his or her lips. Given the significance of vision for humans, the primary sensory qualities of a partner that influence our falling in love are visual.

Various aspects of the body and face that people find attractive in a partner come through the visual senses. Humans are primarily “optical animals.” Therefore, in interpersonal relationships, people rely heavily on their visual perception of another person (Grammer, Fink, & Neave, 2005).

The Universal Qualities of the Visual Beauty of an Attractive Partner

People in many cultures find low hip-to-waist ratios, facial symmetry, long hair, muscular builds, and clear skin attractive in a romantic partner (e.g., Gangestad & Thornhill, 1997; Patzer, 1985; see for review, Karandashev at al., 2016).

Men are especially visual in their romantic and sexual attraction (e.g., Buss, 1989, 1994; Ellis & Symons, 1990; Feingold, 1990, 1992; Greenlees & McGrew, 1994; Landolt, Lalumiere, & Quinsey, 1995; see for review, Karandashev et al., 2016). They place a high value on body weight, specific body types and shapes, physical fitness, and the length of a female partner’s hair (Nevid, 1984; Hönekopp et al., 2007).

Auditory Perception of an Attractive Partner

Despite the prevalence of visual perception, people learn a great deal about one another through verbal communication. In many interpersonal situations, verbal and nonverbal channels are inextricably linked. The content of communication as well as the auditory perception of a partner’s voice and other sounds are important factors in romantic attraction.

The auditory-sensory mode of attraction is defined as the attraction to a partner that is primarily based on the sense of sound. The tone of the partner’s voice, the pitch with which they speak, the sound of their laugh, and the voice with which they sing are all distinguishing characteristics.

What in the Voice of a Partner Makes It Attractive?

Many effects of an attractive voice determine mating value and romantic attraction. Men and women with attractive voices tend to have their first sexual intercourse at an earlier age. They also have a greater number of sexual partners and affairs. Men with attractive, lower-pitched voices have greater reproductive success (Apicella et al., 2007; Hughes et al., 2004).

What qualities in human voices make them attractive? Studies have found that women perceive male voices as attractive when their vocalizations display general masculinity and maturity. Attractive men’s voices are less monotonous, medium to lower in average fundamental frequency, and medium to higher in variance of the fundamental frequency (Feinberg et al., 2006; Riding et al., 2006; Zuckerman & Miyake, 1993; Zuckerman et al., 1995).

What in the Voice Makes It Sexy?

Women often prefer male voices that are dynamic, feminine, submissive, and esthetically pleasing. The sounds that give such an impression have increased or medium variance in the fundamental frequency and have high or medium pitch variation (Addington, 1968; Raines et al., 1990; Ray et al., 1991).

Men and women use a lower-pitched voice and a noticeable variation in pitch when they speak to an attractive person of the opposite sex. When they simulate a “sexy” voice, their voices become low (Hughes, Farley, & Rhodes, 2010; Tuomi & Fischer, 1979).

Cultural Differences in What People Perceive as Attractive in Partners

People in traditional and modernized countries differ in what they look for in the appearance of prospective mates (Karandashev et al., 2020).

People in traditional societies (e.g., Russia, Georgia, Jamaica) with relatively conservative values, when they look at the physical qualities of a mate, pay attention to such visual qualities as beautiful facial features and body shape, good skin texture, and nice clothes. Men and women in traditional societies love their partners’ abilities to do beautiful singing and dancing.

On the other hand, people in modernized societies (e.g., the USA, France, and Portugal) with relatively liberal values pay less attention to the shapes and static features of their partner’s face and body. They are rather interested in expressive qualities, such as expressive faces, beautiful smiles, meaningful gestures, and other expressive appearances and behaviors. In modern societies, men and women pay more attention to a partner’s expressive eyes and voice as ways to learn about that person’s personality (see also another article for detail).

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