Category Archives: marriages in cultural contexts

How Romantic Was the Ancient Aryan Love?

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The term “Aryan culture” refers to the ancient cultural civilizations that existed many centuries ago. The word “Aryan” was often used interchangeably with “Indo-European” to mean Indo-Iranian languages.

Here I will talk about Aryan love.

Who Were the Aryans?

In the past, the word “Aryan” was used to refer to the people who spoke the old Indo-European languages. Those prehistoric Aryans were nomad warriors who colonized northern India around 1500 BCE, 500 years after the Indus River Valley collapsed. These fair-skinned ancient people settled in Iran and northern India.

The Aryans were hunter-herders at first. When they migrated to India, they learned agriculture and built settlements and cities, beginning Aryan civilization. Literature, religion, and social structure have substantially influenced Indian culture.

The Ancient Aryan Culture Was Favorable for Love

Before the introduction of Brahminism in India in the early 1st millennium BCE, the Aryan culture was greatly different. Women were held in high regard. They had many rights and enjoyed a variety of privileges. They had opportunities for free communication and social interaction with men. The cultural conditions of the Aryan culture in that historic period entertained the ideas of “romantic love”. Nevertheless, Aryans favored monogamous marital relationships. Monogamous marriage was the typical mode of marriage and family formation.

All these cultural factors were conducive to love. At that time—about 1200 or 1500 years ago, at least some of the Indian population had experienced many of the feelings and emotions that are associated with the modern understanding of love.

Here Are the Ancient Hindoo Love Maxims

The Seven Hundred Maxims of Hala were published in India no later than in the 3rd century of our era. This collection of Aryan poetic utterances represented interesting and valuable descriptions of cultural ideas of love that educated and entertained people during those times. They are written in Prakrit, which is a language that is closely related to Sanskrit.

The structure of the words suggests that they were meant to be sung. The Bayaderes, the Indian female dancers, who were often clothed in loose Eastern costumes, presumably sang some of those maxims. Others were sung by dancing girls from Buddhist temples. Their singing appealed to emancipate women from the domestic and educational constraints placed on them. They also sought to fascinate men with their wit, love, and aesthetic accomplishments.

The majority of the maxims are feminine utterances, and often of dubious moral character. Some of these early Aryan love revelations might have an unpleasant aftertaste.

Nevertheless, they are still extremely interesting and demonstrate how “romantic love” is dependent on a woman’s freedom as well as on corresponding intellectual and aesthetic culture.

What the Hindoo Love Maxims Tell Us About The maxims of Halâ indicate that the beautiful overtones of love, joyful adoration, and poetic hyperbole depicted in its romantic expressions were present in Aryan culture of the far past. That was a unique cultural phenomenon that love scholars have not yet come across elsewhere. What can be more contemporary than these quotes?

“Although all my possessions were burnt in the village fire, yet is my heart delighted, since he took the buckets from me when they were passed from hand to hand.”

Or this one:

“O thou who art skilled in cookery, restrain thy anger! The reason why the fire refuses to burn, and only smokes, is that it may the longer drink in the breath of your mouth, fragrant as the red potato-blossoms.”

The following two examples illustrate how Aryans appreciated personal beauty:

“He sees nothing but her face, and she too is quite intoxicated by his looks. Both, satisfied with each other, act as if in the whole world there were no other women or men.”

“Other beauties likewise have in their faces beautiful, wide black eyes, with long lashes,—but no one else understands as she does how to use them.”

The following quotes illustrate how love established its monopoly in the Aryan heart and mind, leaving no room for any other thoughts:

“She stares without a (visible) object, draws a deep sigh, laughs into empty space, mutters unintelligible words—forsooth, there must be something on her heart.”

“Love departs when lovers are separated; it departs when they see too much of each other; it departs in consequence of malicious gossip; aye, it departs also without these causes.”

It appears that Aryans clearly comprehended the nature of coyness, as the lover was admonished in this way:

“My son, such is the nature of love, suddenly to get angry, to make up again in a moment, to dissemble its language, to tease immoderately.”

The loving poet believes it necessary to tell a sweetheart that:

“By forgiving him at first sight, you foolish girl, you deprived yourself of many pleasures,—of his prostration at your feet [a trace of Gallantry], of a kiss passionately stolen.”

A voice was also given to the anguish that comes from being apart:

“As is sickness without a physician; as living with relatives when one is poor,—as the sight of an enemy’s prosperity,—so is it difficult to endure separation from you.”

Thus, one can see that many of the defining characteristics of contemporary romantic ardor can be found in ancient Aryan love.

(H. Finck, 1887/2019, p. 75).

It seems that those were the times when romantic love was real.

Two African Societies with Matriarchal Cultures

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Traditional patriarchal societies, which have been prevalent throughout the world for many centuries, are known to many of us. In a patriarchal society, the father is the main owner of a property and the head of a household. Because of this, he is viewed as the leader of a family, along with corresponding male-dominated cultural norms. I explained how a typical patriarchal culture runs elsewhere.

What Do We Know About Matriarchal Cultures?

One may believe that it is the only possible way of social organization and family structure that men are predisposed to be in a dominant position. However, it is not true. Over human history, many societies in the world were matriarchal. Some of them are still ruled this way. Matriarchal societies have different cultural systems of gender relations. In a matriarchal society, the mother is the person in charge of the household and the head of the family. I explained how a typical matriarchal culture runs elsewhere. In another article, I presented three matriarchal cultures of today in Asian societies. Sarah Madaus, an editorial fellow at Town & Country, gave a brief description of a few matriarchal cultures around the world.

Let us consider the examples of the Akan people in West Africa and the Umoja community in East Africa, which, like several other African tribes, have matriarchal cultures.

The Akan Matriarchal Culture of West Africa

The Akan people of West Africa are the largest ethnic group in Ghana. Their social organization is matrilineal. The Akan live in matriclans. The term “matrilineal” refers to kinship that is passed down through the maternal line.

The Akan people have a matrilineal system of inheritance. This social system of tribal organization is based on the Akan traditional cultural beliefs. According to them, a child is related to the mother by blood and related to the father by spirit. Therefore, in the family relations between the mother, the child, and the father, the father is the stranger and outsider.

The matriclan is the central pillar upon which the Akan people have constructed their social order. Matriclan was founded by women, as one can imagine from the name of this social unit. Their politics, money, wealth, inheritance, identity, and major decisions are all discussed within the matriclan.

It is important to note, however, that within the Akan matriclan, men do in fact hold positions of authority and leadership in some issues of social life. Nevertheless, women are in queen mother roles among the Akan people in Ghana.

The Umoja Matriarchal Culture of East Africa

The Umoja tribal community is a recent development of matriarchal culture. The matriarchal community of Umoja village is located in Kenya, a country in East Africa. It is a modern, all-female matriarchal village that was established in the early 1990s as a sanctuary to shelter homeless female survivors of violence against women and young girls running from forced marriages. The name of Umoja is derived from the Swahili word for “unity.”

Women who have been victims of sexual or other forms of gender-based abuse call this village their home. Men are not allowed to live there. Therefore, the Umoja tribe is a genuine “no man’s land.” Men are allowed to visit the village but not to live there. Only men who were raised in Umoja as children are permitted to sleep in the village. Women, children, and older people living in the community give tours to visitors and spread awareness of the villagers’ human rights.

Three Surprisingly Unusual Matriarchal Cultures in Asia

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Many of us are familiar with traditional patriarchal societies that are widespread across the world. In patriarchy, the father is both the home and family head in many respects.

Can a matriarchal culture of gender relations be possible and viable? In a matriarchal system, the mother is the head of the home and family. Some matriarchal communities are successful worldwide.

Is Patriarchy the Only Possible Type of Culture?

Many of us know about patriarchal societies, which have been prevalent throughout history in many traditional societies of the past. In a patriarchal system, the father is the head of the household and family. In a patriarchy, the father holds the position of authority within the family and is in power. Over the course of history, cultures around the world began to adopt a more patriarchal framework, which is prevalent in most traditional societies and communities. That social system entails many consequences for gender inequality and corresponding stereotypical gender roles. Cultural norms and customs favor men, who have higher status in gender relationships. Women in such patriarchal societies presumably have lower status and lower rights in family relationships. Women are respected and admired mostly for being able to bear and raise children.

What Is a Matriarchal Culture?

A matriarchal system, on the other hand, is a social system in which the mother is the head of the household. Some of these societies with matriarchal cultures of social relationships have been successful across the world. These matriarchal communities have managed to survive to the present day. In these societies, women are the most important guiding force in politics and the economy, as well as in all other areas.

Let us look at some of them, which the editorial fellow at Town & Country, Sarah Madaus, briefly described. Let us learn about how these cultural communities have deviated from the western-patriarchal cultures. Within these communities, located in different parts of the world, women are in charge of everything, including the political system, the economy, and the larger social structure. This article focuses on three cultural groups in Asia.

The Minangkabau people of Indonesia

The Minangkabau people, commonly referred to as Minang, are an ethnic group that lives in the Minangkabau Highlands of West Sumatra, Indonesia. The Minangs are the largest matrilineal culture in the world. It has a complex social system built on matrilineal clans and property passed down through female lineage, including land and homes.

The cultural beliefs of Minangs are that the mother is the most important person in society. Women in their society rule the domestic sphere. In Minangkabau society, marriage is permitted, but partners must have separate sleeping quarters.

The Khasi people of India

The Khasi people are an ethnic group native to Meghalaya in north-eastern India. Even though most Khasis live in Meghalaya, a large population of Khasis also reside in the neighboring state of Assam and certain regions of Bangladesh.

In the hilly Indian state of Meghalaya, property names and wealth are passed down from mother to daughter instead of from father to son. This is because in Meghalaya, the Khasi people have a matrilineal system of inheritance in their communities.

In this particular system, lineage and descent are determined by the clan that one’s mother belongs to. When women marry within the Khasi tribe, their surname is passed down rather than their husbands’.

The Khasi family is referred to as a “ling.” A ling commonly includes a mother, her husband, her unmarried sons, her married daughters, their spouses, and their offspring. In matrilineal families, such as those of the Khasis, the husbands visit their wives. Only mothers and mothers-in-law are permitted to care for children. Men are usually not permitted to attend family gatherings.

The Mosuo people of China

The Mosuo people are a small ethnic group that lives in the provinces of Sichuan and Yunnan in China. They are also known as the Naxi amongst themselves. Geographically, they reside close to the border with Tibet. They adhere to the teachings of Tibetan Buddhism.

The Mosuo people have a system of matriarchy in their society. The family lineage is determined by the women of the family. Their society is matrilineal, which means that ownership of property is passed down the same line of female ancestors. The mother has the primary role in raising the children in the family.

The Mosuo live in a surprisingly modern way. In many regards, women are equal to men. In other gender relationships, women are superior to men. Both women and men can have as many or as few sexual partners as they want without judgement. Extended families raise children and care for the elderly. Mosuo men build houses. They are responsible for livestock and fishing. They also assist in the upbringing of their sisters’ and female cousins’ children.

What Was Surprising About Ancient Hebrew Love?

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Love has been an enduring Hebrew idea since Biblical times. What about romantic love? What do the Old and New Testaments tell us about it?

A Hebrew word for “love” is אהבה (ahavah, pronounced ah-ha-VAH), while a Biblical Hebrew word for “to love” is אהב (ahav, pronounced ah-HAV, with the final bet pronounced as a “v”). It should be noted that “ahavah” and “ahav” denote a broad range of love meanings. A book by Henry Finck (1887/2019), first published more than a century ago, shed some light on this question. Let’s look into it.

Why Did the Bible Not Mention Romantic Love? When you look at a Concordance of the Old and New Testaments, it is surprising to see that there is not a single mention of romantic love in the whole Bible. If ancient Hebrews felt this way, as their descendants do today, it’s clear that it couldn’t have been left out of the Book of Books, which talks so eloquently and poetically about everything else that’s important to people. Conjugal love, which seems to come before romantic love in every country, is often mentioned and encouraged, as are other family ties. However, the word “love” is always used in the rest of the passages to mean religious reverence or respect for a neighbor or an enemy.

The Ancient Hebrews Respected Women. Even more surprising is that there is no mention of romantic love when you consider that ancient Hebrews respected women more than any other ancient or modern Oriental nation. So, Cyclopedia of Biblical and Other Literature by M’Clintock and Strong told us that,

“the seclusion of the harem and the habits consequent upon it were utterly unknown in early times, and the condition of the Oriental woman, as pictured to us in the Bible, contrasts most favourably with that of her modern representative. There is abundant evidence that women, whether married or unmarried, went about with their faces unveiled. An unmarried woman might meet and converse with men, even strangers, in a public place; she might be found alone in the country without any reflection on her character; or she might appear in a court of justice.” The wife “entertained guests at her own desire in the absence of her husband, and sometimes even in defiance of his wishes.”

cited in Finck, 1887/2019, p. 70.

Since the Hebrew woman was not “the husband’s slave but his companion,” how do we explain the absence of love?

Ancient Hebrew Polygamy

The fact that polygamy was common, which is contrary to the growth of love, sheds some light on the situation. Even though not everyone did it, the Mosaic law did allow polygamy, except for priests.

“The secondary wife was regarded by the Hebrews as a wife, and her rights were secured by law.”

Abraham and Jacob both had more than one wife because their wives asked them to,

“under the idea that children born to a slave were in the eye of the law the children of the mistress.”

Finck, 1887/2019, p. 70.

So, if a woman asks her own husband to get another wife, there must be no jealousy or monopoly in such a relationship. These two parts of romantic love carry over into married love without weakening.

The Liberty of Ancient Hebrew Women

As I noted above, Hebrew women had a lot of freedom to move around alone in towns and in the countryside. However, this probably just means that they could care for sheep and get water at the well.

“From all education in general, as well as from social intercourse with men, woman was excluded; her destination being simply to increase the number of children, and take care of household matters. She lived a quiet life, merely for her husband, who, indeed, treated her with respect and consideration, but without feeling any special tenderness toward her.”

Finck, 1887/2019, p. 70.

Why Did Romantic Love Not Exist in Biblical Times?

This quotation above suggests the main reason for the non-existence of love in Biblical times. The young had no gatherings, no opportunities for courtship, an essential condition of love that requires time and space to develop. But even if they did, the young women and men could not benefit much from them. Both the daughter’s and the son’s choices were neutralized by parental command.

“Fathers from the beginning considered it both their duty and prerogative to find or select wives for their sons (Gen. xxiv. 3; xxxviii. 6). In the absence of the father, the selection devolved upon the mother (Gen. xxi. 21). Even in cases where the wishes of the son were consulted, the proposals were made by the father (Gen. xxxiv. 4, 8); and the violation of this parental prerogative on the part of the son was ‘a grief of mind’ to the father (Gen. xxvi. 35). The proposals were generally made by the parents of the young man, except when there was a difference of rank, in which case the negotiations proceeded from the father of the maiden (Exod. ii. 21), and when accepted by the parents on both sides, sometimes also consulting the opinion of the adult brothers of the maiden (Gen. xxiv. 51; xxxiv. 11), the matter was considered as settled, without requiring the consent of the bride”

M‘Clintock and Strong, cited in Finck, 1887/2019, p. 70.

Free Scandinavian Love

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For many Scandinavians, love is a free relationship between independent individuals. Their national cultural ideas and policies of freedom, independence, and equality in interpersonal relations encourage their culture of love. The free Scandinavian love in the countries of Denmark, Sweden, Norway, and Finland is in accord with the egalitarian cultural values of their societies.

The High Value of Love in Scandinavian Cultures Having a wonderful, long-term relationship or becoming a parent is important. Many Scandinavians believe that love and relationships nowadays are stronger than ever in their countries. For example, Danish sociologist Birthe Linddal Hansen, a researcher at the Copenhagen Institute of Future Studies, said that

“True love is still very popular as an ideal, and people are getting married more now than they did years ago.”

Scandinavians do not shy away from the words “I love you.” The Danish “jeg elsker dig,” the Norwegian “jeg elsker deg,” and the Swedish “jag älskar dig,” pronounced something like “yah-g el-scar d-eh” are still widely used by people in those countries. In Finnish, it sounds like “minä rakastan sinua,” or in the shortened “mä rakastan sua,” in the spoken language. Yet, men and women used these love words sparingly due to their reserved Scandinavian character. When it comes to expressing their feelings, they do so in a reserved manner. In their interpersonal relationships, they are typically less emotionally expressive than people in some other, more expressive cultures, like those in Mediterranean and Latin American societies. The Nordic people of Scandinavia tend to be less lively in their facial and body expressions. They smile and laugh in moderation.

The Swedish Example of Free Love

The Swedish book “Är svensken människa” and its English publication, The Swedish Theory of Love (Berggren & Trägårdh, 2022), present some basic cultural ideas and prototypes of Scandinavian free love. Swedish cultural policies and legislation, on the one hand, emphasize individual autonomy and, on the other hand, trust in the state. Swedish philosophy, cultural studies, and sociology focus on some basic logic and rational principles that the welfare state follows. This is the social idea that people in interpersonal relationships should be independent. Cohesive dependency and subordination cause individual inauthenticity and predicaments for true love. Swedish modern cultural values promote equality and autonomy as preconditions for sincere and authentic affection and love.

To Love or to Marry?

It appears that contemporary Scandinavians are delaying their marriage. Men and women tend to marry later in their 30s, when their education, careers, and relationships are established. Many couples choose to live together without getting married. People in the Scandinavian countries feel free to certify or not certify their marriages. “Open unions” have long been an acceptable practice in Scandinavian societies. De facto unions between spouses are common and even mainstream in today’s society. When it comes to property and inheritance, both couples have rights and duties. Government policies in Scandinavian nations actively encourage equality between the sexes in all areas of relationships.

In Scandinavian countries, legal marriage is seen as a major life milestone. However, these formal events are secondary in importance to having a loving partner, a long-term relationship or becoming a happy parent.

For many men and women, official marriage is rather a symbolic expression of love and commitment to remain together forever or for a long time. These old ideals of stability, love, and commitment, however, haven’t gone out of style, even in progressive and liberal Scandinavian societies.

Scandinavian Weddings

Couples may officially certify their marriage later and even have a wedding. Eventually, some of these couples decide to wed, primarily to celebrate their union with a wedding ceremony and a great party. For instance, in Norwegian folklore and tradition we find wedding formulae that seem to be ancient, i.e.,

“He weds you to honor and to be the lady of the house, to half the bed and to locks and keys … under one blanket and one sheet.“

Perhaps these words go far back in time.

Wedding traditions in Scandinavia are always evolving, with the changes being influenced by customs from other regions of the world. Nowadays, Norwegian weddings, for instance, have many things in common with those of other European countries. A typical bride will wear a long white dress, and her groom will wear a black tuxedo. The same fashion is in Sweden today. Bridal couples wear what we would consider traditional wedding attire: a white dress and tuxedos. Some may return to past Swedish customs, such as wearing the bridal crown. Nevertheless, traditional wedding practices are gradually waning in the modern cultural evolution of Scandinavian societies.

Free Scandinavian Marriages and Free Families

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Marriages and families in Scandinavian countries are the free unions of independent individuals. “Open unions” are widely accepted in those societies. Men and women in both certified and uncertified marriages have equal rights and responsibilities.

Do Marriages still Exist in Scandinavian Countries?

The frequently asked question among Scandinavians is whether the institution of marriage is disappearing. Social scientists and journalists began to express such concerns in the early 2000s. For instance, Stanley Kurz, an American conservative commentator, wrote in 2004 in the magazine Weekly Standard that “Marriage is slowly dying in Scandinavia.” He believed that “same-sex marriage has undermined the institution of marriage.” How realistic and adequate are such concerns?

The data, on the other hand, indicates that this is not the case at all. According to the Nordic Statistical Yearbook, the number of marriages in the Nordic countries has increased since 1990, albeit with varying trends and shifts in different societies of that region. This trend can be seen throughout all of the Nordic nations (Love and Relationships in Scandinavia, 2015).

In reality, Scandinavian marriages have just become more diverse than before. People take their right to freedom and interdependence for granted, while still respecting their responsibilities.

We should keep in mind that people in the Scandinavian nations can be in either certified or uncertified marriages. The accepted practices of so-called “open unions” have existed in Scandinavia for a very long time. These kinds of de facto unions of partners are widespread and even prevalent. Both partners have rights and responsibilities concerning their property and inheritance. In a case of separation, both men and women have obligations regarding maintenance payments.

As one Finnish woman noted,

“I have been there, done that. To me, getting married just means finding someone to be with and to be loved, and of course, that is something that everyone wants.”

Scandinavians Highly Value Love, Good Relationships, and Parenthood more than Marriages

In Scandinavia, having a delightful, long-term relationship or becoming a parent is very important to many Scandinavians. Many Scandinavian couples choose to live together without getting married, a practice known as “sambo.” Some of these couples eventually decide to get married, largely to celebrate their union with a wedding ceremony and have a big party.

It is true that modern Scandinavians appear to be waiting longer to marry. It is quite normal for a couple to wait until they are in their 30s after finishing their studies before getting married. However, they also wait longer when they decide to divorce.

Longer education, career, or the cost of purchasing the apartment are some of the reasons for a late marriage. In addition to that, weddings in Scandinavia have become increasingly elaborate and costly. Church weddings are expensive. Therefore, many Danish couples now prefer a civil ceremony. Legal marriage is regarded as an important step in life among people living in Scandinavian countries. These steps, however, are secondary in importance after having a loving, long-term relationship or parenthood. As one Swedish woman of 27 years old commented,

“Marriage is a contract and a symbolic commitment to remain together forever. At the same time, it is an expression of love. These ideals of stability, love, and commitment haven’t gone out of style, even in progressive and liberal Scandinavia.”

Maria said this when she was in her late 20s, unmarried, and six-months pregnant.

The Free Scandinavian Families

For many Scandinavians, marriage is no longer a precondition for starting a family. It is not necessary, neither normatively nor legally. A nuclear family is changing its form. About 60% of the parents of first-born children are not married. And a marriage certificate is no longer required in order to obtain housing.

It may appear strange to men and women in other cultures that many Scandinavians wait so long before getting married. They may even already have one or two children before marriage, but in Scandinavian countries, it is a cultural reality. In other words, as Danish social scientist Mogens Nygaard Christoffersen of the National Social Research Institute commented,

“What defines and makes the foundation of the Danish family can be said to have moved from marriage to parenthood.”

Did Personal Beauty Matter in Sexual Selection among Savages?

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Modern theories of sexual selection have stressed the importance of physical beauty for mating preferences in contemporary societies. However, according to early studies, physical appearance is of greater importance for men looking for women than for women looking for men.

It was interpreted from a presumed evolutionary perspective, as some researchers suggested. According to their theory, youth and beauty are the signals of fertility in women—what presumably men want in their female mates to produce more offspring.

For some reason, these researchers did not mention an esthetical pleasure that could drive such sexual selection of men.

These researchers also suggested that, on the other hand, women look for resourceful men for mating preferences. Such a preference presumably has a sexual selection underpinning. The researchers also suggested that for women, the physical appearance of men matters much less. In another post on this blog, I talked about how the importance of physical appearance and good looks varies between men and women.

This set of theoretical assumptions and interpretations leaves room for discussion, which is outside the scope of this article (see Karandashev, 2022a for a detailed look at the question).

Here I would rather invite you to look at the anthropological observations of the 19th century that reported how physical beauty mattered for sexual selection among savages who were much closer to our biological evolutionary roots. Let us look into the brief review presented in the book of Henry Finck—one of the old archival treasures of love scholarship of that time (Finck, 1887/2019).

Sensual love was involved in sexual selection and mating of savages

Henry Finck came to the conclusion that “love” was an emotion unknown to savages of the past. And it was frequently cited in the works of 19th-century anthropologists and travelers. He provided a number of observations and remarks on the topic.

In the “courtship” types of “capture-wife,” “purchase,” and “service“ widely practiced in the savage societies of the past, women and men had limited freedom of selection of their mating partners.

Yet, in many other primitive tribes, men and women had much more freedom of choice. Other anthropologists suggested an alternative view of savage love. They reported that in some tribes, the savages were quite capable of falling in love and forming passionate, tender, and faithful attachments.

Freedom of selection was more common among the lower races. In such instances, girls had a lot of freedom to accept or reject a potential suitor. Henry Finck cited several anthropological observations of this kind. Charles Darwin also noted that women in barbarous tribes had the power to choose, reject, and tempt their lovers. And afterwards, they could change their husbands.

What role did personal beauty play in these mate selections?

Primitive Women of the Past Chose Men with Personal Beauty

The data evidence for this was scant, yet available. As Henry Finck cited,

Azara “describes how carefully a Guana woman bargains for all sorts of privileges before accepting some one or more husbands; and the men in consequence take unusual care of their personal appearance.”

Another example is among the Kaffirs:

“very ugly, though rich men, have been known to fail in getting wives. The girls, before consenting to be betrothed, compel the men to show themselves off first in front and then behind, and ‘exhibit their paces.’”

Darwin, for example, tries to show that men’s custom of having beards is a result of sexual selection by women (Finck, 1887/1902/2019).

It should be noted, however, that women generally chose not the most handsome men, but rather those whose pugnacity, boldness, and virility promised that they would provide the surest protection against enemies. General domestic delights were also taken into account.

Here is one example:

 “before he is allowed to marry, a young Dyack must prove his bravery by bringing back the head of an enemy”

Here is another example:

when the Apaches warriors return unsuccessful, “the women turn away from them with assured indifference and contempt. They are upbraided as cowards, or for want of skill and tact, and are told that such men should not have wives.”

(Finck, 1887/1902/2019, p. 61).

As Henry Finck honestly admitted,

“the greatest amount of health, vigour, and courage generally coincide with the greatest physical beauty; hence the continued preference of the most energetic and lusty men by the superior women who have a choice, has naturally tended to evolve a superior type of manly beauty.”

(Finck, 1887/1902/2019, p. 61).

Primitive Men of the Past Chose Women with Personal Beauty

The cases of men, as sexual selection theory predicts, are much more probable than the cases of women exemplified above. Men frequently chose their wives based on aesthetic beauty standards. As Henry Finck noted, throughout the world’s societies, the chiefs of tribes usually had more than one wife.

For instance, as Mr. Mantell told Darwin, almost every girl in New Zealand at that time who was pretty was tapu to some chief.

According to the evidence of Mr. Hamilton, among the Kaffirs

“the chiefs generally have the pick of the women for many miles round, and are most persevering in establishing or confirming their privilege.”

(Quoted by Finck, 1887/1902/2019, p. 61).

In Some Savage Tribes, Personal Beauty Was Less Important

However, the value of personal beauty varied in primitive societies of the past. In the lower tribes, “communal marriage” and “marriage by capture” prevailed. So, aesthetic preferences and the choice of beauty were much less important.

The importance of physical appearance and personal beauty increased only in less pugnacious tribes, such as the Dyacks and the Samoans. The children in those tribes of the Dyacks “had the freedom implied by regular courtship.”

The children in the tribes of the Samoans “had the degree of independence implied by elopements when they could not obtain parental assent to their marriage” (Spencer, as cited by Finck, 1887/1902/2019, p. 61).

The Unusual Beauty Standards of Savage People

Sexual selection among the lower races, however, was often not good because men and women selecting their mates had bad aesthetic taste. The beauty standards of those savage people were of primitive taste. They selected those not with harmonious proportion and capacity for expression but rather with exaggeration:

“The negro woman has naturally thicker lips, more prominent cheek-bones, and a flatter nose than a white woman; and in selecting a mate, preference is commonly given to the one whose lips are thickest, nose most flattened, and cheek-bones most prominent: thus producing gradually that monster of ugliness—the average negro woman.”

(Finck, 1887/1902/2019, p. 61).

It should be honestly admitted, however, that judging their aesthetic taste and claiming that our contemporary taste of beauty is better is not right and not fair.

Sensuous Beauties of Savages

Thus, we see in this article that the admiration of personal beauty added a certain aesthetic overtone to the amorous feelings of savages. However, it was only the sensuous aspect of personal beauty. This admiration was purely physical. The intellectual and moral facets of beauty were unknown to them.

Many savage men married their chosen girls when they were still mere children. It was before their slightest sparks of mental charm.

Therefore, those savage men did not see the qualities which could illumine “her features and impart to them a superior beauty; and subsequently, when experience had somewhat sharpened her intellectual powers.”

Later in her life, however, “hard labour had already destroyed all traces of her physical beauty, so that the combination of physical and mental charms which alone can inspire the highest form of love was never to be found in primitive woman.” (Finck, 1887/1902/2019, p. 61).

Did Individual Preferences Play any Role in Primitive Savage Courtships?

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Modern courtship and dating allow men and women to choose a mate for marriage and family life. Contemporary people may think marriage has always been this way. It may then be interesting to learn how ancient savages loved, courted, and had sexual relationships.

In the 19th and 20th centuries, cultural anthropology made a lot of progress in the study of sex, marriage, and love in remote tribal tribes (see for review, Karandashev, 2017, 2019). Looking into the old archives of love studies from the 19th century shows a fascinating part of history that can help with love scholarship today.

In the previous articles, I briefly showed what savage love was, what “wife-capture courtship” was, and what other sorts of courtship practices among savages were in the past centuries.

Four types of courtship practices – “capture,” “elopement,” “purchase,” and “service” – were widely used among various savage tribes in the past. It seems the personal preferences of prospective mates, at least of a woman, were not taken into account (Finck, 1887/2019).

Did women have any choice? Did Darwinian sexual selection play any role in those old savage times of human evolution?

How Savage Men and Women of the Past Courted Each Other

Anthropological studies of the 19th century unveiled four varieties of courtship among primitive savages: “Capture,” “Elopement,” “Purchase,” and “Service.” (Finck, 1887/2019).

Primitive people on all five continents used these “Capture-Wife” dating practices for hundreds of years. The community of a tribe owned women like other property. No man could take a woman for marriage because he would violate someone’s rights. Therefore, a man couldn’t privately marry a woman within his tribe.

The only option he had was to steal or buy a bride from another tribe. If he stole a woman from another tribe, she was his property. If the woman did not want to be stolen, the man could force her by knocking on her head and pulling her to his tent in the tribe. In this case, when a man captured a woman from another tribe, as a pride of conquest, he had a right to have her as a wife. Then, he married her (1887/2019, Finck).

“Elopement” appeared later in the social evolution of humans. These kinds of courtship were widespread until recent centuries. It was a practice of stealing a bride by elopement when both a man and a woman wanted to marry each other, but their parents resisted or “presumably” resisted their marriage.

The “Purchase-wife” practices were of two different sorts. In the first case, the girl has no choice but to be sold by her father for a certain number of cows or camels, sometimes to the highest bidder. In the second case, the girl was allowed a certain degree of freedom in her choice. The “Service” form of courtship is practiced when a man rendered to the prospective bride’s parents some services in exchange for getting a wife. The man preferred to purchase her rather than steal her because, in this case, a wife was likely to be valued more than one stolen or bought. Besides, during the period of his service, the betrothed girl looked upon him as a future spouse. That time of service gave some room for the possibility that some feelings would grow between them.

Was Love Involved in Savage Courting?

Thus, one can see that all the courting practices relate to indirect or mediate courtship.

As Henry Finck commented on the “Capture-wife” way of courtship:

“When a girl is captured and knocked on the head she can hardly be said to be courted and consulted as to her wishes; and the man too, in such cases, owing to the dangers of the sport, is apt to pay no great attention to a woman’s looks and accomplishments, but to bag the first one that comes along.”

(Finck, 1887/2019, p. 60).

Henry Finck also noted the “Purchase” courtship:

“the girl is rarely consulted as to her own preferences, the addresses being paid to the father, who invariably selects the wealthiest of the suitors, and only in rare cases allows the daughter a choice, as among the Kaffirs if the suitors happen to be equally well off.”

(Finck, 1887/2019, p. 60).

In the case of courtship by “Service” again, the suitor worked not to please the daughter of the parents, but rather to compensate the parents for losing her labor.

The Savage Courtship in the Modern Sense of Sexual Selection In some instances, however, the savage courtships of the past resembled courtships in their modern meaning. These practices were largely among the lower races. The lovers paid their addresses directly to the girl, and she chose or rejected them at will.

Henry Finck quoted the Ploss who observed this custom as prevailing among the Orang-Sakai on the Malayan peninsula:

“On the wedding-day, the bride, in presence of her relatives, and those of her lover, and many other witnesses, is obliged to run into the forest. After a fixed interval the bridegroom follows and seeks to catch her. If he succeeds in capturing the bride she becomes his wife, otherwise he is compelled to renounce her for ever. If therefore a girl dislikes her suitor, she can easily escape from him and hide in the forest until the time allowed for his pursuit has expired.”

(Finck, 1887/2019, p. 60).

In support of his theory of “sexual selection,” the British naturalist Charles Darwin observed its existence among the lower races:

“in utterly barbarous tribes the women have more power in choosing, rejecting, and tempting their lovers, or of afterwards changing their husbands, than might have been expected.”

Darwin also cited the following cases:

“Amongst the Abipones, a man on choosing a wife, bargains with the parents about the price. But ‘it frequently happens that the girl rescinds what has been agreed upon between the parents and the bridegroom, obstinately rejecting the very mention of marriage.’ She often runs away, hides herself, and thus eludes the bridegroom. Captain Musters, who lived with the Patagonians, says that their marriages are always settled by inclination; ‘if the parents make a match contrary to the daughter’s will, she refuses, and is never compelled to comply.’ In Tierra del Fuego a young man first obtains the consent of the parents by doing them some service, and then he attempts to carry off the girl; ‘but if she is unwilling, she hides herself in the woods until her admirer is heartily tired of looking for her, and gives up the pursuit; but this seldom happens.”

(quoted in Finck, 1887/2019, p. 60).

The Primitive Courtships of Savages

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Courtship and dating were modern rituals that enabled men and women to choose a mate or partner for marriage and family life (Karandashev, 2017). Sometimes, one may think that these marital practices have always been this way. So, it may be curiously fascinating to learn what love, courting, and sexual relationships looked like among primitive savages of the past.

Cultural anthropology made enormous strides in the 19th and 20th centuries in studying sex, marriage, and love in remote tribal tribes (see for review, Karandashev, 2017, 2019). Let us look into the old archives of love studies from the 19th century. They depict an intriguing history that can be helpful for love scholarship nowadays.

In the previous articles, I briefly showed what savage love was and what the practices of “wife-capture” were in the past centuries.

Here I summarize four courtship practices, which were widespread among various tribes of savages in various primitive cultures of the past. I use the old archival treasures of love scholarship (Finck, 1887/2019).

Four Types of Courtship among Savages

Romantic love and romantic relationships are primarily associated in modern scholarship with the courtship period of relationships. So, it is interesting to see what kind of opportunities for courtship the old primitive societies provided. The anthropologists of the 19th century discovered among semi-civilized people and savages four grades of courtship: “Capture”, “Elopement”, “Purchase”, and “Service”. Henry Finck briefly examined these types of courtship (Finck, 1887/2019). Let us consider these largely widespread courtship practices of the past.

The “Capture” Type of Courtship

According to this tradition, a man who wants a bride must steal or buy her from another tribe. He could not marry privately within his own tribe. Women, like other forms of property, were owned in common by the community. So, no man could take a woman for himself without overstepping someone else’s rights. However, if he stole a woman from another tribe, she became his exclusive property.

This primitive style of courtship was far ruder than animal courtship. If the woman resisted, the man knocked her on the head and dragged to his captor’s tent. A man who captured a woman from another tribe had a right to guard her and appear with pride of conquest. The primitive man’s pride was like that of a warrior with many scalps in his belt. Marriage follows capture. Rather than love, feelings of conjugal sentiments prevailed in this case (1887/2019, Finck).

Primitive people on all five continents used these “capture-wife” courtship practices for hundreds of years.

The “Elopement” Type of Courtship

“Wife-capture” was still present in many societies in the 19th and 20th centuries in the form of “elopement.” This happens when the parents oppose the young men and women’s choice. It is still widely practiced, even when all parties involved consent. These traditions of “sudden flight” and an impulsive marriage enhance the romantic flavor of the honeymoon. Additionally, this lets the newlyweds escape the awkward formalities and routine rituals of the wedding day.

The “Purchase” Type of Courtship

This kind of courtship is a substantially more civilized form of courtship. It is a somewhat higher evolutionary stage of courtship compared to “capture.” This “purchase” custom came in two different grades.

“In the first the girl has no choice whatever, but is sold by her father for so many cows or camels, in some cases to the highest bidder. Among the Turcomans a wife may be purchased for five camels if she be a girl, or for fifty if a widow; whereas among the Tunguse a girl costs one to twenty reindeer, while widows are considerably cheaper. In the second class of cases the purchased girl is allowed a certain degree of liberty of choice.”

(Finck, 1887/2019, p. 59).

This type of marriage formation has existed for centuries among the peoples of the five continents. It was still retained in some remote tribal societies until recent times. Many “modern” day money-marriages of the 19th and 20th centuries could be called this way.

The “Service” Type of Courtship

This kind of courtship is the custom of getting a wife in exchange for services rendered to her parents. The Henry Finck quote of Mr. Spencer’s remarks well illustrates this type of courtship:

“The practice which Hebrew tradition acquaints us with in the case of Jacob, proves to be a widely-diffused practice. It is general with the Bhils, Ghonds, and Hill tribes of Nepaul; it obtained in Java before Mahometanism was introduced; it was common in ancient Peru and Central America; and among sundry existing American races it still occurs. Obviously, a wife long laboured for is likely to be more valued than one stolen or bought. Obviously, too, the period of service, during which the betrothed girl is looked upon as a future spouse, affords room for the growth of some feeling higher than the merely instinctive—initiates something approaching to the courtship and engagement of civilised peoples.”

(Finck, 1887/2019, p. 59).

“Capture” Type of Courtship Among Savages

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Anthropologists have always been interested in whether savage people experienced love and what kinds of courtship practices and sexual relationships they had.

In the 20th century, the studies of love in many remote tribal societies around the world have made a great progress thanks to cultural anthropology (see for review, Karandashev, 2017, 2019). However, we still don’t know much about how people lived, loved, and married in societies before modern civilizations.

Unfortunately, we don’t have much access to the evidence from past centuries. Yet, we are getting farther and farther away from the time when people lived like savages. Because of this, the fact that old archives of studies about love from the past are available is very helpful for love scholarship today. In the previous article, I briefly presented what kind of love was among savages of the past centuries.

Here we talk about courtship practices among savages, retrieved from the old archival treasures of love scholarship (Finck, 1887/2019).

What Were the Courtship Practices among Savages?

In the previous article, I cited several scholars of the past who contended that love was an unknown emotional experience for uncivilized savages. Nevertheless, it would be wrong to say that love didn’t exist at all among savages based on what some of the experts talked about. On the contrary, some “overtones” of love appeared from time to time in anthropological observations and travelers’ notes. Some of them provided arguments and indications that primitive people of the past might experience love.

Savage Love in Folklore

The folklore of the past centuries held legends and poems with love stories. For example, Theodor Waitz, a philosophy professor at the University of Marburg, studied romantic love among North Americans and other primitive peoples in the 19th century. He discovered in those primitive societies the legends of Lovers’ Leaps and Maiden Rocks, and a poem telling the story of a South American maiden who committed suicide on her lover’s grave. She did so to avoid falling into the hands of the Spaniards. (Finck, 1887/2019, Waitz, 1863)

Such legends and poems cannot be counted as scientific evidence of what primitive people of the past experienced in their lives.

Savage Love in Life

Savages of the past in some tribal societies and cultural contexts of the world might experience and express emotions and actions that resemble “love.”

For example, “mischievous amourettes sometimes do flit across the field of vision. For the goddess of Love is ever watchful of an opportunity for one of her emissaries to bag some game.” (Finck, 1887/2019, p. 57).

We should admit, however, that full-fledged cupids might never appear with their poisoned arrows in primitive cultures.

Modern scholarship commonly associates romantic relationships with courtship. It’s interesting to see how old primitive tribes handled courtship.

What Was the “Capture” Type of Courtship? The “capture” was the widely prevalent custom of exogamy, or marrying out. It is a curious feature of savage life.

“This custom compels a man who wishes a wife of his own to steal or purchase her of another tribe, private marriage within his own tribe being considered criminal and even punishable with death.”

(Finck, 1887/2019, p. 57).

This rule of exogamy might be the origin of monogamy:

“Women were at first, like other kinds of property, held in common by the tribe, any man being any woman’s husband ad libitum. No man could therefore claim a woman for himself without infringing on the rights of others. But if he stole a woman from another tribe, she became his exclusive property, which he had a right to guard jealously, and to look upon with the Pride of Conquest—a pride, however, quite distinct from that which intoxicates a civilised lover when he finds, or fondly imagines, that his goddess has chosen him among all his rivals. The primitive man’s pride is more like that of the warrior who wears a large number of scalps in his belt; and as in his case marriage immediately follows Capture, this feeling, moreover, belongs more properly to the sphere of conjugal sentiment than to that of Love.”

(Finck, 1887/2019, p. 57).

From this description, one can see that this primitive form of courtship is much ruder than that which prevails in the animal kingdom. Among animals, the males alone maltreat one another. In this early human form of courtship, if the woman resists, she is “simply knocked on the head, and her senseless body carried off to the captor’s tent.” (Finck, 1887/2019, p. 57).

Three Examples of the “Wife-capture” Courtship

Diefenbach, Tylor, and Waitz described their anthropological examples of this practice (quoted in Finck, 1887/2019, p. 57).

Diefenbach wrote about Polynesians:

“If a girl was courted by two suitors, each of them grasped one arm of the beloved and pulled her toward him; the stronger one got her, but in some cases not before her limbs had been pulled out of joint.”

Tylor wrote about the fierce forest tribes in Brazil:

“Ancient tradition knows this practice well, as where the men of Benjamin carry off the daughters of Shiloh dancing at the feast, and in the famous Roman tale of the rape of the Sabines, a legend putting in historical form the wife-capture which in Roman custom remained as a ceremony. What most clearly shows what a recognised old-world custom it was, is its being thus kept up as a formality where milder manners really prevailed. It had passed into this state among the Spartans, when Plutarch says that though the marriage was really by friendly settlement between the families, the bridegroom’s friends went through the pretence of carrying off the bride by violence. Within a few generations the same old habit was kept up in Wales, where the bridegroom and his friends, mounted and armed as for war, carried off the bride; and in Ireland they used even to hurl spears at the bride’s people, though at such a distance that no one was hurt, except now and then by accident, as happened when one Lord Howth lost an eye, which mischance seems to have put an end to this curious relic of antiquity.”

Waitz commented that

“the girls were commonly abducted by force, which led frequently to most violent fights, in which the girl herself was occasionally wounded, or even killed, to prevent her from falling into the hands of the enemy.”

The Historically Later Forms of “Wife-capture”

As Henry Finck noted, in the advanced age of the 19th century, “elopement” became the name for the modified form of “wife-capture.”

“When the parents dissent and the couple are very young, this climax of courtship doubtless is often reprehensible. But in those cases where the consent of all parties has been obtained, it ought to be universally adopted. Sudden flight and an impromptu marriage would add much to the romance of the honeymoon, and would enable the bridal couple to avoid the terrors and stupid formalities of the wedding-day, the anticipation of which is doubtless responsible for the ever-increasing number of cowardly bachelors in the world.”

(Finck, 1887/2019, p. 58).