Category Archives: marriages in cultural contexts

The Culture of “Marianismo” in Latin America

Posted on by

Many sociocultural conditions in Central and South America derived from colonial and Catholic traditions have significantly influenced gender relations, love, and marital partnership in many countries in that geographical region. The Latin American cultural ideas of “machismo” and “marianismo” are two traditional stereotypes of manhood and masculinity for men and womanhood and femininity for women.

The Latin American notion of women’s “marianismo” is commonly contrasted with the cultural notion of men’s “machismo.” In the traditional patriarchal societies of Central and South America, these cultural ideas have been around for a long time.

Gender Roles in Latin American Patriarchal Cultures

Gender roles in traditional Latin American cultures are unequal and strictly imposed. In their patriarchal societies, men’s roles include responsibilities for resources, management, and the protection of the family. They often have decisive power in family relationships. These roles presume their higher status, independence, and dominance in family matters.

On the other hand, in the patriarchal societies of Latin America, women’s roles include responsibilities for many household services, such as cleaning the house, doing laundry, and cooking meals. They are supposed to serve food, water, and many other services in the house. Many women consider having sex with their husbands an act of service to them. Women are responsible for childbirth and their upbringing. They are the primary caregivers for their children. These roles presume their lower status, dependence on men, and submissiveness in marital matters.

The “Marianismo” Cult of the Virgin Mary

Spirituality and purity are the key virtues distinguishing marianismo from machismo. It is assumed that macho men are morally flawed. So, in Latin American culture, the ideal woman is set up to balance out the less-than-holy role of men.

The notion of “marianismo” is strongly related to Catholicism, the dominant religion in Latin America. These religious values directly shaped the cultural ideal of feminine “marianismo.” The Virgin Mary is regarded as the quintessential marianista. Latin women are supposed to follow the virtues of the Virgin Mary and acquire the traits she possessed, such as her moral righteousness, her suffering, and her spiritual importance. The Virgin Mary is regarded as the role model that Latina women and girls should follow (Gil & Vazquez, 2014; Morales & Pérez, 2020).

Generally, marianismo is a “cult of feminine spiritual superiority, which teaches that women are semi-divine, morally superior to, and spiritually stronger than men” (Stevens, 1973, p. 91).

What Are the Cultural Ideals of “Marianismo”?

Marianismo is a set of beliefs and psychological feelings that are deeply imbedded in Latinas’ cultural experience. To accept the “marianista role,” women must accept their fate as mothers and wives. They must be willing to tolerate the demands of motherhood. They should live in the shadow of their husbands and children, supporting them in any way necessary. The ultimate self-sacrifice of the woman is at the heart of marianismo. A woman’s self-worth is largely determined by what she can do for others (Gil & Vazquez, 2014).

This Latin American folk cultural idea of “marianismo” praises the feminine virtues of women, such as their faithfulness, modesty, purity, submission, motherhood, and self-giving. Among those “marianismo” traits of women are also female passivity and sexual purity.

According to these cultural values, women are supposed to be nice, kind, docile, and unassertive. They are expected to take care of the house by cleaning, cooking, caring for children, and serving their spouse. The role of being a good mother is valued more than the role of the wife in family relationships. The “familism” value is among the highest in Latin America. Latina women who are strong marianistas are respected for their devotion to the family. In Latin American societies and in the Latin communities of immigrants, women are still socialized in this manner.

In marital relationships, Latina women must be submissive and obey their husbands. It is difficult to develop an intimate partnership and companionate love between husband and wife in such an unequal marital relationship.

Who Is “Macho” and What Do Machos Do in Latin America?

Posted on by

The words “machismo” and “macho” originated in colonial times in Central and South America and characterize the key Latin American attributes of manliness. A modern understanding of “machismo” includes the assertion of male dominance in everyday life. This cultural stereotype of Latino machos includes dominating their wives, controlling their children, and demanding respect from others in the household.

The Macho Roles of Men in Patriarchal Societies

The term “macho” and associated cultural ideas were entrenched in the patriarchal societies of the past centuries. They were also related to the inequality of gender roles typical of the patriarchal system. In such cultures, men have strong and subordinate roles, while women have weak and subordinate roles in family relations.

In classic patriarchy, men and women have unequal hierarchical relationships in the family. Men have high status because of the resources they bring, the protection they provide, and other male household maintenance. In exchange, they have stronger power to make decisions on family issues, and they receive daily service for their needs from women (Stern, 1995). The household roles are strictly and rigidly gendered.

Man as “Macho” and his “Machismo” Traits and Behaviors

According to patriarchal values and norms in Latin America, “machismo” is a folk notion that assumes certain characteristics and rules of manliness and manhood. Men must be assertive with their power, dominance, standoffishness, defensiveness, and aggressive qualities in their behavior. For instance, according to the Mexican writer Paz (1961),

“The speech of our people reflects the extent to which we protect ourselves from the outside world: the ideal of manliness is never to ‘crack,’ never to back down. Those who ‘open themselves up’ are cowards.”

(1961, p. 29).

The cultural ideas of “machismo” traits and behaviors can have both positive and negative connotations in people’s minds. A man’s status as a “macho” is typified by such characteristics as bravery, courage, valor, and masculine pride. However, “machismo” is frequently described as hyper-virility and aggressive masculine traits. The corresponding behaviors are expected of Latino men in those societies and gender relationships.

“He is power isolated in its own potency, without relationship or compromise with the outside world.” (Paz, 1961, p. 82).

The Image of “Macho” and Gender Relations

The cultural roles of “macho” determine certain types of a man’s relationships with other men and women.

The manliness and social expectations of “macho” limit a man’s ability to communicate with others, especially with women. The role of “macho” requires them to show their male group solidarity. They also need to demonstrate their power, status, and masculine reputation in front of other men. The failure to demonstrate these macho attributes is detrimental to their reputation and self-esteem.

Machos adhere to traditional gender roles and believe they are superior to women. Their complex of “machismo” can have an impact on their love relationships with women in both positive and negative ways.

The positive implications of machismo allow the proper Latin man to be a good role model. One of the positive sides of the machismo image is caballerismo, which includes such traits as leadership and protectiveness. In addition to these positive attributes, “macho” men can be caring, nurturing, and compassionate. These qualities, however, may not be well noticed by others. It is because, despite their honest intentions and deeds, traditional gender roles expect them to adopt the “macho” cultural image for outsiders.

Latin American novels often portray how the basic features of the classical macho impede true and sincere love and intimate relationships between men and women (García Márquez, 1981/1983; Rulfo, 1955/1994). Separation and miscommunication, typical of this kind of manliness, inhibit the development of men’s genuine and heartfelt relationships with women, thus making a real union and affiliation between man and woman unattainable.

The “Macho” Stereotype of Sexual Potency

In Latin culture, the role of macho means physical strength, strong sexual power, self-confidence, and a bold approach toward women. The stereotypical “macho” images exaggerate men’s sexual vigor and paint a picture of a man as a ruthless conqueror who has a lot of power and is hard to control.

The playboy stereotype of machos portrays men who are okay with sexually aggressive behavior toward women. They allow themselves to be physically, sexually, and mentally abusive toward women. It is culturally acceptable for men to gain pleasure from pursuing women.

It is also appropriate for men to engage in adulterous relationships. According to the Latin social norms of “macho,” married men are free to have extramarital affairs, whereas women are expected to be faithful.

The Recent Evolution of Mexican Marriage

Posted on by

For years, Mexican society has been a collectivistic society, with strong family bonds and cultural values of “familism.” People’s selves were deeply imbedded in family relationships. And both men and women valued their strong connections with family.

Traditional Mexican Marriage

In traditional Mexican communities, marriages have customarily functioned to maintain societal order, bonds of commitment, and social reproduction. The connections of responsibility, respect, and reciprocal obligations hold a family together. Men and women understood relationships and the fulfillment of traditional gender roles as their “real love.” Serving and caring for each other and for the common good of their family was the essence of marital love.

Romantic love is not a prerequisite for marriage. Intimate and companionate love and personal self-expression were of low value. Fulfillment of family duties for the sake of “familism” and good living together was of high value (Hirsch, 2007).

However, in the last 50 years, Mexican society, culture, and daily life have changed dramatically in both urban and rural settings. Men’s and women’s relationships have been transformed due to these cultural transformations.

Evolution of Mexican Marriage in Companionate Relationships

Accordingly, over these decades, Mexican marriages substantially evolved from the bonds of obligation to the bonds of love. The importance of love in premarital and marital relationships has grown significantly. The value of companionate love and relationships in marriage also increased (Hirsch, 2007).

The men and women of the younger generation speak about their marriage style in a new way, emphasizing making decisions together, talking, and spending time with their spouses and children.

Gender Equality in Modern Mexican Marriage

The marital lives of men and women have obviously shifted toward more gender equality. The gendered divisions of family labor are less stereotypical than before. Although some men may not wash clothes or change kids’ diapers, they may get up to get a glass of water during a meal. Many men abandoned traditional machismo ideology, turning to a more egalitarian personal identity. Their masculine power is commonly intertwined with the seemingly more equal division of family labor. They become more involved in housework and caring for their children (Hirsch, 2003, 2007; Gutmann, 1996).

For many women, their gender roles and experiences have also changed. They tend to be more socially involved, work full-time jobs, and visit friends and relatives. They have more decision-making power in their relationships and families. Many couples have changed their communication styles. They are more open to talking about their feelings, communicating more politely, being considerate of one another, and respecting their mutual rights within marriage (Hirsch, 2003, 2007).

Intimacy and Trust in Modern Mexican Marriage

The most noticeable generational differences in marital ideals of love are the increased values of intimacy and trust. Men and women more often communicate with each other and develop intimacy by sharing secrets and kisses. After they are married, they build and maintain emotional and sexual intimacy in their marriage. They view pleasure as the driving force that holds their relationships together.

However, early romantic ideas and relationships do not always carry over to later marriage life. Let us look at the marital life of Gustavo and Veronica. They have been married for just over two years. He works as a stone carver, and she looks after their two-year-old daughter. Here is an excerpt of the interview that Veronica gave to Jennifer Hirsch:

“She told me, laughing, that they first kissed after only two weeks of dating and that he wrote her love letters while they dated. Once they married, she recounted, they had sex several times a day, keeping things spicy with the lingerie he bought her and the porn videos they occasionally watch. Gustavo, in his conversations with Sergio about their marriage, spoke as well about their intimacy, emphasizing not just its physical aspects but the fact that he wanted to marry her, rather than any of his previous girlfriends, because of the quality of their communication and the strength of their emotional connection. There are ways, though, in which Veronica’s early married life differs little from her mother’s experience. She and Gustavo live in a two-room shack, adjoining his father’s house, which Veronica does not leave without his permission. She has no access to the money he earns – and is not even really sure how much it is. On Saturdays when the workday ends early, he will usually bring a kilo of deep-fried pork or rotisserie chicken for lunch – but sometimes he does not show up until the next morning, having left her lunch to get cold in the car while he drinks or plays pool with his friends. If she asks him where he was, he gets angry. Even if he wanted to leave her a message, though, he could not do so; his sisters hate Veronica – saying, among other things, that she is a whore because she worked as a waitress in a restaurant before they were married – and so they do not pass her telephone messages.”

(Hirsch, 2007, p.95).

Remarkable History of Mexican Love and Marriage

Posted on by

Traditional collectivistic societies of the past had greatly interdependent social structures of relationships between people, in which extended families and clans were the major units of society. The strong position of a group was beneficial both for the group and everyone in it. People’s interdependence, as well as the collective family support of each member in those social units, provided numerous advantages for their survival, subsistence, and physical and social security.

On the other hand, this interdependence incurs the obligations of a person to the family. Each had responsibilities for the group’s interests. Therefore, the “self” of each person included the “group”, “family,” and “personal responsibility for the group.” And this part of the “self” in a person’s awareness often precedes their “individual self.”

Mexican Love and Traditional Marriage

Due to this collectivistic psychology of a person’s self, marriages in history have been mostly social and relationship responsibilities of men and women rather than a matter of their individual preferences. Marriages have usually been a system for societal organization, bonds of obligation, and social reproduction in traditional Mexican society.

A family was held together by the ties of responsibilities, respect, mutual obligations, and the fulfillment of gender roles. Love was understood as “practical love” for the common family good. The man was responsible for earning money, while the woman was responsible for cooking, keeping the house clean, washing and ironing clothes, and raising children (Hirsch, 2007). Love was in all these actions of serving and caring for each other and their families..

Marriage was not a matter of romantic love, companionate love, emotional intimacy, or personal fulfillment. “Familism,” as a cultural value, has been the main driving force of Mexican marriage. The notion of love was closely related to familism. Love developed as the result of good living together, not necessarily an ideal to strive for (Hirsch & Wardlow, 2006).

The Half-Century Evolution of Marriage in Mexico

However, over the past 50 years, the society, culture, and everyday life of Mexican people have significantly changed in both urban and rural contexts of Mexico. The cultural transformation of society has also transformed men’s and women’s relationships.

In the period from the 1950s and 1960s up to the early 2000s, Mexican marriages significantly evolved from bonds of obligation to bonds of love. The role of love in premarital and marital relationships has considerably increased.

For example, ethnographic research in a Mexican transnational community conducted in the 1990s and early 2000s revealed a remarkable cultural evolution in Mexican marital values over the last few decades (Hirsch, 2003, 2007). The notions associated with love have gained value for both men and women.

New Ideals of Mexican Love

The ideals of courtship (“noviazgo“) for the new generation of young adults have changed from the emphasis on devotion and respect to a desire to have fun and gain the trust of one’s future partner. The priorities in these ideals have also shifted from the high value of respect (“respeto“) to the high value of intimacy or trust (“confianza“). The values of trust and intimacy in a relationship precede in their priority the traditional cultural concept of honor. Men and women are looking for respectable partners rather than a respectable marriage.

These cultural shifts were especially noticeable in the border areas where transnational Mexican communities live, both in Mexico near the US border and in the Atlanta area of Georgia. Their experience of migration and the influence of North American culture have precipitated the development of love and companionship ideals for marriage (Hirsch, 2007).

However, during the same period of the cultural evolution of Mexican marriage, other relationship tendencies also occurred, and other cultural phenomena played important roles. Due to the influence of modern social media, the role of personal desire and sexuality has heightened. Love and sex are increasingly commodified in public view. Fertility in families declined. (Hirsch & Wardlow, 2006). 

In recent decades, Mexican marriage and love have substantially evolved into companionate relationships.

When Romantic Love Was Real

Posted on by

Romantic love ideas and folk and literary stories filled with love, romance, drama, happiness, suffering, and tragedy have inspired educated people across centuries and cultures. They were fascinating, captivating, and often intriguing. The love stories were engaging and emotionally sweet, bitter, or, more frequently, bittersweet. They attracted the interest of readers and listeners. The romantic fantasies have been delightful. People shared them and talked about them (Karandashev, 2017).

Was “Romantic Love” Real in People’s Lives in the Past?

What about the reality of romantic love? Throughout history, romantic love has been largely a genre of folk tales, literary novels, and art. It was rarely imbedded in the real lives of people. Commoners were often preoccupied with daily subsistence tasks, but in their spare time, they enjoyed oral folktales of love. They were commonly illiterate, so they were unlikely to read love stories.

Moreover, their day-to-day hard work did not leave them much time to think and cultivate romantic love in their real lives. The practical daily love of doing and caring for others was more important than romance. These practical bonds were stronger than romantic ones.

The educated people of the middle and upper social classes had more leisure time to read about and contemplate romantic love. However, their various family obligations of social and economic sorts also did not give them much freedom to entertain romantic love in real life. Socially and economically, they could not afford to listen to their hearts. They needed to listen to their social minds and their reasonable duties. They needed to care more about their family interests than their individual choices. In this regard, they were more like collectivistic people than individualistic ones.

Many kings, queens, sultans, lords, sheiks, and other upper-level aristocracies and gentries could love romantically but could not afford to marry for love. They were tied to my family’s connections and responsibilities. Some dared to live out and embrace their romantic dreams of love, sometimes even getting married for love. Some succeeded, yet many others failed. Many of these true love stories ended in sad and unhappy ways (Karandashev, 2017).

How Did Western Cultures Adopt Models of Romantic Love?

The cultural evolution from conservative traditional societies to liberal modern societies gave men and women more freedom in love and marriage. Some cultural contexts have historically been more favorable to romantic love than others. This is why some cultures, such as France, England, Germany, Spain, Italy, and Russia, are more romantic than others, like Japan, China, India, and other countries in the East Asian and Middle Eastern cultural regions.

The folklore and literary genres and stories of courtly love emerged in French and Spanish cultures in the 11th and 12th centuries, with certain cultural evolutions in other European countries, such as Germany and Italy. Some literary critics believe these plots of courtly love were the origins of the literary genre of romantic love. I believe it was still courtly love. The real flourishing of romantic love in literary novels and art was in the 17th and 19th centuries in England, France, Spain, Italy, Germany, and Russia.

Many men and women in some European countries’ growing educated classes were more independent of social ties and family commitments, as well as economic dependency on their families. Some could afford to love and even marry for love. Their individualistic cultures gave them the possibility of real romantic love. They were more independent as individuals. That gave them the freedom of romantic love(Karandashev, 2017).

How Real Was Romantic Love Across Cultures in the 20th Century?

Only the 20th century allowed romantic love to prevail and even conquer marriage in some cultural regions of the world. Love marriages have become culturally normal in modern Western cultures, such as Western European and European American countries. It became possible because of their high geographic, economic, and relational mobility. Individualistic European American and West European cultures of the 20th century emphasized autonomy and individual choice. Men and women had more possibilities and partners to encounter. They were socially and economically independent, so they could afford to listen to their hearts’ love without social and family obligations. When they loved someone, they wished to marry their beloved.

Many East Asian and Middle Eastern societies have been collectivistic cultures with strong interdependence values. Even though the genres of romantic love were present in those cultural contexts across centuries, the number of romantic literary and artistic examples was lower compared to Western European cultures. Moreover, these were largely romantic dreams rather than romantic realities.

Even in the latter part of the 20th century, people in South-Asian, East-Asian, and Middle Eastern societies had relatively low geographic, socioeconomic, and relational mobility. Their collectivistic social norms underscored the cultural values of harmonious family interdependence and social duties rather than individual freedom. Even though men and women were free to dream about love, they were often not free to love in real life and relationships (Karandashev, 2017, 2022).

The only recent individualistic evolution in those collectivistic cultures has brought many more opportunities for men and women to follow their romantic love.

Bitter-Sweet Nicaraguan Love in a Rural Town

Posted on by

In the traditional patriarchal rural communities of Nicaraguan society, the conservative values of gender inequality and Latin American cultural norms heavily influence feelings about love, relationships, and marriage.

Romantic love, in accordance with the Latin American stereotypes of “machismo” and “marianismo,” plays its role in the premarital relations of young adult boys and girls. Once they are married, their romantic love evolves into customary love. What does marital love look like between a wife and a husband in the rural setting of San Juan, Nicaragua?

Transition of “Romantic Love” into “Real Love” in a Nicaraguan Couple

In the context of Latin American culture, the dating and premarital relationships of Nicaraguan young men and women may appear romantic. However, once they have married, their “romantic love” transforms into the more traditional “practical love” of daily routine. Their romantic love evolves into another kind of love — “customary love” of action and service, “pragmatic love,” or “realistic love.” These notions of love are common in peasant communities where men and women do different but complementary jobs and have different roles (Karandashev, 2017).

These practical views on love have more meaning in rural and agricultural settings, in which a substantial part of the Nicaraguan as well as the Central American population, still lives. Such practical versions of love are more in accord with the subsistence needs of people living in those social contexts. This kind of love is more adaptive to such conditions in life. Men and women have different gender-specific roles and a gendered division of tasks in the traditional patriarchal gender order. Proper gender role fulfillment and work in complementary cooperation are all given top priority. In everyday life, a husband can do his wife’s chores when she is sick, which is also considered an act of love. Serving each other, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, building, and fixing something in the house are actions of benevolence and love for each other and their families. All these things indicate love. This is how love works in a variety of sociocultural contexts (Karandashev, 2017).

This is how, for example, marital love is commonly expressed in the rural settings of Nicaragua and Brazil (Hagene, 2008; Montoya, 2003; Rebhun, 1999).

The Controversies of Patriarchy and Divided Love in a Nicaraguan Rural Community

The patriarchal ways of family life and practical love in traditional Latin American societies, such as Nicaragua, sometimes turn into unexpectedly different family relationships. The rural Nicaraguan community of a small coastal town, San Juan, presents one such example (Hagene, 2008; 2010).

As I noted above, in such situations, Nicaraguan women are economically and socially autonomous from men. They provide for their children and a “visiting husband” with everything that the family needs. They still fulfill their marital and sexual duties to their “absentee patriarch.” Despite being economically independent, they tolerate unequal and unfair relationships with men.

Women give their husbands services in exchange for very little, but they frequently have to deal with their husbands’ violence and infidelity. Many women choose to be submissive to men in the hopes of finding emotional fulfillment in the realm of love (Hagene, 2010).

The alternative of breaking means a “loss” for these Nicaraguan women. They often do not want their husbands to tolerate their infidelity. The discreet infidelity of their husbands, away from prying eyes, is more acceptable to them.

However, they are concerned that people will find out about it and spread the word through gossip. The public exposure of infidelity is distressing. So, women perceive infidelity in public in front of neighbors as upsetting. Otherwise, they are willing to tolerate and accept it as “divided love.”

Gender Relations in Latin American Patriarchy

Posted on by

Traditional patriarchal norms, rural conservatism, and gender inequality in Latin American societies heavily influence men’s and women’s feelings about love, relationships, and marriage. In rural areas of the country, more than in urban areas. The cultural ideas and stereotypes of “machismo” and “marianismo” play significant roles in gender relations in many Latin American countries in Central and South America.

Traditional Latin American Patriarchy and Gendered Values

The “machismo” and “marianismo” cultural norms of Latin America have a significant impact on the relations between Nicaraguan men and women. According to these cultural stereotypes, men are strong while women are weak in various qualities, not only physical ones. Socially, men have more options when it comes to interpersonal interactions than women do.

In general, men have more power, higher status, and more relationship freedom than women. Thus, intergender relations appear initially as they would in a traditional patriarchy. Once again, people in the country’s rural areas are more traditional and culturally conservative in these regards than those in urban areas (Hagene, 2008; Rebhun, 1999).

What Is the Traditional Patriarchy in Latin America?

Many Latin American countries in Central and South America still have patriarchal cultures. Nicaragua is among those. In these countries, society is typically conservative and characterized by inequalities between men and women. This societal structure commonly characterizes classical patriarchy.

Men’s and women’s gender roles in family life are quite different and unequal in several respects. There are persistent stereotypical distinctions between male and female gender roles and family duties. Men are the dominant members of the family, while women are the submissive members. Despite this inequality, both men and women fulfill their respective family roles, with reasonable contributions from both sides. The man provides resources, establishes rules, and manages family issues. The woman stays at home, takes care of her family, and raises her children. Women are dependent socially and economically on men, who provide them and their families with the resources for subsistence. Such dependency relations look like gender inequality, characterizing this patriarchal culture of gender relationships.

Strange Cases of “Absentee Patriarchy” in Latin America

Sometimes, however, patriarchal practice can turn into the structure of family relationships unexpectedly different from traditional patriarchy. These relationships can be called the “absentee patriarchy.” Here is an example of such a “patriarchy” from Nicaragua—a small Central American country located on the land between the Caribbean Sea and the Pacific Ocean. Let us consider relations between men and women in the rural Nicaraguan community in a small coastal town, San Juan (Hagene, 2008; 2010).

Men are often romantic in their relationships with their wives until they become married. Then, their “romanticism” stretches beyond their wives. Husbands often womanize and even engage in parallel relationships. Women tend to tolerate such extramarital affairs. The relationship turns into polygyny of some kind when women accept their husbands’ infidelity..

Because a man frequently has more than one wife and family, he can be away from his family for extended periods of time. Nonetheless, he attempts to maintain control over his wife and her life. So, in the reality of marriage and family life, he is like an “absentee husband” and an “absentee father”—the “absentee patriarch.”

In such cases, Nicaraguan women are economically and socially independent of men. They work for a living, do housework, and care for their children, and still, they fulfill their conjugal responsibilities to their “visiting” husbands—the “absentee patriarch.” Thus, women live in a state of tension between agency and subordination to their husbands in their marital lives. They accept such unequal exchanges with men despite having little economic dependency.

How Romantic Love Turns Into Practical Love in Rural Areas

Posted on by

Patriarchal norms, rural conservatism, and gender inequality heavily influence how women in traditional Nicaraguan and Brazilian societies feel in love, relationships, and marriage. The Latin American cultural norms of “machismo” and “marianismo” have a substantial impact on Nicaraguan and Brazilian gender relations. People highly values practical love.

According to them, men are strong, and women are weak. Men have many choices in social relations, while women are limited in their social encounters. Overall, men have more power, higher status, and more relationship freedom compared to women. Thus, intergender relations appear at first like those in a traditional patriarchy (Hagene, 2008; Rebhun, 1999).

Romantic Dating in Rural Areas of Traditional Societies

Thanks to social media, Nicaraguan and Brazilian women and men are familiar with what romantic love is. Many people in Latin America watch “telenovelas,” which depict charming and captivating romantic stories.

Many of these telenovelas are produced by Brazilian, Argentinian, and Mexican cinematographers. They portray romantic love in Latin American cultural contexts, thus imprinting culturally specific scripts and expressions of love in women’s and men’s minds. They naturally and unconsciously incorporate “machismo” and “marianismo” values and behaviors into the way they think and act.

These cultural stereotypes form the scripts and roles that women and men play in romantic and familial relationships. People see romantic love as one in which passion and sexuality are closely intertwined. They still learn what Latin love is and the culturally proper roles of Latin American men and women (Hagene, 2008; Rebhun, 1999).

Traditional Romantic Macho Love

In romantic relationships with women, men show their masculine manners, superior position, high self-esteem, assertiveness, benevolent dominance, and sexual potency. For them, romantic dating is mostly a sexual affair. They take leadership in the relationship. All these behaviors are pleasing to women and appear as romantic conquering. If they like a man, they like to be concurred upon. The “chase and catch” game looks romantic. Thus, they demonstrate themselves as culturally normative Latino men.

In romantic relationships with men, women show their feminine manners, humble status, weakness, shyness, submissiveness, dutifulness, and altruistic dispositions. They willingly accept the men’s leadership and guidance. being agreeable and responsive. Thus, they demonstrate themselves as culturally normative Latina women. They romantically enjoy the man’s wooing and commitment and promise to marry, pair-bond, and have children with her. For them, dating is very romantic due to expectations of marriage, family, and children (Karandashev, 2017).

Turning Romantic Love Into a Practical Love of Service

Romantic dating and premarital love run pleasantly up to the point of marriage. Then, Nicaraguan or Brazilian romantic love turns to the customary practical love of daily routine. Romantic love turns into love as service action. In peasant communities, where men and women do different but complementary jobs and have different roles, this idea of love is common (Hagene, 2008; Rebhun, 1999).

The practical perception of love has much meaning in rural and agricultural settings and can be considered a version of love in accordance with the gendered division of tasks in the traditional patriarchal gender order. Work, proper gender role fulfillment, and cooperation are prioritized. In everyday life, a husband can do his wife’s tasks when she is ill, and this is also regarded as an act of love. In many different sociocultural contexts, doing each other favors indicates love.

Men frequently refer to women’s cooking and other housework as acts of love. As one man commented,

“I can never get to clean a glass or anything because she will do it all for me.”

A woman expressed her perspective on love as action this way: “I remember how he cared for me after I had given birth to our son. He bathed me, combed my hair, and cooked for me.”

This woman did not say that this was an expression of love, but her voice and dreamy smile seemed to indicate it (Hagene, 2008, p.221).

Men and women love in these cultural contexts by doing something good for each other and their families, rather than experiencing and expressing love verbally or nonverbally. They feel love when they consider what they can do for someone else. For them, love is work and service for the common good of the family.

Habits of Practical Love

These notions of love refer to love as a habit or customary love that a wife and husband develop through their day-to-day complementary practical cooperation. Spouses communicate love less frequently through sexual and verbal channels and more in the practical actions of serving each other and their families. What they do for the family is what really conveys love.

In this customary love, the values of emotional experiences and verbal expressions diminish. Intimacy does not play much of a role. In the context of this love, sex is a part of the wife’s housework routine. In this context, a woman may perceive the man’s infidelity as not being as problematic as it appears at first glance. For her, it can endanger the social side of the relationship rather than the emotional one. These family unions are driven more by social than emotional motives (Hagene, 2008; Rebhun, 1999).

The Case Study of Divided Love in Nicaraguan Families

Posted on by

Patriarchal cultures are still widespread in many countries across the world. These are usually traditional societies. Classical patriarchy is characterized by inequalities between men and women. Men take dominant positions in the family, while women are in submissive positions. Despite such inequality, both men and women fulfill their family roles, which are different, with reasonable contributions from both sides. The man provides resources, makes the rules, and takes control of family issues. The woman remains at home, does her family work, and nurtures the children.

The patriarchal system in some communities in Nicaragua, a Central American country, is different. This is known as “absentee patriarchy.” Men frequently have more than one wife and children with other women. And such situations are culturally accepted. “Absentee patriarchy” means that a man is physically absent from the family but still tries to control much of the woman’s life.

What about Nicaraguan love? How do love relationships look for women and men?

A Controversial Love Relationship

Women frequently accept unequal roles and exchange unequal responsibilities. They accept their husbands’ infidelity in the hope that this self-sacrifice will bring them fulfillment of their emotional longings. The woman’s motivation to maintain the relationship has been more emotional than financial. They strive to establish and maintain a relationship with their husband, even when they are subjected to emotional or physical abuse at his hands.

Women tolerate and accept many things from men. A man can abandon her and leave her for another woman at any time. It is culturally appropriate. So, the woman strives to keep the man, despite anything. However, in many cases, the reality is still difficult: they need to share their husband with another woman.

Women need to accept the circumstances when their men live simultaneously with other women and move back and forth. They usually call their feelings associated with such love “amor compartido“, meaning “divided love” or “traición“, meaning “treason” (Hagene, 2010).

This “sharing” occurs against the woman’s will and is painful but inevitable. Many women are torn between subordinating themselves to this unavoidable practice. They attempt to free themselves from this dependency. However, this would imply losing the man.

The Divided Love of Nicaraguan women

Women frequently choose to subordinate themselves to men in the hope of gaining emotional fulfillment in the realm of love. However, they meet this challenge in their marital lives in different ways.

Many of the women’s stories reveal how they need to tolerate maltreatment and violence (Hagene, 2010). They experience being beaten by their husbands, yet they prefer this adversity, not wanting to be abandoned.

Infidelity by a husband is another challenge that many women encounter. However, they explain their feelings in certain ways because they perceive love differently. Anyway, Nicaraguan women consider public infidelity in front of neighbors to be hurtful.

Secret infidelity practices appear to be compatible with the companionate perception of love. However, it would not be called romantic love.

Some women consider the infidelity of their husbands to be a problem only if he is not discreet. They are afraid that people will learn about it and tell others about it. The publicity surrounding infidelity is upsetting.

Discrete infidelity is more acceptable. So, women like it when their husbands go to other towns and have their affairs there, away from prying eyes.

Here are some stories from women who have lived through such love relationships:

A woman seemed to adapt to her husband’s infidelity, even though it hurt her. She had started living with her husband when she was 18 years old. They soon had children, and she worked double shift in a shop to maintain them all while he was studying agronomy. ‘To me it was happiness to be with my children and my husband’, she remembered. ‘My husband was not a saint, but if he was with me for a while, I was happy. Then he would go with other women, and I suffered, but when he came back, I was happy again’. She accepted her husband’s womanizing until he went too far. Her story highlights how this was a highly ambiguous experience. She felt liberated, but at the same time she experienced a sensation of loss.

(Hagene, 2010, p. 34).

Such “liberation” also implies a “loss” because she does not want him to go. However, she cannot take such “sharing” anymore (Hagene, 2010).

According to these stories, some men are very nice, amiable, tender, and loving when they conquer a girl and marry her. Relationship challenges begin later—in some cases, years later.

Husbands may begin with mere womanizing and then progress to engaging in parallel relationships. As we see, women in companionate love are frequently tolerant of such covert extramarital affairs. Even when such a relationship transforms into a kind of polygyny, women still accept their partners’ private infidelity.

Divided Love Despite Anything

Thus, many Nicaraguan women live their marital lives in a state of tension between agency and subordination. They do income-generating work, take on domestic work, and fulfill their child-rearing responsibilities and conjugal duties. Despite having little economic dependency, women accept such unequal exchanges with men for emotional reasons. Women grant their husbands status and services in exchange for very little, but often need to face their violence and infidelity (Hagene, 2010).

Gender Roles in Families in Nicaragua

Posted on by

Across cultural history, patriarchal systems have been common in many human societies. Gender inequality has been typical of such patriarchal cultures. It is still widely present in many traditional societies around the world. Gender inequality in patriarchal societies, however, has cultural variations across all cultures. Let us see how it looks in Nicaragua, the country situated in Central America.

Inequality in Gender Roles in Nicaragua

In Nicaragua, there is a patriarchal culture with a social hierarchy of gender roles. Men have a higher social status than women. They have more affordances in their behavior than women do. Their culturally normative rights in a relationship are unequal. Men are supposed to be dominant, while women are supposed to be submissive.

Such gender roles and inequalities are rooted in the Latin American cultural norms of “machismo” and “marianismo,” which reflect the masculinity of men and the femininity of women. In Nicaragua, however, machismo and patriarchy take an odd twist with peculiar characteristics (Karandashev, 2017).

Typical Nicaraguan machismo cultural practices include their independence from family obligations, plenty of leisure time, taking adventurous actions, gambling, drinking, and womanizing. According to these gender norms, it is acceptable for men to do whatever they want. They are proud to feel independent.

On the other hand, Nicaraguan women, like many other Latin American women, are supposed to follow the ideal of “marianismo.” The typical cultural roles of Nicaraguan marianismo are to be a “good woman,” submissive, and nurturing. Women are expected to serve men and accept any degree of freedom in their behavior (Hagene, 2010).

These unequal gender roles of Nicaraguan men and women also include their sexual inequality. Society accepts that men are free in their sexual behavior, while women are culturally restricted in their sexuality. Both men and women view these cultural practices as normal. It is assumed that men are sexual beings and women are emotional beings.

Family Roles of Nicaraguan Women and Men

A Nicaraguan man can engage in polygamous relationships after being married. Men frequently have multiple women at the same time. Their formal marriage does not preclude husbands from having more than one partner. They can have two wives and children with other women. They feel free from family obligations.

On the other hand, a Nicaraguan married woman is more likely to stay in monogamy. Sometimes, she may need to engage in a serial monogamous relationship. It happens when one husband abandons her for another woman while another man approaches her with romantic advances. Women in Nicaragua are usually householders. They have strong agency in the economic and religious areas of their family life. However, they are certainly dependent on men in emotional and, to some extent, social matters (Hagene, 2010).

These examples of marital relationships represent a widespread cultural practice in society rather than isolated incidents. Hagene (2010) called this type of patriarchy the “absentee patriarchy,” in which a man is largely physically absent from the family but still attempts to control much of the woman’s life. In family relations, the man forces the woman into dependency by threatening to leave her. In fact, they frequently do so. Such an ambiguous relationship can also be called love, yet it is quite specific. The man practices this kind of love, which the woman calls amor compartido. This means “shared love,” when the man has another lover and sometimes has a second family.

Dramatic Stories of Women’s Marriages in Southwest Nicaragua

Historically, women’s economic reliance on men contributed to gender role asymmetry in Nicaraguan patriarchal society. However, women now control and head a sizable portion (nearly half) of families and households.

These cases are especially common in rural residency areas in southwest Nicaragua, such as San Juan, a small coastal town situated 87 miles (140 kilometers) south of Managua, the country’s capital.

An anthropological study has revealed the dramatic stories of love and marriage of women in those cultural contexts (Hagene, 2010). The women revealed in their interviews how difficult it is to balance the needs for income earning, raising their children, serving, and providing sexual and emotional support for their husbands, who frequently have more than one wife and family.

Why do women continue to accept such inequality and presumably unjust relationships with men? Hagene’s anthropological research shows that the reasons women submit to men and stay in relationships that aren’t fair are more emotional than economic.

Stories of Women’s Marriages in the Nicaraguan City of Rivas

It is likely that cultural practices differ across the country. Here are different examples obtained from the city of Rivas, located on land between the Pacific Ocean and Lake Nicaragua in southwestern Nicaragua. The stories of other studies have shown different pictures of marriage. For instance, patriarchy in the vegetable-growing collective in Rivas shows a different form of family relations. The husbands apparently sustain their wives and families, as in the classic patterns of patriarchy (Montoya, 2003).

Even though gender inequality is still present, it is based on a relatively fair contribution from both a man and a woman. In such families, the man makes the rules, provides resources, and holds control of family issues while the woman stays home, does household work, and cares for the children.

The Pursuit of Fair Marriages and Families in Nicaragua

There can be hope for more gender equality, just gender roles, and fair marital and family relationships in Nicaragua. In the 1980s, the Sandinista revolutionary government declared new legislation. The new laws pursue less asymmetrical and more just gender relationships. These laws also advocate for more egalitarian family authority, child support, and divorce.

However, Sandinista gender ideologies were ambiguous, allowing men to interpret revolutionary masculinity on their own terms. This revolutionary legislature was not able to dismantle gender inequality but destabilized local patriarchies (Montoya, 2003).

Cultural practices are still diverse in different regions of the country and, likely, in different social classes. In some residential areas and communities, such as Rivas, patriarchal cultural norms tend to be relatively fair according to the classic patriarchy. However, in other regions, such as San Juan, these new laws did not inspire husbands to fairly contribute to their household and maintain responsible family relations.