Category Archives: how to love

Ovid’s Art of Love for Girls

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The ancient Roman poet Ovid (43 BCE and 17 CE) is well-known among love scholars for his “Ars Amatoria,” a three-volume instructional series of poems describing what love is and how to love using the arts of seduction and intrigue.

In the first two books of “The Art of Love”, Ovid addresses his poems to men. He advises men on “letting her miss you, but not for too long,” “remembering her birthday,” and “not asking her age.”

In previous blog posts, I presented poetic excerpts of Ovid’s advice to men. Those lovely verses are about “How to Find Her“, “Search for Love While Walking“, “Search for Love while at the Theatre“, “Search for Love at the Races or Circus“, “Triumphs that Are Good to Attract a Woman“, “Search for Love around the Dinner-Table and on the Beach“, “How to Win Her“, “How to Know the Maid“, “How to Be Attentive to Her“, “How to Make Promises of Love to Her“, “How to Woo and Seduce a Woman” , “How to Captivate a Woman at Dinner”, “How to Make Promises and Deceive”, and “How Tears, Kisses, Taking the Lead Can Help in Love Affairs”.

His poems are full of clever love advice for both men and women. I think that some of his advice is still useful and would be interesting to read.

Here I am starting to post the poetic excerpts from Book III of Ovid’s “Ars Amatoria” (The Art of Love) addressed to women. In Part 1 of this book, Ovid teaches girls the lessons of love.

“It’s Time to Teach You Girls”

“I’ve given the Greeks arms, against Amazons: arms remain,

to give to you Penthesilea, and your Amazon troop.

Go equal to the fight: let them win, those who are favoured

by Venus, and her Boy, who flies through all the world.

It’s not fair for armed men to battle with naked girls:

that would be shameful, men, even if you win.

Someone will say: ‘Why add venom to the snake,

and betray the sheepfold to the rabid she-wolf?’

Beware of burdening the many with the crime of the few:

let the merits of each separate girl be seen.

Though Menelaus has Helen, and Agamemnon

has Clytemnestra, her sister, to charge with crime,

though Amphiarus, and his horses too, came living to the Styx,

through the wickedness of Eriphyle,

Penelope was faithful to her husband for all ten years

of his waging war, and his ten years wandering.

Think of Protesilaus, and Laodameia who they say

followed her marriage partner, died before her time.

Alcestis , his wife, redeemed Admetus’s life with her own:

the wife, for the man, was borne to the husband’s funeral.

‘Capaneus, receive me! Let us mingle our ashes,’

Evadne cried, and leapt into the flames.

Kline, A. S. (2001). Translation of Ovid’s Ars Amatoria: The Art of Love.

Then Ovid Continues Teaching the Art of Love for Girls

Virtue herself is named and worshipped as a woman too:

it’s no wonder that she delights her followers.

Yet their aims are not required for my art,

smaller sails are suited to my boat,

Only playful passions will be learnt from me:

I’ll teach girls the ways of being loved.

Women don’t brandish flames or cruel bows:

I rarely see men harmed by their weapons.

Men often cheat: it’s seldom tender girls,

and, if you check, they’re rarely accused of fraud.

Falsely, Jason left Medea, already a mother:

he took another bride to himself.

As far as you knew, Theseus, the sea birds fed on Ariadne,

left all by herself on an unknown island!

Ask why one road’s called Nine-Times and hear

how the woods, weeping, shed their leaves for Phyllis.

Though he might be famed for piety, Aeneas, your guest,

supplied the sword, Dido, and the reason for your death.

What destroyed you all, I ask? Not knowing how to love:

your art was lacking: love lasts long through art. You still might lack it now: but, before my eyes,

stood Venus herself, and ordered me to teach you.

She said to me. then: ‘What have the poor girls done,

an unarmed crowd betrayed to well-armed men?

Two books of their tricks have been composed:

let this lot too be instructed by your warnings.

Stesichorus who spoke against Helen’s un-chastity,

soon sang her praises in a happier key.

If I know you well (don’t harm the cultured girls now!)

this favour will always be asked of you while you live.’

She spoke, and she gave me a leaf, and a few myrtle

berries (since her hair was crowned with myrtle):

I felt received power too: purer air

glowed, and a whole weight lifted from my spirit.

While wit works, seek your orders here girls,

those that modesty, principles and your rules allow.

Be mindful first that old age will come to you:

so don’t be timid and waste any of your time.

Have fun while it’s allowed, while your years are in their prime:

the years go by like flowing waters:

The wave that’s past can’t be recalled again,

the hour that’s past never can return.

Life’s to be used: life slips by on swift feet,

what was good at first, nothing as good will follow.

Those stalks that wither I saw as violets:

from that thorn-bush to me a dear garland was given.

Kline, A. S. (2001). Translation of Ovid’s Ars Amatoria: The Art of Love.

And Finally, Ovid Advises Girls…

There’ll be a time when you, who now shut out your lover,

will lie alone, and aged, in the cold of night,

nor find your entrance damaged by some nocturnal quarrel, nor your threshold sprinkled with roses at dawn.

How quickly (ah me!) the sagging flesh wrinkles,

and the colour, there, is lost from the bright cheek.

And hairs that you’ll swear were grey from your girlhood

will spring up all over your head overnight.

Snakes shed their old age with their fragile skin,

antlers that are cast make the stag seem young:

un-aided our beauties flee: pluck the flower,

which, if not plucked, will of itself, shamefully, fall.

Add that the time of youth is shortened by childbirth:

the field’s exhausted by continual harvest.

Endymion causes you no blushes, on Latmos, Moon,

nor is Cephalus the rosy goddess of Dawn’s shameful prize.

Though Adonis was given to Venus, whom she mourns to this day,

where did she get Aeneas, and Harmonia, from?

O mortal girls go to the goddesses for your examples,

and don’t deny your delights to loving men.

Even if you’re deceived, what do you lose? It’s all intact:

though a thousand use it, nothing’s destroyed that way.

Iron crumbles, stone’s worn away with use:

that part’s sufficient, and escapes all fear of harm.

Who objects to taking light from a light nearby?

Who hoards the vast waters of the hollow deep?

So why should any woman say: ‘Not now’? Tell me,

why waste the water if you’re not going to use it?

Nor does my voice say sell it, just don’t be afraid of casual loss: your gifts are freed from loss.”

Kline, A. S. (2001). Translation of Ovid’s Ars Amatoria: The Art of Love.

Emotions Associated With Gratitude

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We can characterize gratitude as the grateful attitudes toward other people and life. Gratitude also involves several situational emotions when we experience gratitude for what other people and life give to us. We can experience several positive emotions when we are grateful, thankful, and appreciative to someone for something.

What Is the Lived Experience of Gratitude?

Researchers from Sofia University in California, USA, Patty Hlava and John Elfers conducted a qualitative study to investigate the ways in which individuals experience gratitude throughout their lives. The authors also investigated the advantages of practicing and expressing gratitude, both for relationships with others and personal emotions. What does it mean for people to be grateful for their lives, and how do they feel gratitude in their somatic feelings? How does gratitude benefit our relationships, and how does it change our relationships with others?

How Emotional Is the Lived Experience of Gratitude?

In this qualitative study, the authors explored the individual narratives of the lived emotional experience of gratitude. Some descriptions identified the feelings elicited by a specific event. The other descriptions identified the generalized descriptions that people reminisce over in a wide range of examples (Hlava & Elfers, 2014).

The Gratitude Emotions of Acceptance, Comfort, and Security

Many participants in their narratives expressed emotions of acceptance of themselves and of the world associated with a sense of rightness or completeness. They also described feelings of comfort and security.

I can just be in the world and not in conflict with it. (Jennifer)

Yeah, I felt real grounded, and centered, and refreshed. (Mimi)

There is this thread of deep contentment that runs like an underground river through everything. (Albert)

I’m grateful because there’s that unconditional love and that safety and security, which makes me feel strong and powerful. (Melanie)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 447).

The Gratitude Emotions of Being Blessed

Participants described the feelings of being fortunate, lucky, and blessed as a common theme. It was a sense of personal worth and the value of the self in relation to others. This experience of gratitude, however, was not associated with feelings of guilt or indebtedness for the benefit.

Some participants recognized their responsibility to give back in response to the gift. They feel a desire to act on that responsibility.

A sense of being blessed and of savoring every little moment. (Sue)

I don’t know if I’m going to be able to be worthy of their faith in me. (Louise)

I just remember feeling so overwhelmed with feeling blessed and feeling just joyful, feeling just fortunate. (Betty) I get really excited, and I literally feel giddy. Then I feel lucky, and then I feel humbled. Then I feel like I should share it. (Melanie)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 447).

The Gratitude Emotions of Joy

Participants described the positive emotion-experience of gratitude in terms of the pleasant sensations of euphoria, joy, and happiness.

A wonderful state of euphoria; pleasurable sensations, both mental and physical; happiness of memories. (Doris)

I was smiling, on top of my feeling a sense of joy in my face, and then a welling up in my eyes. (Betty)

I feel lighter and definitely happier. Gratitude is like sunshine. (Sarita) Then I was just really happy. I thought I was like Disneyland happy. (Link)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 447).

The Gratitude Emotions of Love

The experience of love frequently expresses gratitude. Both love and gratitude are highly relational emotions, and both embody a broad affective range of feelings and contexts. Participants expressed the sentiments of love in a variety of ways, such as by loving another, loving oneself, being loved, and feeling grateful for being loved. The sentiments of love were also felt as being accepted, supported, protected, and understood.

Overwhelming love, I would say. In love with them, and feeling loved by them. (Betty)

I feel love. (pause) It’s kind of funny; because I think love and gratitude are almost like twins. You don’t have to love someone you’re grateful to, but it certainly seems to enhance gratitude and a lot of times if I’m grateful, really, I’m feeling loved. (Nancy)

How grateful I was to have been involved and been a part of such a wonderful and loving family. I really was overcome with just a feeling of gratefulness and almost to the point where it brought me to tears. (Lou)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 448).

How People Feel Gratitude

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Being grateful makes our relationships with other people stronger. When people feel grateful, the way they feel grateful and the emotions that accompany this experience strengthen their sense of belonging to the group and their connectedness with others.

What Is Gratitude?

Gratitude is a set of dispositions and emotions characterized by being thankful and appreciative for what other people and life give to us. There are many things for which we may be grateful.

Gratitude is daily and widely involved in our interpersonal communication and relationships. Clearly, gratitude plays a crucial role in interpersonal relationships. An essential component of practicing gratitude is recognizing and appreciating the people around us and the things they do for us.

Gratitude is an essential component of romantic and companionate relationships. In some respects, gratitude is the feeling of being thankful for what another person has done or continues to do for us.

Being thankful makes us feel better, both physically and mentally. It makes our lives and relationships better in many ways. Some people tend to be grateful more frequently than others. How does their experience of being grateful reflect on their emotional experience and feelings? How do grateful individuals feel gratitude?

A Study of the Lived Experience of Gratitude

Patty Hlava and John Elfers, researchers at Sofia University in California, conducted a qualitative study exploring how people feel gratitude in their lives. They also examined the benefits of experiencing and expressing gratitude. What is the meaning of gratitude for their lives, relationships, and emotions?

How Emotionally Do Grateful People Feel Gratitude?

Being grateful is an emotional experience characterized by varying intensity. People experience gratitude with subjective feelings that can range from low intensity to overwhelming.

Many participants of the study reported their feelings of tearfulness and overwhelming emotion—the sense of taking the breath away, of bursting with feeling, or of fullness. Men and women described the range of emotional responses to gratitude, from mild feelings of appreciation to the sensations of upwelling tearfulness. The tears, however, were not from sadness. Some admitted that the power of the emotion made them silent, uncomfortable, and embarrassed.

Participants commonly feel gratitude, describing it with positive emotions such as joy, release, love, peace, security, and happiness.

Some examples of quotes from participants are:

I start tearing because I’m so—it’s an overwhelming emotion. It’s an overflowing with joy kind of feeling. (Joe)

My eyes fill with tears, but I do not feel sadness. I feel at a loss for words and am filled with gratitude and love. (Zoe)

I just burst into tears, and I was crying, I mean, in addition to just the positive feelings of just gratitude and excitement. (Louise)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 444).

Somatic Experiences in the Heart and Chest

These are the sensations of warmth and the feeling that the chest and heart are expanding. It is often described as fullness, swelling, or lightness. Participants often described the feelings in their hearts as softening or melting into something larger. The feeling of the breath was light and expansive.

The feelings in the heart and chest are sometimes identified as the “core” and central feelings of people’s gratitude. Several quotes from the participants include:

I noticed a fullness in my chest like my heart is bursting, and it’s full. Not an uncomfortable feeling, like a warm feeling, almost like love but not as localized or something. It’s less concentrated. It’s just a bigger feeling. (Allison)

A slow dawning, more of a warm feeling inside of you rather than something that suddenly catches you by surprise. (Louise)

[The heart sensation] is not flat. It has dimension. That is why I feel it is the core. (Sophie)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 445).

The sensation of warmth is another feature of how people somatically feel gratitude. Participants frequently indicated the feelings in their upper and middle backs. They also experienced the rush and flush of warmth in the abdomen, the skin, the face, the throat, and the feeling of warmth and flushing in the entire body. These warm feelings in the chest are commonly associated with sensations of elevation.

The Somatic and Psychological Feeling of Release

The way people feel gratitude is commonly associated with somatic and psychological feelings of release. They frequently described these feelings as letting go, a feeling of lightness, a weight lifted, liberation, and freedom.

I had, for lack of a better term, a long internal sigh. I was so relieved. (Link)

I just feel so relieved, just like something left my body. (Aneska)

It was like I had a huge weight lifted off of me. (Cait)

I remember being released. I was completely and utterly free. (Herbie)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 446).

Participants describe these feelings as a deeply somatic experience in terms of shoulders relaxing, a reduction in stress levels, a lighter, bouncier step, and a weight lifted off.

How Gratitude Changes Our Relationships

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Social bonding entails reciprocal giving and receiving. These actions are essential for the proper formation of obligations between individuals and the maintenance of interpersonal relationships within human communities.

Because of this, gratitude clearly plays a vital role in interpersonal relationships. Recognizing and appreciating the people around us and the things they do for us is an essential component of practicing gratitude. Being grateful improves both our physical and mental well-being. It has a multiplicity of positive effects on our lives and on the relationships we maintain.

Due to gratitude, people feel several transformations in their relationships: personal, interpersonal, and transpersonal. They feel connected with

  • (1) a part of oneself,
  • (2) an individual or group, or
  • (3) something outside oneself.

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 439).

The Sense of Personal Self Within a Relationship

Here are some examples of quotes:

It is a connection with myself, connection with nature, feeling comfortable in my own skin. (Gwen)

I do think it’s—I think it’s—it is almost—it is kind of a Zen experience in a very active way. But, yeah, I definitely feel connection and at peace with myself. (Ramona)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 440).

The Sense of Connection with Another Individual, a Group, a Family, or a Community

On a deeper level, it is a sense of belonging to another individual, a group, a family, or a community. Here are some examples of quotes:

It’s those grand gestures [of gratitude] that sort of remind you of what you have: wow, that person really is there, and is connected, and is—so it sort of supports the daily sense of gratitude and reinforces it. (Sally)

I feel like a light feeling, and it’s a great feeling of just the love of my family, almost—kind of like sharing, that gratefulness that I’m feeling, it’s almost like it’s coming back at me, and it just puts a smile on my face and a feeling of satisfaction. (Lou)

Yeah, overwhelmed and probably, well, grateful that they’re there because who else would celebrate with me right now when I didn’t know I needed to celebrate. They knew what I needed before I knew that I needed it, and I was really grateful for that. (Roxy)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 440).

The Sense of Connection with Something Larger or Beyond the Self

This sense of connection includes an awareness of something larger or beyond the self. This sense also engages an experience of awe. Here are some examples of quotes:

But I guess it would be some form of a spiritual connection, just a very direct, very personal connection with nature, with the ocean in particular, just being in the water. But it’s more of an experience of bliss or being at peace with the environment and of just feeling full. (Luis)

I think when I’m in those moments [of gratitude], there’s a sense of connection to something greater than me, whatever that is, I’m not even sure. I mean sometimes I call it “God” or “Higher Power,” and I think that’s part of what the sense of wellbeing and relaxation is, is the sense that everything is okay just as it is. I’m a part of that; I’m not separate from that. (Allison)

It really was a feeling of—like I had a connection, some connection outside of myself, and it’s a wonderful feeling. (Lou)

Well, nature provides me with a sense of the oneness or the connection of all things being connected. So when I am in nature, I am connected, maybe I’m alone but I’m not lonely. (Sue)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 440-441).

How Gratitude Benefits Our Relationships

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Gratitude benefits are culturally normative in all major cultures, which encourage people to be grateful and express their gratitude to others. The cultural norms of gratitude have been highly valued across civilizations and cultures. In the ritual of “giving thanks,” people expressed their gratitude to God, spirits, mother nature, and others.

Interpersonal relationships commonly involve the experience and expression of gratitude. Gratitude entails more than simply saying “thank you.” It entails acknowledging and appreciating others and what they do for us. Gratitude is the thankful love—the love for what another person did or does for us. Gratitude is an important constituent of love.

Gratitude strengthens our connections with others. When individuals experience gratitude, these emotions strengthen their sense of belonging to and connectedness with others. They feel fewer boundaries between themselves and others. In another article, I explained what gratitude is and why it is important for our lives and well-being.

Gratitude Benefits Make Our Relationships Better

Social bonding entails giving and receiving on both sides. These actions are essential for the proper formation of obligations between individuals and the maintenance of interpersonal bonds within human communities.

Gratitude involves social obligations as well as personal benefits for our relationships, self-esteem, and wellbeing. Feeling and expressing gratitude improves our mood and makes us feel better. In many ways, it improves our lives and interpersonal relationships.

A Study of Gratitude Revealed:

The recent qualitative study by the researchers from Sofia University in California, Patty Hlava and John Elfers, explored how people experience the meaning of gratitude in their lives and what positive changes they get when they experience and express gratitude. In particular, they found that

Gratitude Strengthens our Connections with Others

When people experience gratitude, these emotions enhance their feelings of connectedness with others. They feel that their boundaries with another person have become shorter and softer. A range of their feelings involves the sensation of being physically close, not separate or alone. They get a sense of community, enjoy deep communication, and have the feeling of merging with something larger than themselves.

Here are the examples that authors provide to illustrate these feelings:

That feeling of being enveloped, or embraced, or being touched. It’s like they just know you, like they’ve been there forever, and you’ve been with them forever. (Goldie)

It’s more a sense of feeling connected to people, not that they’re giving me something, a material object but that they’re giving me a part of their heart or something. (Allison)

It was a sense of connectedness. I felt that even sort of our heartbeats sort of synced, just a oneness about the whole situation. (Sue)

(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 438).

By experiencing and cultivating the attitudes, feelings, and expression of gratitude, people experience transformation in their personal, interpersonal, and transpersonal relationships. They experience a sense of belonging to a group, community, or something else outside themselves.

How People Experience the Meaning of Gratitude

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Reciprocal giving and receiving have the adaptive function of creating interpersonal obligations and maintaining personal bonding between people. In another place, I talked more about what gratitude is and why it is important in our lives. However, the meaning of gratitude can be different for different people. For example,

“Beneath the warm feelings of gratitude resides an imperative force, a force that compels us to return the benefit we have received”

(Komter, 2004, p. 195).

What Is the Meaning of Gratitude?

Gratitude is a personal experience that people live by in their daily social lives. It plays a functional role within the dynamics of interpersonal relationships. The concept of gratitude is quite broad and includes cognitive, affective, expressive, and behavioral processes.

What People Experience When They Experience Gratitude

Patty Hlava and John Elfers, the researchers from Sofia University in Palo Alto, California, USA, conducted a qualitative study of how people experience gratitude.

The authors interviewed 51 participants, ranging in age from 18 to 80 years, who likely engaged in a full range of embodied experiences of gratitude. The sample was ethnically diverse, with a first language other than English. Among participants, the majority were Caucasians, with less representation of Middle Eastern, Eastern European, Hispanic, African American, and other groups.

Researchers asked participants to recall a specific experience of gratitude. They asked to focus on their physiological and somatic experiences during these feelings. Researcher asked:

  • “In what way does the feeling of gratitude show up in your body?
  • Where specifically do you experience the sensations?”
(Hlava & Elfers, 2014, p. 438).

Researchers asked people to think about their lived experience of gratitude, developmental history, personality orientation, and how they thought gratitude affected their relationships.

The study revealed patterns of emotions that include somatic experiences and cognitive appraisals. Among those are the feelings of love, joy, awakening, awe, release, and being blessed.

What People Experience When They Experience Gratitude

Researchers revealed in their study several specific features of the somatic experience of gratitude. These include:

  • Sensations in the Heart and Chest/Warmth
  • Release
  • Awakening
  • Comfort, Security, Acceptance
  • Blessed
  • Joy
  • Love
  • Witnessed
  • Presence
  • Thankful

What Effect Do Laughter and Smiles Have on Our Relationship?

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Smiling and laughing are natural ways for men and women to show other people how they feel. However, different cultures may have different rules for how individuals should express these emotions. In some Western cultures, such as the European-American one, people tend to express their emotions frequently and openly. People from other cultures, such as East Asians, laugh and smile considerably less frequently, and they are more reserved in their emotional expressions (Karandashev, 2021).

Evolutionary Functions of Smiling and Laughing

Professor Adrienne Wood and her colleague proposed that smiling and laughing could serve certain psychological functions in their evolutionary origins. They were designed to convey certain communicative messages. Among those are (1) the function of rewarding prosocial behavior, (2) the affiliative function, and (3) the function of asserting dominance in relationships.

How Smiling and Laughing Affect Our Behavior

Smiles and laughter have different effects depending on the context of actions and interactions. The effects of smiles and laughter also depend on who is smiling and laughing. When a competitor smiles at you, it can always feel dangerous. However, the studies of Adrienne Wood and her colleague suggest that the effect of smiles and laughter on the observer is partially due to physical form:

  • how symmetrical or open-mouthed the smile is,
  • how melodious or nasal the laughter is.

Professor Wood and her colleagues have looked at the social functions of smiles and laughter in a variety of ways and contexts.

Do Smiling and Laughing Improve Our Relationship?

The question of research interest is “how laughter and smiles affect our daily relationships.”

Many men and women believe that laughter and smiles help improve their interpersonal relationships. Others think they should be more reserved in their expressions of emotion and not smile too often. People from different cultures may have different explanations and cultural stereotypes in this regard.

What Did Smiling and Laughing Studies Reveal? 

 Dr. Jared Martin conducted one study in which people gave stressful speeches while an observer smiled at them in rewarding, affiliative, or dominant ways. He discovered that the stress hormone cortisol was highest when their speeches were greeted with dominance smiles and lowest when they were greeted with reward smiles. It appears that smiles are not always well received. They can be stressful at times.

In the most recent effort, researchers brought people together through laughter and smiles. Over a thousand people were shown short videos of actors smiling in positive, neutral, or dominant ways. Then, the researcher gave them two short recordings of laughter, both of which had been produced by actors, and asked them to choose the one they thought conveyed a message most like that of the smile.

Researchers discovered that people frequently pair reward smiles and laughs together, as well as affiliation smiles and laughs, but rarely pair dominance smiles and laughs.

Evidently, the relationship between a smile and an expression of humor is more nuanced than we realized.

What Do We Still Need to Know About Smiling and Laughing?

More research is needed to determine whether smiles and laughter can convey the same messages. When you’re on the phone and the recipient can’t see you, can you replace a polite smile with a polite laugh? Can you tease as well with a smile as with a laugh?

What we do know for the time being is that smiles and laughter are versatile behaviors that help us influence the emotions, thoughts, and actions of others.

For the time being, we know that smiles and laughter are adaptable behaviors that allow us to influence the emotions, thoughts, and actions of others. Smiles and laughter work in accord with humor and improve our love relationships in the early stages of a relationship as well as over time as the relationship progresses.

Altruistic Love Brings Happiness

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This article presents the study demonstrating how altruistic love and doing small acts of kindness can bring good not only to others but can also improve your health and happiness. Let us look at the recent research findings showing the power of love and benevolence.

The New Study of Kindness

Meena Andiappan, professor at the University of Toronto in Canada, recently explored the ways people can increase their sense of well-being while decreasing their feelings of anxiety and depression in their social relationships. Let us take a look at how she explains these results for the scientific blog “The Conversation.”

Researchers investigated very simple acts of kindness. They compared those people who chose to treat themselves by spending money, time, or other resources on their own happiness to those who chose to treat others. On a daily basis, people in both cases performed simple, low- to no-cost acts.

The study has shown that the regular doing of “good things” leads to positive consequences for those who do them.

The Positive Power of Doing Good to Others

Researchers found surprising results in their study. The lives of participants in the first group who did not do anything beyond their normal activities did not change much. However, the mental health of those who provided acts of kindness to others improved markedly. Participants in the second group also had lower levels of anxiety and depression. These results supported the earlier findings of this kind.

How can psychology explain these findings? Researchers explain that devoting our time and energy to others makes our own problems appear less pressing.

The Positive Power of Social Connections

Here’s another way to look at these results: It is likely that strengthening social connections can also be beneficial. Treating others frequently entails spending time with them and developing and reinforcing relationships. Strong social relationships, according to social scientists, are one of the keys to well-being and happiness. In addition, when we are with other people, we tend to smile much more often. Therefore, we experience positive emotions more frequently.

The Positive Power of Meaningful Life

Furthermore, this research indicates that living a meaningful life is a significant predictor of happiness. Spending your limited resources and energies on others is likely to enhance this sense of meaning, making life more meaningful and worthwhile. Spending on yourself, whether time, money, or effort, does not appear to have the same benefits.

The Positive Power of Daily Kindness

Here is another important thing to note regarding the results of this study. Researchers have found that any occasional or regular acts of kindness are beneficial for your well-being and health. However, three factors can make certain actions especially beneficial to happiness.

  • First, doing something beyond common routine can make you happier than doing something normal and routine. So, extraordinary kindness is especially important.
  • Second, performing various acts of kindness is important. So, the variety of kindness and love is also important.
  • Third, receiving positive feedback about the kind act you performed boosts happiness. It is good to know we helped someone. Receiving gratitude and appreciation for our actions from others boosts our positive emotions.

Thus, the old adage “in helping others, you really can help yourself” is true. Still, we should remember that performing acts of kindness is not a universal cure for all emotional problems.

What Do Altruistic People Get in Return?

We must admit, however, that acts of altruism and kindness are not entirely selfless. Altruistic people gain psychological rewards for their altruistic actions through the hedonistic motivation of internal and intrinsic emotions.

For example, American psychologists Robert Cialdini and Douglas Kenrick (1976) conducted a study that demonstrated the truth of the hedonistic motivation of altruism. Doing good for others is emotionally rewarding and self-gratifying for some people. Their experiences of socialization likely influence their altruistic psychological characteristics, emotions, motivation, and behavior.

The studies have shown that altruism and altruistic love are nearly cross-culturally universal.

What Aphrodisiacs Are and What They Do for Love

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Aphrodisiacs are substances and foods that heighten erotic arousal, sexual attraction, and pleasure in love and sexual relations. Aphrodisiacs can enhance the sensual pleasure that both men and women get from their sexual relationships. The term “aphrodisiacs” comes from the name of Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love.

The Cultural History of Aphrodisiacs

People have used aphrodisiacs in their sex and love affairs throughout the history of many civilizations and cultures.

Throughout the course of human history, aphrodisiacs have been sought after and used by people. They have created them using a variety of materials, including foods, plants, and minerals. There have long been aphrodisiac superstitions in many different cultures around the world.

How People Use Aphrodisiacs in Modern Love and Sexual Encounters

The history of human cultures has preserved the recipes for making aphrodisiacs from plants, minerals, and foods. This variety of substances is what men and women have used to boost sexual desire, erotic attraction, and enjoy sex and sensual pleasures in love relationships.

The hedonistic wish of great sex has always been appealing to people in their lives. So, it is not surprising that they were interested in something that would increase desire and pleasure in sexual affairs.

Subsequently, cultural beliefs evolved that aphrodisiacs could increase the qualities of sex, making it more desirable, exciting, and pleasurable. However, researchers still need to investigate whether or not aphrodisiacs are actually capable of doing what they promise to do. According to some studies, substances like aphrodisiacs may even have adverse side effects (Brunetti et al., 2020).

The Types of Aphrodisiacs

Among the substances that people commonly use as aphrodisiacs are

  • Certain sorts of herbs, such as sage and cloves.
  • Some kinds of food, such as dark chocolate and oysters.
  • Alcohol and psychoactive substances, such as marijuana.
  • Supplements that contain the ingredients yohimbine, ambien, ginseng, and horny goat weed.

How Aphrodisiacs Work

People widely use certain types of food that evoke the senses of sight, smell, and taste. They believe that spicy foods and substances work as aphrodisiacs. For instance, chili pepper tends to boost body temperature and, therefore, induce feelings of arousal.

Kendra Cherry, for example, reviewed some types of aphrodisiac foods and natural supplements that can boost libido and sexual pleasure.

What Foods Are Aphrodisiacs?

There are two categories of foods that can be used as aphrodisiacs: those that are easily accessible and those that are extremely uncommon and difficult to find. Studies haven’t linked specific foods to changes in libido or sexual performance. Nevertheless, it may be worthwhile to order or cook certain kinds of food that can be presumably conducive to feeling energetic and excited. All these can boost sexual motivation and emotions.

Certain foods may contain properties that are advantageous to your sexual life. Omega-3 fatty acid-rich foods, for example, can help improve blood flow throughout the body, including the genitals (Omega-3 Fatty Acids Fact Sheet for Health Professionals/National Institutes of Health Office of Dietary Supplements)

Some sources mentioned specific kinds of food and substances as having an aphrodisiac effect. Among those are various nuts and fruits, such as figs, pine nuts, almonds, walnuts, watermelon, bananas, pomegranates, strawberries, and honey. Various kinds of vegetables, such as asparagus, avocado, saffron, garlic, pumpkin, and celery, can also have an aphrodisiac effect.

There isn’t much scientific evidence that these foods actually affect sexual desire. Yet they can enhance positive emotions, pleasurable feelings, and well-being because they contain potassium, zinc, and phytochemicals.

Aphrodisiac Effects of Dark Chocolate and Wine

Dark chocolate and coffee can have a possible aphrodisiac effect. Some studies have shown that they may improve blood flow, while other studies found no aphrodisiac evidence for dark chocolate (West & Krychman, 2015, West et al., 2014).

Alcoholic beverages have an effect on enhancing sexual arousal. Regular yet moderate consumption of red wine is good for better sexual health in women. Daily consumption of one or two glasses of red wine increases sexual desire and sexual performance in women. Low to moderate alcohol consumption can reduce inhibitions and increase desire. It is still worthy of note that excessive alcohol consumption can hinder sexual performance (Mondaini et al., 2009; Prabhakaran et al., 2018).

The Use of Aphrodisiacs in Sex and Love Affairs Across Cultures

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Men and women have used aphrodisiacs to increase erotic attraction, arousal, and sexual pleasure in love affairs for many centuries and in many different cultures around the world.

What Aphrodisiacs Are and What They Do for Love

Aphrodisiacs are foods and substances that increase erotic attraction, arousal, and sexual pleasure in love affairs. Due to aphrodisiacs, men and women may experience enhanced sensual pleasure in their intimate relationships.

People have sought and used aphrodisiacs for thousands of years of human history. They have made them from many things, such as minerals, plants, and foods. The beliefs in aphrodisiacs have been known across many cultures of the world.

Aphrodisiacs Across Civilizations

Men and women in ancient Greece, Rome, Egypt, and other civilizations have used aphrodisiacs to boost sexual desire and potency and augment the pleasure of sensual experiences in love. The word “aphrodisiacs” has its origins in ancient Greek culture. It derives from the name of the Greek goddess of love, Aphrodite.

Men and women of ancient Rome widely used aphrodisiacs in their art of love. Ovid’s poems of“Ars Amatoria”­ written in the first century BCE, depicted the self-indulgent and stylish lives of the Roman upper class. According to Ovid’s writing, the use of aphrodisiacs was a vital skill in their art of love and sexual affairs.

Ovid’s Poem about Aphrodisiacs

Here is Part XII of Ovid’s Book II, advising men and women of the ancient Roman society on how to use aphrodisiacs.

“There are those who prescribe eating a dish of savory,

a noxious herb, my judgement is its poisonous:

or mix pepper with the seeds of stinging nettles,

or crush yellow camomile in well-aged wine:

But the goddess who holds high Eryx, beneath the shaded hill,

doesn’t force you to suffer like this for her delights.

White onions brought from Megara, Alcathous’s city,

and rocket, herba salax, the kind that comes from gardens,

eat those, and eggs, eat honey from Hymettus, and seeds from the cones of sharp-needled pines.”

Kline, A. S. (2001). Translation of Ovid’s Ars Amatoria: The Art of Love.

Aphrodisiacs Across Human Cultures

People across many other cultures in history have used foods and other natural substances to increase love attraction, sexual desire, and even fertility. According to many cultural beliefs, chocolate, cinnamon, cloves, thyme, and ginger have the capacity to enhance arousal, sensual pleasure, and sexual performance.

Therefore, these aphrodisiacs have continued to be popular for thousands of years in many cultures for love and sexual affairs. Aphrodisiacs are likely to continue to be popular among those looking to have better sex lives and love relationships. However, modern researchers need to explore their effects more to understand how certain foods and substances can affect sexual functioning and relationships.