Category Archives: romantic love

The Golden Age of Love Marriage in Western Societies

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Love marriage appears to be a valuable cultural value in many countries throughout Europe, North America, Australia, and New Zealand, as well as many other modernized societies around the world. However, it was not always true in history. In the 20th century, industrialization, urbanization, increased social mobility, and social and cultural modernization brought the hope that love would finally conquer marriage.

When Was Love Marriage’s Golden Age? 

It turns out that the decade of the 1950s, which began in 1947 in the United States and lasted until the early 1960s there and until the late 1960s in Western Europe, was a truly remarkable time for marriage. Romantic love transformed marriage in the 20th century. Love finally conquered marriage. Romantic love and sexual fulfillment became the realities of premarital and marital relationships. In the Western world, marriage entered its heyday during this time period.

In that decade, there was a surge of support for the view that a happy marriage should be one in which each spouse feels they have received their fair share of sexual satisfaction, emotional closeness, and the opportunity to realize their full potential. The majority of people believed that they would not only find the greatest happiness in marriage but also the greatest meaning in their lives. Marriage had become nearly universal by the 1960s in many western European countries and North America (see for review, Karandashev, 2017).

What Was Good About the Golden Age of Marriage?

During that period, about 95% of all men and women strived to marry and married younger. During the 1950s, the norm of young marriage was so prevalent that an unmarried woman as young as twenty-one might be concerned about becoming an “old maid.” Many men and women relished the opportunity of courting and dating the partners of their own choice. They enjoyed marrying at their leisure and establishing their own households. The life span increased, married people felt happy, and divorce rates held steady. Married couples felt independent of their extended family ties. They enjoyed the freedom of their marital relationships (Coontz 2005, pp. 226–228).

By the 1960s, it looked like marriage had found the perfect balance between the personal freedom of a love match and the limitations needed for social stability.

Would the Golden Age of Marriage Spread Throughout the World?

Many social scientists thought that as industrialization spread around the world, love-based marriage and the male breadwinner family would replace the many other marriage and family systems in collectivistic societies. They predicted that love marriages would prevail over the consanguinity and arranged marriages widespread across many societies in traditional cultures.

For example, American sociologist William Goode (1917–2003), an expert on family life and divorce, conducted cross-cultural analyses of marriage and divorce across many societies. He examined family data from the United States, Europe, the Middle East, Sub-Saharan Africa, India, China, and Japan available at the time.

Based on his analysis, Goode revealed that the above-mentioned cultural evolution of conjugal family systems and the “love patterns” in mate selection were evident in all of these world regions and societies. In his pioneering and seminal book “World Revolution and Family Patterns” (1963), he presented these results and conclusions in an explicit and direct way.

People across cultures prioritized their material and psychological investments in the nuclear family as well as their emotional needs. They believed that each spouse could legitimately expect to rely on the other, prioritize their relationship, and put their loyalty to their partner ahead of their responsibilities to their parents.

The Love Marriage Ideology 

According to William Goode (1959), the ideology of love-based marriage declares the individual’s right to choose his or her own spouse. This cultural ideology also emphasized the value of the individual over inherited wealth and ethnic group. Goode provided statistics and other data to show that love marriages were gaining popularity around the world at the time.

Many social scientists agreed with Goode and supported this conclusion. They believed that in Western societies, love marriage and the nuclear family increased their popularity in the 1950s and 1960s. They thought that the cultural evolution of marriage had prevailed in Europe and North America and had reached its culmination.

Their scientific prediction was that the rest of the world’s cultures would soon follow this marriage pattern that will soon be prevalent across many societies. This way of thinking about relationships was very appealing to young and educated people, especially women (see for review, Karandashev, 2017).

Did Love Exist in Ancient Aryan Culture?

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The cultural connotations of the word “Aryan” can be different.

Many of us might recall the popular modern name “Aryan.”

Some may think of the word in association with the notion of white racial superiority, which is incorrect.

However, few people are aware that Aryan culture was among the ancient cultures of the past centuries. The references to the cultures associated with Indo-European languages are the most frequent and adequate in this context. Here we talk about true ancient Aryan culture.

What Is Aryan Culture?

“Aryan” is the name originally given to a people who spoke an archaic Indo-European language.

The linguistic origin of the word was in the Sanskrit term “arya” (meaning “noble” or “distinguished”). The word had a social rather than an ethnic meaning. The term “Aryan” was used interchangeably with “Indo-European” and frequently in the meaning of referring to the Indo-Iranian languages.

The Aryan people presumably settled in ancient Iran and the northern Indian subcontinent during prehistoric times. Around 1500 BCE, roughly 500 years after the collapse of the Indus River Valley civilization, Aryan nomad warriors began colonizing northern India. The likely fair-skinned Aryans were the invaders and conquerors of ancient India from the northern territories.

Originally, the Aryans were hunters and herders. When they migrated to the Indian subcontinent, they learned agriculture and began constructing settlements and cities, marking the beginning of Aryan civilization in India. Their literature, religion, and social organization subsequently shaped the development of Indian culture.

What Was the Meaning of Love in Aryan Culture? 

Modern love has bloomed most beautifully among the Aryan or “Indo-Germanic” races in European and American cultures. Therefore, it is intriguing to learn about its prevalence among the Asiatic peoples. They appear to be the closest modern representatives of our distant Aryan ancestors.

Somewhere between 1200 and 1500 years ago, there was a time in Indian history when culture entertained the idea of romantic love.

The Seven Hundred Maxims of Hala is a collection of poetic utterances written by various authors. The texts date back to no further than the 3rd century of our era. It included as many as 16 authors of the female persuasion. They are written in Prakrit, which is a language that is closely related to Sanscrit, and the structure of the words suggests that they were meant to be sung.

This evidence is contained in the Seven Hundred Maxims of Hâla, a collection of poetic utterances dating back not further than the third century of our era and comprising productions by various authors, including as many as sixteen of the female persuasion. They are written in Prâkrit, a sister-language of Sanscrit. Their form indicates that they were intended to be sung. A German indologist, Albrecht Weber (1825–1901), who studied the history of India, commented on this collection in the Deutsche Rundschau, a literary and political periodical of the 19th century:

 “At the very beginning of our acquaintance with Sanscrit literature, towards the end of the last century, it was noticed, and was claimed forthwith as an eloquent proof of antique relationship, that Indian poetry, especially of the amatory kind, is in character remarkably allied to our own modern poetry. The sentimental qualities of modern verse, in one word, were traced in Indian poetry in a much higher degree than they had been found in Greek and Roman literature; and this discovery awakened at once, notably in Germany, a sympathetic interest in a country whose poets spoke a language so well known to our hearts, as though they had been born among ourselves.”

(cited by Henry Finck (1887/2019, p. 74).

Emoji Love and Other Emotions in the Virtual World

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In modern culture, it seems easy to guess what “heart” and especially “red heart” mean. Guess what? Love! So, the corresponding symbols are common in modern virtual world. The emoji ❤️ adopted the same meaning social media messages. The red heart emoji is a classic image to express love and romance. The read heart ❤️ and two hearts 💕 are among the popular heart emoji used on Twitter (What Every Heart Emoji Really Means by Keith Broni, Jeremy Burge, Feb 11, 2021).

What is the best emoji for love? It depends on personal preferences. Nevertheless, some believe that among the most popular are

  •  ❤️: Red Heart. …
  • 😻: Smiling Cat with Heart Eyes. …
  • 😍: Smiling Face with Heart Eyes. …
  • 😘: Face Blowing a Kiss. …
  • 💕: Two Hearts. …

What Emoji Are Used for Love Across Cultures?

In a survey for World Emoji Day, conducted by OnePoll on behalf of Duolingo and Slack, researchers showed respondents various emoji and asked what meaning they were most likely to associate with them. The survey also investigated how emoji usage and meaning differ across countries. It was discovered that emoji can mean different things in different cultures around the world.

Chris Melore presented an interesting review of this international survey.

For example, let us look at how the “face throwing a kiss” (😘) is used. For “romantic love” or “platonic love”?

It was found that this emoji is popular among U.S. Americans, Indians, and Japanese people in different ways.

Indians prefer to use it more frequently for romantic love than for platonic love (52% vs. 27%).

Americans are also slightly more likely to use it as a sign of romantic love than of platonic love (34% vs. 26%).

However, Japanese preferences are the opposite. They tend to use the kissy face less frequently for romantic love than for platonic love (16% vs. 30%).

It is worthy of note that the “slightly smiling face” (🙂) frequently expresses “general positivity” (39%) and “feeling happy” (38%). These meanings are among the top uses for this emoji globally. However, this emoji may express less positive emotions than one may think.

Emoji are also frequently used to express sentiments of care and support. It was especially noticeable during the recent COVID-19 pandemic times. People often use the heart (❤️) and similar emoji to show love and support. Globally, differences between age groups exist in this regard. Across many cultures, younger generations mention that the emoji they send to someone are often misunderstood by the recipients. Young people of Gen Z mentioned this more frequently, at 31% among all respondents, than millennials, at 24% of respondents.

Love Is Not So Blind as Many Might Think

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Romantic lovers are not so blind in their perception of their loved ones. It was found that they can pretty accurately judge the abilities of their significant others. Some may believe that their partner knows them better than they know themselves. Is it really true? Does science support such a claim? The results of a recent study revealed something different. It appears that romantic partners are usually just as accurate about their partners’ abilities as they are about their own (Hofer, Macher, & Neubauer, 2022).

How Well Do We Know Others and Ourselves in Close Relationships?

People close to us can give us useful feedback on our skills, since we may not always have a clear picture of ourselves. Researchers have been interested in knowing how accurate we are at judging ourselves. Surely, different things can affect how we perceive other people.

Regarding this, researchers classify four categories for traits: open area, blind spot, hidden area, and unknown area. Open area traits can be judged correctly by both yourself and others. Blind spots can only be judged correctly by others. Hidden area traits can only be judged correctly by yourself. Unknown area traits cannot be accurately judged by either you or others (Vazire, 2010).

How Accurate Are We in Our Perception of Romantic Partners Compared to Ourselves?

The goal of a recent study conducted by Gabriela Hofer and her colleagues was to find out how accurate you are compared to yourself, a romantic partner, a close friend, and a stranger (Hofer, Macher, & Neubauer, 2022). Researchers studied participants ages 18 to 45 years old who were in a romantic relationship. The study was conducted in Austria, a German-speaking country. The results showed that people could evaluate their own abilities to a moderate degree of accuracy. Participants’ romantic partners were able to evaluate the participant’s abilities with a similar degree of accuracy. Thus, the researchers came to the conclusion,

“All in all, it appears that the increased interpersonal intimacy between partners and targets—as compared to other informants—might not necessarily be detrimental when it comes to accuracy.”

(Hofer, Macher, & Neubauer, 2022).

Surprisingly, participants were more likely to underestimate themselves than overestimate their abilities. As for numerical intelligence, people were especially accurate in judging their own abilities. When compared to close friends or acquaintances, romantic partners were more accurately able to predict their partners’ abilities in every single domain measured. The romantic partners were able to provide some accurate insight into the participant’s intrapersonal skills, whereas the other groups were not.

A Cultural Perspective of Interpersonal Perception  

The study has taken one more step toward figuring out how accurate self- and other-perceptions are. We should be aware, however, that the study was administered in Austria, a German-speaking country. So, the findings can be culturally specific in some respects. Cross-cultural studies of these perception phenomena in close relationships are needed for cultural validity.

Other studies have shown that interpersonal perception, judgement, and communication can vary from culture to culture (Karandashev, 2021a).

An Important Progress in the Understanding of Interpersonal Perception in Love

Thus, the results of the study conducted by Austrian researchers Gabriela Hofer, Silvia Macher, and Aljoscha C. Neubauer have advanced our knowledge of interpersonal perception in love.

“This study’s results suggest that people we are very well-acquainted with—like our closest friends or our partners—can provide at least moderately accurate assessments of a variety of our cognitive and non-cognitive abilities. Both types of sources might also be able to provide us with information about our abilities that we ourselves have no access to. In that, our partners also do not appear to idealize our abilities—at least not more than our close friends or acquaintances.”

(Hofer, Macher, & Neubauer, 2022).

The things we need to take into account in interpersonal communication:

“Indeed, people who we have just met or who we only interact with in very specific contexts—like at work or at university—are likely less accurate in their perceptions of our abilities. Our own knowledge of our abilities can be considered moderate across many areas and even high in the domain of numerical intelligence. Despite all that, the associations between our own and different types of others’ perceptions of our abilities and our actual standing on the same abilities are far from perfect. Thus, when we really want to know how well we are doing in a domain, our best option likely remains to take psychometrically sound performance tests.”

(Hofer, Macher, & Neubauer, 2022).

What Does the Song of Songs Tell Us About Hebrew Love?

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Did romantic love exist in ancient Hebrew times?

It appears that the Bible does not mention romantic love, neither in the Old nor in the New Testament.

Conjugal love was frequently mentioned and encouraged. Other types of family ties were also repeatedly praised and supported. Yet, in the remaining passages, the word “love” was always used to mean religious reverence or respect for a neighbor or an enemy. And this is consistent throughout all of the passages.

Was the Song of Songs About Love?

But what about the Song of Songs, which is also known as the Song of Solomon? Isn’t that a love song? Is it an exception?

Johann Herder, a German theologian, philosopher, poet, and literary critic of the 18th century, analyzed the text in detail and declared that it depicts love “from its first origin, from its tenderest bud, through all stages and conditions of its growth, its flowering, its maturing, to the ripe fruit and new offshoot.” (cited in Finck, 1887/2019, p. 71).

However, Henry Finck asserted that the love which is referred to in the Song of Solomon is more likely conjugal affection. He noted that it is an intriguing fact that none of the great theologians from Germany, England, or France who have produced comments on the Song of Songs seem to agree with one another on their interpretation of the story’s meaning and the role it plays in the Bible.

Was the Song of Songs Really Written by Solomon? Additionally, it is now generally accepted that the Song was not written by Solomon but rather was composed a while after his death. Indeed, it’s hard to believe that a king who had a thousand wives and whose feelings must have been broken up into a thousand pieces and was not very strong could have written these beautiful lines:

“For love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man should give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.”

This passage sounds remarkably modern and romantic—so modern and romantic, in fact, that it could have been written by Shakespeare. Readers need little knowledge of Hebrew to recognize that the English translators are responsible for this current tone. Throughout the Song of Solomon, English translators idealized the language of passion in accordance with modern ideas on the subject.

The more literal version by Luther appeared to be much more traditional. When one reads Luther’s translation, one begins to comprehend why the Talmudists of the past forbade Jews before their thirtieth year to read this book.

What the Song of Songs Actually Tells Us About Love

Henry Finck (1887/2019) remarked that the explanation of the Song of Solomon provided by M. Chas. Bruston in the Encyclopaedia des Sciences Religieuses was perhaps the most clever and consistent of the many interpretations (ii. 610-612).

He provides an explanation for the repeated flattery that occurs throughout the poem. Bruston demonstrated that the second time they allude to a princess of Lebanon, whom Solomon married, rather than Sulamite. Therefore, he asserted that the repetition is less of a literary flaw and more of an indication that “combien est vil et méprisable l’amour sensuel et polygame, qui prodigue indifférement les mêmes flatteries a des femmes différentes.” The imaginative and poetic language used to describe feminine charms in the Song of Songs demonstrates that at least the sensual facet of the personal admiration overtone was well developed among ancient Hebrews. However, it was not strong enough to led them to sculpt their ideals of feminine and masculine beauty in marble like other ancient civilizations (Finck, 1887/2019).

The Stories of Nigerian Love in the 1960s

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The transformations of West African societies in the mid-20th century substantially changed the social conditions of people’s lives. Increasing urbanization was among those. Western cultural influences had affected the modernization of cultural life in Nigerian cities.

Let us consider the examples of romantic love from the ethnographic field study of Leonard Plotnicov, which he conducted in urban life in Nigeria. He presented several illustrative cases of romantic love from Nigeria between 1960 and 1962 (Plotnicov, 1995).

Romantic Lust or Romantic Love?

From Plotnicov’s observations and conversations, it appears that romantic love was of little interest for many men and women. The expression of lust, however, was an important part of the masculine gender role. For many Nigerian men, talking about sex and lust was more exciting than talking about love. Philandering was a common male behavior in relationships with women.

For some men, fulfilling their lust was like pursuing a favorite sport; they did this with great and passionate interest. They, however, had little interest in real romantic love and serious relationships.

Many Nigerian marriages did not involve love, both during courtship and during marital life. Love was rather an extramarital affair.

Many men had girlfriends and lovers before being married or during their marriages. But only wealthy men could afford to engage in frequent philandering. Men usually make an effort to keep their womanizing secret from their wives.

Nevertheless, the majority of women appeared to be aware of these indulgences of their husbands when they happened. Many wives had reason to be suspicious of their husbands’ womanizing. However, some were reluctant to voice their jealousy or protest against such extramarital relationships. In their spare time, men shared tales of philandering over rounds of canned beer in the neighborhood taverns. Occasionally, men told how their wives made trouble when they learned who their girlfriend was.

The Nigerian Men’s Stories of Romantic Lust

For example, Isaac, Musa, and Olu never experienced real romantic love. They preferred philandering and womanizing. Olu appeared to be a staunch traditionalist and a good Christian. He had no formal education, did not speak English, and always got dressed in traditional style. Unlike Olu, Isaac and Musa had an extensive Western education. Both were proud of their good command of the Queen’s English. Isaac always wore western attire, while Musa preferred to dress in traditional styles. However, both Isaac and Musa were modern-oriented men. However, terms like “modern” and “traditional” were not imperfectly precise in these cases (Plotnicov, 1995).

The Nigerian Men’s Stories of Romantic Love

Some other Nigerian men had little interest in womanizing behavior. They were more serious in their relationships.

In the other four cases, which Plotnicov portrayed, men had fallen in love. They were culturally conservative. Their descriptions evidently indicated that they experienced real romantic love. But the love of these men showed no evidence of Western cultural influences involved in the way they loved. This romantic love appeared to be culturally specific. And what was interesting was that the Western and modern-oriented Nigerian men expressed their experience of love in the same way as the culturally conservative men. Their romantic love was the fervent, ardent, and passionate desire for another, without whom a man felt utterly incomplete (Plotnicov, 1995). These examples were illustrative to show the cases of romantic love in Nigeria, where romantic love under traditional Nigerian conditions was unexpectedly present. As Leonard Plotnicov demonstrated in those anthropological cases, for the most part, these occurrences of romantic love could not be attributed to the Western influence of romantic love ideas. The cases could not also be attributed to other exogenous influences. Thus, Nigerians had their own endogenous cultural understanding of romantic love (Plotnicov, 1995).

Modern Western Love in Nigeria in the 1960s

Nevertheless, many instances of romantic love among modern-oriented men in Nigerian cities, which Leonard Plotnicov described in his ethnographic reports, reflected Western cultural penetra­tion and acculturation. Modern-generation men were typically younger, worked in trades or occupations introduced from Europe, and preferred to live in cities. They were commonly fond of various Western cultural products.

Romantic Love in the Taita Marriage Culture

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The Taita are an East African ethnic group that has lived in Kenya for four or five hundred years. They are also known as Wadawida or Wataita. The Taita are mostly farmers who reside in the southern mountainous region of the country. The Taita tribes consist of small communities known as clans and extended families.

In another article, I talked about the three kinds of love the Taita have: infatuation, lust, and romantic love. Each of these has its own feelings and ways of expression.

The third type of love, “romantic love,” is of particular interest to us in the context of this article. The Taita “romantic love” is an intricate emotional experience that combines passion and affection. This type of romantic love, as opposed to infatuation, is a more enduring affectionate bond. For the Taita, “romantic love” unites the characteristics of passionate romantic love and companionate romantic attachment. It seems that Taita does not distinguish between “romantic love” and “companionship love.” According to the Jim Bell’s anthropological field study, love is still present in the Taita marital relationships, even though some of them are arranged marriages, some are polygamous (Bell, 1995).

The Respected Taita Family System

The Taita culture follows a patrilineal pattern of descent that prioritizes the interests of the larger lineage over those of the individual. People accept and respect the passion that makes up folklore love stories. Although they respect the passionate feelings of youth, they encourage men and women to keep these strong emotions apart from the conventional marriage arrangements. They strive to limit individual passion so that these strong emotions do not disturb a normal relationship and the societal order.

Family Responsibilities Are the Priority in the Taita Marriage Culture

The people of the older generation encourage young and unmarried Taita men and women to keep their romantic and passionate relationships within limits to avoid diminishing their commitments to the extended family. So, many Taita men and women do their best to fulfill their responsibilities to the lineage and their family. They comply with their duties in an arranged marriage.

How Romantic Love Fits in the Taita Culture of Marriage

Once the responsibilities of an arranged marriage are fulfilled, romantic love may start to play a major role in choosing a new wife. Those who were in arranged marriages, not being romantically interested in their wives, might be in love with their “outside lover.”

Many Taita men admitted wanting to be in a relationship with another woman. However, they were frequently directed at someone unattainable. Only a few men admitted to being really in such a relationship. Nevertheless, these “affairs of the heart” often happen in Taita society.

One man who Jim Bell interviewed commented that

“it can happen that your heart is lost to one you can never marry, but you love that person for your life.” A middle-aged parent con­curred, saying that “this notion is not a rare one.” Many older men expressed their love for a woman who “belonged to another man.” Some informants assured me that they had lovers elsewhere or that some of the children I had interviewed were the offspring of lovers who “played in the forest together.”

(Bell, 1995, p.159).

How Taita Men and Women Manage Their Extramarital Affairs

The Taita keep their extramarital affairs very private, following elaborate rules. Taita lovers are discreet in their relationships and rarely show their emotions or affectionate relationships in public. They act as if they are strangers whenever they meet.

Usually, Taita strive to balance their family obligations and personal desires. They acknowledge that there are various reasons for keeping men and women in marriage. They are doing everything possible to express their emotions and love without undermining the existing social order.

The first and second marriages are intended to honor family responsibilities. After that, a man can allow himself to make his love the primary interest by taking on a new wife.

Dramatic Love Stories of the Taita Past

An old Taita woman admitted, recalling her younger years, that she was infatuated with three or four men at different times during her early teenage years.

“Her father had, however, arranged a marriage for her with one of hispeers. She had eight children. Several old men remembered their affairs in sharp detail, as though theyhappened yesterday, rather than some forty or fifty years earlier. A woman, also in her seventies, stressed (through an interpreter) that “even when I was a young girl, women were having babies before marriage. And others had lovers in the forest after marriage. “

(Bell, 1995, pp.160-161).

In private conversations with anthropologists, the old Taita people openly expressed their views on infatuation, lust, and love. They compared the stories from when they were young with modern life. They agreed that the Taita’s attitudes toward love had shifted with the passage of time and social conditions. (Bell, 1995).

Three Types of Love in the Taita Culture

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The Taita are an ethnic group from East Africa that has lived there for about four or five hundred years. They are often referred to as Wadawida or Wataita. The Taita are mostly farmers who live in a mountainous area in the south of Kenya. The Taita tribes are organized into separate groups called clans, living in their own hilly areas. Clans consist of extended families. The Taita people fully engage not only in sex but also embrace love.

How Love Is Different from Sex in the Taita Culture

The topic of sexuality was prevalent in early missionary and ethnographic accounts of African social life and gender relations. Observers did not mention anything about love in relations between young men and women.

Therefore, European and American anthropologists were ethnocentric in their views and thought that Africans could not love romantically, only sexually. They considered their “native” love and sex as primitive. Christian missionaries taught them about romantic love, “proper” sexual conduct, marital values, and family virtues. They refined and acculturated the Taita people’s understanding of sex, lust, and love. So, African indigenous beliefs and Western values come together in the African culture of gender and family relations (Bell, 1995; Kenyatta, 1938/1953; Jablow & Hammond, 1977).

Culturally sensitive anthropological investigations discovered that people in East African societies had their own unique beliefs about sex, lust, and love before Europeans arrived. It appears that their traditional love stories and folk narratives have often been romantic, not only sexual (Bell, 1995).

A field study in the early 1990s among the Taita of Kenya showed that cultural ideas of romantic and passionate love were natural for East African culture. The Taita words “ashiki” and “pendo” already distinguished “desire” and “love” in Taita culture prior to the arrival of Christian missionaries. In their folk tales, both love and sexual affairs are common (Bell, 1995).

What Are the Three Kinds of Love in Taita Society?

According to Bell’s study (1995), the Taita people discern the three kinds of love, which differ in their styles of romantic expression. These are (1) infatuation, (2) lust, and (3) romantic love.

The First Type of Taita Love

The first kind of love – “infatuation” – is portrayed as a strong attraction toward someone, an emotional longing, accompanied by irresponsible feelings. At first, it appears like passionate Western love, even though the Taita do not perceive infatuation in this way. The Taita people of the older generation consider this type of passionate feeling “a kind of sickness” or misguided infatuation. This type of love typically characterizes the emotions of youth in their early years of 10–12 or older. These feelings usually last for a few weeks or months before they wane away.

The Second Type of Taita Love

A second kind of love—”lust”—is described as a sexually motivated yearning for someone. It is a sort of love primarily based on sexual desire, not romantic love. The Taita recognize that this love does not persist for a long time.

This type of love among young men and women can be solely in their sensual imaginations. When these relationships happen in real life, cultural norms place strong control and censorship on their possibility. The Taita society limits the partner’s choice.

Many young Taita men of 18–24 years old feel a sexual desire for women in their 30s or 40s. On the other hand, young women of 15–17 years old favor mating with men who are of their age at 18–22 years. However, they are rarely able to marry them. These discrepancies in attraction and cultural limitations make these sexual longings and yearnings unrealistic.

The Third Type of Taita Love

The third kind of love—”romantic love”—is a complex emotional experience combining the feelings of passionate ardor and deep affection. Different from infatuation, this type of romantic love is a more enduring affectionate bond. The Taita notion of romantic love combines the qualities of passionate romantic love and companionate attachment love. Yet, people still refer to this kind of love as “romantic love” rather than “companionship love.”

The younger generation of Taita can witness such romantic love between spouses, between a husband and a “favorite wife.” It is adoration and affection of “love out of the heart” or “love for life.” Young Taita men and women consider it to be “the best type of love” that one could dream of in their life.

Young men believe that the desire for this kind of love motivates men to look for and marry a second, third, or fourth wife. Young women like to speak of the “luck” of those older siblings who married for love. When a man and a woman are in a romantic relationship but unable to marry each other, they may carry on their affair for years. The Taita people witnessed many stories of such romantic affairs.

Love Is in the Air Among Taita Men and Women

Taita love, whether it is infatuation, lust, or romantic love, motivates men and women to engage in either a short-term or long-term relationship. Love is in the air on any weekend night in the hills of the Taita community.

Some Taita marriages occur out of interest in social alliances or economic benefits. In other cases, men and women marry for love of the heart. Any type of love, whether it is momentary infatuation, strong sexual yearning, or romantic longing, can lead to long-lasting committed relationships and marriages in Taita society (Bell, 1995).

The Muted Love of the Fulbe People

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The Fulbe, also called Fulani, are a large group of people who live in several countries in West Africa and the north of Central Africa. Many of them live in communities of herders and nomads. They speak the Fula language and share some cultural traditions and practices. Almost all of them are Muslims. Their mindset and emotional lives are significantly impacted by their Islamic religious culture.

Let’s look at the Fulbe culture of interpersonal relations in Africa. In their field studies in Burkina Faso and North Cameroon in the 1970s and 1990s, Paul Riesman, an anthropologist from Carleton College, and Helen Regis, an anthropologist from Louisiana State University, observed their social life and relations (Regis, 1995; Riesman, 1971).

What did the Fulbe people think, feel, and how did they express their emotions in the context of interpersonal relationships? (see more in Karandashev, 2017).

Communal Interdependence in Fulbe Social Relations

The traditional culture of the Fulbe people is of a collectivistic, communal type, with strong ties of interdependence in tribes and families.

The Fulbe interpersonal relationships with the community emphasize that one should be available to fellow villagers. He or she should respect other people’s status and power and show reverence through formal greetings, body postures, and gestures. People demonstrate their deference to elders in many other Fulbe cultural norms and practices of interpersonal relations. They strive to maintain both the egalitarian and the hierarchical tenets of the social order.

Love Seems Culturally Unsuitable in Fulbe Relations

In the context of such social interdependence between people, an individual’s passionate relationships in a dyad put them at risk of disrupting the social structure of their community. Strong relationships in a couple compete with many other relationships in the community. When a man or woman is in love with someone, this amorous relationship detaches them from the community’s power. Their passionate emotions and societal obligations have a fundamentally antagonistic relationship. Because of this, the family and other people publicly deprecate men and women who fall in love.

Hidden Love of the Fulbe Men and Women

In the Fulbe culture, love is viewed as a defiant emotion. Regis (1995) frequently overheard remarks made about couples who publicly showed their affection for each other in their romantic or marital relationships. Criticism was largely directed at those who behaved inappropriately.

For instance, a man was supposed to avoid spending too much time around or at a woman’s home throughout the day. He was instead expected to spend that time out in the community mingling with other men

If a woman was emotionally attached to her husband, she usually denied these feelings in her daily conversations with their neighbors. Their relations with other female relatives in the family were more important.

Couples in the Fulbe community who were in love but behaved properly were not the targets of nasty rumors. People did not gossip and did not scold those couples who were cautious and did not express their affectionate feelings openly in public.

What Would Happen if the Fulbe Love Was Too Passionate?

Other men and women who couldn’t hide their feelings were called sick or socially inept. They were told they loved their partner too much.

For instance, a man who loves his wife often stays home in the afternoon or evening, even though he is supposed to meet his friends. This goes against the cultural rule that men should be open to their peers and neighbors.

When a woman is in love, she doesn’t care what her parents say about who she should marry. She is very jealous. She pays less attention to her work.

If a woman in love is already married, she might be tempted by infidelity to her husband in the limited social space of the village. This kind of situation can be hard and risky.

In Conclusion

In short, in the Fulbe culture, men and women should not take their feelings and emotions passionately and obsessively. There is no way for strong emotions and passions to take over a person’s personality. Love is among those dangerous passions that must be repressed by a man or a woman.

Love and Marriage of the Igbo People

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The Igbo people are an indigenous ethnic group located in southeastern Nigeria, in the regions of Abia, Anambra, Ebonyi, Enugu, and Imo States. The large ethnic groups of the Igbo people also live in other countries in Africa, such as Gabon, Cameroon, and Equatorial Guinea. Their cultural practices, traditions, customs, attire, music, and dances make the Igbo culture ethnically special. Their ethnic subgroups, however, are quite diverse. What about Igbo marriage and love?

Let us look at cultural ideas and social expectations about love that were prevalent in the late 1990s in Igbo-speaking Nigeria. The focus on kinship, marriage, and fertility is particularly important in this regard (Smith, 2001).

The Igbo Marriage

Igbo culture is patrilineal, and lineage exogamy is the norm in marriage. Marriages were often arranged by families and formed alliances between neighboring towns. Although it was never wrong for either men or women to reject potential spouses, doing so was often difficult due to social pressure to live up to expectations from the wider community and extended family.

The Igbo Love for Marriage

Before the Igbo people started to agree that marriage should be based on love, love was just a cultural idea and ideal.

But girls ran away to avoid certain marriages, and men went against their parents’ wishes and married the woman they wanted. A conflict between arranged marriage and personal choice always occurred. Folklore myths and fables tell stories of men and women who did things out of love.

Modern young Igbo men and women of the 1990s in Nigeria were more likely to choose their own spouses than their parents and grandparents. Romantic love and emotional closeness were two of the most important qualities to look for in a partner. In modern Igboland, most young people choose their own spouses, and almost all of those still in school expect this to be the case.

Choosing a spouse has become more and more a matter of personal choice. Romantic ideals put a high value on courtship patterns. Christian wedding ceremonies were becoming increasingly important to both young men and women.

Few marriages were strictly arranged in those days. A young couple who were in love and wanted to get married could often outlast their parents. The vast majority of young people get married on their own. But when a man and a woman actually got married, their extended families and communities joined them.

A lot of young people were still married to their mates from their own towns. More and more marriages were happening across traditional intra-Igbo cultural lines. And these marriages became more acceptable (Smith, 2001).

The Ideals of Romantic Love Among the Igbo People of Nigeria

The cultural ideas of romantic love were emerging among Igbo young men and women in the 1990s.

For example, the Nigerian film industry recently produced the popular film Taboo, which tells the story of a young Igbo woman from a royal family who falls in love with an osu. The osu people are the descendants of ritual slaves and fit the stereotype of being polluting and dangerous. People feared and despised the osu. The descendants of osu inherited their ritual duties and stigma. Many educated young Igbos had seen Taboo and were aware of the dilemmas of osu who fell in love with diala (freeborn).

“Taboo is a story about an osu-diala love affair, and the social consequences as the couple confronts entrenched prejudices. The daughter of an Igbo traditional ruler (eze) and a young osu man meet and fall in love at a university. Not surprisingly, the girl’s father vehemently rejects the idea that his daughter could marry an osu. In a twisting plot, the young osu man ends up saving the eze from a fatal palace coup engineered by one of his disgruntled wives. The osu becomes a hero, but he does not get the girl because he is killed in another valiant confrontation with evildoers, and the eze’s daughter is left to mourn her lover.”

(Smith, 2001, p.137).

According to Smith (2001), a few love affairs between osu and diala could lead to marriage in real life. However, the film represented and reinforced Igbos’ growing fascination with romantic love. People’s sympathies are with the lovers. Love does not conquer all in Taboo, but it does provide a space of freedom from traditional social conventions. The film Taboo, as well as other forms of media, promote romantic love and the individual choice of marriage.

Love in Igbo Marriage

Modern Igbo marriages welcome partnership and companionate love. An evolving concept of marriage emphasizes the intimate bonds between husband and wife. The young couple transitions from loving lovers in courtship to parents in marriage.

However, despite these transformations in modern marriage, Igbo people still rely on family and affine relationships. Marital sustainability depends on childbearing. Extended families still have a big influence at this point. Their approval and support are crucial for successful marriages.

The Importance of Fertility in Igbo Marriages

The family interests of Igbo people still focus on marriage and fertility. Successful parenting is viewed as fundamental to the full personality of the Igbo woman and man (Fortes, 1978). In Igbo-speaking Nigeria, gender relations, romantic love, and scripts of relationships have changed from traditional to modern in recent decades. (van der Vliet, 1991).