Category Archives: love attraction

Factors of attraction in love

Societies Favorable to Intercultural Marriages

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In the modern world of increased social mobility and mass migration, many countries have become very multicultural. Subsequently, new mixed cultures with blended communities have been developed in many regions.

Some workplaces, public spaces, and residential areas have become spots where regular intercultural contacts occur. International trade, transnational cooperation, and the development of multicultural projects have also caused more regular inter-cultural contacts and interactions.

The Mere Exposure Effect and Interpersonal Attraction

The mere exposure effect and the familiarity effect may lead to greater interpersonal attraction in intercultural relations.

First, the “mere exposure effect” means “the more you see, the more you like.” We tend to love those we repeatedly see for a while and interact with them in a neutral or positive way. Negative experiences of interactions often produce an adverse effect, thus counteracting the positivity of the mere exposure effect. (See more in How does mere exposure induce love attraction?)

The Mere Exposure Effect and Interpersonal Familiarity

The mere exposure effect also creates an impression of familiarity. The others, whom we see on a regular basis, look more familiar and trustworthy to us. When we meet others who look and behave differently, people tend to be nervous and worried. This evolutionary tendency is what produces in-group positive bias, out-group negative bias, and intergroup tension. (See more in Love attraction to familiar others).

The Effects of Mere Exposure on Familiarity in Intercultural Relationships

Different cultures appear to us as in-groups and out-groups. For us, our culture is perceived as an ingroup, and people look and behave familiar to us because we see them regularly and adapt our perception frame. Therefore, we tend to like and trust them. On the other hand, another culture is perceived as an outgroup, and people look and behave strangely to us because we have never seen them before or have seen them rarely. Therefore, we tend to feel suspicious and apprehensive.

What can happen in culturally blended communities? People of different cultures see each other on a regular basis. We have become accustomed to seeing “others” who look and behave differently. The more we see them, the less strange they appear to us and the less they differ from us. We begin to feel they are basically the same good and trustworthy people as we are. If not, it may not be a matter of culture but rather of an individual’s personality.

Thus, when we meet people from other cultures routinely and in positive interactions, their looks and behaviors gradually become more recognizable and familiar. And due to the “familiarity effect”, we begin to love them more. So, the more often we see those of another culture, the more they look familiar. The more we perceive them as familiar, the more we like them.

The Opportunities Breed Possibilities for Intercultural Marriages

When applied to intercultural contacts and relationships, these mere exposure and familiarity effects can increase the likelihood of intercultural love, dating, and marriage. Considering these social psychological effects, we can think that once men and women of different races and ethnicities have more opportunities to see each other and interact in a positive way, they will perceive more familiarity in each other and, consequently, like and even love each other more. The matter of love, as in within-cultural relationships rather than cultural distinctions, will play a role in their attraction and possible love. Having regular opportunities for intercultural perception and interaction can trigger the simple exposure and familiarity effects. Intercultural and interpersonal attraction and love will follow accordingly.

Studies have shown that this possibility is real in friendships and romantic relationships. Physical and interactional proximity serve as the strongest predictors of interracial friendship and dating. The availability of interracial and interethnic contacts determines the likelihood that students of different races and ethnicities develop friendships. In the same way, greater opportunities for interracial contact predict a greater occurrence of interracial romantic relationships (e.g., Hallinan & Smith, 1985; Fujino, 1997).

However, different proportions of cultural majority and minority groups and belonging to majority or minority groups in a community have different effects on the likelihood of friendship and romantic relationships. In addition, different racial and ethnic groups have different wiliness and a chance to get into such intercultural relationships. Overall, Latinos and Asians are most likely to marry outside their ethnicity and race.

The Multicultural Society of the USA and Increasing Rates of Intercultural Marriages

In the USA, western states, and especially Hawaii, represent excellent examples of mingled multicultural communities favorable to intercultural relationships. The cultural mixing in these regions creates multicultural communities conducive to inter-cultural friendships, romances, and marriages.

The Pew Research Center conducted research in 2012 that showed that Hawaii and the Western United States had the highest rate of interracial marriages nationwide. According to that study, the US was a broadly diverse, multicultural country that continued to break down racial barriers and boundaries. Furthermore, the trend toward a high rate of interracial marriages was growing. In 2012, about 15% of all new marriages in the United States were interracial. In 2015, the number grew by up to 17%. The increasing numbers of Latino and Asian immigrants, as well as the growing public acceptance of such intercultural relationships among young people, were the major causes of the high and rising rates of interculturalism and polyculturalism (See more in The increasing trend of intercultural marriages in America).

The Western United States and Hawaii had the most pronounced increases in the number of intercultural marriages. In comparison to the national average, approximately 20% of newlyweds in the western United States were men and women of different races or ethnicities. In California, more than 23% of new marriages were inter-racial or inter-ethnic, a higher rate than in other western neighboring states. However, Hawaii had the highest rate of 40 percent interracial marriage in the country (Hawaii leads nation with 40 percent interracial marriage rate, by Rebecca Trounson, Feb. 16, 2012).

Intercultural Marriage Statistics in America

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Due to increased mobility and immigration in recent decades, many countries have become more multicultural than ever before. Such migration has created new mixed and blended cultural communities in many regions. Intercultural encounters on a daily basis are becoming common in workplaces and public areas. Consequently, intercultural romantic relationships and intercultural marriage statistics.

When people regularly meet people of other cultures, their appearance and behavior may look more familiar. The more they see others and the more they look familiar, the more they like them. The mere exposure effect makes others familiar, and cultural differences do not preclude interpersonal attraction and love.

Intercultural Dating in America

Men and women now have more opportunities to encounter prospective romantic partners from other cultures than they did in the past. Along with increased intercultural encounters, the likelihood of intercultural dating and marriage also increases. The legal issues impeding interracial and interethnic marriages have also been changed for the better. Therefore, the rate of intercultural romantic relationships has been substantially increasing in recent decades.

Intermarriages in America

Surprisingly, for a democratic country, marriage between different racial groups was banned as unconstitutional in the United States for a long time. Interracial marriages became legal in the United States only in the 1960s. The U.S. Supreme Court overturned miscegenation laws in the US in 1967. The subsequent expansion of interethnic romantic relationships in the following few decades was substantial.

The Modern Increase in Intercultural Marriage Statistics in America

Since 1967, interethnic marriages have increased in number, crossing borders and erasing boundaries. The rate of intercultural marriages has been steadily growing.

In 1967, when intermarriages became legal, only 3% of all marriages were between partners of a different race or ethnicity.

In 1980, the number of intermarriages was already at 7%.

In 2008, around 14.6% of new marriages were between partners of different races or ethnicities.

In 2015, the number of interracial and interethnic marriages reached 17%.

Basically, this means that while in 1980 there were about 230,000 newlyweds married to someone of a different race or ethnicity, in 2015 there were already more than 670,000 intermarried newlyweds.

Intercultural Couples in Committed Cohabiting Relationships

Besides the fact that interracial and interethnic relationships are common among newlyweds, they are also common among many cohabiting partners. Young men and women may continue to feel social pressure against interethnic marriage, so they may consider living together in committed cohabiting relationships. 

Therefore, the frequency of interracial cohabitation can be even higher than that of marriage. For instance, in 2015, about 6% of cohabiting partners were in such informal relationships. Among those, 18% of these partners were of different races or ethnicities.

Overall, one can estimate that the total number of intermarried people in the US who lived together in 2015 was around 11 million. That accounts for around 10% of all married people. For comparison, in 1980, there were about 3 million, or 3% of married people, who had a spouse of a different race or ethnicity.

Thus, we see that, currently, a higher number of young men and women in America are willing and ready to have intercultural relationships and marry someone of a different race or ethnicity.

Public Attitudes Toward Intercultural Marriage in the USA

Two major factors have driven these dramatic changes in the number of intercultural marriages. First, the changes occurred because of the weakening of longstanding negative cultural attitudes against intermarriage. Second, the changes happened because of a multi-decade surge of immigration from Latin America and Asia.

The public media has also changed the depiction of interethnic relationships. Public sentiment has slowly become more accepting of interracial relationships. Public openness toward interracial relationships increases gradually but steadily.

The tendencies in interethnic dating attitudes are shifting toward greater approval and engagement in interethnic relationships, especially with young adult and adolescent populations. Scholars argue that there are individual and societal benefits to engaging in and maintaining close relationships with members of different ethnicities (e.g., Jacobson & Johnson, 2006; Jones, 2011; Knox et al., 2000; Troy, Lewis-Smith, & Laurenceau, 2006).

Cultural Features of Mangaian Romantic Love

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Early anthropological studies portrayed the sexual culture of Polynesian love. Those studies downplayed the love and emotions of indigenous people in the South Seas. For example, the cultural anthropology of Mangaian love presented the freedom of sexual intimacy and love among Mangaian people of Polynesia.

Later anthropological studies of the 20th century, as I noted in another article, showed that Polynesian women’s and men’s emotional experiences demonstrated that their feelings and relationships were romantic, according to the Western concept of romantic love (Karandashev, 2017, 2019).

Six Things Make Mangaian Love Romantic

Anthropological studies of the 1980s and 1990s showed that romantic love was present in Polynesian cultures (see Jankowiak, ed., 1995), in particular in the Mangaian culture (e.g., Harris, 1995). The word “inangaro” (loving and liking) comes in different forms and contexts, and it is used in many ways, which conveys several core meanings of romantic love.

In other articles, I explained the six key things that made Polynesian love in Mangaia “romantic.” These were

  • (1) intrusive thinking about the partner,
  • (2) a romantic perception of the beloved as an exceptional person,
  • (3) a romantic idealization of the partner and the relationship,
  • (4) a reordering of motivational hierarchies,
  • (5) emotional dependency in romantic love, and
  • (6) care and concern for the other.

See more about these in:

Three Things Make Mangaian Love “Romantic”, and

Three Other Things That Make Mangaian Love Romantic

What Is Culturally Special about Mangaian Love?

In the 1980s, an extensive anthropological field study revealed culturally specific characteristics of Mangaian romantic love. Cultural anthropologists proposed that the Mangaian pattern of heterosexual romantic love differs from the American model of romantic love in its emphasis on specific features of love. The significant differences between these two cultural models of love are in the relative weighting of those features (e.g., Harris, 1995).

The Mangaian cultural model of romantic love is different in many ways from the American model of romantic love

Open Expression of Sexual Love

The two cultural models have different patterns of sexual attitudes and sexual relations. In particular, the Polynesian pattern emphasizes sexual expressiveness while the American pattern minimizes sexual expressiveness.

Polynesian cultures perceive free and open sexual expressions and behaviors as common and central features of sexual relationships and love.

Love Emerges Involuntarily “From the Bowels”

Women and men understand the Mangaian word “inangaro”, with its flexible denotation as “wanting, needing, liking, or loving,” in its specific meaning in the context of heterosexual relationships. It conveys the meaning of “the real love from within, the feeling inside you, from your heart, for someone.” More specifically, love is an involuntary emotional feeling that emerges “from the heart”, even though it literally means “comes from the bowels”. Mangaians believe that the inangaro is “not a choice, but suddenly it is a feeling” that overwhelms a person. Such an involuntary process as falling in love can have both positive and negative consequences. For instance, sometimes relationships that should have been were not because “that feeling” just wasn’t there.

Let us look at one case of this kind,

“Ani was energetically courted by a “good and loving” man who wanted to marry her but for whom she did not feel inangaro. Instead, she fell in love with a man who turned out to be unfaithful to her after they were mar­ried, causing her considerable unhappiness. As she reflected on her life, Ani regretted not being able to love her first suitor, who, in hindsight, would have been a better spouse.”

(Harris, 1995, p.121).

Physical Beauty Is a Powerful Force of Love

Mangaians understand that physical beauty is a powerful driving force of love in heterosexual relationships. Mangaians, like other Polynesians, have a great appreciation for the aesthetics of the human body. They believe that the human physique is the vital trigger of passionate love.

The Mangaian cultural standards of sexual beauty, however, are substantially different from western conventions of physical attractiveness. Different physical features ignite Polynesian love.

For many Mangaians, love at first sight prevails in their culture. The decisive role of physical beauty and the idea of love as an involuntary process are crucial in this regard. Here is an example of how Mangaians described their experiences of sudden and intense attraction to a person they had just met (Harris, 1995, p.122):

“I was in the shop buying some food and I turned and saw him. I got a feeling inside me that I had never felt before with anyone. I had already had a boyfriend and a baby and other boys had come around too. But when I saw this man, I wished that he would be my husband, and this feeling was a surprise because I had never seen him before. Although I had that feeling, I didn’t expect that the feel­ing would come true.”

Mangaian Love as Fate and Destiny

While in North America, “looks count” and “love for beauty” are important factors in falling in love (Tennov, 1979), in Mangaian culture, these factors are recognized as superficial and insubstantial foundations for a relationship (Harris, 1995).

Love and attraction derive from something more important. This is the fate of a supernatural power that is beyond a person’s control.

In American culture, people are generally ambivalent about love “at-first-sight.” They think that physical attraction cannot be the exclusive ground for a “serious” relationship, although they admit that such occurrences exist. As opposed to this, Mangaians perceive such immediate and intense reactions of attraction to a person of the opposite sex as natural when they speak about such experiences.

People in societies that are not affected by cultural discomfort and suspicion of the body are more willing to admit the power of physical attraction. They have a strong belief in “love-at-first-sight” occurrences. In Mangaia, men and women believe that the feeling of love is God’s (or nature’s) way of bringing and keeping people together (1995, p.122).

Three Things Make Mangaian Love “Romantic”

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How romantic is Mangaian love? Mangaians are the Polynesian people living in the Cook Islands in the South Seas. The early studies of Polynesian love misrepresented Polynesian heterosexual relationship culture as sexually energetic and sensually obsessive, along with free sexual attitudes and behaviors.

In a stereotypical western picture, observers depicted Polynesians as the most sexually motivated people in the world. They fit the old expression,

“There is no sin below the equator.”

In another article, I describe What Polynesian love is.

Early observations downplayed affection and gave the wrong impression that people in the Pacific Islands did not experience emotional and romantic feelings. Recent studies from the 20th and 21st centuries document a more accurate picture of love in Polynesia. I presented it in the article what Polynesian love in Mangaia was.

Here is the case of Mangaian romantic love. What are the three key things that made Polynesian love in Mangaia romantic?

1. Intrusive Thinking About the Partner

The first key sign of passionate and romantic love is the cognitive preoccupation and intrusive thinking about the beloved and the relationship. Harris (1995), as well as other anthropologists, showed that Mangaian men and women often indicated such a state of mind when they talked about their lovers and love relationships.

It is typical for those in the early stages. Being cognitively preoccupied with the beloved, men and women tended to think about their loved ones again and again. The intrusive thoughts about the loved one interfered with the normal course of their daily life. The same intrusive thinking occurred during a forced separation. Their longing during separation made them compelled to seek proximity. 

2. The Romantic Perception of the Beloved as a Unique Individual

Western scholarship traditionally defines that the beliefs in the uniqueness of the beloved and the perception of him or her as distinctive from others, as a special and exceptional individual, are the essential features of truly romantic love (Karandashev, 2017, 2019).

Despite misrepresented early anthropological observations of “What Polynesian love is“, Harris (1995) and others discovered indirect and direct evidence that Mangaian men and women recognize their loved ones as especially attractive individuals who are distinct from others. Strong love attraction evolves between certain men and women rather than between others. They believe that their romantic liaisons are exceptional.

Young men may seek sexual opportunities whenever possible. Nonetheless, cautious young women look for a sign of “real love” (inangaro kino, etc.). Women recognize this “real love” as a man’s willingness to forsake all other sexual liaisons. Marriage is viewed as the ultimate manifestation of such exclusivity.

3. Romantic Idealization of the Partner and Relationship

Traditionally, Western scholars present romantic idealization as another defining quality that makes love truly romantic (Karandashev, 2017, 2019). This is the tendency of a lover to focus on the good qualities of the person they love and to ignore, pay less attention to, or make excuses for the bad qualities. 

According to anthropological observations, the Mangaian culture tends to publicly segregate boys and girls. Young men usually initiate secret relations, courtships, and premarital heterosexual relationships (e.g., Harris, 1995, see for review Karandashev, 2017).

How Do Young Mangaian Men Idealize Women?

Due to the segregated nature of intergender relationships, young Mangaian men often fall in love with young women by simply seeing them and conversing with them on rare occasions.

Therefore, physical beauty is what initially attracts many men to young women. A woman’s attractive face, flowing hair, and full hips charm a man, while he usually fills in the blanks about the other woman’s qualities. They were supposed to be as enchanting as their physical appearance.

The woman, however, generally thinks that her boyfriend was attracted to her because of her good nature and character. For example, here is how Harris (1995, p. 117) illustrates such an early idealization:

“Maara came to talk to me. He had been waiting, waiting for me to return from Rarotonga. He didn’t forget the time we were in school together. He said to me, “You know what? I’ve been looking at you. I’ve seen you going around.” Then he said that he loved me. He said he had fallen in love with me. Yes, seeing me all around, day and night, waiting for me. I asked him, “Why me?” He said he had seen how I was at school; how we laughed, how I shared with people. I’m just the one he’s looking at. He said his heart was hurting for me.”

How Do Mangaian Young Women Idealize Women? 

Mangaian women tend to be less idealistic and more practical in their heterosexual relationships. In the early stages of relationships, they are less prone to such romantic idealization in their perception of men. Their attitude of idealization toward the man often develops later, after the beginning of the courtship.

They are also inclined to ignore, neglect, or diminish, in their perception, the man’s imperfections and flaws. Interviews show that women tend to think positively about their men and their courtships. They focus on their appearance, skills, talents, and personality attributes:

“He was a very good fisherman; he was the best planter; he was a fine musician; he was kinder than the other men”.

Some women acknowledged that their men had the characteristics of womanizers. Nevertheless, they suspended their mistrust and perceived him as having a good image, despite their public reputation.

There are also The three other things that made the love of the Polynesian Mangaians “romantic”

Romantic Love Can Be Good for Relationships

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Romantic love elevates our relationship and makes it romantically beautiful. Nevertheless, romantic love can hide some perils of disenchantment and disappointment. This is why cultural attitudes toward romantic love differ over time and across cultures (Karandashev, 2017).

What are the perils of romantic love? Do the benefits outweigh the drawbacks? Let us take a closer look.

Advantages and Positive Consequences of Romantic Love

The idealization of a partner and relationship in love is natural and probably inevitable, like the idolization of artistic, musical, and political idols. For optimistic people, idealization is natural. So, this might be due to their personality traits.

A moderate degree of idealization can be good for satisfaction and happiness in dating and marital relationships. Those lovers who idealize their partners while their partners idealize them are happier in their relationships (Murray et al., 1996a and 1996b).

Romantic idealization in love makes women’s and men’s relationships beautiful, charming, inspirational, and optimistic. Romantic love gives their mating, dating, and marriage meaning. It inspires a lover’s hope for his or her personal growth and encourages the possibility of their individual changes (Swidler, 2001).

Such motivation, however, may not be as common as one might expect.

Possible Benefits of Romantic Idealization, along with Caveats

“Individuals who in­tegrate a partner’s virtues and faults within compensatory “Yes, buts . . .” are actually involved in more stable relationships than individuals who compartmentalize their partners’ faults, leaving pockets of doubt.”

(Murray et al., 1996b, p.1179).

A romantic lover perceives the partner’s faults with a bright glow. Such romantic perception is conducive to the lover’s constructive motivation. The feelings of optimism and security help them overcome challenges in the relationship. Such romantic idealization can serve as an effective buffer and resource for their generosity and goodwill, preventing their complications in everyday hassles (Murray et al., 1996a).

“Relationships persisted, satisfaction increased, conflicts were averted, doubts abated, and personal insecurities diminished when individuals idealized their partners and their partners idealized them. Thus, lasting security and confidence appear to depend on intimates seeing the best in one another—overlooking each other’s faults and embellishing each other’s virtues.”

(Murray et al., 1996b, p.1178).

Is Romantic Love Blind or Prophetic?

Can sincere romantic love be motivation for personal growth? The inspiring idealization of romantic minds can provide a great opportunity for transformation for both a lover and the beloved. Surely, the perils exist that a lover is more likely to wish their beloved to change. This can work if the beloved

  • is personally aware of it,
  • wants to change himself or herself for the better,
  • wants to meet the lover’s high expectations.

It is possible that the beloved cannot or does not want to change.

This romantic attitude is just the opposite of a realistic love attitude: “Accept me as I am.” The positive romantic illusion in a relationship is optimistic and can work in a self-fulfilling way. They can be a leap of faith rather than a perceptive fault. It is likely that partners who idealize each other are prescient, rather than blind (Murray & Holmes, 1997; Murray et al., 1996b).

What If the Beloved Wants to Become a Better Person?

The lover may want to become a better person for the sake of the beloved. Romantic love inspires him or her with a motive for self-development. Instead of the humanistic attitude “accept yourself as you are” or the realistic attitude “be yourself” and “accept me as I am,” romantic love encourages a person to develop himself or herself. Romantic love provides an aspiration to grow personally. As the Russian writer Mikhail Prishvin (1873–1954) once noted,

Prishvin, M. (n.d.). Mikhail Prishvin quotes.

The Pitfalls for Romantic Lovers

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Romantic lovers have several main features that distinguish them from other types of lovers.

As I noted in another place, romantic idealization is a core feature that makes love “romantic”, as opposed to “rational”, “practical”, and pragmatic.” Such idealization can have some positive and negative side effects, some pros and cons.

The history of romantic love across cultures has demonstrated many positive benefits and inspirations that it brings to people’s lives, as well as many dramatic stories of despair and misery that it brings to them (Karandashev, 2017).

The Pitfalls of Idealization for Romantic Lovers

For example, romantic beliefs can lead to destructive fantasies and delusions about partners and relationships, which may divert people’s attention away from serious exploration of personal freedom and sexual diversity. It is possible that too many and too high romantic beliefs can cause dissatisfaction and unhappiness when such excessive expectations are not met.

The romantic hope of long-lasting joy and happiness can be elusive. It can make a person vulnerable and prone to possible frustration and disenchantment. Unrealistic standards and expectations for a partner and a relationship can cause disappointment, disillusionment, marital conflict, and divorce (see review of studies by Karandashev, 2019).

The excessive idealization of a partner and relationship can lead to disappointment in romantic lovers and put them on the edge of pessimism. Thus, their idealistic beliefs can turn into “realistic” and pessimistic disbeliefs. This is why cultural devaluation and cultural disbelief in romantic love can be natural self-protective psychological mechanisms.

For pessimistic people, idealization is contrary to their personal nature. So, their disbelief might be due to their personality traits.

Is Romantic Love an Immature Attitude toward Love?

It is known that romantic love and idealization are more common in the early stages of romantic relationships than in the later stages of companionate love relationships. Therefore, some may consider it an infatuation and a dangerous malady. Is romantic love really a sign of immaturity? 

There is still the question of whether romantic love is a “childish” illusion or a real reason to live. Some may believe that romantic love, with its idealization, is an immature emotion that drives young people’s dating, mating, and sexual relationships. As the relationship progresses, a lover may discover that the beloved falls short of his or her romantic ideals and hopes.

“Continuing to idealize one’s partner in the face of negative evidence should then impede adjustment, par­ticularly if intimates love only the idealized image, they con­struct. In this light, understanding the reality of a partner’s vir­tues and faults may prove to be the key to enduring satisfaction, whereas idealization may leave intimates vulnerable to dashed hopes and expectations.”

(Murray et al. 1996a, p. 79)

The Equivocal Effects of Idealization on Romantic Lovers

Romantic idealization in love can work as an adaptive or maladaptive psychological mechanism. In the eyes of a lover, idealization can highlight the pleasing attributes and overshadow the displeasing qualities of their loved one.

Admiration and idealization of a loved one make it hard for romantic partners to see any bad or unpleasant habits or traits that person might have. The actual qualities of their beloved may not be as good as they seem.

However, due to idealized perception, the lover sees her or him through rosy filters. The apparent faults of the beloved can be interpreted as virtues. When a lover tends to interpret some disappointing reality in a positive light without denying negativity, such a psychological mechanism can work in a good way. Such positive illusions can cause people to perceive the relationship as satisfactory (e.g., Murray & Holmes, 1997; Taylor, et al., 1989; see for review Karandashev, 2019).

Does Romantic Love Make the Loved One a Better Person?

Amorous idealization gives a good chance for a change for both the lover and the beloved. The lover may want to become a better person for the sake of the beloved.

Unfortunately, external attribution bias leads a lover to desire to change a partner. More often, a lover wants to change the loved one and make her or him a better person to meet their romantic expectations. She or he strongly hopes that their love will change the partner, despite any problems. They believe “love wins” in this matter of relationships as well. These beliefs, however, are unrealistic. People, in many cases, don’t change.

Love does not bring happiness. People carry their happy nature along with them, as well as their problems with insecure attachments from the past, into their love relationships.

What Is Imprinting?

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Generally, imprinting (linguistically, it is a derivative of “printing”) means marking or impressing a sign or mark on the surface of anything.

Imprinting in Ethology

In ethology, the science of animal behavior, imprinting stands for a sensitive period, usually very early in the life of an animal, when instant or fast learning occurs. It is a time in which newborn animals form attachments to members of their own species. Imprinting has been used to domesticate animals and birds for generations.

A typical example of imprinting is when ducklings follow their mother duck, which they see moving within a few hours after they hatch. Young ducks tend to imprint and follow their mother duck. They also imprint the first individual of their species that they interact with during this ‘sensitive’ period of biological development. The same way they would imprint on and follow any first large object they see moving. This is how their love for and attachment to “mother” is forming. They become attracted to the movement, sound, and smell of the first-appearing object in their life.

The science of imprinting can explain “Who is your mama?”

What are the functions of imprinting in love attraction and love attachment? How can imprinting affect our kinship, mating relationships, and love?

Does Imprinting Form an Infant’s Attachment and Love Bonds of Kinship?

Imprinting seems to allow animals to instinctively recognize other animals of their own species, thus developing a model of their species’ “identity.” This identity naturally drives their attraction to their “mother”, “kin”, and others of the same kind. We can view this attraction as an animal’s early prototype of infants’ love bonds with their species’ kin.

Konrad Lorenz, an Austrian naturalist, ornithologist, and ethologist, discovered and first investigated the phenomenon of “imprinting” in the early 1900s (see for review, Bateson, 1978; Hess, 1958; Lorenz, 1935; Tzschentke & Plagemann, 2006).

Lorenz revealed that when young birds—little ducks or geese—came out of their eggs, they became attached to the first moving object they encountered. It is typically their mother. Natural selection prepared the hatchlings to form an instant and strong bond with their mother. We can consider this effect as an early form of “attachment love”—the loving attachment of an infant to a mother.

However, when Lorenz placed himself as the object of their attraction (instead of their mother), the young birds attached to him as a mother substitute. Working with ducks and geese, Lorenz showed evidence that such attraction and attachment happen during sensitive periods in their lives. Once such attraction and attachment were ‘fixed,’ they persisted for a long time. Geese responded to Lorenz as a parent and followed him about everywhere. When they became adult birds, they preferred to court him over other geese.

The same way, they would easily attach to any inanimate object, such as a white ball, a pair of gumboots, or even an electric train. The most crucial aspect of such attachment is that these objects appear at the appropriate time.

Does Imprinting Affect an Animal’s Sexual Love for Its Own Species?

Those early imprinting studies revealed that early imprinting forms not only family love bonds but also sexual preferences in mating. This can explain why animals do not mate with any other animals except those of their own species. From an evolutionary perspective, genetic similarity is vital for sexual attraction and mating in birds and mammals. Such mating preferences help select the proper mate. They cannot reproduce offspring with anyone. They can only do this with those with whom they have a higher chance of mating success than with others (Lampert 1997).

Birds and mammals cannot mate with animals of other species. They are genetically too distant to produce offspring. This mechanism explains the genetic secrets of attraction and love.

Let us consider the example of sexual imprinting among birds. Early works by Konrad Lorenz demonstrated that the early experiences that birds and animals have in their lives could significantly affect not only their “kinship” bonds. Such an early imprinting experience could also form their mating preferences and their love for each other. Lorenz suggested that sexual imprinting gives adults a predilection to recognize their own species (Lorenz, 1935).

Lorenz found that geese responded to him not only as parents, following him everywhere, but later in their lives, when they became adult birds, they preferred to court him rather than other geese.

Thus, sexual imprinting of attraction and the shaping of love happen in the early periods of birds’ and animals’ lives.

Here Are More Complex Effects of the Imprinting

Experimental studies of the mid-20th century supported early findings on imprinting. The early experiences of animals can certainly have long-lasting impacts. Nonetheless, those later studies indicated that birds may show their preferences for members of their own species even if they don’t have experience with any of them except themselves (Immelmann, 1969; Schutz, 1965).

This means that birds may have a predisposition for their own species without prior experience. But the early years’ sexual imprinting merely refines this predisposition under natural conditions.

Another explanation suggests that sexual imprinting plays a role in the recognition of close kin. This way, the selection of mates that are slightly different allows the animal to reach an optimal balance between inbreeding and outbreeding. Birds have the strongest mating preference for

“something a little different (but not too different) from the object with which it had been imprinted.”

(Bateson, 1978, p. 659).

The studies found that a bird does indeed mate with a slightly unfamiliar female. The bird prefers this unfamiliar female to the one that appeared in the early life of the bird. Nevertheless, the bird prefers both types of these females to those with a markedly unfamiliar type of plumage (Bateson, 1978).

These findings show the power of genetic similarity and genetic diversity in attraction and attachment.

What Is the “Propinquity Effect”?

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Generally, “propinquity” refers to proximity and nearness in space and time. It is the state of being close to something or someone. Sometimes, propinquity refers to a similarity of nature between people. What effect does the “propinquity effect” have on our liking and loving? 

Varieties of Propinquity

In sociology and social psychology, the term “propinquity” refers to the physical closeness and spatial proximity of one person to another. This can be, for instance, “residential propinquity”, acquaintance propinquity” or “marital propinquity.”

“Residential propinquity” refers to the tendency of people residing in the same neighborhood area to come together. Residential propinquity frequently works as a factor in friendship and marriage selection (see another article). For example, residential neighbors and residents living near a stairway in an apartment building tend to become friends more easily than those living further apart.

“Acquaintance propinquity” refers to the tendency of people living close to each other and seeing each other frequently to develop special bonds of interpersonal attraction. Propinquity predisposes people with a greater degree of physical proximity to being attracted to each other and becoming friends. For example, children and teenagers living in the same neighborhood, in the same apartment building, or going to the same school are more likely to become friends than others.

“Propinquity marriage” refers to the tendency of people residing in physical proximity to each other (within several blocks of each other) to select marital partners within such residential propinquity (see another post). It was based on real statistics of marriages when sociologists first investigated it in the first part of the 20th century (see another post).

In the last few decades, the increasing social mobility of people and the growing influence of virtual propinquity have changed the role of the propinquity effect.

Propinquity Effect in Social Psychology

In social psychology, this power of spatial or virtual proximity between persons is called the “propinquity effect.” This is the tendency of people to like others and develop an attraction to people they frequently encounter. Frequent exposure and interaction with another person act as driving forces in the formation of our close bonds with others.

American social psychologist Leon Festinger (1919–1989) and his colleagues proposed the “propinquity effect” in their paper “The Spatial Ecology of Group Formation” in the 1950s (Festinger, Schachter, and Back (1963/1950) . The authors of the article explained how frequent interaction with people aided in the formation of friendships.

Individuals encountering others in such spatial proximity began to like them, find them attractive, and develop close bonds. This propinquity effect can happen in schools, sports clubs, colleges, neighborhoods, workplaces, and other places where people see each other often. The propinquity effect is lower and the bonds are weaker with those we meet and interact virtually. 

The “propinquity effect” is closely related with the “mere exposure effect.” The mere exposure effect explains why propinquity increases liking of others. The more frequently a person perceives something or someone, the more they like them. Yet, such a mere exposure must be positive, not aversive. Only in this case does the propinquity effect work.

Among the Other Topics of Interest in this Regard Are:

The Italian Romantic Hero as an Ideal Latin Lover

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This article on the website presents the recent study of Francesca Pierini, a lecturer from the University of Basel, Switzerland, as well as many other scholarly and literary examples of romantic ideals of male heroes. The author’s literary exploration described the narrative patterns of the Italian romantic hero. Her excellent review paper beautifully described the ideals of the Italian romantic lover.

The Literary and Cultural Stereotypes of Southern European Romantic Heroes

In contemporary Anglophone fiction, prominent descriptive patterns of the Latin, Spanish, and Italian people have shown these cultures as distinct constellations of counter-values to Anglo-American cultures and ethos. Literature and public discourse have depicted a particularly complex and multi-layered concept of culturally appealing “primitivism.” This viewpoint has found its way into a variety of cultural/artistic contexts, including Anglophone contemporary romantic novels, movies, and public discourse. For example, the Italian masculine hero, in both positive and negative aspects, is the recognized signifier of attractive otherness (Pierini, 2020).

Romantic novels describe the physical characteristics of Italian heroes as sensuous and alluringly dark men, implying an untrustworthy character and a hot and short temper. In these descriptions, mainstream beliefs about southern European machismo conflate with popular literary conventions about Middle Eastern cultures based on their apparent discontinuity with the modern world. The novels present Arab and southern European men as attractive because of their unusual and even exotic images.

Latin Lover

Italian and Spanish romantic heroes are often presented as Latin lovers. These romantic heroes resemble alpha males. These men are strong, hard, confident, dominant, and can be aggressive, yet they have a tender spot that the heroine uncovers. Writers frequently elicit mainstream assumptions about machismo as alpha maleness when creating the character of a Latin lover (Jarmakani, 2011).

A Latin lover is commonly known as a Latin man who is known for his romantic disposition, passionate temperament, and sexual aptitude. For the figure of the “Latin lover,” Pierini (2020) proposed the term “Mediterranean Man.” It implies a merger of the southern European and the Arab man.

What Does a Latin Lover Look Like?

The physical appearance of these men’s heroes is important. A couple of decades ago, the physical traits of the romantic hero were depicted in fascinating remarks on the dark color of their skin. Currently, such references look more like the remarks

on the “rich caramel coloring of his [the sheik’s] skin, giving true meaning to the description of tall, dark, and handsome.”

(Jackson, 2002/2017).

The Exotic and Erotic Latin Lover

British romantic novels often depict Spain as the land of a blazing sun, the flamenco, the castanets, the fiesta, the siesta, and bullfighting.

European romantic novels describe Italy quite similarly—in some regards—as a timeless land of a blazing sun, winemaking, and continuous traditions, as well as the people with long and unbroken family histories, the aperitivo, the pasta, and the siesta. The Italian romantic hero is frequently portrayed as an elegant Italian winemaker who is very attached to his family and parents. He is a successful, imposing, but compassionate man (George, 2014).

Darkness marks the Latin lover out as being exotic, erotic, and different. His dark hair, black eyes, and olive skin accentuate the cultural and ethnic differences. The heroine, with her English rose complexion and clear eyes, commonly signifies another cultural marker or metonymy (Pérez-Gil, 2019).

Romance stories depicts such exotic features as natural and inborn in . They appear as the outcome of genetic features—a “Mediterranean” DNA—rather than a social and cultural environment. Italian and Spanish men seem to have a sort of “Mediterranean DNA” that accounts for their physical traits (Pierini, 2020).

Masculinity of an Italian Romantic Hero

The typical image of an Italian romantic hero resembles, in a broad sense, a Mediterranean man. His blackness of the skin, eyes, and hair is a recurring theme. Authors frequently use the terms “dark eyes,” “dark stare,” “dark golden eyes and gaze,” “olive-toned complexion,” and “bronzed skin” in various combinations (see for review, Pierini, 2020).

Many romantic novels have repeatedly portrayed the stereotypical description of the Italian hero’s dark eyes and complexion. Writers often use the analogy of darker skin with chocolate, which is inviting, tempting, and essentially resembles a hedonistic food.

The idea of the domineering and primitive masculinity of a Latin lover, in contrast to English cold-bloodedness and sexual restraint, resembled “oriental men,” splendid, healthy, and predatory animals.

In the romantic depictions of Italian heroes, the recurring expressions frequently present

“olive-toned skin,” “chocolate eyes,” and “eyelashes, long and lustrous, fringed eyes the color of rich, melted chocolate, warm and tempting”

(see for review, Pierini, 2020, p. 6).

They have

“dark eyes,” “smouldering dark eyes,” “molten eyes,” or “dark, sultry eyes.”

(see for review, Pierini, 2020, p. 6).

They also have

“dark gaze” or “dark and compelling gaze,” “olive-toned flesh,” and “olive-toned hands.”

(see for review, Pierini, 2020, p. 6).

The Latin Lover as an Italian Playboy

For instance, in Anderson’s Between the Italian’s Sheets (2009), we read,

“Dazed, she studied the difference in their colouring.  She had come from a cold winter, so her skin was pale, whereas his olive complexion had been enhanced in the heat of the European summer”.

Or, another similar writing says:

“she stared hard into the darkness of his eyes, let hers roam over his features, his olive skin, the angled jaw that right now was shadowed with stubble, the full mouth”.

In The Playboy of Rome (2015) by J. Faye, author describes the Italian hero as “dark and undeniably handsome,”  with “tanned skin around his dark eyes.” The eyes are “dark and mysterious,” with a “dark gaze.”

In The Italian’s Christmas Child (2016) by L. Graham, author persistently repeats the expression “dark golden eyes.” And Vito, the male protagonist, is a “glorious display of bronzed perfection.”

Pierini (2020) presents many other examples of such romantic cultural descriptors. They allow us to compile an attractive ideal image of the romantic Italian lover.

What is a prototypical Italian man? How romantic is a Latin lover?

  • Does the real Italian man look like a prototypical Latin lover in love?
  • What is a prototypical Italian woman?

Love in Traditional and Modern Bedouin Culture

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Bedouin culture is the traditional way of life of the Arabic-speaking nomads who lived in the deserts of the Arabian Peninsula, North Africa, the Levant, and Mesopotamia in the past.

Bedouins are desert dwellers—the people who live out in the open, in the desert. Bedouins speak their own Arabic language. Bedouin culture is the way of their lives—social structure, language, relationships, and family life.

The Cycles of Nomadic Life in Traditional Bedouin Culture

Pastures were usually dispersed in a predictable pattern according to the seasons. They travel to the desert in the spring and winter, when seasonal rains bring the desert to life. Grass and sedge grow between the dunes.

Herders traditionally moved their cattle between summer pastures in the mountains and winter camps on the steppes. They picked up and moved two or three times a year, usually between May and October, normally staying within a 25-square-mile area, and then resettled in a winter camp with some stone shelters for the animals from November to April.

The Cycles of Life and the Cycle of Love in Traditional Bedouin Culture

The nomadic life cycle reflects on the “ralya” and “ilhub” types of love relationships. The season of spring pasture brings normally “distant” people together in the mountains.

For instance, a poem tells the story of how a young man spends time with his lover. The last line of the poem depicts the man standing on a mountaintop and watching his family go one way and his lover go the other. “My eye flies east, and my heart to the west,” he sings. As we see, the sentiments of “ralya,” with affection, responsibility, and deep blood bonds, fly with his eyes to his family, while his heart, with passion and longing, goes with his lover.

Such poetic stories of love (see Wickering, 1997) are almost always depicted in the mountains. The mountains are far and away. Young people meet each other in the mountains. The emotions of “ilhub” love draw them together.

Stories of Death-defying Love in Bedouin Culture

In Tarabiin, some of Deborah Wickering’s closest friends confided in her about their relationships with lovers. Once, a young, unmarried man in her host family told her a story of the previous night.

“Last night I took Salem’s camel into the mountains to see my girlfriend.”

He asked Deborah to promise never to reveal her identity to anyone, then showed me a picture he had of her hidden between two others in his wallet.

“Did you see each other?” Deborah asked.

“No,” he replied. “Her father and her brother were riding in a jeep, looking out of the sides of their eyes for me. Ya Allah, how I want to see her. “

  “What would have happened if they had caught you?” Deborah asked.

He made a motion slitting his own neck.

“I’ll try again tonight,” he said.

         

“I’ll try again tonight,” he said. “If I come to your house, Fatima, maybe late? I will take my brother’s camel saddle, which is stored in your room.”

“I’ll try again tonight,” he said.

“If I come to your house, Fatima, maybe late? I will take my brother’s camel saddle, which is stored in your room.”

Deborah agreed that he should announce himself and come in.

Perhaps because Deborah Wickering was an outsider to the network of those who would have sanctions over them, perhaps because, over time, they learned that Deborah would keep a secret, people told me about illicit, secret, and potentially dangerous relationships. Deborah’s own interests also invited such confidence.

Such “rendezvous” as Salama’s are common in Tarabiin. Girls in small groups, often accompanied by an elderly woman, take extended pasture trips. Every woman has a story about the old woman who looked the other way in camp at night and pretended to be sleeping. Girls sneak off; boyfriends visit. Such relationships are expected, even though they are dangerous and kept secret.

Modern Life and Modern Love in Bedouin Culture

Currently, there are both semi-nomadic and settled Bedouins. Most Bedouins now live in stable communities, although they maintain their nomadic traditions. Many governments in the Middle East have encouraged Bedouins to settle down and have made raiding illegal. Thus, Bedouins were forced to abandon their nomadic lifestyles and settle in concrete house villages in some areas.

In the modern social context, life has altered. Many people have settled or are semi-settled in the seaside neighborhood. However, concerns about love in cross-cousin marriages as well as tensions between “ralya” and “ilhub,” between nearness and distance, persist.

People’s physical proximity to each other has gotten closer. Girls are more likely to meet boys with whom they must wear a veil and who live far away. This proximity provided greater opportunities for “ilhub” relationships. However, such close proximity in residence also creates an obstacle for a girl by making her actions more visible to others. The vigilance of fathers and brothers is increased. Women are under pressure to stay home and avoid external communication.

On the other hand, sheep and goat herding continue to provide a chance for girls and women to get away from the community and out of sight. Girls and boys get to know each other on pasturing outings (Wickering 1997, pp. 81–82).

The Modern Issues of “Forbidden Love”

Many modern Bedouin women have more educational and employment opportunities. Yet, educated Bedouin women continue to encounter the traditional obstacles to love. The narratives of young Bedouin women from the Negev, a desert region of southern Israel, present such examples. They experience and strive to cope with “forbidden love,” “loveless marriage,” and challenging marital situations that occur due to their education and employment opportunities (Abu-Rabia-Queder, 2007).

Several types of marital situations can arise: “matchless women,” “tragic heroines,” and “women ahead of their time.” The overarching theme was that these women had to sacrifice their emotions in order to achieve freedom (Abu-Rabia-Queder, 2007).

They struggle with these challenges, utilizing various splitting mechanisms. They shift between attachment and detachment of body and mind, reason and emotion, and public and private spheres on the levels of consciousness and behavior.

The stories of Bedouin women who were the first in their tribes to study in higher education institutions are also dramatic in other respects. These women still encounter difficulties when it comes to love relationships with men from “forbidden tribes.”