Category Archives: marital love

Brazilian Companionate Love and Marriage

Posted on by

The courtship process for Brazilians is often full of exciting and romantic feelings, conversations, and events. Yet, due to the differences in gender roles, these experiences have different meanings and feelings for men and women. How do Brazilian companionate love and marriage look like?

The customs of Brazilian courtship vary in rural regions, small towns, and big cities.

Moving From a Romantic Courtship to a Companionate Marriage

In rural areas and small towns, families often prefer to maintain control over the premarital relationships of their sons and daughters. So, the traditional chaperoned courtships are practiced. Courting couples may go out in groups with their siblings and cousins. In such circumstances, the primary means of courtship are passing glances and smiles. Only couples who are officially engaged go out on dates alone in rural areas. Sexual relationships before marriage are prohibited. Honor and chastity are still significant cultural values.

In urban areas, however, men and women can engage in relatively free forms of courtship. The modernization of Brazilian society has changed the way people date now, especially in cities. Young people can date more easily and freely than they used to. Many young women and men get married because they are attracted to each other and love each other.

The way men and women marry varies between the upper-class and lower-class strata of Brazilian society (Karandashev, 2017). Some are more formal than others; some are registered, while others are not. In any kind of marriage, a man and a woman refer to one another as husband (marido) and wife (esposa).

What Does Companionate Love Look Like for Brazilian Men and Women?

Brazilians value traditional gender roles in marriages, familism, and respectful relations. Many couples live together with courtesy, trust, and cooperation. As one twenty-five-year-old housewife noted,

 “Love is trusting in that person, having refuge, being honest with that person, making a home together, working together, raising children together, supporting each other”

(Rebhun, 1995, p.249).

In many families, husband and wife are viewed as loving couples who are bound together by family values and support. Physical labor in the family is part of their gender roles, but it also represents their love. As the proverb says, “Love and faith you see in actions” (Rebhun, 1995, p.249).

This saying expresses the implicit assumption of companionate love. As a thirty-year-old housewife stated,

“Love is a form of keeping faith with the beloved. Cooking the husband’s food, washing his clothes, cleaning his house, having sex with him, bearing his children, are all love to him. He works in the factory, brings the money home, and he pays the costs of the household, and thus he shows his love for her”

(Rebhun, 1995, p.249-250).

This understanding of companionate love is common among young and older people, particularly in less populated areas, such as the relatively small city of Caruaru in Pernambuco State, in a remote region of north-east Brazil. In cosmopolitan and large cities, couples may view their relationships in marriage differently.

Responsible Marital Relationships for Brazilians

For many men and women in marriages, the terms “obrigaço” (obliga­tion) and “consideração” (consideration) characterize their companionate relationships (Robben, 1989; Rebhun, 1995).

Spouses have their gender-specific duties in their relationship, with the husband providing and supporting the home and the wife doing housework and raising children. They can carry out these obligations as “obrigaço” for the interest of the family—honestly, responsibly, and reliably. However, they can perform these duties with personal devotion, respect, and love of “consideração”, with thoughtfulness, sympathetic regard, and consideration for the marital partner. Even though this quality of relationship is not required, consideraço is culturally expected in rural Brazilian families. This is how one man put it:

“When a couple does not have consideração, they treat each other badly. What a man does bad to a woman is to not value her, not listen to her, he betrays her [sex­ually], he doesn’t let her take part in decisions, he only communicates them to her, he mistreats her even physically. What women do bad to men is to try to domi­nate him, to impede him from having her physically, to try to manipulate the man”

(Rebhun, 1995, p.250).

The Selfless Companionate Love in Brazilian Families

Many women believe that true love entails putting one’s own interests aside in favor of the interests of the beloved. As an eighteen-year-old woman said,

“For me, love is the renunciation of I. When you like another person, when you love, understand, you give yourself totally to that person, you forget yourself and remember to love the other person”

(Rebhun, 1995, p.250).

In this sense, companionate love between a woman and a man resembles motherly love, with its characteristics of generosity, self-abnegating, and suffering. Brazilian women in love frequently talk of their love as an obligation to self-abnegation. However, men typically do not think of self-abnegation as something they must do for love. This is why women believe that men are incapable of true love.

What Is Special About Brazilian Love and Courtship?

Posted on by

What is love for Brazilians? A wide range of mental associations may come to the mind of a Brazilian woman or man when they hear the word “amor.”

These can be various feelings, emotions, images, thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and actions in which they experience “amor.” These can be in multiple family relationships, social connections, sexual encounters, and emotional relations.

Generally, love is a topic of great value for Brazilians in various sorts and forms of social relationships. Brazilian love begins with the vital importance of family love. Love for them is a bunch of various interpersonal connections in the extended family that is implied in Portuguese “parentela”, which means “relations” and can also mean “family.” Their sense of self-identity is in a familial group. Affective bonds and emotional support permeate their close family connection.

Brazilian Romantic Live Intertwine with Marital Relationships

As for heterosexual relationships, romances, and marriages, the distinction between “paixao” and “amor” arises as of special importance. The personal experiences of paixao and amor can be related and overlap. The Portuguese word “paixo” characterizes the key feelings associated with passionate love, such as obsessive infatuation, strong sexual attraction, and joyous passionate emotions. The Portuguese word “amor” characterizes the key feelings associated with companionate love, such as a calmer, more stable, and deeper experience of love. They frequently can’t tell which of those emotional complexes represents their true love.

The two sorts of love emotions somewhat interweave in the beginning and early stages of an evolving relationship. The joyful rhythms of Brazilian carnivals, music beats, songs, dances, and cheerful erotic outfits seem to predispose men and women to love. The passionate romantic love they feel embraces their lives.

Passionate Brazilians

Brazilians are widely known as cheerful, passionate, erotic, and expressive Latin Americans. Their warm climate and the fact that they evolved as a mixture of Native Americans, Iberians (especially those of Portuguese descent), Italians, and Africans could have made them more extraverted and outgoing people. This may be why Brazilian love emotions are passionate, erotic, and openly expressive. From their behavioral appearance, Brazilians may look like classical Latin lovers, in contrast with reserved Nordic lovers. This cultural image of Brazilians resembles the old-fashioned anthropological stereotypes of South Americans and Polynesians, as expressed in the frequent quote:

“There is no sin below the equator.”

The Brazilian Way of Courtship

This cultural stereotype, however, can be misleading for an understanding of Brazilian love. The Catholic beliefs of Brazilians may have a counterbalancing effect on the real nature of true love in society. For many people in Brazil, like other countries in Latin America, Catholic religious values shape their culture, relationships, and emotions. So, moral conservatism and religious marriage traditions have an influence on the real relationships between men and women.

These gender relations, however, vary in big cities, rural areas, and small towns. In urban regions of the country, men and women can participate in relatively free forms of courtship. Families in rural areas, on the other hand, can still have control over traditional chaperoned courtship. For example, the courting couples go out in groups with their siblings and cousins. Occasional glances and smiles are the major means of courtship. In rural settings, only couples who are officially engaged go out on dates alone. Premarital sexual relationships are restricted. Honor and chastity remain important cultural values.

Nowadays, the modernization of Brazilian society transforms the ways of courtship, especially in urban settings. Dating for young people is easier and freer than before. For many young women and men, their interpersonal attraction and love feelings guide them on their way to marriage.

Nevertheless, men and women continue to take into account practical considerations, family interests, and traditional gender roles when they decide to marry and create their own family. Traditional gender stereotypes persist. Men in their “macho” roles still have more freedom in their relationships than women. Men are frequently able to pursue their physical, sexual, and emotional desires. Women need to adhere to their “marianismo” roles and values.

New Ideals of Brazilian Love

The new ideals of romantic love, however, come to life more and more often than before. Young women and men understand that their love marriages can be idealistic dreams, vulnerable to mistakes because of inequities in social arrangements, the psychological shortcomings of partners, and faulty behaviors. They understand that they can still make the wrong choices and mistakes. They can underestimate the repercussions of their actions. They may “lament their failures in love, nursing their hurts and snarling their angers, in the end they still strive for love. In their own way they achieve it” (Rebhun, 1995, p.260).

Many young men and women are disillusioned by their experiences, while others believe that one day they will find real love and ideal unity. Therefore, they try to talk openly about their thoughts, emotions, difficult interpersonal relations, challenging situations, and various circumstances. They strive to figure out how they feel, what they should do, and what the effects of their actions will be.

The Extraverted Character of Brazilian Love

Posted on by

Brazilian society has had an intriguing history of multiple social factors that have shaped its modern culture. Among those were the European conquests and immigration of the past centuries. Social life, interpersonal relationships, and love have experienced cultural evolution through those times. As a former Portuguese colony, Brazil has been substantially influenced by Portuguese culture. Therefore, the cultures of interpersonal relationships and love in both Portugal and Brazil have a lot in common.

How Does Brazilian Culture Differ from West European and European American Cultures?

The Brazilian culture of social and interpersonal relationships substantially differs from the European and North American cultures of west-European descent. While Europeans and European Americans focus on the values of individualism, independence, autonomy, self-reliance, and solitude in relationships, Brazilians prefer collectivism, interdependence, cooperation, and connectedness.

The favorite Brazilian motto is “Life is only worth living in community.“ They strive to arrange their personal lives around and about others. They tend to maintain a high level of social involvement in group activities. They regard interpersonal relations and interactions as of primary importance in personal life.

Brazilians Appreciate Life and Love as Interpersonal Connections

Brazilians commonly appear as gregarious people. They tend to love company. They are eager to mingle in groups and try to avoid loneliness. They prefer to live in a crowded style. They enjoy physical and social contact with others. They prefer shared meals and living spaces (Vincent, 2003; Rebhun, 1995).

Brazilians like to quote their favorite proverb that “Amor ‘ta na convivência” which literarily means “Love is living together.” They believe that connection with and the presence of others means love.

For Brazilians, being together with others is very natural and vital. Therefore, they believe that wanting to be alone is a sign of unhappiness and depression (Vincent, 2003; Rebhun, 1995).

The Ubiquitous Connections of Brazilian Love

Love is a very important topic in Brazilian culture. They are in love relationships across many kinds of relationships and contexts. Family love is vital for their economic and emotional sustainability. Passionate romantic love is embodied in their lives. Love is in the rhythms of their music, poetry, dance, and carnivals.

The Portuguese word “parentela”, meaning “relations” and, in some sense, “family,” implies a vital network of interpersonal connections with members of the extended family. They acquire a sense of self within a familial group from an early age. For Brazilians, such close connections in an extended family bring them feelings of interpersonal affection and emotional support.

Passionate Love of Brazilians

Many Brazilians consider themselves passionate and hot-blooded Latin Americans. This may be related to their warm climate as well as their ethnic and cultural origins. The modern Brazilian population is a mixture of diverse cultural influences and people of different ancestry, such as Native Indians, Africans, and Europeans, who are mostly of Portuguese descent but also include some Italians and Jews.

Since the early years of cultural research, Europeans and North Americans have believed that love emotions in Brazil are passionately and erotically open and expressive. Brazilians seem to fit pretty well into the classical image of Latin lovers. The widely known stereotype of Brazilian folk, as well as of some other societies in South America and Polynesia, is expressed in the saying, “There is no sin below the equator.”

The expression might have its origins in the early Dutch occupation of northern Brazil in the 17th century. Nevertheless, it is still commonly referenced, occasionally by Brazilians themselves (Parker, 2009). This stereotype of Brazilian culture is reinforced for many people by the internationally famous and vividly colorful images of Brazilian carnivals.

The Mysterious “Saudade” of Brazilian Love

The Brazilians’ relations within the family, among kin and friends, fluctuate between pleasant feelings of “convivência” (living together) and the sad experience of “saudade” (longing for connection). They are used in the presence of significant others. So they feel saudade in the absence of their loved ones.

The culturally specific Portuguese word “saudade” means the mixed emotions of sadness and pleasure that Brazilians experience when they remember the people and events that they loved but that are no longer present. They miss them during their absence.

When Brazilians live through the saudade episodes of their lives, they experience the blended feelings of missing a loved one, longing for connection, and nostalgia. (Neto & Mullet, 2014; Rebhun, 1995, p. 249). Most Brazilians have never been alone in their lives. Therefore, they feel intense saudade when those they love are not present now.

The Paradoxical Type of Latin Macho Man

Posted on by

The type of macho man has become a well-known cultural label, characterizing the typical image of a Latin man. This stereotype commonly describes a strong man with certain attributes of masculinity, such as demanding respect, assertive attitudes, domineering behavior, and the wiliness to control others, especially women. The man exhibits these typical “macho” traits in relationships with women before and after marriage.

This macho role is a Latin version of manliness that has historically been embedded in many patriarchal societies throughout Central and South America. The role of the macho man is balanced by the role of the marianista woman in the Latin American hierarchical structure of gender relations. In these cultures, men play dominant roles while women play submissive roles in gender relations.

Patriarchy in Latin Families

The classical versions of patriarchal families are widespread in many traditional societies across the world, often in Central and South America. In this family structure, men and women perform unequal yet complementary roles in the family.

The husband provides his wife and children with income and resources, secures their protection, and performs the manly chores. They often have a decisive role in family matters. On the other hand, the wife does a lot of womanly housework: cleaning, washing laundry, cooking, caring for their children, and providing daily service for her husband. These gender roles in patriarchal families are traditionally and rigidly determined.

The man’s and woman’s contributions to family life may look relatively equal. Both the husband and wife play complementary and seemingly equitable roles in family functioning. Yet somehow, it is deemed that the man’s family role and position are higher than the woman’s role and position. It is thought that the man is the “head” of a family. People have different ideas about whose role is more important and whose is less important, and who is more independent and who is more dependent.

The patriarchy of family relations in the past was related to issues of property inheritance. However, in recent times, it has been largely viewed as a man’s power to keep commanding, deciding, and controlling positions. “Patriarchy,” in this case, means a male-headed household. Many wise women, however, manage to respect such a “head” role in their husbands while still turning their “heads” in the directions they want.

These kinds of patriarchal family relations and gender roles have been traditionally widespread in many Central and South American countries. Nevertheless, in recent decades, another paradoxically strange type of patriarchal family has appeared in many Latin American societies and communities in that region.

Absentee Patriarchy

In Latin America, however, the dynamics of gender relations and roles are determined by the frequent incidence of female-headed households. Some scholars note that these were quite common forms of families in Central and South America for a long time (Dore, 1997; Hagene, 2010).

Despite their traditional subordination to men, many women have not relied financially on their spouses. Their headship of families and their economic independence have been a source of autonomy for Latin American women. Nevertheless, women continued to maintain their subordination in the household (Dore, 1997). Thus, in female-headed families, a woman’s economic independence and autonomy do not diminish a man’s dominance.

This family organization is referred to as an “absentee patriarchy” by Hagene (2010). A man is largely physically absent from the family but still tries to control much of the woman’s life. In family relationships, the man forces the woman to rely on him by threatening to leave her. They frequently do so, in fact. Such an ambiguous relationship can be called love, but only in one sense. This is the type of love that the woman refers to as amor compartido. This term refers to a man who has another lover and sometimes a second family.

Why do such unusual gender roles keep spousal relationships going?

Women-headed Families in the Nicaraguan Community of Central America

Researchers have found that the reasons women still subordinate themselves to men are more emotional than economic, stemming from their desire for intimate connections and their longing for close relationships. The Nicaraguan families from a rural town vividly depict these cases (Hagene, 2010).

The macho rules can make young men romantic in courtship. However, in marital relationships, the macho code of behavior suggests that women are supposed to serve men. Their gender norms, however, allow men to do whatever they want. They are free to go outside and socialize with other men at any time. They are free to drink and womanize.

Women tend to overlook their husbands’ misbehavior. They forgive their spouses’ actions and infidelity, justifying them with their macho roles. Many women believe their womanizing is due to their sexual drives, which are a part of their “male nature.”

At the same time, women continue to display their submissive and nurturing “marianista” character. They uphold virginity standards by fulfilling their gender roles as “good women. “Besides, their actions and relationships are reinforced by “social censorship,” “community control,” and “gossip” (Hagene, 2010).

Thus, women in these Nicaraguan households have significant control over their family’s economic and religious affairs. They are, nevertheless, emotionally and socially dependent on men to some degree (Hagene, 2010).

The Important Merits of “Marianistas” in Latin America

Posted on by

The cultures of Central and South American societies are substantially derived from colonial and Catholic traditions. So, this history shaped customary gender inequalities and patriarchal family organization in the countries of that geographical region. But the way people lived in these societies also led to certain cultural stereotypes about the roles of men and women in Latin America.

These roles refer to the cultural ideals of “macho”—describing the traits of proper manhood for men that are called “machismo,” and “marianistas”—describing the traits of proper womanhood for women that are called “marianismo.”

Here I review in more detail the major cultural virtues, merits, and beliefs about what proper “marianistas” are supposed to be.

What Are the Main Virtues of “Marianistas” in Latin America?

The key virtues that distinguish marianismo from machismo are spirituality and purity. Macho men are assumed to have moral flaws in their character and behavior. Therefore, morally proper women are supposed to balance out men’s less-than-holy roles.

The concept of “marianismo” originally referred to the religious devotion to the Virgin Mary (María in Spanish). She is regarded by Catholics for her virtues of moral righteousness, spiritual self-sacrifice, and suffering. The Virgin Mary is a marianista role model for Latina women.

The cultural values of “marianismo” of Latino women revere the feminine moral qualities of interpersonal harmony and the feeling of inner strength. They advocate for women to maintain their sexual purity, chastity, feminine passivity, familism, self-silencing, and self-sacrifice.

What Are the Beliefs of Marianista Women?

According to the ideals of “good women,” marianistas must adhere to specific moral beliefs. Among the key marianista beliefs are the following:

Being Spiritual

The Catholic spiritual values of marianista women put them in a special role. Latin American women are semi-divine, morally superior to men, and stronger spiritually than men. Therefore, they have duties, responsibilities, and abilities to lead their families in religious practice and spiritual growth. They should be “good wives” and “good mothers.” 

Familismo

The concept of “familismo” refers to a person’s strong identification with and attachment to his or her family, both nuclear and extended. In Latino cultures, both men and women are expected to value their families, yet the ways in which they do so differ depending on gender norms.

Men are supposed to offer financial resources, safety, and leadership. On the other hand, women are expected to provide emotionally and physically by raising children and performing domestic labor. Proper marianista women should provide strength to families by ensuring their unity, health, and happiness. Latina women adhere to traditional values of keeping “family issues” within the family. For example, they are discouraged from discussing relationship abuse in the family with others. This way, they protect their families’ reputations.

Respeto

The concept of respeto characterizes the respect of a proper relationship and the attitudes of duty, obedience, compliance, and deference that a person adheres to others in a hierarchical family organization. These attitudes maintain orderly family relations and proper behavior in interpersonal situations. Members of the family should not speak against those who are higher in status.

Self-silencing

The marianismo virtues teach Latin women to keep their personal thoughts, feelings, and desires silent and unspoken. Latina women believe that “keeping things inside” and withholding them lets them stay away from disagreements in relationships. The adverse side of this attitude of suppression is the higher risk of anxiety and depression. This belief encourages women to be tolerant in any type of family relationship, even violent and abusive ones.

Simpatía

The concept of “simpatía” describes the high values of kindness and keeping peace in relationships. The simpatía attitude of marianismo suggests women restrain assertiveness and prevent disagreements for the sake of maintaining harmonious relationships.

The Culture of “Marianismo” in Latin America

Posted on by

Many sociocultural conditions in Central and South America derived from colonial and Catholic traditions have significantly influenced gender relations, love, and marital partnership in many countries in that geographical region. The Latin American cultural ideas of “machismo” and “marianismo” are two traditional stereotypes of manhood and masculinity for men and womanhood and femininity for women.

The Latin American notion of women’s “marianismo” is commonly contrasted with the cultural notion of men’s “machismo.” In the traditional patriarchal societies of Central and South America, these cultural ideas have been around for a long time.

Gender Roles in Latin American Patriarchal Cultures

Gender roles in traditional Latin American cultures are unequal and strictly imposed. In their patriarchal societies, men’s roles include responsibilities for resources, management, and the protection of the family. They often have decisive power in family relationships. These roles presume their higher status, independence, and dominance in family matters.

On the other hand, in the patriarchal societies of Latin America, women’s roles include responsibilities for many household services, such as cleaning the house, doing laundry, and cooking meals. They are supposed to serve food, water, and many other services in the house. Many women consider having sex with their husbands an act of service to them. Women are responsible for childbirth and their upbringing. They are the primary caregivers for their children. These roles presume their lower status, dependence on men, and submissiveness in marital matters.

The “Marianismo” Cult of the Virgin Mary

Spirituality and purity are the key virtues distinguishing marianismo from machismo. It is assumed that macho men are morally flawed. So, in Latin American culture, the ideal woman is set up to balance out the less-than-holy role of men.

The notion of “marianismo” is strongly related to Catholicism, the dominant religion in Latin America. These religious values directly shaped the cultural ideal of feminine “marianismo.” The Virgin Mary is regarded as the quintessential marianista. Latin women are supposed to follow the virtues of the Virgin Mary and acquire the traits she possessed, such as her moral righteousness, her suffering, and her spiritual importance. The Virgin Mary is regarded as the role model that Latina women and girls should follow (Gil & Vazquez, 2014; Morales & Pérez, 2020).

Generally, marianismo is a “cult of feminine spiritual superiority, which teaches that women are semi-divine, morally superior to, and spiritually stronger than men” (Stevens, 1973, p. 91).

What Are the Cultural Ideals of “Marianismo”?

Marianismo is a set of beliefs and psychological feelings that are deeply imbedded in Latinas’ cultural experience. To accept the “marianista role,” women must accept their fate as mothers and wives. They must be willing to tolerate the demands of motherhood. They should live in the shadow of their husbands and children, supporting them in any way necessary. The ultimate self-sacrifice of the woman is at the heart of marianismo. A woman’s self-worth is largely determined by what she can do for others (Gil & Vazquez, 2014).

This Latin American folk cultural idea of “marianismo” praises the feminine virtues of women, such as their faithfulness, modesty, purity, submission, motherhood, and self-giving. Among those “marianismo” traits of women are also female passivity and sexual purity.

According to these cultural values, women are supposed to be nice, kind, docile, and unassertive. They are expected to take care of the house by cleaning, cooking, caring for children, and serving their spouse. The role of being a good mother is valued more than the role of the wife in family relationships. The “familism” value is among the highest in Latin America. Latina women who are strong marianistas are respected for their devotion to the family. In Latin American societies and in the Latin communities of immigrants, women are still socialized in this manner.

In marital relationships, Latina women must be submissive and obey their husbands. It is difficult to develop an intimate partnership and companionate love between husband and wife in such an unequal marital relationship.

Who Is “Macho” and What Do Machos Do in Latin America?

Posted on by

The words “machismo” and “macho” originated in colonial times in Central and South America and characterize the key Latin American attributes of manliness. A modern understanding of “machismo” includes the assertion of male dominance in everyday life. This cultural stereotype of Latino machos includes dominating their wives, controlling their children, and demanding respect from others in the household.

The Macho Roles of Men in Patriarchal Societies

The term “macho” and associated cultural ideas were entrenched in the patriarchal societies of the past centuries. They were also related to the inequality of gender roles typical of the patriarchal system. In such cultures, men have strong and subordinate roles, while women have weak and subordinate roles in family relations.

In classic patriarchy, men and women have unequal hierarchical relationships in the family. Men have high status because of the resources they bring, the protection they provide, and other male household maintenance. In exchange, they have stronger power to make decisions on family issues, and they receive daily service for their needs from women (Stern, 1995). The household roles are strictly and rigidly gendered.

Man as “Macho” and his “Machismo” Traits and Behaviors

According to patriarchal values and norms in Latin America, “machismo” is a folk notion that assumes certain characteristics and rules of manliness and manhood. Men must be assertive with their power, dominance, standoffishness, defensiveness, and aggressive qualities in their behavior. For instance, according to the Mexican writer Paz (1961),

“The speech of our people reflects the extent to which we protect ourselves from the outside world: the ideal of manliness is never to ‘crack,’ never to back down. Those who ‘open themselves up’ are cowards.”

(1961, p. 29).

The cultural ideas of “machismo” traits and behaviors can have both positive and negative connotations in people’s minds. A man’s status as a “macho” is typified by such characteristics as bravery, courage, valor, and masculine pride. However, “machismo” is frequently described as hyper-virility and aggressive masculine traits. The corresponding behaviors are expected of Latino men in those societies and gender relationships.

“He is power isolated in its own potency, without relationship or compromise with the outside world.” (Paz, 1961, p. 82).

The Image of “Macho” and Gender Relations

The cultural roles of “macho” determine certain types of a man’s relationships with other men and women.

The manliness and social expectations of “macho” limit a man’s ability to communicate with others, especially with women. The role of “macho” requires them to show their male group solidarity. They also need to demonstrate their power, status, and masculine reputation in front of other men. The failure to demonstrate these macho attributes is detrimental to their reputation and self-esteem.

Machos adhere to traditional gender roles and believe they are superior to women. Their complex of “machismo” can have an impact on their love relationships with women in both positive and negative ways.

The positive implications of machismo allow the proper Latin man to be a good role model. One of the positive sides of the machismo image is caballerismo, which includes such traits as leadership and protectiveness. In addition to these positive attributes, “macho” men can be caring, nurturing, and compassionate. These qualities, however, may not be well noticed by others. It is because, despite their honest intentions and deeds, traditional gender roles expect them to adopt the “macho” cultural image for outsiders.

Latin American novels often portray how the basic features of the classical macho impede true and sincere love and intimate relationships between men and women (García Márquez, 1981/1983; Rulfo, 1955/1994). Separation and miscommunication, typical of this kind of manliness, inhibit the development of men’s genuine and heartfelt relationships with women, thus making a real union and affiliation between man and woman unattainable.

The “Macho” Stereotype of Sexual Potency

In Latin culture, the role of macho means physical strength, strong sexual power, self-confidence, and a bold approach toward women. The stereotypical “macho” images exaggerate men’s sexual vigor and paint a picture of a man as a ruthless conqueror who has a lot of power and is hard to control.

The playboy stereotype of machos portrays men who are okay with sexually aggressive behavior toward women. They allow themselves to be physically, sexually, and mentally abusive toward women. It is culturally acceptable for men to gain pleasure from pursuing women.

It is also appropriate for men to engage in adulterous relationships. According to the Latin social norms of “macho,” married men are free to have extramarital affairs, whereas women are expected to be faithful.

The Recent Evolution of Mexican Marriage

Posted on by

For years, Mexican society has been a collectivistic society, with strong family bonds and cultural values of “familism.” People’s selves were deeply imbedded in family relationships. And both men and women valued their strong connections with family.

Traditional Mexican Marriage

In traditional Mexican communities, marriages have customarily functioned to maintain societal order, bonds of commitment, and social reproduction. The connections of responsibility, respect, and reciprocal obligations hold a family together. Men and women understood relationships and the fulfillment of traditional gender roles as their “real love.” Serving and caring for each other and for the common good of their family was the essence of marital love.

Romantic love is not a prerequisite for marriage. Intimate and companionate love and personal self-expression were of low value. Fulfillment of family duties for the sake of “familism” and good living together was of high value (Hirsch, 2007).

However, in the last 50 years, Mexican society, culture, and daily life have changed dramatically in both urban and rural settings. Men’s and women’s relationships have been transformed due to these cultural transformations.

Evolution of Mexican Marriage in Companionate Relationships

Accordingly, over these decades, Mexican marriages substantially evolved from the bonds of obligation to the bonds of love. The importance of love in premarital and marital relationships has grown significantly. The value of companionate love and relationships in marriage also increased (Hirsch, 2007).

The men and women of the younger generation speak about their marriage style in a new way, emphasizing making decisions together, talking, and spending time with their spouses and children.

Gender Equality in Modern Mexican Marriage

The marital lives of men and women have obviously shifted toward more gender equality. The gendered divisions of family labor are less stereotypical than before. Although some men may not wash clothes or change kids’ diapers, they may get up to get a glass of water during a meal. Many men abandoned traditional machismo ideology, turning to a more egalitarian personal identity. Their masculine power is commonly intertwined with the seemingly more equal division of family labor. They become more involved in housework and caring for their children (Hirsch, 2003, 2007; Gutmann, 1996).

For many women, their gender roles and experiences have also changed. They tend to be more socially involved, work full-time jobs, and visit friends and relatives. They have more decision-making power in their relationships and families. Many couples have changed their communication styles. They are more open to talking about their feelings, communicating more politely, being considerate of one another, and respecting their mutual rights within marriage (Hirsch, 2003, 2007).

Intimacy and Trust in Modern Mexican Marriage

The most noticeable generational differences in marital ideals of love are the increased values of intimacy and trust. Men and women more often communicate with each other and develop intimacy by sharing secrets and kisses. After they are married, they build and maintain emotional and sexual intimacy in their marriage. They view pleasure as the driving force that holds their relationships together.

However, early romantic ideas and relationships do not always carry over to later marriage life. Let us look at the marital life of Gustavo and Veronica. They have been married for just over two years. He works as a stone carver, and she looks after their two-year-old daughter. Here is an excerpt of the interview that Veronica gave to Jennifer Hirsch:

“She told me, laughing, that they first kissed after only two weeks of dating and that he wrote her love letters while they dated. Once they married, she recounted, they had sex several times a day, keeping things spicy with the lingerie he bought her and the porn videos they occasionally watch. Gustavo, in his conversations with Sergio about their marriage, spoke as well about their intimacy, emphasizing not just its physical aspects but the fact that he wanted to marry her, rather than any of his previous girlfriends, because of the quality of their communication and the strength of their emotional connection. There are ways, though, in which Veronica’s early married life differs little from her mother’s experience. She and Gustavo live in a two-room shack, adjoining his father’s house, which Veronica does not leave without his permission. She has no access to the money he earns – and is not even really sure how much it is. On Saturdays when the workday ends early, he will usually bring a kilo of deep-fried pork or rotisserie chicken for lunch – but sometimes he does not show up until the next morning, having left her lunch to get cold in the car while he drinks or plays pool with his friends. If she asks him where he was, he gets angry. Even if he wanted to leave her a message, though, he could not do so; his sisters hate Veronica – saying, among other things, that she is a whore because she worked as a waitress in a restaurant before they were married – and so they do not pass her telephone messages.”

(Hirsch, 2007, p.95).

Remarkable History of Mexican Love and Marriage

Posted on by

Traditional collectivistic societies of the past had greatly interdependent social structures of relationships between people, in which extended families and clans were the major units of society. The strong position of a group was beneficial both for the group and everyone in it. People’s interdependence, as well as the collective family support of each member in those social units, provided numerous advantages for their survival, subsistence, and physical and social security.

On the other hand, this interdependence incurs the obligations of a person to the family. Each had responsibilities for the group’s interests. Therefore, the “self” of each person included the “group”, “family,” and “personal responsibility for the group.” And this part of the “self” in a person’s awareness often precedes their “individual self.”

Mexican Love and Traditional Marriage

Due to this collectivistic psychology of a person’s self, marriages in history have been mostly social and relationship responsibilities of men and women rather than a matter of their individual preferences. Marriages have usually been a system for societal organization, bonds of obligation, and social reproduction in traditional Mexican society.

A family was held together by the ties of responsibilities, respect, mutual obligations, and the fulfillment of gender roles. Love was understood as “practical love” for the common family good. The man was responsible for earning money, while the woman was responsible for cooking, keeping the house clean, washing and ironing clothes, and raising children (Hirsch, 2007). Love was in all these actions of serving and caring for each other and their families..

Marriage was not a matter of romantic love, companionate love, emotional intimacy, or personal fulfillment. “Familism,” as a cultural value, has been the main driving force of Mexican marriage. The notion of love was closely related to familism. Love developed as the result of good living together, not necessarily an ideal to strive for (Hirsch & Wardlow, 2006).

The Half-Century Evolution of Marriage in Mexico

However, over the past 50 years, the society, culture, and everyday life of Mexican people have significantly changed in both urban and rural contexts of Mexico. The cultural transformation of society has also transformed men’s and women’s relationships.

In the period from the 1950s and 1960s up to the early 2000s, Mexican marriages significantly evolved from bonds of obligation to bonds of love. The role of love in premarital and marital relationships has considerably increased.

For example, ethnographic research in a Mexican transnational community conducted in the 1990s and early 2000s revealed a remarkable cultural evolution in Mexican marital values over the last few decades (Hirsch, 2003, 2007). The notions associated with love have gained value for both men and women.

New Ideals of Mexican Love

The ideals of courtship (“noviazgo“) for the new generation of young adults have changed from the emphasis on devotion and respect to a desire to have fun and gain the trust of one’s future partner. The priorities in these ideals have also shifted from the high value of respect (“respeto“) to the high value of intimacy or trust (“confianza“). The values of trust and intimacy in a relationship precede in their priority the traditional cultural concept of honor. Men and women are looking for respectable partners rather than a respectable marriage.

These cultural shifts were especially noticeable in the border areas where transnational Mexican communities live, both in Mexico near the US border and in the Atlanta area of Georgia. Their experience of migration and the influence of North American culture have precipitated the development of love and companionship ideals for marriage (Hirsch, 2007).

However, during the same period of the cultural evolution of Mexican marriage, other relationship tendencies also occurred, and other cultural phenomena played important roles. Due to the influence of modern social media, the role of personal desire and sexuality has heightened. Love and sex are increasingly commodified in public view. Fertility in families declined. (Hirsch & Wardlow, 2006). 

In recent decades, Mexican marriage and love have substantially evolved into companionate relationships.

When Romantic Love Was Real

Posted on by

Romantic love ideas and folk and literary stories filled with love, romance, drama, happiness, suffering, and tragedy have inspired educated people across centuries and cultures. They were fascinating, captivating, and often intriguing. The love stories were engaging and emotionally sweet, bitter, or, more frequently, bittersweet. They attracted the interest of readers and listeners. The romantic fantasies have been delightful. People shared them and talked about them (Karandashev, 2017).

Was “Romantic Love” Real in People’s Lives in the Past?

What about the reality of romantic love? Throughout history, romantic love has been largely a genre of folk tales, literary novels, and art. It was rarely imbedded in the real lives of people. Commoners were often preoccupied with daily subsistence tasks, but in their spare time, they enjoyed oral folktales of love. They were commonly illiterate, so they were unlikely to read love stories.

Moreover, their day-to-day hard work did not leave them much time to think and cultivate romantic love in their real lives. The practical daily love of doing and caring for others was more important than romance. These practical bonds were stronger than romantic ones.

The educated people of the middle and upper social classes had more leisure time to read about and contemplate romantic love. However, their various family obligations of social and economic sorts also did not give them much freedom to entertain romantic love in real life. Socially and economically, they could not afford to listen to their hearts. They needed to listen to their social minds and their reasonable duties. They needed to care more about their family interests than their individual choices. In this regard, they were more like collectivistic people than individualistic ones.

Many kings, queens, sultans, lords, sheiks, and other upper-level aristocracies and gentries could love romantically but could not afford to marry for love. They were tied to my family’s connections and responsibilities. Some dared to live out and embrace their romantic dreams of love, sometimes even getting married for love. Some succeeded, yet many others failed. Many of these true love stories ended in sad and unhappy ways (Karandashev, 2017).

How Did Western Cultures Adopt Models of Romantic Love?

The cultural evolution from conservative traditional societies to liberal modern societies gave men and women more freedom in love and marriage. Some cultural contexts have historically been more favorable to romantic love than others. This is why some cultures, such as France, England, Germany, Spain, Italy, and Russia, are more romantic than others, like Japan, China, India, and other countries in the East Asian and Middle Eastern cultural regions.

The folklore and literary genres and stories of courtly love emerged in French and Spanish cultures in the 11th and 12th centuries, with certain cultural evolutions in other European countries, such as Germany and Italy. Some literary critics believe these plots of courtly love were the origins of the literary genre of romantic love. I believe it was still courtly love. The real flourishing of romantic love in literary novels and art was in the 17th and 19th centuries in England, France, Spain, Italy, Germany, and Russia.

Many men and women in some European countries’ growing educated classes were more independent of social ties and family commitments, as well as economic dependency on their families. Some could afford to love and even marry for love. Their individualistic cultures gave them the possibility of real romantic love. They were more independent as individuals. That gave them the freedom of romantic love(Karandashev, 2017).

How Real Was Romantic Love Across Cultures in the 20th Century?

Only the 20th century allowed romantic love to prevail and even conquer marriage in some cultural regions of the world. Love marriages have become culturally normal in modern Western cultures, such as Western European and European American countries. It became possible because of their high geographic, economic, and relational mobility. Individualistic European American and West European cultures of the 20th century emphasized autonomy and individual choice. Men and women had more possibilities and partners to encounter. They were socially and economically independent, so they could afford to listen to their hearts’ love without social and family obligations. When they loved someone, they wished to marry their beloved.

Many East Asian and Middle Eastern societies have been collectivistic cultures with strong interdependence values. Even though the genres of romantic love were present in those cultural contexts across centuries, the number of romantic literary and artistic examples was lower compared to Western European cultures. Moreover, these were largely romantic dreams rather than romantic realities.

Even in the latter part of the 20th century, people in South-Asian, East-Asian, and Middle Eastern societies had relatively low geographic, socioeconomic, and relational mobility. Their collectivistic social norms underscored the cultural values of harmonious family interdependence and social duties rather than individual freedom. Even though men and women were free to dream about love, they were often not free to love in real life and relationships (Karandashev, 2017, 2022).

The only recent individualistic evolution in those collectivistic cultures has brought many more opportunities for men and women to follow their romantic love.